The Zombie Apocalypse Forum-Writ Survival Guide!

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Saskwach

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Nov 4, 2007
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Almightyjoe said:
I would add that the safest place is one with few or one entrance, a barricadable one, my logic is simple:

The Zombies will pen you in

You will run out of food

You will have to escape

You will be forced to Smash through your own barricade in a vehicle of some kind, and, may i add, this is so awesome you can never die attempting it. Then///

the zombies press up against the barricade, they strain the wooden struts and metal spurs when suddenly....

ROLLING RIGHTEOUSNESS BURSTS THROUGH!!!!!, atop its flaming chassis sits yourself, speakers surround you, The best solo from 'through the fire and flames' blaring at zombie pulverizing volume. You, in your black leather jacket and skull mask, wave your chainsword like some avenging angel of doom, your spiked wheels and razor-wired rolling behemoth reduces the surrounding ranks of walking corpses like only a chainsword can!
Your allies (a buff dude with a shotgun, a love interest and a second moral chick) mount the machine guns, and, accompanied by a soundtrack of masterful doom, you blaze out of the ruined fortress ('bat out of hell' climax essential), gunning/slashing/burning down the shuffling hordes as you leave a flaming trail in your wake!

gentleman, i apologize for any erections that invariably caused
The AlmightyJoe Theory of Awesome: If something you're doing is so cinematic, so awesome, so utterly WICKED that putting it into a movie will inevitably get teenage (and older) boys buying tickets like hotcakes then there is NO WAY it can fail.
The Exception Corollary: There are none.
 

monodiabloloco

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May 15, 2007
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I live in a very gun oriented town. Between the rednecks and the gangstas, I think any zom-pocalyps that started in my town would end before the town was overrun.
Also, I live right down the street from the guns, drugs, and Jesus shop. One small building that has a gun shop on one side.. to kill the suffling bastards with..a drug shop on the other side.. to get meds for non-bite wounds suffered during cool escapes... and a statue of Jesus out front to prey too for understanding when you take your own life after being bitten.
A perfect place to hole up in.. unless you are in a movie apparently, then you will just be bitten anyway despite the armory at your fingertips.
I wonder... if the virus is carried in the saliva (according to the Survival Guide) and you were trapped and starving, would cannabalizing a zombie be safe?
 

Easykill

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Sounds like a porn movie, where you get infected by sex raher than bites, and the virus just makes you a raging undead sex machine. A bad porn movie.
 

CanadianWolverine

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Feb 1, 2008
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One of the most often over looked problems with Zombie Survival Guides is that others have the same book. Chances are, in just about any apocalyptic scenario, especially zombies, there will be a mass exodus of people, which will only in turn completely over run that super store you were planning to loot or that nice country farm you intended to swing by. The only thing worse than the zombies will be the massive numbers of desperate, hungry, leaderless people who all have the same plan as you: survive at any cost. Chances are probably pretty good you are going to get killed by someone else with the same plans as you: reduce morals to zero, loot and steal, kill any suspicious outsiders, and run to remote destination with a lack of population - all of which instantly break down as plan when that is everyone else's plan too. Welcome to anarchy and chaos.

No, ideally your best bet is to already have the self sufficient fortress already in place, but chances are we are either all too deep in debt or too far reliant on the local system to set one up. Think things are hopeless? Nope, just prepare a few things:

Good boots.
Protective clothing from rain and cold.
Sleeping bag.
A rain proof back pack.
Then your favorite book on wilderness survival.

Now, should things so completely break down around you and you actually realize it, put on your boots, pick up your bag, and walk calmly towards the first place you can think of that does not have a road or building. Yes, this will be scary and unfamiliar, but realize that is what other's will be thinking too and not go there. If you are even bigger on being prepared, this will be a route you have already hiked before, you'll have a topographical map, and there will be a store of supplies waiting for you deep in that secluded place, where you can start to plan for the months and years ahead.

Unless you are super rich, then you already have your self sufficient nuclear fallout bunker ready to go and we all despise you for your good fortune or opulent inheritance.
 

Saskwach

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CanadianWolverine said:
One of the most often over looked problems with Zombie Survival Guides is that others have the same book. Chances are, in just about any apocalyptic scenario, especially zombies, there will be a mass exodus of people, which will only in turn completely over run that super store you were planning to loot or that nice country farm you intended to swing by. The only thing worse than the zombies will be the massive numbers of desperate, hungry, leaderless people who all have the same plan as you: survive at any cost. Chances are probably pretty good you are going to get killed by someone else with the same plans as you: reduce morals to zero, loot and steal, kill any suspicious outsiders, and run to remote destination with a lack of population - all of which instantly break down as plan when that is everyone else's plan too. Welcome to anarchy and chaos.
The fallacy of composition sucks, doesn't it?
 

PurpleRain

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Dec 2, 2007
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Almightyjoe said:
Indigo_Dingo said:
No. Its in the fluids, just the saliva is the most common one. So, if you ate one, the blood would get in your mouth.
so no giving sexual favors to zombies
You can try. I'll just watch with my camera.
 

stompy

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Jan 21, 2008
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propertyofcobra para el presidente!

Now that's out of the way, my way to survive the zombie apocalypse is to fuckin' leggit! No, I'm not going to make a camp, unless I join a massive group of humans. And anyone I see gets bitten, gets some metal between the eyes.

Gee, I'm going to die. Fucking die. Nice to know you all. The Escapist has been great...
 

000Ronald

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Mar 7, 2008
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CanadianWolverine said:
One of the most often over looked problems with Zombie Survival Guides is that others have the same book. Chances are, in just about any apocalyptic scenario, especially zombies, there will be a mass exodus of people, which will only in turn completely over run that super store you were planning to loot or that nice country farm you intended to swing by. The only thing worse than the zombies will be the massive numbers of desperate, hungry, leaderless people who all have the same plan as you: survive at any cost. Chances are probably pretty good you are going to get killed by someone else with the same plans as you: reduce morals to zero, loot and steal, kill any suspicious outsiders, and run to remote destination with a lack of population - all of which instantly break down as plan when that is everyone else's plan too. Welcome to anarchy and chaos.

No, ideally your best bet is to already have the self sufficient fortress already in place, but chances are we are either all too deep in debt or too far reliant on the local system to set one up.
Or you could have faith in your fellow man. That might work.

Sorry, it's just that I doubt that someone's gonna kill you for an orange slice in a post-apocolyptic world. We'd be trying to work together, right?

And on a completely different note WHOO HOO! ONE HUNDRED POSTS! I DON'T SUCK MONKEY BALLS!

Sorry...