Things to say when Jehovah's Witnesses are on your doorstep

[alrekr]

I'm not interested but I'll go ask my roomate... Hey Lucifer you interested in being a witness to Jehova?

or for bonus points, pretending that your homesexual scares the bejesus out of them

 

[niege]

Oh you want me to read a BOOK?
My religion has rune stones
maybe a bit harder to find and translate but they are cooler than a book

 

[electroshockwave]

Say you suffer from a rare blood or bone marrow disease or something and need regular blood transfusions to stay alive.

Or invite them in and begin to freak them out but don't let them leave. Make sure they're aware that they've "got a purty mouth" and ask what their views on sodomy are.

 

[sheogoraththemad]

jehovah witness: we bring you jesus,
my dad: fine put him in the shed

 

[Mechsoap]

I flashed my dick to em once.. I had just had sex, and had a semi stiffy when they came knocking on the door..

Never seen them since..

i envy you!

ot: just say no thank you and quickly slam the door, cant be that unpolite when someone disturbs your precious internet time

 

[Woodsey]

I say to them as nice as possible "Sorry, I'm not interested. Thank you for your time."

There's no point giving them grief or acting like a knobhead.

They knock on people's doors and try and recruit them - you might as well have a bit of fun with it.

OT: Draw a pentagram on your body in (fake) blood - obviously you'll have to be topless when you answer the door - and have 4 other people standing in a circle around what looks to be a dead body just behind you.

Then invite them in.

 

[Generic_Dave]

"I'm sorry, I'm just in the middle of a mixed sex orgy, would you care to join us?"

 

[ESCAPIST DELETE THIS ACCOUNT]

Sacrifice your cat to the almighty god of fire .....

 

[Ava Elzbieta]

Michael Jackson used to don disguises and go door-to-door. Why not insist that the innocent Jehovah's Witness at your doorstep might be Jackson and insist on prying off their fake face?

 

[reyttm4]

I've never had to deal with them, but you could try rapping the Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air theme tune. See what happens.

 

[Kortney]

I say to them as nice as possible "Sorry, I'm not interested. Thank you for your time."

There's no point giving them grief or acting like a knobhead.

They knock on people's doors and try and recruit them - you might as well have a bit of fun with it.

Because they are passionate about it. It's what they believe, they aren't out there trying to be obnoxious. And for that reason they don't bother me.

 

[ClaptonKnophlerHendrix]

I flashed my dick to em once.. I had just had sex, and had a semi stiffy when they came knocking on the door..

Never seen them since..

Is that how you react to all visitors?

 

[Blackvegie]

[Insert Black Books reference]

 

[Kajt]

Sorry, Thor got here first.

You took the words right out of my mouth. All hail Thor!

 

[Mr Montmorency]

Answer the door naked.

When they say "Have you found Jesus?" just shout "No, help me look for him!"

 

[XYLM]

I normally turn the tables on them, and ask; Is Jesus Christ, God? and of course they say no. At which point i say "Well I think I should be bringing YOU Jesus as you have been misinformed... hey where you guys going...?"

 

[Gunjack65]

Wow, keep it up guys. This is really good.

 

[Glamorgan]

Why yes, I have read the good book. I'm so glad Harry lives.

You sir, are my god.
I'd just start mentioning Satan and Wacko Jacko. If all else fails, the flasher coat always scares away unwanted visitors.

 

[Bruin]

You took the words right out of my mouth. All hail Thor!

It's not so much a religious connection with Thor and the Aesir, more so that Thor's a much stronger symbol to me than Christ is. The different stories about him have impacted me more than the Bible has. Not to mention he's more relatable than a benevolent being I'm told can do no wrong, who commits genocide and defies his own beliefs on a daily basis.