Things to say when Jehovah's Witnesses are on your doorstep

[DaggerOfCompassion]

I let them say their bit and then point out that -

#1. I'm an atheist, although not in a strident, Richard Dawkins, manner.

#2. I've had large transfusions (5+ units) of blood on several occasions, the primary to save my life after motorcycle accident, and I really like being alive.

This usually does the trick.

I point out #1 except in a strident, Richard Dawkins, manner.

 

[mayney93]

Sorry, Thor got here first.

this guy wins

 

[Corpse XxX]

I flashed my dick to em once.. I had just had sex, and had a semi stiffy when they came knocking on the door..

Never seen them since..

Is that how you react to all visitors?

What.. Why?? you wanna come visit maybe?

It so happens to be that i opened the door only wearing my boxer, it was early in the morning, i was kinda hungover, so i figured my soul was doomed anyhows, so i gave them something to "witness".

 

[GiglameshSoulEater]

"Ah good, more volenteers. Stand in this pentagram for a sec, Satan will be here any moment."

 

[RobCoxxy]

When they appeared at my door, they brought my one weakness, lots of pretty girls.

Dang. It was hard not to give them a moment of my time for that.

 

[OceanRunner]

"Not interested."

 

[Evilsanta]

I envy you guys...This has never happned to me so i cant really do anything...

But if it would i would say: Sacri...Erhm... I mean guests. Why wont you come in and just stand in this pentagram. Dont worry about the bloodstains. I mean the red paint.

 

[Desert Tiger]

I was half way through singing a particularly loud rendition of "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC once and didn't finish it until about fifteen seconds after I opened the door.

 

[Fallen-Angel Risen-Demon]

Well my dad always goes.
JW: We've come to bring you the-
SLAM!!!
So... yeah...

 

[tomtom94]

Is being a Jehovah's Witness compatible with my Satanic studies?
Would my homosexual partner be able to join me as a Jehovah's Witness?

Or, you try and convert them to Pastafarianism.

 

[Sgt Doom]

"Would you mind helping me to move the corpses out of my fridge? I need to check if I left Jesus in there somewhere"

 

[HandfulofWolf]

"Jesus and I have agreed to see other people."

 

[AlthorEnchantor]

The first time I ever had Jehovah's Witnesses, it was like... 8am on a Saturday and I hadn't gotten dressed yet. So I answered the door in my underwear...

...they RAN.

I was actually a little indignant afterward. "Oh, what, not pretty enough to proselytize, huh?!?"

 

[Bob_Bobbington]

Answer the door naked.

My dad decided to do that after a 12 hour night shift. Needless to say they never came back.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Tell them it's against the law to speak to a witness in an ongoing trial.