Things to say when Jehovah's Witnesses are on your doorstep

[Riobux]

"Did you want to talk to my boyfriend while you're here about the word of God?".

 

[Jedamethis]

Point behind them and say "Look, a distraction!"
Then either slam the door on them when they turn around, or kick them up the arse.

What he said. Works every time!

 

[Fetzenfisch]

[Insert Black Books reference]

either this or keep a can of pigblood next to your door for those occasions.
Sadly they never came to our Neighbourhood.
One of my ex-gf's family was part of that inbreeding cult so i got some insider info about em, no need to further ridicule them , theyre doing a great job doing that on their on.
But what i really want to do is to get their address ring them out their bed at 5 in the morning and ask them politely if they want to speak about the nonexistence of god, or the worshipping of the godlike animal inside every human beeing.

 

[Brandon237]

Walk out and greet them with a blood-stained scythe in one hand and a Wiccan spell book in the other, and say you were just about to ask them to convert too, If this doesn't work you still have a scythe in your hand...

In real life though: "sorry, but I'm an atheist, thanks for your time. Goodbye."

 

[dfphetteplace]

"You have five minutes to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that your god exist." This usually confuses them. They will try to say shit like "Prove that god doesn't exist", to which I reply "The burden of proof lies upon the accuser. You claim that there is a god, and therefore are the one that must prove it to me before I can believe anything else you have to say." I've had them look blankly at me, start praying, apologize for wasting my time, and just leave without saying anything. I found this works better then arguing with them. It is very hard to argue logic with someone that ignores reality.

Note: We don't get too many JW's here, usually mormons, which is one "M" from moron.

 

[erbkaiser]

"If, as you believe, God is only going to save 144000 people, why should I join you when there already over 7 million of you?"

Fortunately I've not yet been bothered by them.

 

[Ziadaine_v1legacy]

I flashed my dick to em once.. I had just had sex, and had a semi stiffy when they came knocking on the door..

Never seen them since..

I personally dont believe you on that.

OT: I rarely ever get them any more thankfully. Last time I did, I just gave theme a stare of "get of my lawn" because I told them "Im sorry I'm agnostic and plan to stay that way" of which they insist I let them in to discuss im making a mistake.

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

"Allah Akbar!"

Its what I would do.

 

[Aurgelmir]

*Put on suit pants, a white shirt and a tie, put on a name tag and a back pack.*

Now you are clothed like the other annoying missionaries: Mormons.

See if that has any effect.

If not start talking about the book of mormon. (doesnt really matter if you know anything about it I think)

 

[Abengoshis]

"Excuse me a second...*calls back into house* "HEY COULD YOU JUST KEEP THE GOAT SACRIFICE WAITING THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE AT THE DOOR""

Or of course, "HALLOWED ARE THE ORI!".

 

[Taddy]

"RELEASE THE KRAKEN!". They tend to look at me strangely for a few seconds then leave. Hasn't failed me yet.

 

[Terminate421]

Sorry bro, got nothing to say to ya.

If they are forceful,
Please go away.

 

[VeronicaVirus]

When I was younger I'd say something like, 'Sorry, busy having sex with my girlfriend'.

Then I realised that was just stupid. I usually get away with 'not interested', and sometimes bring out the Atheist card. Some of them are just so stubborn, though. Last time, I said 'sorry, got to leave the house in a minute because I have an exam', which was true, and they just didn't get it >_>

I mean, I have no problem with religion and I enjoy studying them, but I do not take kindly to people trying to shove it down my throat. And I have major problems with the beliefs of the JW branch of Christianity.

Should add that I'm an unlucky sod that lives about five minutes away from a Kingdom Hall...

 

[Soxafloppin]

I'd just say, sorry the Mourmons beat you to it.

 

[Terminate421]

"RELEASE THE KRAKEN!". They tend to look at me strangely for a few seconds then leave. Hasn't failed me yet.

Oh my god, I fucking love you. I JUST did that to someone who wouldn't leave me alone and now they are leaving me alone! Thank you for this advice!

 

[DreamZero]

just go " BEGONE SATAAAAN! " hopefully it freaks them out

 

[Lieju]

Have you heard about atheism? There's no God!

I made an effort of trying to made them embrace logic and reason. Didn't work too well, although it turned out I knew their holy book and it's history better than they did.

 

[NerkySera]

They're afraid of brass, my brother used to answer the door offer it to them when he was really small and they would leave.

 

[The Arc of Eden]

Pull the "Spongebob Chocolate" defense.

 

[Terminate421]

Although I would normally be polite I like having fun with this.

I probobly would dress up in the nerdiest (Not gayest) outfit ever when I answer the door. But not say anything.