Times you have put jerks in their place

[lacktheknack]

I sit down to a game of chess with the local jerk. He's pumping himself up, sure that NO one could beat him. He sees me sit down, notices I'm a bit overweight, than squalls "I eat little fat balls like YOU for breakfast!" And he sniggered at his own wit.

I'm not THAT fat, that would explain your physique, your mother's a... Many things I could have said, but I simply looked up in momentary and genuine confusion, and asked;

"You eat fat balls for breakfast?"

I won the chess game.

 

[Luke5515]

*snip*

The fact that you still use the pocket knife to open your mail makes it all the more badass.

 

[Venatio]

Stabbed a guy in the hand. He was trying to grab me while I was dancing. I got him befor the bouncers did.

That beats the time I stabbed a kid with a pencil for cheating in a game of tic tac toe back in elementary school.

I got suspended for smashing the star jock over the head with a metal trashcan in the luchroom. No-one calls MY friend a c*** in front of half the school...

You are awesome, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Also, I punched a guy in the throat for touching my ass in the locker room.

Thanks sweetie I nearly castrated a guy for trying to make me go "all the way" in his car.

You should have gone through with it.

I kicked a kid in the stomach back in middle school for stepping on bee's, what did they ever do to him?

 

[AfroTree]

/sigh I'm done arguing. あなたは馬鹿です

No... You are the fool.

oh goddamn it

who cares?

really

it was a nice little story and chances are the guy was being a jerk, or was completely oblivious it was not a Japanese restaurant, but Chinese/Vietnamese


and I have once or twice, mainly involving one or two people

I have a huge timer for a temper.Seriously I can go for years without snapping but when I do, I really fucking do


now, I'm not going to big myself up
yes it hurt like a *****

yes i got in shit for it

yes it was fucking awesome

 

[Mr. Gency]

I never met anyone who acted like a jerk to me, I'm to much of a likable person. On PSN, some little ass monkey was talking shit to someone else while playing COD4, saying stuff like "You suck, I'm 5th prestige and you haven't even prestiged once!" I never heard the beginning of the argument, but I just told him that no one gave a damn and to, for the sake of everyone playing, to shut the fuck up.

In sixth grade I hit this kid who used his "short temper" as an excuse to get away with throwing tantrums.
By "hit him" I mean I introduced a math text book to his face.

Maka strike!

 

[DominoSmith]

Stabbed a guy in the hand. He was trying to grab me while I was dancing. I got him befor the bouncers did.

That beats the time I stabbed a kid with a pencil for cheating in a game of tic tac toe back in elementary school.

I got suspended for smashing the star jock over the head with a metal trashcan in the luchroom. No-one calls MY friend a c*** in front of half the school...

You are awesome, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Also, I punched a guy in the throat for touching my ass in the locker room.

Thanks sweetie I nearly castrated a guy for trying to make me go "all the way" in his car.

You should have gone through with it.

I kicked a kid in the stomach back in middle school for stepping on bee's, what did they ever do to him?

I would've gone through, but he got his ass out of[sub]the[/sub]Dodge before I could...hehe his pants were around his ankles...
I threw a wasp hive on a kid because he grabbed my ass in the lunch line. not a tap, full-on handfull of ass.

 

[Hollock]

I was at a house party for my brothers birthday, and it was around 3am and I decided to leave and was walking to my car I had left at a freinds acouple blocks away. As I came around a corner a wanna be banger probably in his late teens steps out from a bush. "Hey man you got a smoke?" I dont smoke, so I told him so and as I stepped to move around him he pulls this dinky pocket knife (I kid you not it couldnt be more than a couple of inches) and says "Well give me your wallet" Of course Im already in a bad mood over something that had happened earlier (ill spare ya the details) So I am in no mood to play with this douche. So I shook my head "sorry man dont have a wallet" Something he didnt want to hear no doubt. So he takes a step forward and I lean like in looking at someone behind him, of course hes paranoid so he glances behind him and I grabbed his wrist and yanked him off balance and I tried to knee him in the ribs But i dont know if i yanked harder than I though or what but I wound up kneeing him in the face and knocking him out cold. I picked up the knife and stole his wallet, Sad part was he had more money than i did so I took the cash and dropped the wallet in a storm drain on the way to my car.
To this day I wish I would have kept his id, it would have been awesome to show up on his doorstep someday. But I still have the pocket knife and use it to open my mail

You kept a fucking trophy? That is badass.

OT: I only have one story I can recall for this occasion, at this moment, and this is it.
A guy was whipping the other guys in my class with a belt, and he tried to whip me, but I caught the whip, threw it across the room, and made him pee his pants. I got in trouble for throwing stuff in class. Understandably too because I was the one being a distraction.

 

[lacktheknack]

I haven't. But the next bus driver that is a jerk to me is going to hear it... Edmonton Transit Service employs some absolute tools as bus drivers. There's some genuinely nice ones, but many are asshats. Ask if they're stopping at Southgate Mall, and they'll look at you and say sarcastically, "Well, what does the bus say?" "Er... Millgate?" "Well, Southgate's on the way there, isn't it?". They try to make you feel like a dumbass for no reason. One day, that will make me flip out. I need a car before that happens.

Bad luck. Every bus driver I've met on Edmonton Transit has been humorous, respectful, and pleasant. (Yes, I'm one of THOSE creeps who talks to the bus driver.)

 

[Mr. Gency]

I was at a house party for my brothers birthday, and it was around 3am and I decided to leave and was walking to my car I had left at a freinds acouple blocks away. As I came around a corner a wanna be banger probably in his late teens steps out from a bush. "Hey man you got a smoke?" I dont smoke, so I told him so and as I stepped to move around him he pulls this dinky pocket knife (I kid you not it couldnt be more than a couple of inches) and says "Well give me your wallet" Of course Im already in a bad mood over something that had happened earlier (ill spare ya the details) So I am in no mood to play with this douche. So I shook my head "sorry man dont have a wallet" Something he didnt want to hear no doubt. So he takes a step forward and I lean like in looking at someone behind him, of course hes paranoid so he glances behind him and I grabbed his wrist and yanked him off balance and I tried to knee him in the ribs But i dont know if i yanked harder than I though or what but I wound up kneeing him in the face and knocking him out cold. I picked up the knife and stole his wallet, Sad part was he had more money than i did so I took the cash and dropped the wallet in a storm drain on the way to my car.
To this day I wish I would have kept his id, it would have been awesome to show up on his doorstep someday. But I still have the pocket knife and use it to open my mail

Just imagine how awesome it wold be if that same guy joined the Escapist and read that post.

 

[Venatio]

Stabbed a guy in the hand. He was trying to grab me while I was dancing. I got him befor the bouncers did.

That beats the time I stabbed a kid with a pencil for cheating in a game of tic tac toe back in elementary school.

I got suspended for smashing the star jock over the head with a metal trashcan in the luchroom. No-one calls MY friend a c*** in front of half the school...

You are awesome, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Also, I punched a guy in the throat for touching my ass in the locker room.

Thanks sweetie I nearly castrated a guy for trying to make me go "all the way" in his car.

You should have gone through with it.

I kicked a kid in the stomach back in middle school for stepping on bee's, what did they ever do to him?

I would've gone through, but he got his ass out of[sub]the[/sub]Dodge before I could...hehe his pants were around his ankles...
I threw a wasp hive on a kid because he grabbed my ass in the lunch line. not a tap, full-on handfull of ass.

I grew up in a household of strong women, you'll never see me disrespect a lady like that.

Ya I got nothing - not that I was looking for trouble to begin with. But I know one ting: I will not get into a fight with any woman, for whatever reason, for fear that she might be you.

 

[Georgie_Leech]

On a YouTube video. I'm not the one who started this guy swearing, but I figured I'd try to stop it.

Them: "The human turd that has thumb downed each and every comment I made is brain syphilis incarnate. Please, in the name of all that's reasonable and intelligent, KILL YOURSELF NOW. You should die for your shamefully extreme close-mindedness.

I have a feeling all that little retarded fucking shit sees is someone disagreeing with people that say Twilight sucks, and of course, THAT CAN ONLY MEAN I LIKE TWILIGHT. RIGHT, YOU RETARDED LITTLE FUCKFACE??!?!?!?! "

Me: "Or, they see an arrogant twat spouting profanity every other sentence and have marked accordingly."

Them: "You're the only twat I see around here.

"Arrogant?" Nice way to reveal your mental inferiority! Only someone intimidated by my intelligence would think of calling me "arrogant." Did I offend your little pea brain, you obtuse ****?

Me: "Arrogant: making claims or pretensions to superior importance or rights; overbearingly assuming; insolently proud.
As you are instantly assuming anyone who disagrees with you is idiotic, that seems a fair decription. While I'm at it, you have yet to display any intelligence beyond that required to identify offensive words. Quite frankly, a willingness to attempt insults and swearing do not make you intelligent. Quite the opposite, in fact"

Believe it or not, I am not paraphrasing. This is the exact wording of the exchange.

In real life, I haven't had to deal with jerks. I'm normally mild, but I start to look dangerous if someone makes me angry, so they tend to back down.

 

[The Warden]

Stabbed a guy in the hand. He was trying to grab me while I was dancing. I got him befor the bouncers did.

That beats the time I stabbed a kid with a pencil for cheating in a game of tic tac toe back in elementary school.

Remind me to never play board games or for that matter any game with you.

 

[TheFacelessOne]

Back in middle school, when I moved to the area I live in now, I got picked on a lot at school. There was this one kid there who was a huge douchebag, and one day, he was screwing with me in the middle of class, and the teacher was either oblivious, or didn't care, so I exploded on him in the middle of class, and stabbed him with a pencil.

Best part of the story? I completely got away with it, no expulsion, no suspension, no detention, nothing, because at the same time that this happened, some girl got caught smoking pot on campus, and apparently taking care of that was more important than a kid committing assault with a weapon. I like to think of it as fate, that I was karma's tool to put an asshole in his place.

Anyway, ever since then, no one has ever fucked with me again.

I've heard that story before...from you...I think...

Did you CnP that from another similiar thread topic? It just seems you've posted that story of yours more than once.

And there's no problem with that. Awesomeness should not be deterred by different threads.

OP: Well, there's this ****** at my school. You see, he calls me a "jew" (which I only recently learned that he meant I wasn't cool, which is perfectly fine,) so one day, I said the following:
"I want to know something...what's your motivation? Are you trying to annoy me or have me break down due to a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem? Do you wish for me to burst into a fit of embarrassing anger? Attempt to hit you? Be sad that I'm not part of the 'popular crowd'? You don't have to answer, because I think I know, but I'd just like to hear it from your mouth."

He stopped. Everyone liked the way I worded it.

 

[Z(ombie)fan]

i "ole!"ed a dude of a (small) cliff, matador-style, for being a dick at school and met him on a hiking trip while my dad was doing some nonsense in a cave or something (i was honestly fairly suprised, as we were WAY off the trail.) we HATED eachother, and eventually he rushed me and i ducked out of the way.

(un)fortunately he lived.

 

[JopperJopJop]

Oh yeah I forgot, there was this guy who was being major assface on the same day I was having a bad day, so...I headbutt him in the nose as hard as humanly possible and punched him in the throat.
By the way I usually do a good job at ignoring asses but man he just pissed me off.

 

[TheFacelessOne]

Oh yeah I forgot, there was this guy who was being major assface on the same day I was having a bad day, so...I headbutt him in the nose as hard as humanly possible and punched him in the throat.
By the way I usually do a good job at ignoring asses but man he just pissed me off.

Really off-topic, but I love your avatar.

It's...oddly addicting.