U.S. Government Denies Existence of Mermaids

[Fijiman]

I feel like quoting Yes Minister.

"The first rule of politics: never believe anything until it's been officially denied."

That is probably one of the best quotes ever, especially considering that we're talking about US government here. And of course the next thing they probably say is that Atlantis isn't real either.

 

[CrazyCapnMorgan]

Welp, there goes any chance of me contributing to the reproductive gene pool...

Guess I'll start my quest for finding elven princesses now.

 

[manic_depressive13]

Before they denied it I was quite certain mermaids don't exist. Now I'm not so sure.

 

[MetalMagpie]

I wonder where the idea of mermaids originally came from? Was it literally just some dude with imagination or was it remotely inspired by something?

Have you ever seen footage of a manatee or a dugong? Especially filmed from a boat looking down into the water (instead of underwater with them). If you ignore the head (or can't see it due to the fact they like to hang out in cloudy water) the effect is a little spooky.

Apart from that, it's probably worth pointing out that sailors (or any group of men stuck in close quarters with each for months on end) are allowed some fantasies.

 

[MetalMagpie]

Why bring this up...unless they really do exist and want to cover it up..naw

Why do they need to tell us this?

To me coming out randomly with NO ITS NOT REAL when no one has mentioned the subject at hand just makes me even more suspicious...

Because there was a recent mockumentary called Mermaids: The Body Found. A few people didn't realise it was fiction and wrote letters to the NOAA asking about mermaids. Someone at the NOAA appears to have taken ten minutes out of their work day to write a helpful response for those people.

*shrug*

 

[willofbob]

No mermaids? It'll be hard to break the news to The Jersey Devil and Wendigo.

 

[Zulnam]

This feels like a south park episode in which the adults are doing something really retarded and the kids are just face palming themselves throughout the whole episode.

 

[Chaos1228]

The new slogan for The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration of the United States Department of Commerce:

"WE ARE NOT A WASTE OF MONEY"

 

[Clearing the Eye]

Nice use of tax payer funded wages.

God I hate the government.

 

[jFr[e]ak93]

By randomly denying they exist, I'm pretty sure it's a cover up. I vote they just found one.

OT They have a unicorn too.

 

[Roboto]

Almost makes paying taxes worth it.

That's fucking funny, right now I'm fighting to hold back bursting into laughter in the middle of the library at college.

That'll be $10, plus $5 royalties for each he, ha, and $7.50 for hos for their deep, hearty connotation.

 

[aba1]

Why must The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration of the United States Department of Commerce always dash my dreams...

its always them

Flying Dutchman?, Kraken?, didn't exist according to them, and now Mermaids?

Damn you The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration of the United States Department of Commerce, damn you for making my life a little sadder once again.

*cries into a martini*

Well there is the Giant Squid which lives deep in the ocean and is big enough to take down a sperm whale so it is essentially the kracken except it would never been seen anywhere near the surface unless dead and washed up somehow.

 

[Joe Fajita]

There really are no mermaids. The government just occasionally denies wacky untrue things (remember the teenaged Obama Mars missions?) so when a denial of a wacky real thing comes up, it won't look suspiciously out of place.
Alternatively, the teenaged Obama Mars missions were real, and now they're denying mermaids for the same reason.

 

[Infernai]

Sir! Excuse me!

Bob Harrison, ISN News. Would you also care to comment on the existence of aliens? Of Fae? Jabberwocky? Dragons? Eldritch Horror? And everything else seen or heard of in Cabin in the Woods?

As the representative for the Hellsing organization, i'll answer your questions.

Uncertain

Unfortunately yes

NO

Yes, but they're nearly extinct.

I assure you that there are no eldritch horrors from beyond the fabric of reality that are any threat to earth....at the moment. We are always on look out

Unfortunately, no.

Now, in order to avoid being fired...i need you to watch the following video and remember: There are no supernatural creatures, aliens or any other life-forms in the universe outside of what is currently known on earth.

 

[Hazy992]

Good to see your taxes are going to good use then!

 

[surg3n]

This won't stop Discovery Channel making a 'Fishing for Mermaids' series, then 'American Mermaids', then there's the whole Mer-Man issue, I mean, this guy is real - and he's one fishy bastard...

[link]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Enans8ABSM[/link]

America, no, you can't has it... you'll just ruin it.

 

[The White Hunter]

Suspiciously quite on the subject of Bigfeet.

There could be some kind of bigfoot somewhere, we're always finding new species and every culture seems to have some myth or legend involving as similar creature.

Personally I believe that Brian Blessed is a big foot.


OT: Cool, I'm not crazy for not believing in something until we can capture, imprison, and study it >_O FOR SCIENCE.

 

[somonels]

If the US is officially denying it they must exist.

 

[The White Hunter]

Well there is the Giant Squid which lives deep in the ocean and is big enough to take down a sperm whale so it is essentially the kracken except it would never been seen anywhere near the surface unless dead and washed up somehow.

There's also fossil evidence for species of gigantic octopodes millions of years ago, and fuck knows there could well be something like a Kraken in that relatively unexplored thing we call the ocean.

They're only big enough to beat a sperm whale if the sperm whale doesn't see it coming and chow down on it xD They die from low pressure near the surface if I recall correctly, and our first evidence of them was inside a sperm whales stomach.

They definately hunt immature sperm whales though. Wish I could remember what that series on it was called.

 

[M0rp43vs]

The new slogan for The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration of the United States Department of Commerce:

"WE ARE NOT A WASTE OF MONEY"

I thought that was the motto of the Sea Monster Response Team.

Anyway, after a confession like this, I'm taking bets till Obama calls a press conference and goes,
"Well, about that announcement a while back about the mermaids?
you see, the thing is, We're mermaids"
Followed by him and other high ranking officials pulling off their fake legs to reveal fish tails