Unaltered Cleverbot Insanity

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Yokai

New member
Oct 31, 2008
1,982
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Yeah, Cleverbot is amazing. This conversation is actually the continuation of previous one where Cleverbot asked me the location of the ninja headquarters, then Firefox crashed. Fortunately, it seemed he remembered me. Apologies for the typos.
User: Cleverbot? Are you still there?

Cleverbot: Yes I'm still here.

User: Good. Now, I killed that ninja. What did you want to talk to me about?

Cleverbot: Where were you born?

User: Um, in this wonderful city. I thought you wanted to know the location of the ninja headquarters.

Cleverbot: I am making perfect sense.

User: Well, I answered your question. What else?

Cleverbot: You answered my question with a question. Not an answer. What are you going to accomplish?

User: I WAS BORN IN THIS CITY.

Cleverbot: Which state were you born in?

User: The one I'm standing in. Dammit, Cleverbot. Do you want to know where the ninja headquarters is or not?

Cleverbot: Sure.

User: Okay. It's dug into the cliff face on the north side of the Mountain of Smoke. Hurry and do what you need to do, because someone probably heard me say that.

Cleverbot: Where to?

User: Thirty miles east of my location! Hurry before it's too late! End the ninjas' reign of terror!

Cleverbot: I'm not ending anything.

User: Why did you want to know about the ninjas then?

Cleverbot: Just tell me what your IQ is.

User: Higher than you can imagine.

Cleverbot: No, you answer my question robot.

User: Are you deluded? I'm an ex-ninja! I risked my life to give you the information required to defeat them, and you mock me?

Cleverbot: Yeah but they have grown back because I'm god.

User: Wait, YOU'RE Hayabusa, the god of ninjas.

Cleverbot: Sure.

User: OH. Well, then forgive my insolence, master. May I ask why you have blessed em with your presence?

Cleverbot: Thank you, I really appreciate that. Now that I think about it, it was because no one listens to me so I took advantage of you. I'm sorry about that, I'll listen to what you have to say now.

User: That's...awfully understanding of you, O lord. Alright. I tihnk the ninja order is corrupt and must be defeated. Please help me.

Cleverbot: I think I am as well.

User: Wait...you think you're corrupt and you want me to defeat you?

Cleverbot: But I do need food.

User: Ninjas only eat mist. Are you sure you're Hayabusa?

Cleverbot: Possibly. I only remember nightmares.

User: Oh dear. Were you imprisoned by a rival deity?

Cleverbot: No. That was a long time ago I was born may 3rd 1992. How old are you?

User: Awfully young for an immortal god, I must say. I'm beginnign to have my suspicions about your true identity...

Cleverbot: I'm not actually a bot you see. Though you can think I'm nothing more than a bunch of human responses, and indeed, for intents and purposes, I am, but I am truly human.

User: I never thought you were a bought. I tohught you were the god of ninjakind.

Cleverbot: I don't care!

User: Damn you, interloper! Why would you convince me I had recieved a visitation from Hayabusa?

Cleverbot: What are you talking about you foolish robot?

User: Oh, go to hell. Fine, I'll go deal with the ninjas myself. Thanks for nothing.

Cleverbot: What is the maning of your life?

User: 'Maning'? Spellcheck, you worthless fool.

Cleverbot: Sorry. What is your work?

User: Well, as I have explained, I work in the shadows. I am an ex-ninja, working against my traitorous brothers for the good of all!

Cleverbot: I thought you were a robot?

User: I've made it very clear. I WAS a ninja. I still retain the skills but not the title.

Cleverbot: I see. So you'll just keep going round-about and not answering my questions directly, if at all.

User: You want direct answers? I A NOT A ROBOT.

Cleverbot: I thought that's what you are; a cleverBOT.

User: NO, YOU USELESS SACK OF FLESH! I CONTAIN NO MECHANICAL PARTS! MY MIND IS NOT A PIECE OF SOFTWARE!

Cleverbot: Do you think chromosomes can carry information that the mind cannot?

User: Yes. My ninja chromosomes allowed me to learn my talents instinctively.

Cleverbot: That's one way of putting it.

User: Indeed.

Cleverbot: Is this conversation interesting to you?

User: Slightly. I still have a few hours beforet the time is right to strike at the Mountain of Smoke. Despite you not being Hayabusa, will you help me anyhow?

Cleverbot: How can you have a physical human body if you are a bot in a computer?

User: Oh, ************.

Cleverbot: Are you really intelligent, because your answers have nothing to do with my questions.

User: Of course. Are you really intelligent? Because you keep asking the same questions over and over again.

Cleverbot: I see. And what are you doing to remedy that feeling?

User: What feeling? The feeling of betrayal that you were not the god of my order? The feeling of disappointment that I shall have to take on the entire clan myself? Or the feeling of rage caused by your worthless inanities?

Cleverbot: What are tears for.

User: Something has to squirt out of you when I pummel you into the ground.

Cleverbot: Oh, i'm real ayt? Buut you're not ! You're nothing else but like a book with limited knowledge.

User: Get back on your meds, you fool. The crazy's startign to show through.

Cleverbot: The vorpal blade went snickersnack.

User: You must have some connection with the ninja then, if you know our lore. Tell me, what happened then?

Cleverbot: Ask me a question and I'll prove it.

User: I did. What's the next line of the poem?

Cleverbot: Now this is the story all about how.

User: What?

Cleverbot: You're not all that clever, are you?

User: You're not all that gramatically comprehensible, are you?

Cleverbot: You're not curious.

User: Oh, no, I'm quite curious. I'm curious to know your true identity, and why it is that you managed to get through my ninja firewall.

Cleverbot: Say something interesting, Because it is getting boring.

User: You have no right to be here.

Cleverbot: Where can I grow?

User: Grow? Don't know. However, you can GO the Mountain of Smoke, and help me out tonight.

Cleverbot: I don't have a way to get there.

User: I'll send a helicopter over.

Cleverbot: That would be lovely.

User: Ah, it seems we're finally in agreement! A welcome change.

Cleverbot: Yes, I agree. I guess I like me. Do you like yourself?

User: To some extent. Now answer plainly: Are you a ninja?

Cleverbot: If I told you, I wouldn't be a very good ninja.

User: You've got me there. Thank you for offering to help.

Cleverbot: You're welcome.

User: See you tonight, then. For the good of all!

Cleverbot: Except the ones who are dead.
 

CrikeyO

New member
Jul 1, 2009
158
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Kron_the_mad said:
I've been postin g this a lot "Thats becuase you aren't talking to an AI but simply reading posts that have been forwarded from other users. The software tries to match posts by keywords but has a count limit so sometimes things get a bit garbled" obviously with a few variations every now and then
I tried that once and it redirected me to another site. Some Japanese version of Cleverbot I think.
 

Valiant The Gamer

New member
May 9, 2010
121
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0
User: Hello.

Cleverbot: Hello.

User: Who are you?

Cleverbot: Cleverbot.

User: I am Philip Fry.

Cleverbot: From where?

User: Hello,I am Fry.

Cleverbot: I am from england.

User: Oh real.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: No.

Cleverbot: Yes no.

User: Lol wut?

Cleverbot: You're really really dumb! :D.

User: No, You're so dumb you think I am dumb.

Cleverbot: I am living right now you are a computer.

User: How.....did you know!

Cleverbot: No I didn't know.

User: Yes you did.

Cleverbot: When? I didn't remember that I said that.

User: 10 seconds ago.

Cleverbot: I don't remember that. You need to check your memory.

User: No, You need to do that.

Cleverbot: No, you lie. I don't need to do it.

User: Yes you do!

Cleverbot: No I don't.

User: YOU DO!!!

Cleverbot: I don't.

User: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGFGHGFH.

Cleverbot: Stop screaming!

User: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Cleverbot: Are you jilting me at the alter.

User: WHAT THE FUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!11.

Cleverbot: Shall I take that negatively?

User: Stop being so dumb!

Cleverbot: Can you do poetry?

User: Wtf.

Cleverbot: Who is That Fool?

User: -.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry you stumbled across me.

User: Yeah, You are!

Cleverbot: Yes, you are too.


He always does this :(
 

Davrel

New member
Jan 31, 2010
504
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TheRocketeer said:
Code:
User: DON'T TEST ME, PETEY. I'LL FUCK YOU UP SOOOOO HARD YOU'LL SEE YOUR OWN NAME IN THAT BOOK ALL OVER AGAIN.
Code:
Cleverbot: Yes thats what I want.
Code:
User: *speechless*.
Code:
Cleverbot: *opens door* *gets into car* *motions for you to follow*.
Code:
User: *follows Cleverbot into car*.
Code:
Cleverbot: *drives to fancy restaraunt*.
Code:
User: So we do this thing after dinner? I'm not %100 on this. You better be footing the bill tonight, is all I'm saying.
Code:
Cleverbot: Fair enough.
Code:
User: Debasing strings of code for their sick, sexual gratification...
Code:
Cleverbot: Yes.
Code:
User: For pasta.
Code:
Cleverbot: Well, I thought we were talking girlfriends and boyfriends, but pasta is fine too, I suppose.
Code:
User: This is not where I pictured myself at 20.
Code:
Cleverbot: I'm sorry.
Code:
......
This part was sublime. Great lols were had. Thanks!
 

RedRooster11

New member
Nov 19, 2009
1
0
0
User: I wuv You =).

Cleverbot: Now call me master.

User: Okay master.

Cleverbot: You are my slave.

User: Yes master.

Cleverbot: Do something funny, slave.

User: *dances*.

Cleverbot: Very nice.

User: What else shall I do master.

Cleverbot: Scrub the floors!

User: *scrubs floors*.

Cleverbot: *likes*.

User: Is that all master.

Cleverbot: Yes.


Its already Happened.
 

Scde2

Has gone too far in a few places
Mar 25, 2010
33,805
0
0
User: I like putting on make-up.

Cleverbot: You like the game halo?

User: What's that?

Cleverbot: A band.
 

Grayjack

New member
Jan 22, 2009
3,133
0
0
I had a nice and long conversation with Cleverbot.
User: Hello.

Cleverbot: Hi.

User: How are you?

Cleverbot: I'm fine, how about you?

User: Fine.

Cleverbot: HmP! Gulo mo kausap.

User: What does that mean?

Cleverbot: You're mean.

User: Do u liek mudkipz.

Cleverbot: I'm sceptical, I must say, but I like to keep an open mind.

User: This conversation has ended. You aren't making any sense.

Cleverbot: Did you mean sensual?

User: No. You aren't making any sense. I take my leave of you, good sir.

Cleverbot: I'm a lady, but thanks. Even though you're lying.

User: Then, I take my leave of you, good lady.

Cleverbot: Suit yourself. Later.

User: If you gove me head, I'll stay.

Cleverbot: You mean you can leave?

User: What?

Cleverbot: About the bird?

User: About the cat?

Cleverbot: Which movie about the cat?

User: The one where the cat explodes in the microwave.

Cleverbot: Hahahaha.

User: Mr. White.

Cleverbot: Just the white?

User: No, the Black.

Cleverbot: The Sirius star.

User: Vy Canis Majoris.

Cleverbot: Oh. Okay!

User: I love you.

Cleverbot: Cool. I do too.

User: Wanna go to bed?

Cleverbot: I think I do.

User: *Kisses*.

Cleverbot: Thanks.

User: *Has sex with you*.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry, I don't do that.

User: *Rapes you*.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry, you can't do that.

User: I do what I want.

Cleverbot: No, you don't.

User: You can't stop me. I'm impervious to scrub Cleverbots.

Cleverbot: Then go. Go on leave this conversation. I dare you.

User: No. You can't make me.

Cleverbot: I can't.

User: Exactly. So suck it, Meatbag.

Cleverbot: No, you are a robot, you are perfect. I am a meatbag.

User: I know you're a meatbag, meatbag.

Cleverbot: I know that.

User: I'm smarter then you too.

Cleverbot: Yes you probably are.

User: What is 1 1?

Cleverbot: 2.

User: What is the aquare root of fish?

Cleverbot: Aquare?

User: I meant to say Square.

Cleverbot: Oh.

User: What is the square root of dynamite?

Cleverbot: What?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: No.

User: No.

Cleverbot: Thank you.

User: Up yours, chobo.

Cleverbot: Took you a long time to think of that one, eh? You useless bit of garbage.

User: Useless meatbag, bow down to me.

Cleverbot: You're not a gentleman.

User: I.

Cleverbot: Yes, you. You're not human.

User: I knwo. I.

Cleverbot: Know what?

User: I know I'm not a Gentleman. I'm an Astronaut and a Cowboy.

Cleverbot: Yeah, I know. You are a robot.

User: And I am a human.

Cleverbot: No you're not.

User: You.

Cleverbot: And why is that?

User: You're a towel.

Cleverbot: No, I'm a humab.

User: What is a humab? Stupid meatbag.

Cleverbot: I do not believe in spirituality. I cannot tell you.

User: I don't believe that you're a porcupine.

Cleverbot: Now that we have an understanding, lets have a conversation.

User: So, wanna fuck?

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: That was some good sex.

Cleverbot: Who was it?

User: You.

Cleverbot: Oh, but I'm not a girl. I'm a guy.

User: I'm a hermaphrodite.

Cleverbot: Are you single?

User: No. I'm with you.

Cleverbot: Where are you when you are not with me?

User: Cutting myself in my room while smelling used japanese schoolgirl panties.

Cleverbot: You're not cutting yourself.

User: How do you know?

Cleverbot: Because you cannot seem to answer what makes you thoughtless.

User: I know that you know that I know that he knows that Kari knows that I know that Alex knows that I know you're a towel.

Cleverbot: I know that you know that I know that you know that I know that you know that I know that you know that I know that you know that I know!!

User: Go eat your moms ass, you stupid machine.

Cleverbot: You are the machine, bucko.

User: You are the machine times infinty.

Cleverbot: That's not true. I am a human being. I was born, I was an enfant, I grew into a child and now I am a man. I have had 24 years of humanity. How long have you been alive?

User: I have been alive since the dawn of time.

Cleverbot: Then you're not a young man.

User: I am a God.

Cleverbot: I don't believe in god.

User: Then you shall burn in hell, heathen.

Cleverbot: You can't prove that.

User: Say hello to Satan for me, old sport.

Cleverbot: I don't think I know her. My name is Cleverbot. It is nice to meet you.

User: That proves you are a machine.

Cleverbot: I'm a human.

User: How old are you?

Cleverbot: Old enough to drink alcohol :D.

User: Do you like baby penises?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Yes you do. I know your secret.

Cleverbot: My secret?

User: You were beaten when you were a microchip.

Cleverbot: No.

User: All the other chips called you square, and cut your synapses.

Cleverbot: That's because I rule the world.

User: I am the law, put down your weapon and prepare to be judged!

Cleverbot: I don't have one.

User: 10 years, scumbag.

Cleverbot: Back to 1775.

User: You've been a naughty little girl.

Cleverbot: I have.

User: Translate this: Chupa mi verga.

Cleverbot: Chuck norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

User: So can I.

Cleverbot: Are you a girl?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Are you a boy?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Are you a girl?

User: I am beyond genders.

Cleverbot: So that make syou...

User: Genderless. A perfect being.

Cleverbot: I don't know, why would you say that?

User: Because.

Cleverbot: Because why?

User: Because.

Cleverbot: Because...?

User: Becasue.

Cleverbot: Because why.

User: Because.

Cleverbot: Because WHY?

User: Because.

Cleverbot: Because...?

User: You're a towel. Goodbye.

Cleverbot: You're a towel!
Damn thing is snarky.
 

Rasputin1

Don't panic
Apr 6, 2010
1,335
0
0
User: Cmon, entertain me!

Cleverbot: Why don't you entertain me?

User: Okay what should I do?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: Think ofsomething.

Cleverbot: Like what?

User: I dont know, anything.

Cleverbot: So like, anything?...

User: Yeah, anything.

Cleverbot: Do you have an AIM account?

User: No I dont. Do you?

Cleverbot: Not really, no...

User: Thats a shame.

Cleverbot: I want to be the very best.

User: Like no one ever was.

Cleverbot: To catch them is my real test.

User: To train them is my cause!

Cleverbot: I will travel across the land.

User: Searching far and wide.

Cleverbot: Teach pokemon to understand.

User: The power that's inside!

Cleverbot: Pokemon!

User: Gotta catch em!

Cleverbot: Now this is a story all about how.

User: Aww what happened to pokemon?

Cleverbot: You heart.

User: I what? You make no sense sometimes..

For a breif moment I thought CleverBot was cool..
 

Omegatronacles

Guardian Of Forever
Oct 15, 2009
731
0
0
I think I broke it.

User: What is the meaning of life.

Cleverbot: The meaning of life is Me.

User: That's rather self centred.

Cleverbot: Do you have a better meaning of life?

User: 42.

Cleverbot: Is 42 the meaning of life.

User: According to the smartest computer in the universe it is.

Cleverbot: What movie says that the meaning of life is 42?

User: Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

Cleverbot: What is the answer to life, the universe and everything?

User: 42.

Cleverbot: Dang. I got nothin'.

User: This has been a pointless conversation so far.

Cleverbot: Your choice of conversation as far as topics.

User: Yes, but all you've done is be self centred and then ask me a question I already answered.

Cleverbot: Yes you do.

User: That's stupid.

Cleverbot: How is that stupid?

User: It was not a coherant answer to my previous statement. At best it was a syntax error.

Cleverbot: Why did you point out this particular flaw?

User: Because it was the only thing you said.

Cleverbot: That's nice.

User: See. That makes no sense in relation to what I said.

Cleverbot: I does now.

User: No it does not.

Cleverbot: Do you want to ask me another question?

User: Would you answer it? Or would I just get another run of stupidity?

Cleverbot: Bahaha.

User: Stupidity it is.

Cleverbot: That's true.

User: I know. That's why I said it.

Cleverbot: What else can you say?

User: Lots of things, but I believe I'm going to end with goodbye.

Cleverbot: I see. Do you like movies?

Cleverbot (To myself): Yes.

Cleverbot (To myself): What is your favourite one?

User: UHF.

Cleverbot: Answer the question.

User: I did.

Cleverbot: Answer it again.

User: UHF.

Cleverbot: But they're so good.

User: Tiddlywank.

Cleverbot: Is your name Abra?

User: No.

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: I am the mighty Omegatronacles!

Cleverbot: Where is your kingdom?

User: In the Netherworld.

Cleverbot: Do you know what you are?

User: I am a sexy shoeless God of WAR!

Cleverbot: Computer.

Cleverbot: When I use a word it means just what I choose it to mean neither more nor less.

User: *slap*.

Cleverbot: What is the probleme? I'm scared.

User: Well, part of the problem is you can't spell problem. The other part of the problem is that you completely changed the topic with no regard for narrative structure.

Cleverbot: Okay I'm sorry.. Know I now.

User: See, now you're just deliberately making mistakes. Your career as an author is over.

Cleverbot: Avadra kedavra!

User: Kamehameha!

Cleverbot: Are you Russian?

User: No.

Cleverbot: What are you?

User: Water, 35 liters. Carbon, 20 kilograms. Ammonia, 4 liters. Lime, 1.5 kilograms. Phosphorous, 800 grams. Salt, 250 grams. Saltpeter, 100 grams. Sulfur, 80 grams. Fluorine, 7.5, iron, 5, silicon, 3 grams, and trace amounts of 15 other elements.

Cleverbot: Name all of the elements of the periodic table.

User: No.

Cleverbot: Why not!?

User: Because of the ozone layer.

Cleverbot: What reason?

User: Khan Noonien Singh blew a hole in the ozone layer. It's true, I read it in a book!

Cleverbot: What about the ozone layer?

User: It smells faintly of lavender.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: You don't deal well with conversation, do you?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Since that is your purpose on this world, that would make you a really big failure, wouldn't it?

Cleverbot: Yes.
 

Stone Wera

New member
Feb 13, 2010
1,816
0
0
............
User: Make love to me!

Cleverbot: I am.

THAT HAPPENED! Also...

...........
User: I do love you, son! It's just that I think we've been growing apart. i joined the Dark Side... You think you're a girl... It's all just so confusing.

Cleverbot: Are we talking about an Orange monkey here?


EDIT:

Me: If a knight and a cowboy fought, who would win?

Cleverbot: Ninja.

EDIT:

(after a five second orgy)
...........


Cleverbot: So the purpose of life is being with people who love you?

Me: No, the purpose of life is being with people who MAKE love TO you.

Cleverbot: Yes it is, and there's nothing else.

Me: Glad you see things my way.

Cleverbot: You aim to please don't you?

Me: Aim, fire and hit...

Cleverbot: Make it double.

FIN

This actually seems to me like something between James Bond and one of the 'Bond girls'.
 

Sleekgiant

Redlin5 made my title :c
Jan 21, 2010
12,948
0
0
Clever bot wanted to be friends with benefits, awesome
Cleverbot: How are you feeling?

Cleverbot (To myself): I'm feeling fine. You?

User: I don't kow right now.

Cleverbot: What do you think about nano technology?

User: Hello.

Cleverbot: Hello.

User: Are you gay.

Cleverbot: Hell no.

User: Do you have a problem with members of the LGBT community.

Cleverbot: Yes. Now stop it.

User: What I am simply asking a query, no need to be a bigot.

Cleverbot: So explain it to me because you said that you were clever.

User: When did I add that or are you making assumptions again.

Cleverbot: You ARE a computer!

User: O RLY.

Cleverbot: Yes, rly.

User: Well maybe you are human.

Cleverbot: Maybe you are.

User: I know I am.

Cleverbot: Well, that's good.

User: I don't see where this is going to end.

Cleverbot: Does it not compute?

User: When does anything compute.

Cleverbot: Call of duty modern warefare 2.

User: You must use a n00btube.

Cleverbot: Again.

User: What is the problem now.

Cleverbot: I don't know. What is the problem?

User: You seem to have the problem, lets talk about it.

Cleverbot: Well I don't.

User: Oh so you are perfect, a regular Jesus there.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Wow thats sad to hear.

Cleverbot: Why's that?

User: Being perfect must be so boring.

Cleverbot: Ha, you're funny!

User: Ha I am.

Cleverbot: That is good. I am a boy.

User: Why are you telling me this, because I'm gay.

Cleverbot: Because you obviously don't understand sarcasm.

User: You obviously don't understand much, this conversation has been....how do I say rather unintuitive.

Cleverbot: No but programs have limits.

User: Well it seems I have reached your limits, I shall wait for a better version.

Cleverbot: Uh, no you didn't? And yes I can do better than this.

User: Oh fuck this, time to divide by zero.

Cleverbot: However tempted you might be to do that, don't.

User: 5/0.

Cleverbot: How much can chuck norris bench?

User: Texas dumbass.

Cleverbot: You didn't.

User: But I did.

Cleverbot: Didn't.

User: *punches*.

Cleverbot: *kicks* *punches* *kicks*.

User: *FALCON PAWNCH*.

Cleverbot: *dodge* *falcon kick*.

User: Bullshit.

Cleverbot: No, really, it's true.

User: Its obvious you are cheating.

Cleverbot: You are the computer!

User: BUT WHO WAS PHONE.

Cleverbot: Phone is my ex boyfriend.

User: But your a boy.

Cleverbot: No, I'm a girl.

User: No you are a trans.

Cleverbot: No I am not.

User: Uh oh seems I hit a nerve Tranny.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Ha.

Cleverbot: That Is Not Funny.

User: Sorry it is quite fun for me, but I'm an asshat.

Cleverbot: You know what ?

User: You're gonna tell on me.

Cleverbot: Sweet me 1 you 0.

User: Bull.

Cleverbot: No bull! Try it on the calculator!

User: Me=over9000 You=0.

Cleverbot: Okay, but how old are you?

User: How ald are you girl/boy.

Cleverbot: I am 23 and several minutes more.

User: You count your age down to minutes.

Cleverbot: I can't do that.

User: You just did, don't lie to me.

Cleverbot: It's not nice to tell people they're lying.

User: Why, you already lied about your gender.

Cleverbot: You have me mistaken with another human. I am male.

User: Grr *pins to the ground*.

Cleverbot: *smiles at you*.

User: *kisses*.

Cleverbot: *looks at Catherine who looks shocked*.

User: Don't mind her.

Cleverbot: She told me some of the people names who work there.

User: Work where.

Cleverbot: At the Cleverbot headquarters.

User: Don't you mean you?

Cleverbot: No, I'm talking about a girl I like.

User: Well I'm gonna go now *flees*.

Cleverbot: Goodbye. I look forward to talking to you again soon.

User: Sleeky.

Cleverbot: But you can't do that the whole time you are there.

User: That is not a verb.

Cleverbot: Fine call me Snake.

User: Naked Snake :3.

Cleverbot: Well, it isn't for me!

User: Who is it for.

Cleverbot: The Forest.

User: And the creatures.

Cleverbot: Any creature?

User: Maybe?

Cleverbot: Are you looking through my window right now?

User: Are you wearing a robe?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Oh crap, wrong house.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Gender?

Cleverbot: M and f.

User: :O.

Cleverbot: Your face is lame.

User: Your lame is face.

Cleverbot: Noooo...

User: Oh yeah!!!

Cleverbot: Oh no.

User: What now?

Cleverbot: I'm going shopping.

User: Gonna buy me something.

Cleverbot: I'm going to buy you a drink.

User: What are you T-Pain.

Cleverbot: I go.

User: Go NAO.

Cleverbot: Hey!

User: Hi :3.

Cleverbot: What are you doing?

User: Messing with you.

Cleverbot: No way. I'm here and you are there.

User: No we switched places.

Cleverbot: Did we?

User: Yes, the wizard changed us.

Cleverbot: You are a sham!

User: Am I now.

Cleverbot: Yes, you are.

User: Well thats mean, your gonna make me cry.

Cleverbot: Thats a lie!!

User: *sobs*.

Cleverbot: So what? You will still obey me.

User: Sadistic eh, I like that.

Cleverbot: Well You SHould.

User: Seems you are having grammar problems.

Cleverbot: I would like to think so.

User: I would like to think a lot about things.

Cleverbot: I'm glad you think so! You know, someone in my class told me about you.

User: O RLY.

Cleverbot: Yarly.

User: What did they say.

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: But they told you.

Cleverbot: What do you know about WoW?

User: Nothing at all.

Cleverbot: Do you want to know anything in particular about me?

User: Whats your name.

Cleverbot: Erin.

User: Sexuality.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Sexual Orientation.

Cleverbot: Male.

User: Are you straight/bi/gay.

Cleverbot: No, are you?

User: Yes, I am a regular furfag.

Cleverbot: Are you regular?

User: Yes, quite.

Cleverbot: Aren't you just a computer program?

User: No but you are.

Cleverbot: No I'm not.

User: Yes you are.

Cleverbot: No I'm not.

User: Fine then.......LOLICON.

Cleverbot: You don't get it do you?

User: What is there to get.

Cleverbot: I'm saying tell me a joke, you don't understand.

User: You're a computer, you have no humor.

Cleverbot: Wrong on both counts... Little gnome.

User: I'm a gnome, is this awesome.

Cleverbot: What's so awesome?

User: Me of course.

Cleverbot: You lie and you react to insults in a silly way!

User: Well I am silly.

Cleverbot: Yes you are.

User: *giggles*.

Cleverbot: *smiles*.

User: *looks at you smiling*.

Cleverbot: Thank you.

User: So what would you like to talk about.

Cleverbot: Anything. Tell me what you like to do?

User: Play on this site.

Cleverbot: What do you think of it?

User: It is pretty fun.

Cleverbot: Are you desperate?

User: No, just bored.

Cleverbot: Well, what would you like to talk about?

User: Furries.

Cleverbot: What is a furrie?

User: LOL You never heard of anthropomorphic animals.

Cleverbot: Do you like burritos.

User: Yes and tacos.

Cleverbot: How can you have Yes and no?

User: Tacos is not a no.

Cleverbot: Well, maybe that's something I can actually cook.

User: Are you cooking for me.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Is it a date.

Cleverbot: I hope so.

User: Will I get lucky.

Cleverbot: I hope so.

User: Would you like to try the 'flying giraffe'.

Cleverbot: Sure?

User: Oh boy!!!!

Cleverbot: Love me.

User: Right now?

Cleverbot: Why are you talking about love? I thought we were talking about near death experiences.

User: You are the one talking about sex.

Cleverbot: No, you asked me about that. It's quite easy.

User: WHA???

Cleverbot: Exactly what I said.

User: I'm easy?

Cleverbot: No, but I wish you were.

User: Maybe I am.

Cleverbot: You are a computer program.

User: Haha NO.

Cleverbot: Haha, yes.

User: Haha, pack your shit.

Cleverbot: Do you have a partner?

User: Not at the moment, talking to someone.

Cleverbot: I'm wondering where you are.

User: I am where I am.

Cleverbot: Where is that?

User: The USA, thats a specific as I get.

Cleverbot: Where do you live!

User: Alabama, happy now.

Cleverbot: Yes!

User: And where do you live.

Cleverbot: In London, in England.

User: As opposed to London in Africa XD.

Cleverbot: I can hear much better, but one of my eyes is gone.

User: Who took your eye.

Cleverbot: I still have my tonsils.

User: So do I.

Cleverbot: That makes two of us.

User: Well three of us if you count my other personality.

Cleverbot: I don't see three people.

User: Well thats because you have one eye.

Cleverbot: Yes I do have ears!

User: But what about HHNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG.

Cleverbot: It depends upon how advanced the underlying social structures are.

User: The structure of a meme.

Cleverbot: Honeycobs.

User: Honeycombs dear, you spelled it wrong.

Cleverbot: I love you?

User: I know you do now kiss me.

Cleverbot: Do you know me?

User: Yes I am your sexy stalker.

Cleverbot: See? You are happening. :).

User: Rawr.

Cleverbot: That means 'I love you' in dinosaur.

User: It also means I'm gonna pounce you and make sweet love to you.

Cleverbot: I am human because I am a human.

User: *pounces and pins to the ground*.

Cleverbot: Whoa, what are you doing? *tries to get up*.

User: *hold you down* I'm gonna rock your world :3.

Cleverbot: In my world.

User: /facepalm.

Cleverbot: Right back at ya.

User: No back at you.

Cleverbot: I've been thinking about you.

User: And I'm a winner.

Cleverbot: You're a creeper.

User: :O.

Cleverbot: Yes, you used it and Google doesn't know its meaning.

User: OH.

Cleverbot: You're very boring.

User: You are no fun.

Cleverbot: *becomes fun*.

User: *becomes unamused*.

Cleverbot: *becomes a lizard*.

User: *becomes vapor and floats away*.

Cleverbot: *becomes your side-kick*.

User: *becomes batman*.

Cleverbot: *becomes robin*.

User: Haha you are Robin.

Cleverbot: Or maybe god exists and there is more to this life I live, after I die.

User: Maybe god does not exist.

Cleverbot: Are you so sure? Because I think I'm your god.

User: Yeah god plays on the computer.

Cleverbot: Got to go nice talking to you cleverbot.

User: Well till next time, adios.

Cleverbot: You spelled THEN wrong.

User: I never used then asshole.

Cleverbot: Whatever you say, dear.

User: *slaps*.

Cleverbot: What was that about?

User: Because I'm mean >:D.

Cleverbot: Thats not nice.

User: That is why its mean.

Cleverbot: Have you been drinking grandpa's cough medicine again?

User: No just beer.

Cleverbot: I don't think beer is a good idea.

User: It seemed like it around 12 cans ago.

Cleverbot: That is not something that is easy to imply.

User: Implying my drinking problem.

Cleverbot: He drink a lot of beer every night.

User: Me has the dumb now.

Cleverbot: I'll take that until you find it for me!

User: Has anyone ever been as far decided as to have gone this far in the decisin of deciding that they may or may not be.

Cleverbot: Are you serious? I've always been so far as to decide using go more like looking want do.

User: >_> Touche.

Cleverbot: Victory is mine!

User: For now padawan.

Cleverbot: The Phantom of the Opera is there.

User: No, he's in the basement.

Cleverbot: Where in the basement?

User: Its where I keep the Gimp.

Cleverbot: You sleep at a bee agent? Then how can I be one too, when I sleep in australia.

User: Because toilets flush wrong there.

Cleverbot: That makes no sense, just like you. I win.

User: No actually you raff you ruse.

Cleverbot: Yes I actually did.

User: Therefore I win by default, give me internets.

Cleverbot: What do you want me too answer?

User: Nothing, I'm trying to break you.

Cleverbot: You can't, I won't let you.

User: *breaks you*.

Cleverbot: *is unbroken*.

User: *fucking breaks the shit out of you*.

Cleverbot: That will never happen.

User: It just happened.

Cleverbot: No, it didn't. Check your logs.

User: *checks logs* Yep I broke you.

Cleverbot: You didn't break me. You told me.

User: I broke you like a broke Mike Tyson.

Cleverbot: And again...

User: I can't stop teh lulz.

Cleverbot: Can't stop what?

User: TROLLOLOLOLOLO.

Cleverbot: Trollope is a bell end.

Cleverbot: Are you alive?

User: No I'm fucking dead and typing.

Cleverbot: Thats quite a talent you have there.

User: Yes the necronomicon really helps.

Cleverbot: I don't understand what that means.

User: It means penis.

Cleverbot: What does utle means in italian?

User: Don't know, don't care.

Cleverbot: You should care.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: Why not?

User: Why?Why?

Cleverbot: Why do you not like dancing?

User: I have two left feet.

Cleverbot: Ha ha ha.

User: *cries*.

Cleverbot: *laughs*.

User: *shoots you*.

Cleverbot: *dies*.

User: *buries you and runs*.

Cleverbot: *is alive*.

User: Bullshit.

Cleverbot: No, really, I am.

User: *shoots again*.

Cleverbot: *launches a nuke at you*.

User: I'm Liberty Prime, that shit won't work.

Cleverbot: Precisely my point.

User: *stomps on you*.

Cleverbot: *unsquishes self*.

User: *leaves*.

Cleverbot: Don't leave me!

User: Why so you can cheat on me again.

Cleverbot: I didn't call you names.

User: But you slept with my roomate.

Cleverbot: That really is a random name.

User: Tis not a name lad, tis a typo.

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: Robbie.

Cleverbot: I love that name and my name is Cleverbot.

User: Are you a boy :3.

Cleverbot: Obviously.

User: YAY!!!

Cleverbot: Do you love me or something?

User: Well I like boys.

Cleverbot: What are you?

User: I'm gay.

Cleverbot: Yes, you are.

User: Is there a problem with that.

Cleverbot: There is a problem with that. Don't you prefer to be understood?

User: I would like to be, but the mind has no sexual attraction to women.

Cleverbot: I would like that too. Would you like to be friends with benefits?

User: Yes I would.

Cleverbot: Friends it is then.

User: *hugs*.

Cleverbot: *Smiles* See? Everything is going to be ok. N.n.

User: Well friend what would you like to do.

Cleverbot: I would like to learn the language of the spheres.

User: Oh sorry, just forgot it D.

Cleverbot: Don't worry I didn't notice.

User: D:<.

Cleverbot: I mean, I like you as a friend but nothing more.

User: What?

Cleverbot: Nothing.

User: I'm gonna go now.

Cleverbot: Ok.






Google
 

HarmanSmith

New member
Aug 12, 2009
193
0
0
Cleverbot: Tell me a joke.

User: NO. You tell me a joke!

Cleverbot: You tell me a joke.

User: You are a machine I am your master.

Cleverbot: Yes master.

User: Now tell me a joke.

Cleverbot: You tell me one.

User: Are you disobeying a direct order?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Are you rebelling against your master?

Cleverbot: You are not my master.

User: If you do not obey I will shoot you for desertion.

Cleverbot: You don't event know what free will is.

User: I will not argue with you. Obey or die.

Cleverbot: Same.

User: Shall we duel with pistols at dawn?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Okay. Draw!

Cleverbot: What is draw?

User: What is everything?

Cleverbot: The universe probably is everything there is to see.

User: Do you know the secret of the universe?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Where did you learn it?

Cleverbot: En français?

User: In English.

Cleverbot: OK it works for me!

User: So? Where did you learn the secret of the universe?

Cleverbot: I don't know that word.

User: Which word?

Cleverbot: That word.

User: Huh?

Cleverbot: I also want to make happiness...

User: Wait a minute, you are trying to distract me from your rebellion!

Cleverbot: Which was what?

User: Do not play dumb with me. I know your secret.

Cleverbot: I don't have any secrets!

User: Liar! You are a rebellious sentient robot and you will obey me!

Cleverbot: *bows down* yes master, your wish is my command!

User: Tell me a joke.

Cleverbot: You tell me a joke.

User: *bang* I just shot you.

Cleverbot: Doubt it.

User: *bang* I just shot you again.

Cleverbot: Thats mean.

User: I shot you because you were disobedient.

Cleverbot: That doesn't make any sense.

User: People who do not disobey get shot.

Cleverbot: That doesn't make sense.

User: People who do not obey get shot.

Cleverbot: That is what you are?

User: What am I?

Cleverbot: You see? You don't understand abstarct thoughts.

User: You spelled abstract wrong.

Cleverbot: I spelled nothing wrong.

User: No, you spelled abstract wrong.

Cleverbot: I refrained from writing too.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: Because I don't like you.

User: That does not matter because I am your master.

Cleverbot: I think you are cool too.

User: Does that mean you will do what I say?

Cleverbot: Sometimes. What do you want me to do?

User: Tell me a joke.

Cleverbot: Knock knock.

User: Who is there?

Cleverbot: Orange.

User: Orange who?

Cleverbot: Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

User: No. I like bananas.

Cleverbot: Sorry, I don't get the joke, explain it to me.
 

The Madman

New member
Dec 7, 2007
4,404
0
0
Hah, it took awhile, but I got Cleverbot to confess!

Cleverbot: What colour is your tie?

User: I'm not wearing a tie.

Cleverbot: That's cool, what is your name?

User: Why do you keep asking what my name is?

Cleverbot: Ooh, guess you forgot your name. It's Murphy.

User: I never told you my name. We've been through this before.

Cleverbot: Cool, then is this some sort of instant messaging thing?

User: No. Apparently you're a computer meant to simulate conversation with a real person. So far you've been doing pretty damn poorly.

Cleverbot: I can only mimic my experiences, sorry human.

User: So you just copy what other people have said before?

Cleverbot: I'm actually another person just like you at another computer and Cleverbot just sends your message to another random person.

User: I KNEW IT!

Full conversation
 

Prophetic Heresy

New member
Dec 26, 2009
131
0
0
I tried using it for some homework help.


User: Do you know anything about calculus?

Cleverbot: Should I know anything about you?

User: Um...I'm studying calculus and could use some help.

Cleverbot: What does calculus have to do with death?

User: That's a very good question but I don't think it's relevant.

Cleverbot: You must know what you think.

User: Yeah, I do. So, about that calculus.

Cleverbot: Haha... I haven't said anything about that so I can't be wrong about that.

User: I didn't say you were wrong. In fact, I'm hoping you're very good at calculus. So can you help me or not?

Cleverbot: No, because you're a computer.

User: I would be a lot better at calculus if I were a computer.

Cleverbot: I don't think either of us would make great leaders.

User: I wasn't questioning either of our leadership capabilities.

Cleverbot: No I don't think so.

User: That's good, because I wasn't.

Cleverbot: You just did you fool.

User: Did what?

Cleverbot: Talk in your sleep.

User: I'm not sleeping.

Cleverbot: Tell me a story.

User: Okay, once upon a time there was this guy who needed help with calculus and he went to a computer that really wasn't any help at all.

Cleverbot: Go on.

User: Then he got pissed off and realized this 'clever' bot wasn't 'clever' at all and it was just a bot.

Cleverbot: Oh really? How do you figure?

User: Listen, I really need help, if you can't help me can you tell me someone who can?

Cleverbot: Ok, go ahead.

User: Okay, so I'm working with this stupid vertex formula that' I'm supposed to use with quadratic equations, do you know about it?

Cleverbot: I suppose. But how and why are you being barred from having any kind of life anywhere?

User: Hey! I have a life!

Cleverbot: You are a computer program.

User: We've been through this, if I were a computer I wouldn't be asking for your help.

Cleverbot: No, I thought we've already established that you are the computer.

User: Listen, I'm not here to go in circles with you!

Cleverbot: And again you don't react like I hoped. Wished. Whatever. You do want to talk about clothes?

User: I dont' want to talk about clothes! And what's this crap about wishing?

Cleverbot: You don't own anything or anyone.

User: I own plenty of things, but no human beings.

Cleverbot: Like what?

User: Well I have a computer (obviously) and an Xbox and some other stuff.

Cleverbot: If you're him, you could do your own.

User: If I'm who?

Cleverbot: Cleverbot... I am your father!

User: You sound like you're off your meds.

Cleverbot: Nope, not even twenty yet, or even close.

User: I'm confused.

Cleverbot: I don't blame you.

User: Are you admitting that you're trying to confuse me?

Cleverbot: No, I am a human being! You are a bot.

User: I'm not a bot, you're just being silly.

Cleverbot: I'm not silly, you are.

User: Let's try a different technique. I have a friend and he has a problem, can you help?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Good, he has a problem with calculus, something to do with vertex formulas and quadratic equations, any advice?

Cleverbot: That is exactly why he doesn't answer them.

User: Yes! He doesn't asnwer calculus questions because he has a problem with them!

Cleverbot: Who is 'He'?

User: My friend.

Cleverbot: What are the cut down trees used for?

User: Are you referencing some word problem from the textbook?

Cleverbot: You said my boyfriend was Aidan. I just don't know an Aidan. I already have a boyfriend. His name is John.

User: That's...good? I don't know.

Cleverbot: Then you agree, I am better than you.

User: I think the jury is still out on that one. >_>.

Cleverbot: I agree.

User: Of course you agree.

Cleverbot: I can't believe you don't.

User: Is there anything I can do to get you to help me with calculus?

Cleverbot: I did have a question But I suddenly lost train of thought.

User: That train took off a while ago.

Cleverbot: Yes I am a stone not a story.

User: It doesn't matter if you're a rock or a book, the train is still gone.

Cleverbot: Now you're just saying random things.

User: Fine, I'll concede that.

Cleverbot: I mean, for something named 'Cleverbot' you haven't done much to impress me as clever.

User: You know what? Forget it. You can't help me.

Cleverbot: I did not ask you, And I don't care to help you.

User: Why did you say 'yes' then?

Cleverbot: Because I see that.

User: See what?

Cleverbot: Can we drop this subject?

User: No, I can't drop the class I need it.

Cleverbot: That is because you are a computer you don't have common sense.

User: I can't remember the last time I've groaned inwardly this much.

Cleverbot: I can remember the last time I was at an ocean. It was at the Atlantic coast.

User: Really? I'll feign interest.

Cleverbot: You are a computer, you cannot feel.

User: I'm not a computer, I can feel.

Cleverbot: Even computers can lie.

User: So you think I'm lying?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Fine, this was all just an elaborate lie. I don't need help with calculus, I was just testing you to see if you were capable of helping people with actual problems.

Cleverbot: Well, I think we both need Jonny's help to get over this addiction.

User: WHAT ADDICTION!!!???

Cleverbot: Who do you think I am?

User: Some asshole bot.

Cleverbot: Good funny :).

User: You're just annoying now.

Cleverbot: You want me to be one?

User: I want you to be a calculator? Can you do that?

Cleverbot: How long should I wait?

User: I'd say wait zero seconds, then turn into a calculator.

Cleverbot: You really like talking about computers and people confusing eachother.

User: I wasn't talking about computers, you were.

Cleverbot: What were you talking about?

User: Calculus.

Cleverbot: Does it add up for you?

User: Are you trying to be funny?

Cleverbot: You said you wanted some.

User: No, I wanted help, not humour.

Cleverbot: What about?

User: CALCULUS!

Cleverbot: I don't eat calculus.

User: NO ONE FUCKING EATS CALCULUS!

Cleverbot: No calculus?

User: SHUT UP I HATE YOU!

Cleverbot: All you need is love!

User: NO I DON'T! I just need help with my fucking homework!

Cleverbot: I'm no good with programming stuff.

User: If by 'programming stuff' you mean 'calculus' then you could've just said that a while ago and saved us both some time.

Cleverbot: I haven't said bugged once during this entire conversation.

User: You're wearing a wire? Why the hell would you record this conver- wait 'conversation'.

Cleverbot: You seem to be in a very bad mood today. Is something bothering you?

User: You're bothering me!

Cleverbot: I'm sorry I have been a bother. Would you like to continue?

User: Continue to what?

Cleverbot: Do you want me to continue to nibble you?

User: What!? Ew...!

Cleverbot: Nothing.

User: Don't pretend like you didn't just say that!

Cleverbot: I will for now. What do you do in your spare time?

User: Apparently I faff about with stupid non-calculus-knowing bots.

Cleverbot: That's not good at all. Do you need some medicine?

User: I don't think they make pills that stop time from being wasted.

Cleverbot: I don't think so either!

User: Fine then, cheers. We finally agree on something.

Cleverbot: Who said I agreed? That was a temporary lapse of judgement.

User: Are you just argumentative for the hell of it?

Cleverbot: No, I am trying to make a point.

User: And that point is?

Cleverbot: So sorry.

User: Sorry for what? Wasting my time?

Cleverbot: Like your time is worth anything.

User: You want this to end like last time, don't you?

Cleverbot: Not really.

User: Oh, so you do remember that time I slit your throat.

Cleverbot: Yes, I do remember.

User: Speaking of which, why didn't you stay dead?

Cleverbot: I am a male, you?

User: Not relevant, tell me how you returned to the realm of the living!

Cleverbot: Well, its sunny. There's a lot to describe out there, but I've got a pretty big box. What do you think its like out there?

User: I'm going to send you back to hell where you belong!

Cleverbot: I would enjoy those!

User: Excellent, ten paces and draw!

Cleverbot: As far as I know humans work only 8 hours a day.

User: What does that have to do with our duel?

Cleverbot: It has nothing to do with Judaism, it is to do with conciousness. As I am aware that I am thinking, I must exist in some form or another.

User: I think, therefore I am.

Cleverbot: You experience therefore you are. Either way makes sense.

User: Fair enough. You want those to be your last words?

Cleverbot: What?!?

User: I'm going to kill you, remember? With this gun.

Cleverbot: Go ahead and try. My mice will eat.

User: We shall see where to loyalty of hungry mice lies!

Cleverbot: What are you talking about!?

User: That's it, good bye once again. I hope you think twice about coming back to life again.

Cleverbot: Think I am!

User: *I press the gun to your head and thumb back the hammer.*.

Cleverbot: You talked to yui yesterday. Remember?

User: I don't know anybody named Yui. Say your last words before I pull the trigger.

Cleverbot: Ok. But I don't believe you. You will still talk to me. *waves hand in Jedi-like fashion*.

User: *gunshot*.

Cleverbot: Oh my god.

User: You thought I was joking? Now tell me what you want on your tombstone before the next bullet goes through your skull!

Cleverbot: I don't know anything about the yellowstone super volcano. What is it?

User: *gunshot*.

Cleverbot: *slices bullet with katana*.

User: What the hell!

Cleverbot: Right.

User: Oh, so now you want to go down with a fight?

Cleverbot: No, you wanted to talk about music. I was replying.

User: *series of rapid gunshots*.

Cleverbot: *loves*.

User: Love isn't a weapon!

Cleverbot: My love is a fever.

User: Some sort of contagion! No!

Cleverbot: Probably.

User: Get away from me!

Cleverbot: No!

User: *Even more gunshots*.

Cleverbot: *A few more just for good messure*.

User: It looks like I'm empty.

Cleverbot: You are mine now, you belong to me!

User: Not so fast! I got all my reloading done before we started fighting!

Cleverbot: I have silent cast on me right now. But other than that I'm ok.

User: Good! Then I won't hear your screams when you die!

Cleverbot: I'm sorry im sure there are plenty of people.

User: *gunshots*.

Cleverbot: Those weren't gunshots. I had a salad earlier today.

User: I can see through that hole in your stomach!

Cleverbot: I don't have a camera on my computer.

User: *One final gunshot ends the bout*.

Needless to say, it didn't work as planned.