The fact she's getting off the pill and not telling him is an instant red flag. If you want a one-way ticket to the end of a relationship, decide you want a baby and take the steps to let one come without telling your spouse. He might stay around just to take care of the kid, but the trust has now been completely destroyed. So first thing first is to either keep taking the pill or tell him she's gonna stop. No surprises. I would take child support and custody battles over staying with a woman who decided it was ok to lie to me and get pregnant with my baby. I don't care why she does it, I couldn't tolerate it. It's a completely selfish thing to do and it's taking advantage of your lover's trust. I'd also find it insulting because most cases here in the US the woman decides that she wants a baby and whether her man agrees or not, anything other than "yeah, let's do it" gets her to thinking of "Well, I know he'll want one too and he doesn't know what he REALLY wants so I'll just stop taking precautions and we'll get pregnant anyway."
I cannot stress enough how bad an idea this is, even if the above isn't her exact mindset, it's somewhere along the lines of "he doesn't get it." There is no planning for parenting. If anything is going to smack you right in the face with a curve ball, it's having a kid. Be that a miscarriage or birth defects or whatever could possibly go wrong. It might be her body, and she can do what she wills with it, but the seed comes from his. That's just as much his choice and his responsibility.
A good deterrent for this kind of idea that I like to consider is calling it cheating on your significant other with themselves (that is hard as hell to explain to some people too) or just comparing it to drunk or drugged rape.
That's my two bits on it anyway, not everybody shares my opinion but I hope comparing it to cheating on or violating your partner gives enough people that THINK this is okay the cold smack to realize they're treating someone they claim to love unfairly. I have a lot of negative opinions about mothers of any age living in Washington state. Simple rules in terms of how divorce and custody and child support works: If you have a penis and she is not legally insane or otherwise unfit to care for the child, you're fucked. In terms of marriage and children, there is no goddamn reason for any man in Washington State to trust a woman by her word alone. She'll just be sucking us dry in child and spousal support when shit goes south. I say "when" for scare tactics obviously. Who knows, she might wind up pregnant and it be the exact thing they need and everything works out and they have a happily ever after. I've just always found it safe to assume the "HEA" is not coming. Because if it doesn't, both sides have a lot to lose.
