UPDATED!!!! Is she being selfish to want a baby??

[Spacelord]

Obviously she's asked me to keep it secret

Fail. Fail, fail, a hundred times fail. You do not do things like this to your partner. That is complete and utter deceptive bullshit, which is clearly a great foundation for a relationship that's about to get bombed by a fucking accidental baby.

Seriously, what in the Hell is wrong with your friend?

THIS. SERIOUSLY. NO. NONONO. That's fucking depraved.

If she's on the pill and is thinking of going off it, she has a responsibility to tell him. You don't just decide to have a baby without going in on it together.

TERRIBLE fucking idea.

-m

I subscribe wholeheartedly to this.

She'll destroy more than a few lives if she goes through with this.

 

[Eduku]

Whoa, he's 19? Hell, I'm 19 and I haven't even considered getting into a serious relationship, let alone having a baby.

Anyway, the fact is that she is essentially deceiving him into having a baby, which is really wrong IMO. On top of that, if I might add some of my own judgement on top of that, I think it's far too early to have a baby, especially considering that he's in uni. He should really stabilise his own life first before creating another one.

 

[TheDoctor455]

Hmm... yeah... that does sound pretty selfish.
And it wasn't as though her partner had said "No, I never want a kid"
just "Not right now".

So why the hell can't she just wait until both of them are ready for it?

 

[GBlair88]

Waiting a year or two for them to get some money would be the sensible thing to do.

 

[TheRealCJ]

It is her choice to stop taking birth control.

Legally she has done nothing wrong.

Yeah, her actions could hurt people, but it is still her choice.

I'm not endorsing the behavior - I think it's a terrible idea.

The moment her actions can pretty much destroy 2 lives it's no longer "her choice".

Doesn't matter how much you dislike it, hun, it is still her choice; there is no law against not taking birth control and failing to tell a sexual partner.

Depends on where you live. In Australia, lying about not using birth control, be it pills or a condom, is illegal. Best case scenario; the father accepts repsonsibility. Worst case; he takes the matter to court, and sucsessfully renounce all claims to the baby, including child support.

Worst worst case scenario; he chooses to go to the police, and it becomes a rape charge.


also, I do rather love the double standard here. what if the roles were reversed, and the man secretly started not using condoms? you'd cry foul so fast we would even have time to say "dr Phil".

Nope. I live in Australia and I know for a fact that it is legal to not inform a sexual partner you are choosing not to take birth control.

If the genders were reversed I'd feel the exact same, thank you.

Please refrain for assumptions

Hmm, perhaps only in Queensland then.

 

[Shynobee]

Yeah, I definetly wouldn't want a kid if he's still at University... that is a huge risk. I would tell your friend about this little scheme ASAP.

 

[cainstwin]

Hoo doggy...here's a piece of perspective from a guy who's been in a similar situation (gee, how many of th...never mind.)

Anyway, back in '01 I was in a bad relationship with a nutty girl. Major self-esteem issues, really. And she didn't want me to leave her. So she thought it would be a good idea to go off her birth control and not inform me of this fact.

Well, sure enough, frequent sex + the gods' intended result of same meant that she was pregnant the very first month. What she didn't count on was that she had a guy in her life who, well...didn't take too kindly to that. And by "didn't take too kindly" I mean I said and did some things that I probably should've been arrested for and locked up for domestic violence.

Anyway, long story short, after some "convincing" she ended up at Planned Parenthood, I wouldn't give her the time of day afterward, and I've become, well...less trusting these days.

So you were fucking her without a condom, and when she got pregnant you hit her and bullied her into having an abortion.

But, you know, she's the monster.

Nice.

Im glad i don't live in your world where trust doesn't seem to exist.
And what he did was wrong and not the best way to deal with the situation but feeling deceived by anyone you trust (let alone love) can be incredibly painful.
Also in reference to the post you got banned for you corrected someone for saying "Sprayed with chemicals" as that wasn't how the pill worked, did you check the way you spelled it in the post he quoted?

 

[Phenakist]

By all means they could aim to have the baby popping out the day after graduation, but before such would be stupid, and counterproductive, and yes, while it is her choice, her body etc. etc. etc. Give us guys a choice too Oh, wait, that's why they invented condoms... nevermind...

 

[Latman2k]

Answer to me is pretty obvious. She is 20 she is not ready for a baby. They have been together 9 months they are not ready for a baby. She has not told the partner she is not mature enough to have a baby. He does not have the means to provide a child with adequate care they are not ready for a baby. I could go all day with this, the right answer is to sit them both down, explain to them both everything they are doing and when she blows up put that girl in her place because she has no right to be upset with you when she asked you to help her sabotage her relationship and when you refuse for you to be upset.

P.S from a male perspective if I found out about this I would walk away, and when the child was born I would take it away from her through the court system.

 

[pdgeorge]

She didnt tell him she was off the pill.

That's enough to say "Not kool"

It's like if a guy was having sex with a chick but used the 'invisible condom' thing (Oh it's ok, I have a condom on, but it's so thin you can't see it)

 

[adderseal]

Having a kid at 20 will ruin your life. FACT. You're only young once and you don't want to spend it looking after a kid. Wait until your 30s.

 

[wolf92]

She is tossing his future away so she can get what she wants, and after giving her a reason why they should not and she still continues to attempt to get pregnant.

So she is lying and destroying his future so she can have a baby? Yaaaaah I have a feeling this will not end well.

Yeah, nothing good can come of this

 

[silasbufu]

9 months is not a long term relationship.

Ultimately its both of their choices but i would suggest living life a bit before jumping into something that will rule the way the entire rest of you life will play out.

And if she stops taking the pill without telling the guy she is fucking evil

Nothing? Her life, her choice.

What about his life?

and what about the babys life?

Its her choice... but I think tricking her boyfriend is a very hurtful thing to do, I very much want a child of my own but I would feel betrayed if I had a girlfriend who secretly stopped taking contraceptives in order for me to impregnate her. It could easily destroy their relationship. They should wait until they have finished uni and he has a secure job.

No its not her choice

There is no baby! She's not even pregnant yet, so you're talking about an idea of a baby, which is not even an argument.
Not to mention that he didn't even finish Uni, no steady job, shouldn't a baby be brought in a safe and pleasant environment in which the parents can provide anything he needs?
In my country some children don't even know what candy is; they are also forced by their parents at an early age to beg for money on the streets and in subways;
I know the idea of having a baby is pretty and pink with flowers, but there's more to it.

 

[Th37thTrump3t]

Should probably get married first. Then again I'm only 15 so what the hell do I know about this crap right?

 

[sabercrusader]

Why is all the blame put on the girl? The guy is spineless and can't make a decision. Likely scared he'll loose her and says he's ok with accidental pregnancy.

I don't think they should have kids, but if he's just going to let her do what she wants then that's their problem. Be a good friend give your 2 cents and let them do what they want as stupid as it may be. It work itself out. I think most people don't plan pregnancy anyways.

"Why is all the blame put on the girl?"

Becuase she is deciving him into having a baby. He wants to finish college first and get a stable job so he can do all he can for the babys future, and she is going to throw it all away becuase she isn't patient. She is going to ruin her life, her boyfriends life, and the babys life. It's best not to rush decisions for this kind of stuff and him being undecided has nothing to do with him being spineless.

 

[spartan1077]

She is being selfish but not telling but don't tell him. Just tell her that she needs to tell him or you will(but dont actually).

 

[Superbeast]

Doesn't matter how much you dislike it, hun, it is still her choice; there is no law against not taking birth control and failing to tell a sexual partner.

Actually that is highly dependant on where you live - I see in a later post that you stated "not in Australia", though some other Australians appear to dissent (whomever it was that posted "maybe only in Queensland).

The original poster is from the UK - so I am assuming that her friend/the couple are in the UK to. In light of that, I would like to direct you to post 36:

She does realize that there is a chance of a rape conviction under UK law[footnote]http://www.rjerrard.co.uk/law/cases/linekar.htm[/footnote], right? Does she really want a baby so bad she's willing to risk having that baby in prison?
[sub]I'll admit that it's unlikely, but there's a serious argument valid under UK law that your friend is committing rape.[/sub]

So does that change your (Pirate Kitty, not Dags90) opinion on the moral/legal side, given that *potentially* she would be committing an illegal act by intentionally deceiving her partner regarding contraception?

 

[Svenparty]

Obviously she's asked me to keep it secret

What a good job you did of that!

By the way your friend is pure Evil she is forcing him to take part in creating a virus...






.....She is like The Umbrella Corporation with a uterus.