UPDATED!!!! Is she being selfish to want a baby??

[sycoesis]

he should know then they should talk about it and you should make them cookies and them mail me cookies for posting a near worthless comment on this thread.

seriously though a child should not be conceived unless both parents are aware and willing and able to deal with and care for and love there child and i said and alot in this post...and goodbye and good luck

 

[The Atomic Irishman]

Ruinign life for the sake of life, is no life at all.(qtd. Anon)

 

[capin Rob]

Yes, she is being selfish, and she is stupid for wanting a Kid at 20, No two ways about it, I can't believe someone Could treat such an Important matter like a trival Day-to-Day decision.

 

[the_pleasure_is_mine]

Almost? What else is there?

Nothing, you are never ready to have a baby.

The best you can hope for is to be almost ready.

 

[DemonicVixen]

I don't understand how it could be rape. I'm trying, but I don't see it. Help me out here - I'm curious.

If it isn't illegal where she lives then she has the right to continue with her plans.

If it is, well then I hope criminal justice takes its course.

If the consent is given only through fraud, then it's not considered legally valid consent in the same way that consent under duress isn't valid.
Right now it's not well established in many places; it's not explicitly legal or illegal. From what little I've read on UK law, it could be argued that consent is invalid from this passage of the Sexual Offenses Act of 2003:

(2)The circumstances are that?

(a)the defendant intentionally deceived the complainant as to the nature or purpose of the relevant act;

(b)the defendant intentionally induced the complainant to consent to the relevant act by impersonating a person known personally to the complainant.

So it seems her friend may have in fact committed rape, because she's intentionally deceiving her boyfriend into thinking the purpose of the sex is pleasure and intimacy, when she's trying to have a baby. This is the same thing that makes it presumably illegal to say mislead someone into having sex under the guise of medical treatment or whatever else.

Did he ask if she was taking birth-control?

If he didn't, I wouldn't consider it rape.

He hadnt asked her. And as i also mentioned. He often slept with her KNOWINGLY when she wasnt taking the pill, which is what has confused her into thinking he wants a kid but isnt sure at the same time. Now she's just decided to give up the pill, but...

UPDATE!!

She's told me that if he ASKS if she's taken her pill or if she has been, then she'll tell him truthfully that no she hasnt. She's twisted the story slightly in the terms that she doesnt want the pill or any form of contraception messing with her body. She wants nature to take its course. If he doesnt accept that then he can choose to use condoms but she isnt going to impose it on him...
She's discussed having a child with him again the other day, and he's admited that he'd be happy with a kid, but he's just worried about the child's future. She's decided that she can make it work, and so is still continuing her plan.

I should also tell you all, this boy would NEVER considering getting this girl arrested, you have no idea how much they dote on each other. Yes, he might be angry and hurt, but even i believe that if she's planned this properly, it may just well turn out for the better for them both. As for the child, of course she's considered ITS life also, however sadly she's listened to me far too much. I was brought up on benefits. I learned not to want and need too much, and too be honest its the best life to have for a child. As long as she's not fighting to pay bills or buy food, clothing and other necessaries, and can buy the odd treats for the bairn, i honestly dont think that is an issue.

Both have loving and helpful families which would provide support if she does fall pregnant, and i know also that I and several other of our friends can also pitch in when and if needed.

 

[DemonicVixen]

You said the guy doesn't care if they have sex unprotected and doesn't seem standoffish when she talks about having a kid.

Even though she's being stupid, her partner needs to be more clear in laying down the law on sex. Unprotected? Don't do it! If she jokes, he needs to laugh and tell her "after college".
The guy needs to let her know more firmly "No babies until college is over!"

But selfish? I would say so. She wants a kid, but he doesn't (?). Tell her to get back on the pill and just wait. If she waits she can give her kid a better life.

Also, if her maternal instincts are really kicking in that bad, let her boyfriend get her a pet. Raising a pet will keep her mind off of having children for a while.

Thats the problem. He doesnt seem to care. He isnt firm with her, he listens to her side of the story, and shrugs as if to say "ok". She's told him that she doesnt think he's being firm enough, that he doesnt seem to care whether their unprotected or not, but he doesnt have an answer for it, and continues to do it anyway.
I've told her to wait, but as mentioned in the previous comment i made, she's got it into her head that because i feel bringing a child up on a reasonably wage (not poverty but not rich either) is ok, she's trying to follow my book and i cant get her off that page =(

Also, she has 5 pets. 2 cats and 3 rabbits. She got the rabbits as "substitutes" because they can almost be like kids sometimes (i can agree with my 5 lol)... but its begining to wear off. Pets are NOT kids and she wants the real thing.

 

[Hairetos]

Nothing? Her life, her choice.

Uh, no. I think he would beg to differ. Think about it. She has the kid that he doesn't want. At best, they get a divorce and he gets smacked by child support. At worst, he grits his teeth his whole life and the kid has daddy issues.

She's being a *****.

 

[Agayek]

She's definitely being selfish. She's blatantly disregarding his opinion on the matter, and is clearly not thinking things through.

She really needs to either accept the lack of baby-age, or at the very least tell her boyfriend she's off birth control.

 

[ThePurpleStuff]

That's fucking nuts, I'm 18 right now and the very last, last thought in my brain is to have children, I want to make sure I'm physically, emotionally, mentally and financially ready to ever bring a kid into the world. She's being too selfish to keep the relationship going, save them both and tell her man the truth, you may break them up but it's better than having them possibly lose everything in their lives thanks to a new baby. That's what I would do if I was in your current situation. It's the right thing to do, don't worry if they get mad or upset, you did what was right.

 

[Android2137]

She's 20?

Well it's her choice, but I think it's way too early, finish your courses, get into a stable job, have enough money to do something crazy, then you're almost ready to have a baby.

Almost? What else is there?

Nothing. I don't think anyone is ever really ready to have a baby, or at least not the first time. No matter how much money you save up, no matter how secure your job is, there's no way you can be ready for something that cries several times at night, is very very messy and hopelessly dependant for several years, eventually becoming a rebellious teenager, and venting your frustration on it will result in incarceration. (I'm not saying that there aren't good things involved with having children either, but you gotta admit that the cons are difficult to deal with.)

 

[Android2137]

He often slept with her KNOWINGLY when she wasnt taking the pill, which is what has confused her into thinking he wants a kid but isnt sure at the same time. Now she's just decided to give up the pill, but...

UPDATE!!

She's told me that if he ASKS if she's taken her pill or if she has been, then she'll tell him truthfully that no she hasnt. She's twisted the story slightly in the terms that she doesnt want the pill or any form of contraception messing with her body. She wants nature to take its course. If he doesnt accept that then he can choose to use condoms but she isnt going to impose it on him...
She's discussed having a child with him again the other day, and he's admited that he'd be happy with a kid, but he's just worried about the child's future. She's decided that she can make it work, and so is still continuing her plan.

I should also tell you all, this boy would NEVER considering getting this girl arrested, you have no idea how much they dote on each other. Yes, he might be angry and hurt, but even i believe that if she's planned this properly, it may just well turn out for the better for them both. As for the child, of course she's considered ITS life also, however sadly she's listened to me far too much. I was brought up on benefits. I learned not to want and need too much, and too be honest its the best life to have for a child. As long as she's not fighting to pay bills or buy food, clothing and other necessaries, and can buy the odd treats for the bairn, i honestly dont think that is an issue.

Both have loving and helpful families which would provide support if she does fall pregnant, and i know also that I and several other of our friends can also pitch in when and if needed.

...That makes things a LOT more complicated. I still think she's being selfish, but his attitude certainly isn't helping either.

 

[Jaygee02]

...
She's told me that if he ASKS if she's taken her pill or if she has been, then she'll tell him truthfully that no she hasnt. She's twisted the story slightly in the terms that she doesnt want the pill or any form of contraception messing with her body. She wants nature to take its course. If he doesnt accept that then he can choose to use condoms but she isnt going to impose it on him...

Not telling is pretty much lying anyway. If she is in any way serious about the relationship she should just straight out say she is not taking the pill, and let him decide what he wants. ANY other action, AT ALL, is deceiving him. That's like saying that you'll tell your partner truthfully you have AIDS, IF he happens to ask.

 

[Aethren]

If she can't even tell him of her actions, she is far too young and far too stupid to have a baby at this point in time. She'll be a single mother by 21 if she does this.

 

[PurplePlatypus]

He hadnt asked her. And as i also mentioned. He often slept with her KNOWINGLY when she wasnt taking the pill, which is what has confused her into thinking he wants a kid but isnt sure at the same time. Now she's just decided to give up the pill, but...

UPDATE!!

She's told me that if he ASKS if she's taken her pill or if she has been, then she'll tell him truthfully that no she hasnt. She's twisted the story slightly in the terms that she doesnt want the pill or any form of contraception messing with her body. She wants nature to take its course. If he doesnt accept that then he can choose to use condoms but she isnt going to impose it on him...
She's discussed having a child with him again the other day, and he's admited that he'd be happy with a kid, but he's just worried about the child's future. She's decided that she can make it work, and so is still continuing her plan.

I should also tell you all, this boy would NEVER considering getting this girl arrested, you have no idea how much they dote on each other. Yes, he might be angry and hurt, but even i believe that if she's planned this properly, it may just well turn out for the better for them both. As for the child, of course she's considered ITS life also, however sadly she's listened to me far too much. I was brought up on benefits. I learned not to want and need too much, and too be honest its the best life to have for a child. As long as she's not fighting to pay bills or buy food, clothing and other necessaries, and can buy the odd treats for the bairn, i honestly dont think that is an issue.

Both have loving and helpful families which would provide support if she does fall pregnant, and i know also that I and several other of our friends can also pitch in when and if needed.

Oh for fucks sake.
Someone needs to slap the both of them out of their stupidity. Does he actually want to finish his education? Does he actually care if they can support the child or is he just pussy footing around saying no? That or he actually doesn?t care about such things. Oh they are both so not ready or mature enough to be raising a child.

And I don?t care for her excuses, she should be giving him the bloody heads up.

 

[onenewmember]

i read the title and realize this will be one giant prick in the all the wimens mouths that go onto this sight so hopefully im going to end it... if wimen want to have a baby then they can but they dont think ahead and they dont ask there husbands or boyfriends if they would want one to and if he doesn't then he will super-glue a condom to his dick and see how she likes it. this is actually the thing that might break you up so i would be only saying it would be selfish to cup up his sperm and shove it up her razer filled vagina

 

[Digitaldreamer7]

He broke rule #1... Always use your personal stash of contraceptives, never, never, never trust a woman to bring the contraceptives.. EVER

 

[Hammer's Girl]

i read the title and realize this will be one giant prick in the all the wimens mouths that go onto this sight so hopefully im going to end it... if wimen want to have a baby then they can but they dont think ahead and they dont ask there husbands or boyfriends if they would want one to and if he doesn't then he will super-glue a condom to his dick and see how she likes it. this is actually the thing that might break you up so i would be only saying it would be selfish to cup up his sperm and shove it up her razer filled vagina

... Sorry, trying to make sense of that but the complete lack of spelling or grammar makes it a bit tricky. I know I'm not the best in the world at spelling but I can at least spell 'women'.

I find it really quite offensive that you would suggest that all women on this site are in some way planning to decieve their partners into concieving a child. I'm in almost the exact same situation as the girl in question here (Uni, age, length of relationship), right down the the broody-ness. My partner and I have talked about it and decided that we will wait until we have finished University and have stable jobs before trying for a baby. I would NEVER consider stopping my contraception without telling him.

The first sentence makes no sense either, how has this got anything to do with felatio? Or are you just making childish sexual references because you can?

Also - 'her razar (sic) filled vagina'?!? Have you ever been near a woman's genitals? Not somewhere I would be putting razor blades. That comment is just rude and offensive for the sake of it.