UPDATED!!!! Is she being selfish to want a baby??
- Thread starter DemonicVixen
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That right there makes her completely unfit to be a mother, not even taking into consideration that 19 is way too young to be having a kid.DemonicVixen said:
Emotional strain a baby would do to the guy? What about the emotional strain of its selfish liar of a mother?
The fact that you're still friends with this girl after being told this, and even moreso the fact you're actually confused about what to do makes you at least as bad too. Seriously, do you have any idea how immoral what she's doing is?
If I were in your shoes I'd tell her that she does need to take a second and think about it. There is a lifetime ahead of her and if things aren't stable now then maybe it's not such a good idea.
My friends are similar age (20+21) and thinking about kids, though they've both talked about it with each other and come to an agreement. She wants it as soon as possible, but unfortunately he's shipping out to afgan in less than 9months and wants to be around for the birth, and the first few months at least. So they're having to wait until he's back late next year.
When you want something bad enough you gotta be willing to wait for the right time.
My friends are similar age (20+21) and thinking about kids, though they've both talked about it with each other and come to an agreement. She wants it as soon as possible, but unfortunately he's shipping out to afgan in less than 9months and wants to be around for the birth, and the first few months at least. So they're having to wait until he's back late next year.
When you want something bad enough you gotta be willing to wait for the right time.
Agreed. This is not good. Not only is this dishonesty going to shake the foundations of the relationship but it is going to but untold emotional and finacial stress on a guy who is already under significant stress to finish university!!!RollForInitiative said:
As a friend, it is your duty to intervene if you can something like this coming. You may lose your friendship but it may only be temporary. A baby isn't temporary. Is a guy's future worth less than your friendship?
Doing nothing will only bring you and them pain. Tell her to stop thinking with her hormones and to start thinking with her brain. There is always time to have a kid. It is also something you should talk about with your partner before committing to.
[sub][sub][sub]I don't know if I could handle this if my partner did this to me... This is significant abuse of trust.[/sub][/sub][/sub]
Alright I feel like she has absolutely NO idea how hard it is to take care of kids and lying to her partner is absolutely wrong. A relationship is built on trust and by her decieving him she's breaking his trust, even if he doesn't know it.
She should wait until he's finished uni as it seems like it's a big thing for him.
You should probably try and talk to her about all of this and talk to her about your concerns. There is nothing stopping her from waiting. ¬¬
She should wait until he's finished uni as it seems like it's a big thing for him.
You should probably try and talk to her about all of this and talk to her about your concerns. There is nothing stopping her from waiting. ¬¬
You're wrong, it's not just her life. It's the father's life and the future baby's life that will be affected by this.The Scythian said:
It's quite possible her selfish actions would wreck all three.
She is being devious, manipulative and downright irresponsible. He has told her that he will stand by her if she falls pregnant but isn't ready to have children yet.
Is she incapable of waiting a few years? Who knows what's going to happen down the line.
You have to speak to her.
If she does this and falls pregnant, this secret will get out eventually. A lie that huge - I'd be surprised if it didn't wreck their relationship.
having a baby takes TWO people and both of them should agree on it this is not one persons decision she is basically hoping that when she gets pregnant her boyfriend will just accept it but I think either:Pirate Kitty said:
he will be guilt tripped into looking after the baby because it is his baby
he will leave her fro what she has done and then HAVE to pay for child support so money is going out of his pocket because his girlfriend is properly thinking i haven't done anything yet and I am nearly twenty I know lets have a baby.
also he doesn't want to have a baby yet why is it if a man said I want I baby and the wife said no getting his wife secretly pregnant would be seen as a monstrous thing while if his wife wants a baby and he doesn't it's 'it's her choice'. also the guy isn't being unreasnobal he wants to be able to support the family before they have a family IT JUST MAKES F***ING SENSE.
it would be quite selfish of her not to tell him its ment to me a joint thing and he has every right to want to sort his life to give the kid the best future he can . i personaly think you should ask her to tell him and make a point that if she wont you will. she may get abit pissy but its better than get pregged and them him seeing that she lied and leaving her.
She can't expect any real relationship with him if she gets pregnant.Children are a HUGE step in a relationship and she trying on the down low.He said he want kids but to wait which is more than fair.You have a hard choice either convince her to wait or you have to tell the boyfriend,because she could screw both of their futures.
If she does it, he will leave him. Doing so shows that she cares more about having a kid than what her partner thinks, like he doesn't have a say in it. And right now she seems to be trying to force him to be a father. Because, of course, which "good guy" would leave his child behind? She is being selfish, irresponsible, and if you don't tell him or convince her to tell him (the latter being the better) things are gonna end really badly.
I'm pretty sure trying to get pregnant without the guy knowing is denyes him of any legal responsability, unless someone knows more than I do. Also, why is she so concerned with having a baby right now, she's only 19 soon to be 20...shes gonna be fertile for at least 25 more years.
I'm gonna say yes, she's being selfish, and that her boyfriend is porbably more likey to reject a child that comes along without him knowing. When they both want a child, then go for it, but she really should respect his wishes about wanting to finish Uni and get a job. Would she really want to start a family on deception and lies. Convince her to at least tell him, if not, you gotta tell him. Something as serious as this, he deserves to know, full stop.
I'm gonna say yes, she's being selfish, and that her boyfriend is porbably more likey to reject a child that comes along without him knowing. When they both want a child, then go for it, but she really should respect his wishes about wanting to finish Uni and get a job. Would she really want to start a family on deception and lies. Convince her to at least tell him, if not, you gotta tell him. Something as serious as this, he deserves to know, full stop.
Yeeeeaaahhh... my little brother got screwed over (no pun intended) by his now ex-girlfriend in exactly this way. Voicing my opinion about what that girl is doing to its full extent would likely get me suspended, so let me just say that the girl is extremely selfish, much too immature to have children at this stage, and you should immediately tell your friend she's about to drop a bomb on him. Don't even think about what she'll think of you for doing it - a person like this shouldn't even be worth a passing thought.
www.stupidecisions.com
I'd tell that chick to get half a brain and reconsider if having a baby at a very premature time in her life is reasonable to say the least.
I'd tell that chick to get half a brain and reconsider if having a baby at a very premature time in her life is reasonable to say the least.