Indeed. He is, of course, free to use condoms. They're not perfect, true, but it at least shows like he's making an effort. But the point does stand that it need to be a united choice.kikon9 said:
UPDATED!!!! Is she being selfish to want a baby??
- Thread starter DemonicVixen
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Ah the woman logic, always one heck of a scary place.
Ofcourse she is selfish (then again people always are), and she can see the "I'm pregnant" surprise going down well does she?
Well it wont, we don't handle the "you got a baby" news well, especially not when it's a sneaky surprise, it may very well end the relationship(or turn it into a resentful one, and have all sorts nasty side effects for the child along the way), but she never did consider that over her selfish wishes, very smart move...
My neighbor got one of these surprises about a year ago, and what was a happy couple turned into a bitter family, he hates the child and the mother, and she hates him for it and the child because it is to her mind the sole source of the problems.
You can imagine what kind of environment the child hasto endure.
Ofcourse she is selfish (then again people always are), and she can see the "I'm pregnant" surprise going down well does she?
Well it wont, we don't handle the "you got a baby" news well, especially not when it's a sneaky surprise, it may very well end the relationship(or turn it into a resentful one, and have all sorts nasty side effects for the child along the way), but she never did consider that over her selfish wishes, very smart move...
My neighbor got one of these surprises about a year ago, and what was a happy couple turned into a bitter family, he hates the child and the mother, and she hates him for it and the child because it is to her mind the sole source of the problems.
You can imagine what kind of environment the child hasto endure.
If you don't tell him, you are just as fucked up as she is. She needs serious mental help.DemonicVixen said:
Both you and your friend are on the way to being directly responsible for ruining 2 lives that you don't have the right to ruin. The kid she's dating will probably leave her and feel horrible his whole life for it, and the kid they have will grow up with a biological father who never wanted him, or a step/foster father, and both of those can ruin a child's psyche.
I'm going to believe you're making this up no matter what you say BTW, because I can't even imagine people as fucked up as this living in normal society.
I agree.UnmotivatedSlacker said:
Also, I've been punched square in the face by women for looking at another girl, but have never even considered striking back. That being said, if a woman ever lied to me about being on the pill AND a child that had a part of me inside it was growing in her womb without my consent AND I knew I couldn't support that child and live my life happily, I'd fucking knock that ***** out.
Women want to be considered equal in all aspects. This is 100 percent completely fine by me. I fucking love women. Some of them are smart, they're all generally nice or at least empathetic. But anyone who completely ruins my life and the life of my potential seed deserves a fucking beating.
Also, I'd make her get an abortion, or leave her/ sue her for emotional trauma and not pay child support (as much as I'd hate myself for abandoning my kid.)
(Might be a long one, and you don't get no TL;DR)DemonicVixen said:
First off, this is from the perspective of a 21-year-old priviliged European in a generally non-religious (or Sunday's only) country. Please keep that in mind at all times
Like so many others, I'm gonna point out that at age 20, you still have a lot of life ahead of you.
Having a baby will take away the opportunity to do some of the stuff that just won't be as awesome when you're 40+
A lot of people even end up halfway resenting their kid for ruining what could have been the time of their life, as they perceive it.
This has the potential to be (and has previously lead to) some nasty stuff.
If she gets pregnant and gives birth, the guy is probably gonna be happy, as you say, but again there's a possibility of him slacking on his responsibilities, because he's 20 years old and that's what guys that age do, am I right? (no offence, keep in mind I'm 21 myself)
As you point out yourself, a baby in the house is a lot of work, and WILL keep you up at night. This is gonna pose a serious threat to his education. (And to whatever she might be doing as well, of course)
If she does end up getting knocker'd, there's a couple of things that can happen.
First, he might persuade her to get an abortion (maybe even with threats of Second), but based on what you're saying that's not likely.
Second, she'll have the baby, he'll take a hike right then and there.
Third, she'll have the baby, he'll stay, but he'll always doubt her word, not trust her and eventually start resenting her for forcing him into parenthood, causing him to divorce her. He might even "break", getting enraged and violent, resulting in him ending up in prison and later portraying Alan Harper in his own real-life show. (You get what I mean, he's the one who ends up destroyed, not her)
Fourth, she'll have the baby, he'll stay for the long haul. He'll likely still have that nagging doubt in the back of his mind, but he'll bury it.
Note: I know three people who went ahead and chose 1st, 2nd and 4th. Thankfully, none of my friends have gone for 3rd.
I don't mean to get out of hand with this next part, so please bear with me it if strikes you as offensive.
You're saying they've been in a relationship for nine months.
Admirable at age 20, certainly, but it has to be said, though, that 20 is an age of turmoil, and statistically there's a solid chance they'll split up at some point during the next couple of years.
Also, I'll note that nine months doesn't seem like that long a time to spend together before going skinny-dippin'.
I'm not saying they can't be the ones to float to the top, I personally know a couple who knew eachother from age 18-21, and are together with two kids now, age 26-29, so I know it can happen. But they didn't opt for kids until 24-27, exactly because they didn't feel they could support them, in the way they felt the kids deserved.
This next part is gonna be a bit personal for you, and I apologize for that, but I feel it has to be said.
To me, this sounds like she's a bit desperate, lacks some purpose in life, and seeks to fill the void by having a kid.
I have to strongly emphasize that this is not a good reason for creating a new life.
I know this from experience, with a girl I knew, (and now only have 2nd-hand connection to) who got pregnant at 17, for this exact reason. She's even been on TV and said that exact thing, and she is f-ing right, for once. It got her some sense, but her life is f-ed.
So, I said the hard bit. I hope you'll forgive me if I'm wrong.
Now, for my strictly personal views on this, here follows.
Personally, I don't wanna have kids until I have the means and the opportunities to give them a good start in life, without sacrificing the hopes and dreams of myself and my future partner-in-life (I ain't gettin' married).
There's still a lot of stuff I wanna do before I'm old, and some of them are dangerous, which means I ain't gonna do 'em, when another entity's life depends on my well-being.
If a girl ever pulls a stunt like this on me, I ain't gonna want to see her face for longer than one minute at a time, ever. My kid I'll look out for, but she's out of my world.
I'm not one to keep a grudge, (I've wanted to, but I forget to) but this takes the bill.
Yeah... I'm done for now. Chew on it.
Yeah. Kind of what I wanted to say, but you used the soft touch where I went for scare tacticsCallate said:
women are sneaky. i gotta say htouhg, its selfish for her to do that. im all for her having a baby, but according to you, he isnt ready at this point in his life. once he finishes school their family would be much better off, and then would be a good time for a baby, however, since she is 19 im torn. the younger the chick the better chance of her turning out to be a milf.... that felt wrong to say. am i a bad person?
Tell him.
Don't care if it ruins your relationship with your "mate". Its better than that poor bloke having his life ruined because of this lying *****.
If she wants to go off the pill fine. She does not have the right however to trap him into having a child.
Don't care if it ruins your relationship with your "mate". Its better than that poor bloke having his life ruined because of this lying *****.
If she wants to go off the pill fine. She does not have the right however to trap him into having a child.
Sorry to be crude, but fuck that *****.
You might be aligned to her, being her friend and all, but that's entrapment. And it's going to end up worse for the both of them if it gets taken to court.
In fact, I'm pretty sure that that's a criminal offence in Australia (dunno about your country).
You might be aligned to her, being her friend and all, but that's entrapment. And it's going to end up worse for the both of them if it gets taken to court.
In fact, I'm pretty sure that that's a criminal offence in Australia (dunno about your country).
this is made of evil win!, you win 500 interents at once XDesperandote said:
its payback, resposible, and instant 'ýou dont pull rhis crap on me make up sex' at once XD
would makes shure its non damaging and reversable tohugh.
thank god im not stuck with a girlefriend like his though.. damn XD i dont want to be up to my knees in diapers in my 20's XD damn. 30 maybe XD, school, job, house first XD
I have a few things to say about this. the simple fact that she isnt willing to consider his opinion on this matter means that they have no business being in a comitted relationship. long term relationships arent about who wins what argument. theyre about compromise. because he wants to do something that makes sence, like finish college and get a good, well paying job before considering children makes a whole lot of sence. in fact you hear of a lot more people that have kids during college drop out than finish cuz contrary to popular belief, kids are fuckin expensive. and college is fuckin expensive. add books and food and a place and it's a lot more money than a part time job could ever hope to pay for. you absolutely have to tell him what she's doing, and tell her that she's a manipulative ***** for even considering trying that shit. and two. why did you post this on a gaming magazine site... seems like you know, a parenting help site or something like that would have an audience that is more in synch with this topic than people that wanna read about games
...DemonicVixen said:
Okay, at first I was going to laugh and say that wanting a baby isn't selfless, it's very grueling and straining, but then I saw this.
...
Dear, sweet Lord, she is being so selfish it hurts. TELL HER PARTNER. This is something he needs to know. How he wants to deal with it is his choice and his buisness, but as a college student I can vouch that the stress of a surprise pregnancy would be just too much.
Also, if she thinks getting pregnant with his son is a way to keep him from leaving her, she's wrong. That kind of thinking only leads to kids with single parents.