What are the best comebacks you've ever said/heard?

[Random Argument Man]

If you're Pink Floyd t-shirt wearer, you probably have the Dark side of the moon t-shirt. A physic teacher made a comment on how the design on the t-shirt made no sense.

I asked "Who made more money between you and Pink Floyd again?"

 

[Pizzapete32]

I love this http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Autd0uWqgH3xdIimVpTCuMQjzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20090712153431AASg5Uh

 

[Overlord_Dave]

If you want my comeback, it's in yo momma!

"Jeez dude your getting a little fat"

"Thats cause everytime I fuck your mum she gives me a biscuit"

I never understood what the fuck was up with this "fucking people's mothers" business... If someone said they fucked my mom, it's so far from the realm of possibility that there's no way I could take it seriously. Then there's the matter of why someone young like I am would be proud to have fucked my 51 years old mom (who would in no way qualify as a milf) when they could (theoretically, since they're most likely douchebags) have sex with pretty girls their age... Seriously, so you fucked my mom; You're basically insulting yourself. Way to go, you disgusting fuck.

Woah man! It's just shits and giggles.

 

[TankCopter]

"Shut up, nerd."
"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of the money rattling in my pockets. Come again?"

"Why would anyone want to do an extra year of school?"
"I'm sure you'll find out in 2 years when your ATAR is 10, mate."

 

[BlueTomfoolery]

The jerkstore called, they're running out of you!

"What's the difference? You're their all-time best seller!"

Oh yeah?! Well, I'VE HAD SEX WITH YOUR WIFE!

 

[dark-amon]

'Learn your girl to drive! She almost hit me with her car!'

'Oh, but she's a great driver, she just dosen't like you.'

Or:

'Name one thing about this uniform that's not awsome!'

'Okay... this area!' (The face)

 

[Sixties Spidey]

Girl: *opens door for me* LADIES FIRST *giggles with friends*
Me: *Mitch Hedberg voice* Oh my god! Does that mean you are a lesbo?
Girl: *shuts up*

 

[WolfThomas]

A mate of mine when called fat, "I'm only fat because everytime I f**k your mum she gives me a cookie".

 

[Kitacular]

"If you look up 'Stupid' in the dictionary, there's a picture of you"
"Yeah, well I'm not the one who had to look up stupid in the dictionary...and my dictionary doesn't have pictures, you moron"



Ed Byrne ftw

 

[Koeryn]

I know what you are, but what am I?
Sure to insult any distinguished namecaller with its badness.

The best and only comeback to "I know you are, but what am I?" is breaking one of their bones or joints, and while they writhe in pain on the floor, tell them "Hospitalized."

 

[lenin_117]

P1: Fuck you
P2: No, fuck you, its cheaper

 

[lenin_117]

If you want my comeback, it's in yo momma!

Bet that took all of twelve seconds to do.

 

[Cyd0n1a]

P1: Fuck you
P2: No, fuck you, its cheaper

Hah, nice one.

 

[j0z]

This one I said while over at a friend's house playing RE5:
Zeb: Hey Josh, you think Kyle [another guy over playing RE5 with us) is male or female?
Me: *a moments pause* I think he is a SHEMALE!
Hilarity insues, good thing we are friends, because he is a lot bigger than me).
We still have a good laugh at that one

 

[Treblaine]

Right?

WRONG!

The simple ones are the best.

 

[Xvito]

The best one I've heard.

"Don't you think that looks a bit too naughty?" - Random Teacher, commenting on clothing.

"Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder." - Random Girl

 

[Venatio]

I made this one up myself and used it, it works.

If someone sais "I did your mom" you respond "Thats impossible, my mom doesnt do gay people". From there its as easy as pulling out gay jokes.

I do not mean this as an offense to the gay community who's efforts to gain equal rights in society I support 110%.

 

[Instant K4rma]

"Well, I would continue this battle of wits, but I can see you're unarmed."

Props to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air for this quote!

 

[newbienator]

Ever tried playing with people who speak different forms of english, especially in Asia?
A friend of mine was subjected to this:

"You no life"
"I no life? I have girlfriend"
"So? girlfriend suck bad"

 

[Spaceman_Spiff]

This is one i heard

"Aha, hate to be wearing dubes."
"Fuck off, these cost more than your education."