What do people actually want male gamers to be like?

[Ramzal]

Seriously, I'm fed up of this shit. Since this gamergate thing has sprung up, many people, including actual sites, have accused male gamers of everything shitty under the sun. I'm getting pretty sick of being painted as the world's biggest asshole because I dared to play fucking videogames AND have testicles.

It didn't even just start here. It's been going on for years. And y'know what, because what the fuck else was I supposed to do, I tried to meet people's standards. I kept hearing that people found fat male gamers unattractive and creepy, so I did my best not to even go near women I don't know so I wouldn't piss anyone off. Whether a purchase makes me look like a creep is an actual factor in my game and movie buying decisions for fear of someone taking a photo of me and putting it on some tumblr blog along with my contact details so they can make my life hell for buying a guardians of the galaxy comic that could've done with far more thought put into the front cover. For the past year or so, anytime I've gone outside, I've lived by the rules that have been set down for me lest I be doxxed, shamed, and exiled from any nerd community.

Now? Now I don't even know what they fucking want from me. So what is it? What do you want me to do? Do you want me to just agree with Quinn, even though even if the allegations against her are untrue, her behaviour in the entire incident has blatantly illustrated that if nothing else, she's a terrible fucking person? Do you want me to just not talk about it at all? Never mind the bigger problems with male identity in this community. One bunch of people wants me to be alpha, another wants me to be anything but. One bunch of people wants me to come out of my shell, another wants me to stay the fuck inside no matter what. It ain't enough to just try to be a good person, fuck no would anyone on ANY side of this shitstorm want things to be that simple, GOD FUCKING FORBID THAT IT BE AS SIMPLE AS JUST TRYING TO BE A DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEING. Jesus, ain't as if I was ever an actual misogynist to begin with, I always respected people, but then a bunch of people starting saying that it isn't enough.

I'm sick of it, and I just want a clear fucking answer, y'know? Because fact is, this isn't going away. There's gonna be another set of rules, so I may as well at least be clear on what the fuck they are this time.

/rant

Bro, all you have to know is be honest with who and what you are. If you are a good person then just be one. Don't worry about what other people say or think because they don't know what you're doing with your life. A tad bit strange to mention this here but I gave my mother a call a few days ago about a topic that has nothing to do with this. I didn't ask for advice nor did I want it, but she gave some pretty good advice and I'd like to share it with you.

"Listen. Just listen to what I have to say because some portion of your happiness depends on this. Usually when people say they want you to do something or they expect you to act in some way, they do NOT have YOUR best interest in mind. Don't put your life up as a poll for others to vote on and don't let other people decide how you live your life. If it feels right to you, and I mean RIGHT then do it. Don't take how others view the world as your own view. See the world and live your life for yourself and your wife (Not sure if you're married, but it applies to yourself only if you're not)"

I wasn't doing what she suggested I not do, but honestly it's good advice. If you want to stand near women, stand near them say hi even. If you want to buy certain comics it's your money, you do what you want with it. If you are a fat gamer guy, that's your own business. You may want to lose a few pounds for your own health but that's up to you.

It's your life. Live it.

 

[Vault101]

Wow, ok, i never implied we were close, just that we were on the right track a few years ago, like say the 90s/200s, before "cultural appropriation", "privilege" and "social justice" were taken seriously (because they're racist), and you were viewed as a monster if you judged someone based on their race(because that's racist)..

I think somebody has been spending too much time on the internet...

 

[werewolfgold]

The only jobs that only a man can work are the extremely hard and dangerous ones, like lumberjacks and or jobs in the heavy industries. I don't hear too many women complaining about not being allowed to be coal miners. All other jobs are equally open for men and women.

I can't be bothered addressing the rest right now but this is bullshit.

My first job I got told a womans place was in packaging regardless of whether they had previous experience and a licence for using a machinery. Gues who gets higher pay? My university welcomes it's women onto campus by telling them to sit at the back and be silent until it's time to sing the university anthem because a women speaking in a sacred place is disrespectful (but you can still be the entertainment). Meanwhile the men get to come up to the front to be personally welcomed, get their hand shaken and have speeches. Of course they didn't rectify this afterwards when it didn't have the bullshity religious tradition excuse either. My lecturers tell me I shouldn't expect to get management positions because even in careers that are mostly women you get men in charge and in high paid potions. Why? because apparently the boss needs to separate from all the "bitchy womanly gossip" (naturally the reverse is not true. You don't hire a woman to be in charge when the workers are mostly men to be separate from their fights) and "men get shit done". Men are still seen as being more skilled by default. Oh but at least I do have more of a chance than those Indian and Polynesian girls since I won't be involved in all those "race feuds" because if your going to make up excuses for sexism you might as well throw in some racism. Then there is the oh so lovely and depressing common sentiment of "I'M totally not sexist but other people are so women shouldn't be in charge or CEO because they won't be taken seriously" which even gets touted by my own fucking family. We had a business advisor advocating not promoting woman because they aren't worth the effort because they just get pregnant and leave and to pay them less because of periods. My brother has constantly managed to land jobs that don't require extensive education much easier than me since he has about twice as many options because you don't get hired for manual labour as a woman. Yes I would actually like to be able to take those jobs.
Non of the people saying this shit think of themselves as sexist. They just say it's "logical"

Wow. Did no one respond to this? I don't think anyone did. I feel like this is a very good post about the reality of the situation for many women.

 

[carnex]

I can't be bothered addressing the rest right now but this is bullshit.

My first job I got told a womans place was in packaging regardless of whether they had previous experience and a licence for using a machinery. Gues who gets higher pay? My university welcomes it's women onto campus by telling them to sit at the back and be silent until it's time to sing the university anthem because a women speaking in a sacred place is disrespectful (but you can still be the entertainment). Meanwhile the men get to come up to the front to be personally welcomed, get their hand shaken and have speeches. Of course they didn't rectify this afterwards when it didn't have the bullshity religious tradition excuse either. My lecturers tell me I shouldn't expect to get management positions because even in careers that are mostly women you get men in charge and in high paid potions. Why? because apparently the boss needs to separate from all the "bitchy womanly gossip" (naturally the reverse is not true. You don't hire a woman to be in charge when the workers are mostly men to be separate from their fights) and "men get shit done". Men are still seen as being more skilled by default. Oh but at least I do have more of a chance than those Indian and Polynesian girls since I won't be involved in all those "race feuds" because if your going to make up excuses for sexism you might as well throw in some racism. Then there is the oh so lovely and depressing common sentiment of "I'M totally not sexist but other people are so women shouldn't be in charge or CEO because they won't be taken seriously" which even gets touted by my own fucking family. We had a business advisor advocating not promoting woman because they aren't worth the effort because they just get pregnant and leave and to pay them less because of periods. My brother has constantly managed to land jobs that don't require extensive education much easier than me since he has about twice as many options because you don't get hired for manual labour as a woman. Yes I would actually like to be able to take those jobs.
Non of the people saying this shit think of themselves as sexist. They just say it's "logical"

My question would be, where the hell are you from? What you describe is seriously fucked up and I can say that it does not correlate worth what I have been told, first hand, happens in western societies. And especially does not correlate to what my experience in the workforce is. And, trust me, I'm from somewhere that's considered especially bad and backwards.

I have no intention to distrust you, just wondering where the hell that practices still stand.

 

[Bruce]

My advice is this: stop trying to figure women out.

Women are people. There is some shit that they go through due to overarching culture and all of that, but the truth is you will never know "women".

You can know a woman, you can know multiple women, but you will never know "women" - any more than you can really know "men".

So to answer your question - they probably want you to treat them like people, not some weird foreign group in need of respect or hatred.

 

[carnex]

Guys, girls, insert label here.

Market doesn't give a F about gender, race, color, ability, body type etc. It cares about the taste of the source of money.

It does actually. An example is the show Young Justice, a western cartoon about superheroes. It was cancelled because it had too many women watching the show and the producers thought they couldn't sell toys to girls. Paul Dini and Kevin Smith had a nice rant together about it, you can find the interview easy enough with a simple search. Which is funny since the "barbie" market heavily dwarfs the boys action figure market, and us gals will gladly buy tons of shit that ISN'T toys. Shirts? Hell yes.

I never watched Young Justice but I did hop around a net a bit and found out that cartoon was scraped simply because it didn't make money. It cost more than merchandising could cover and earn pretty penny over it. I know show was popular, but people didn't buy enough crap to cover the cost.

Also, barbie and action figures are different markets from the conception. Barbie is the main product and it drives the industry around it. On the other hand Action Figures are side effect of pop culture and not the driving force. Fair comparison would be to compare total for doll market to total of geek/nerd pop culture consumers.

The issue is they see "gender, race, color, ability, body type etc." outside the normal "straight white dude" as increasing the risk of a product. This may or may not be true, but it's what's led to so much stagnation. This is because the market is focusing HEAVILY on a single audience and isn't diversifying due to the increased risk of losing the "core" market they've had all this time in order to seek new pastures.

So actually no... industry, publishers, tv execs GLADLY pass up money if they don't think it will work, and tend to double down and sabotage the shit out of a product just to be proven right. Hello Firefly. Hello Last of Us publisher not wanting to hire female game testers to hear their opinions. Hello Bioshock Infinite.

You contradict yourself. In first paragraph you say that non white man is seen as a liability and that it led to stagnation. To some extent I agree, but also i would like to point out that it's just WHITE. There are plenty of white females too.

Then in the second paragraph you say that publishers are gladly passing on earning by not taping into diverse markets. But since they see that as high risk move they are actually glad to pass on losses. Also, in all gamey you mentioned you still play Straight White Dude. Females are, at best, companions in those games.

If you want I could go down the thought process of menagment of big companies but I would not impose.

The market is the group right now that's saying to them "WE WANT MORE DIVERSITY IN OUR STUFF" and it's the publishers who are going "No we can't do that, it's too RISKY to deviate from what we've done for 20 years." Heck look at Legend of Korra, nickelodean has been AFRAID of putting any real backing behind the show despite how amazing it's been year after year. Little to no advertising, putting it in bad timeslots, refusing to commit to a full season. That's why the show has been only miniseries and why it tries to cram so much into a short time frame, the producers just don't want to put any backing behind it. Could it possibly be because of the female main character? I mean the show is amazing in every way, and the last airbender is a damn amazing show, why would you be AFRAID of a followup to something like that? Even if it was garbage it would do well.

Food for thought.

Again, quality of product is not really what interests corporation. It's to keep purchasing customer happy. Many brilliant things have been axed over the decades because they didn't earn their keep while worst shlock lived on for the same reason.

Most of us agree that giving designers more freedom would likely lead to better products but when you are after a buck freedom to create is measured in numbers on bank accounts. But let's imagine it doesn't really matter.

Look at indie market. It's either SWD of anthropomorphic thing again. People create what they know and they are afraid to get gender, race, nationality wrong and get axed by public for that. So they either go with what you cant misrepresent or avoid the potential for problems all together.

 

[subskipper]

Do be fair (in regards to the question posed in the title) I really don't care much about how people think I am, outside my circle of IRL friends and online acquaintances. I am who I am, and if someone with a passion for identity politics thinks that I am not behaving to their own standards, it is for them to deal with. Not me. I generally try do give those around me, on the Internet and in the real world, the benefit of doubt and treat them as I would like to be treated myself. If I accidentally step on someones toes I appologize and try to clarify my intent. But there is a line I draw. I am me. If someone is offended by an opionion I hold and that I feel is grounded in facts, I will not appoligize for holding that view even if I reserve my right to change my own opionion as facts are uncovered.

So, no, I'm not going to go out of my way to behave in a particular way because identity politics seems to be all the rage in the gaming world. I'll just keep playing as whatever protagonist the devs of a particular game implements. On the way I'll probably blow up, beat, shoot and main a lot of digital NPCs of all genders (and aliens!) and I have no problem with that.

 

[DementedSheep]

I can't be bothered addressing the rest right now but this is bullshit.

My first job I got told a womans place was in packaging regardless of whether they had previous experience and a licence for using a machinery. Gues who gets higher pay? My university welcomes it's women onto campus by telling them to sit at the back and be silent until it's time to sing the university anthem because a women speaking in a sacred place is disrespectful (but you can still be the entertainment). Meanwhile the men get to come up to the front to be personally welcomed, get their hand shaken and have speeches. Of course they didn't rectify this afterwards when it didn't have the bullshity religious tradition excuse either. My lecturer tells me I shouldn't expect to get management positions because even in careers that are mostly women you get men in charge and in high paid potions. Why? because apparently the boss needs to separate from all the "bitchy womanly gossip" (naturally the reverse is not true. You don't hire a woman to be in charge when the workers are mostly men to be separate from their fights) and "men get shit done". Men are still seen as being more skilled by default. Oh but at least I do have more of a chance than those Indian and Polynesian girls since I won't be involved in all those "race feuds" because if your going to make up excuses for sexism you might as well throw in some racism. Then there is the oh so lovely and depressing common sentiment of "I'M totally not sexist but other people are so women shouldn't be in charge or CEO because they won't be taken seriously" which even gets touted by my own fucking family. We had a business advisor advocating not promoting woman because they aren't worth the effort because they just get pregnant and leave and to pay them less because of periods. My brother has constantly managed to land jobs that don't require extensive education much easier than me since he has about twice as many options because you don't get hired for manual labour as a woman. Yes I would actually like to be able to take those jobs.
Non of the people saying this shit think of themselves as sexist. They just say it's "logical"

My question would be, where the hell are you from? What you describe is seriously fucked up and I can say that it does not correlate worth what I have been told, first hand, happens in western societies. And especially does not correlate to what my experience in the workforce is. And, trust me, I'm from somewhere that's considered especially bad and backwards.

I have no intention to distrust you, just wondering where the hell that practices still stand.

NZ, the first place for women to get the vote so needless to say I wasn't expecting this. However I was already annoyed when I posted that and it's somewhat of a sore spot so I will point out to others and to remind myself that this is anecdotal so I've probably have been very unlucky with this, at least I really hope I have. It's far more memorable than the times they weren't assholes and the university welcome thing was them in rock and hard place with respecting the traditions of that group of Maori. I should also probably write a formal complaint about that lecturer and my previous boss (well...its a bit late for that one), I'm pretty sure I would win that fight because even if a lot of people think it saying it is stupid. I don't why they did. The lecturer didn't stand up in front of class and say it, that would even stupider, it was when they were talking to me and two others after class. The worst the about that one is one of my friends (who is female btw) and my brother actually agrees with them. I'm pretty sure the business advisor actually did get fired when it came to light he was. advising this. My latest placement hasn't had that issue. Hell most the doctors on my ward are female and so is the charge nurse so I'm trying to focus on stuff like that rather than let the bad examples eat away at me.

 

[QuietlyListening]

Some good guidelines for OP:

1. Don't take criticism of your hobby personally. It exists to improve the medium, not to make you feel bad.

2. Don't harass people. Don't defend harassers. DO call harassers out on their bullshit.

3. Remember that different people face different struggles based on their race, sex, class, gender, sexuality, religion, etc. Often these struggles will be invisible to you. Just because it's not a problem for you doesn't mean it's not a problem. In short: show empathy.

 

[xDarc]

It's clear they didn't want us to be allies; they wanted guilt ridden subjects with open wallets to lord over and prosper off of. That's what it boils down to for me.

 

[Erttheking]

It's clear they didn't want us to be allies; they wanted guilt ridden subjects with open wallets to lord over and prosper off of. That's what it boils down to for me.

You can say what it boils down to you as much as you want, that doesn't make it any more true. Because it isn't. Feminists are not trying to take over the race and lord over all of us. That doesn't even make any sense.

 

[KrystelCandy]

I never watched Young Justice but I did hop around a net a bit and found out that cartoon was scraped simply because it didn't make money. It cost more than merchandising could cover and earn pretty penny over it. I know show was popular, but people didn't buy enough crap to cover the cost.

Also, barbie and action figures are different markets from the conception. Barbie is the main product and it drives the industry around it. On the other hand Action Figures are side effect of pop culture and not the driving force. Fair comparison would be to compare total for doll market to total of geek/nerd pop culture consumers.

They are, my point was the argument that girls won't buy toys was false from the get go (it's clear you didn't actually read the interviews with the actual creator of the show and his discussions with the execs). Additionally the show didn't make money because they didn't try to cater products to the audience, all they said was "not enough boys, girls dont buy the action figures as much, cancel it."

You contradict yourself. In first paragraph you say that non white man is seen as a liability and that it led to stagnation. To some extent I agree, but also i would like to point out that it's just WHITE. There are plenty of white females too.

Then in the second paragraph you say that publishers are gladly passing on earning by not taping into diverse markets. But since they see that as high risk move they are actually glad to pass on losses. Also, in all gamey you mentioned you still play Straight White Dude. Females are, at best, companions in those games.

If you want I could go down the thought process of menagment of big companies but I would not impose.

I said non straight white males were seen as giving additional risk, and due to not wanting to take risks it has led to stagnation. White females are also not very well represented. Minority ethnic females even less so. The games I mentioned were not about females being the main character but about publishers gladly not giving a shit about diverse markets. There isn't an inherent problem with white straight male protaganists, it's just that they are 95% of the protaganists. There is research out there talking about how games with female protaganists do not get the same marketing or support for their products as games with the standard, even if they do decide to take that risk, I'm not going to go out there and quote it all for you.

Again, quality of product is not really what interests corporation. It's to keep purchasing customer happy. Many brilliant things have been axed over the decades because they didn't earn their keep while worst shlock lived on for the same reason.

Most of us agree that giving designers more freedom would likely lead to better products but when you are after a buck freedom to create is measured in numbers on bank accounts. But let's imagine it doesn't really matter.

Look at indie market. It's either SWD of anthropomorphic thing again. People create what they know and they are afraid to get gender, race, nationality wrong and get axed by public for that. So they either go with what you cant misrepresent or avoid the potential for problems all together.

It's to gain maximum return on investment on the properties that the company owns. I never said otherwise. However when you take enough risk you want to minimize potential losses so you make sure to curb investment to a point where you feel you'll still get the maximum benefit possible. It doesn't help that shows/games that COULD have earned their keep were screwed by publishers or the network because they didn't fit what the executives thought would sell to begin with.

I never said giving designers more freedom. Executives can be a good thing, when they aren't being prejudicial idiots.

As for your last paragraph: thus - stagnation. Same characters, over and over and over.

 

[lapan]

And very few people say that a game is bad for having a white straight cis male as the hero. I can't say I've ever heard anyone say it outright. I've heard people say that perhaps the industry could invest more in new storylines and characters instead of playing it in the safest possible way as if a gay man or a black woman would be the end of that game. "Perhaps some games could try NOT having a white straight cis male in his thirties with brown hair and stubble as the main character" =/= "Every game with a white straight cis male in his thirties with brown hair and stubble as the main character is bad and you should feel bad for playing it". If you truly mean what you said about wanting more variety, then I see no reason for us to not get along and for you to feel threatened. We all play what is currently available and we all enjoy it (some things we enjoy more, some things less; different tastes and all) and we all want the industry to employ more variety. There is literally nothing here that we disagree on.

I'm really sorry if you feel personally attacked for this, because that is not the point of criticizing this boring trope. And also, I know what it's like to feel threatened and I don't wish that for anyone. I know there are assholes out there who say shit and we should be fighting assholes together, instead of creating sides and saying things like "this is my hobby".

And i fully agree with that, but there is a faction who attacks every single game with a male hero and hearing it every single time can get a bit bland and annoying

 

[Thaluikhain]

Uh seriously, what the hell is this? Rules set down for you? Who told you that you can't buy certain comics or even stand near a woman? It sounds like paranoia on your part, not rules laid down by anyone else.

Yes...though the attitude is not uncommon, not the first time I've seen it expressed on this forum. Other people have seen it around and made it into a comic. With Pride and Prejudice characters: http://www.manfeels-park.com/comic/monster/

You see this sort of absurd reactionary response from all sorts of people who were comfortable with the status quo, and aren't interested that the reason people are trying to change it is because it's unfair to people who aren't them. If the status quo seems good to you, changing it is oppression.

 

[kyp275]

I have said celebrating differences. Many peoples race have a shared culture Jamaican's tend to have a shared cultural history for their race, race is not skin color. Vietnamese, Japanese and Chinese all have similar features, but they are not the same race. What seperates peoples is their culture that they choose to identify with. Racism and race tie together, you have preconceived notions based on what you see. That persons black so therefore I believe x and y about them.

What defines a "race" can vary wildly between different people, as it's mostly a social construct with little biological facts behind it outside of the obvious (skin color). For example, you may consider Vietnamese, Japanese, and Chinese to be different races, while another person may consider them to be different ethnic/cultural group that are all part of an "Asian" race.

Kenyans are better runners and have a natural advantage over others. Is this racism? Sure. Is it bad? Not really. There's scientific proof of it, due to the fact they live at high altitudes their bodies have adapted to better deliver oxygen to their muscles. This means in most marathons where they are in more oxygen rich altitudes for the run, their bodies are better at delivering oxygen and it gives them an advantage compared to others. It is a natural advantage they have for living there, and there's nothing wrong with it.

Those are just "hypothesis", much less theories, and certainly not proven. There are just as much studies that goes into the generally lower BMI (gg western junk food nation!). Colorado is even higher than Kenya as far as elevation goes, why don't they have a reputation for producing world class marathon runners?

Some african people are predisposed to certain heart conditions that white people aren't, and thus have certain medication that is more targetted to help them rather than generic prescriptions. Is this racism? Sure, is it negative? Not really.

No, that's just genetics, pure medical science. If that's racism to you, then you're at a point where merely pointing out that people with lighter skin colors (and therefore less melanin) are more susceptible to sunburn and skin cancer is also racism.

IMO, you've diluted the meaning of "racism" to the point where it's rather meaningless.

 

[Beliyal]

snip

And i fully agree with that, but there is a faction who attacks every single game with a male hero and hearing it every single time can get a bit bland and annoying

There are a few questions here.

1. What faction specifically?
2. Is it a faction at all (as in an organized movement) or just some people saying shit?
3. Is this faction or people influential in any significant way? Do they have the power to influence or bully the industry into not making male heroes? Is there any remote possibility that male heroes will become a thing of the past?
4. Is it really "attacking" or more like commenting on the ever present trend of male heroes and asking for more inclusivity?

Do I comment on the fact that there's a myriad of male heroes out there? Yeah, frequently. Not just for games either. Do I attack those examples? I wouldn't say so. If I ask why is there 9 major Assassin's Creed releases, 10 protagonists and only one is a woman, I am not attacking the AC franchise or Ubisoft. I am asking a legitimate question, with no hostility and no hate, and yet people have accused me of hating on AC and Ubisoft (and I love AC, played them all and plan on playing them in the future). What I'm trying to say is that people usually misinterpret a comment or critique or even a simple question, making it seem like someone is attacking, diminishing or advocating for a total ban on something. More often than not, that isn't the case. That's why I'd advise on really examining a potentially attacking comment to see if there really is any attacking involved. When someone says a negative thing about something we like, we tend to exaggerate and I'm not an exception. But upon further analysis, I tend to discover that the negativity was justified and that it was a part of constructive criticism. Well, sometimes people just say shit for the sake of shit and there's no criticism at all, let alone constructive one. I can't argue with that, some people just don't know how to be a part of the debate properly or are trolling. I try not to give them attention.

 

[Doclector]

Uh seriously, what the hell is this? Rules set down for you? Who told you that you can't buy certain comics or even stand near a woman? It sounds like paranoia on your part, not rules laid down by anyone else.

Yes...though the attitude is not uncommon, not the first time I've seen it expressed on this forum. Other people have seen it around and made it into a comic. With Pride and Prejudice characters: http://www.manfeels-park.com/comic/monster/

You see this sort of absurd reactionary response from all sorts of people who were comfortable with the status quo, and aren't interested that the reason people are trying to change it is because it's unfair to people who aren't them. If the status quo seems good to you, changing it is oppression.

I understand that it's unfair to people who aren't me. What I don't understand is why making it better for them means making things worse for me. I wouldn't lose anything from equality. Nothing I treasure, anyhow, I've long hated mostly enjoying something only to have it ruined by absurd fanservice. Not to mention that if the controversy finally ended, I might have a decent chance of shaking the stereotype I'm trying so hard to avoid. I am losing something from whatever the hell is happening here.

 

[lapan]

2. Is it a faction at all (as in an organized movement) or just some people saying shit?

Mostly people saying shit, i wasn't addressing anyone in paricular.

Like i said, i myself want more varied protagonists, i sometimes just can't help sighing when readying it again and again.

Spoiler

 

[Thaluikhain]

I understand that it's unfair to people who aren't me. What I don't understand is why making it better for them means making things worse for me. I wouldn't lose anything from equality.

This is a complex issue, not sure I can properly explain it. You'd lose the benefits you gain from inequality. Admittedly, most of these aren't really tangible, they are just the comfort of a status quo that favours yourself. It's very easy to confuse the way things are with the normal, natural way that things ought to be.

For example, you'll often hear that PoC are taking over the country (whichever country happens to being talked about). Because, if you were to take all the different PoC and add them up, they aren't such a minority as they used to be. Or all the gays on TV, because not absolutely everyone on TV is straight. This is strange and confronting and "wrong" to people who've grown up used to things not being this way.

Now, I must strongly stress that this applies to myself the same way. I've got a fair few privileges myself (and these are just the ones I recognise/admit to), and they trip me up a lot.

I am losing something from whatever the hell is happening here.

You're losing your preferred status, your defaultness...or at least a small part of it. You're also losing not being able to see the problem, which is also painful. Everyone is in favour of equality (in a vague nebulous sense), but having to look at the inequality isn't fun. Having to admit to benefiting from it really isn't fun.

Every time there is any push for equality, people in the privileged group will fight against it. Not just moustache twirling villain types (though you get those), ordinary, otherwise decent people. Including some nominally fighting for equality. They can't or won't see that there is a problem.

It's very, very common for privileged people, once they start caring about some inequality, to join some discussion about it, and try to be helpful by explaining the inequality to people suffering from it, decide how they should go about combating it, and generally trying to make it about themselves. Without realising they are doing so, because, even though they've intellectually grasped the problem, it still seems normal and natural for people like them to be somehow more important. I've had a fair few cringeworthy moments of chiming in and needing to be forcefully told to stop myself.

I hope this has made some kind of sense.