What is the funniest / most interesting thing that your teacher has said

[Tips_of_Fingers]

I shall go in chronological order.

Secondary School: My French teacher (who was Scottish) shouted "stop making farty noises!" When everyone started blowing raspberries. In itself, not exactly side-splitting stuff, but when coupled with the long, drawn-out 'rrrrr' sound that the Scots use it was fucking amazing.

College (unfortunately I wasn't doing media at the time): My college went through media lecturer's like Frankie Boyle goes through celebrity insults, so when we got a new one, their first day should have been no surprise.

He walks into the room and announces: "I have a fridge downstairs and would like you all to help carry it up here." Everyone thinks it's some sort of strange team-building excercise; a way for people to get to know each other on the first day of term. After struggling up 3 flights of stairs, the fridge eventually arrives at it's destination, to which the lecturer replies, "thank you, my wife's thrown me out so I'm going to have to sleep here for a few days."

This guy was mental...he once showed his class a video of The Simpsons only for it to cut to a home-video of the lecturer in the 80s with long hair playing an acoustic guitar very very intensely. He'd also been seen in the local river pulling out trollies and once left halfway through a class to "go pick up some shelves." He had to be escorted off the premises when he was finally fired...

and finally University: A Postmodern English lecture with one of the most arrogant lecturers at my uni? Interesting things occurred. We were discussing the ideas of finding meaning in texts, something that Postmodernism as a theory does not condone. I said that I liked to find meaning in the texts that I read and that is the whole point of doing an English Degree; to find meaning in text. The lecturer just looked at me with the smuggest face and said, very matter-of-factly, "well you're just not Postmodern are you?" It was amusing, interesting and infuriating all at the same time...

Oh...one English lecturer at the end of our first year also did a 30 minute rap about English thoery...He did it in front of over 300 students...fucking hilarious. I really wish someone had filmed it and put it one Youtube so I could share it with you all...

 

[Fetzenfisch]

I loved my teachers back then. here are some quotes that are more or less translatable (and yes that are good translations, the language was pretty harsh in a buddylike way in the last few years in school, we called it honesty)


After a particular stupid answer of someone "(name) would you please beat him very hard?"

"clever cheating isnt the problem, at least it proves you thought about something"

after a boy that had to repeat 2 years left class to go to the restroom " how old is michael now? 28?"


A Boy got an entry in our class-book that he pushed a "big boned little boy" on the schoolyard and kicked his ball into the green. Teacher in the next lesson "Chris i heard you push over fat kids? Didnt you know that increases the risk of an earthquake?"

"Even if the Blackboard says Ms.(name) is dead, class will be happening!"

Through the whole classroom the teacher spontaneously adresses a boy "You know i like playing billard as much as you do, but please dont do it in your pants, thank you"


"Barbara is a latin name, 'barba' the beard, so Barbara is 'the bearded one'"



Teacher to a boy that just came out of the break and had a smoke.
"Thorsten you stink"
"what?"
"you stink , please get a seat in the last row"


"Next week there will be no class again, just because of these fucking holidays"


"A joint-venture is when the pig says to the chicken "alright you bring the eggs i bring the bacon"



sadly the best ones are puns in several non-english languages.

 

[Aeriath]

My Maths teacher once called an equation sexy, which was hilarious. I can't remember the exact equation, but I do remember him saying that it included the "5 most important constants in Mathematics". I think the 5 were 1, 0, pi, e and i but I'm not sure.

 

[ReservoirAngel]

When disecting a pig's heart, my Year 9 science teacher purposely stuck all his hair straight up and started cackling like a mad scientist.

Actually he had a lot of funny moments. Like when this girl (who had a, shall we say, 'less than wholesome' reputation') wandered into class late and without missing a beat, he just said "and of course Becky arrives, finally having gotten off her knees behind the huts."

Then there was the one directed at me: "That has as much chance of happening as Angel here deciding to shag a girl."

that was only a few I can remember. i fuckin loved my Science lessons just cause of my teacher

 

[Nagisa94]

*English teacher walks in holding a pair of jeans*
"Anyone lose their pants?"
Silence.
"Ok look, I hate wearing pants as much as the next guy, but seriously someone needs to claim these."

 

[the rye]

I once had an english literature teacher who told us the origins of the word ****.

 

[Chris^^]

Big Dougie Ford concluded one of his lectures with the classic: "so was Mussolini's Italy the first true fascist nation, or was it just a great crock of shit that Mussolini was trying to sell to the rest of the world?" with his accent many lulz ensued

 

[meticadpa]

I had a physics teacher a few years ago, and we were watching a very old physics video in class.

The teacher said, "This video was made about the time your parents and I were in school"

Someone in the class said, "You don't know how old my parents are though, sir"

He replies "Gregor, I knew your mother well. Very well."

This awesome English teacher (with a huge moustache) too.

He was counting people to go to another room and print essays off (the printer in the classroom was broken) and there was 10 people that were allowed to go at once. He counted to 7, then skipped to 9 and said, "Mr. Hope, you count as two people" to my incredibly tall and fat friend.

 

[Sarah Frazier]

There was a teacher I had back in middle school, a time I no longer remember past vague glimpses of actions and any words said are completely forgotten. This one teacher, however, really stands out because he taught more by acting than by lecturing and snuck in jokes wherever he could. When teaching about a war, he would bring kids to the front of the room to slap hands together as a sissy fight, then he would tiptoe around and pretend to stab them in the back or steal from them. He'd do whatever it took to keep the class wanting to pay attention even if the material wasn't going to be remembered by the end of the year.

 

[Goody]

my science teacher was talking about different reactions and used this as an example: "For instance if i was to touch any of you in 'certian places' i could get an 'oo' or a slap, if anyone would like to be touched in 'certain places' stay back after the lesson"

we all thought it was very funny, and slightly disturbing

 

[ReservoirAngel]

My History teacher on the last day of school term posed us a quiz, and said the following whn doing the answers: "How did the end of World War 2 come about? I would have accepted 'the death of Adolf Hitler', 'the Russians fighting back the Eastern front' or 'that moustache dude wrecked his own shit'"

And then there was my R.E teacher going into a fundamentalist rant about our disobediance and searing hellfire. Afterwards a guy said "but I'm a good Christian. what'll happen to me?"

my teacher's response: "i'll just beat you severely with a croquet mallet."

Tbh, our R.E teachers were always funny. I had a different one every year, and they all had supreme moments of hilarity.

And my current course leader at Univeristy. Very first lesson, someone didn't know an answer to a ridiculously complicated question and his response was "it's okay, just punch yourself in the bollocks and all is forgiven."

 

[Vancleef]

Our science teacher explained soundwaves with two waterbugs...


"Ok. Picture this. There's a guy-bug floating around on the water and this generates tiny waves and eventually, they reach the other side of the lake and on the other side there is this hot girl-bug who feel the waves and starts moving towards the guy-bug.
The guy-bug gets all horny when he spots the girl-bug and make huge waves and then they get it on, I guess...

Now imagine that with ears and soundwaves instead..."



Something like that.

 

[Ponce Master-General]

My chem teacher said "...so remember, it's substitution, not prostitution."

I laughed my ass off.

 

[Naheal]

My 8th grade science teacher. Demonstrating combustive-ness of gases. Made a bunch of hydrogen bubbles. To demonstrate how the explosion worked, he called a student up to grab a bunch. He then put on gloves, safety goggles, and took a lit match on the end of a pair of tongs. I was the one he called up.

Hilarity ensued.

He then moved to High School Physics. Between him and our chemistry teacher, we had no real need for any fire drills: one or the other would set the alarm off about once every other week.

 

[Krafty_Krocodile]

in one of our media classes, the class short kid left to go make a cup of tea, someone when onto his mac and searched "midget porn" on google images returned to his seat eager to see the reaction. once the short person returned to his mac and saw what was on the screen he yelled ; "WHAT THE FUCK?!" alerting the teacher, the teacher walked up to him and saw what was on the screen and said "why are you looking up pornography of your mother?"