Ninjas don't tell shitty meme jokes, though. Impostor!Skeleon said:
I'd post my own jokes, but they'd all invoke mod wrath.
what is the greatest joke you have ever heard?
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I'd post my own jokes, but they'd all invoke mod wrath.
Every straight guy has a few gay moments in his life. A butt bump in the locker room; a long stare at some guys abs; the sudden urge to buy scented candles.
I have had a single gay moment in my life, and it has been spread out over my entire life.
I have had a single gay moment in my life, and it has been spread out over my entire life.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
WHERE THE FUCK IS BARRY? YOU DON'T LIVE HERE!
Or maybe that one's just funny to me coz my friends are dicks
Who's there?
WHERE THE FUCK IS BARRY? YOU DON'T LIVE HERE!
Or maybe that one's just funny to me coz my friends are dicks
Steve walks into a bar, sits down, and says to the bartender "I'd like twenty shots of tequila"
The bartender says "Steve, I've never seen you drink so much. Whats the occasion?"
Steve says to the bartender "I just had my first blowjob."
The bartender says "Thats wonderful! Hey, I'll make you a deal; if you finish those twenty shots I'll give you one more for free. Sort of a twenty-one gun salute."
So Steve says "No thanks, if twenty dosn't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will."
If you don't laugh at that you must be made of stone.
The bartender says "Steve, I've never seen you drink so much. Whats the occasion?"
Steve says to the bartender "I just had my first blowjob."
The bartender says "Thats wonderful! Hey, I'll make you a deal; if you finish those twenty shots I'll give you one more for free. Sort of a twenty-one gun salute."
So Steve says "No thanks, if twenty dosn't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will."
If you don't laugh at that you must be made of stone.
My favourite joke got me suspended last time I posted it, so here's another one:
Once upon a time there was a young boy who loved tractors. He had toy tractors, posters of tractors, everything. He was totally obsessed. Then one day his father was run over and killed by a tractor. From that day on, the boy hated tractors.
Years later the boy, now a young man, walked into a bar. It was filled with smoke as everyone was smoking. Everyone apart from a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. She was coughing and her eyes were watering, so the young man went up to her and asked what was wrong. 'It's the smoke' she said, 'I can't stand it'. 'No problem' said the young man. He breathed in deeply, inhaling all the smoke, then went to the door and blew it all outside. 'Wow, how did you do that?' asked the woman'. 'It was easy' he replied, 'I'm an ex tractor fan'.
Once upon a time there was a young boy who loved tractors. He had toy tractors, posters of tractors, everything. He was totally obsessed. Then one day his father was run over and killed by a tractor. From that day on, the boy hated tractors.
Years later the boy, now a young man, walked into a bar. It was filled with smoke as everyone was smoking. Everyone apart from a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. She was coughing and her eyes were watering, so the young man went up to her and asked what was wrong. 'It's the smoke' she said, 'I can't stand it'. 'No problem' said the young man. He breathed in deeply, inhaling all the smoke, then went to the door and blew it all outside. 'Wow, how did you do that?' asked the woman'. 'It was easy' he replied, 'I'm an ex tractor fan'.
Some guy arrives at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter asks him how he died.
The guy explains "Well, for a while I'd suspected that my wife was cheating on me, so one day I left work early to catch them in the act. I got home to my apartment on the 10th floor to find my wife in bed, naked, but the guy was nowhere in sight. I looked everywhere, and finally saw the bastard hanging onto the edge of the balcony by his fingertips, so I stomped on his hands until he fell. Unfortunately, he landed in some bushes and survived, so I went and dragged the refrigerator out of the kitchen and pushed it off the balcony and it landed on him, crushing him. But the stress proved too great, and I had a heart attack and died."
So Saint Peter lets him into heaven. A short while later, another guy arrives. When asked how he died, he says "I was doing my daily exercises on the balcony of my 11th floor apartment, when I lost my balance and fell over the edge. Thankfully I was able to catch myself on the balcony below mine, but then some psycho started stomping on my hands, and I fell! Some bushes broke my fall, but then the bastard dropped a refrigerator on me!"
After Saint Peter lets him into heaven, another man comes along. Saint Peter asks him how he died, and the man says "Picture this; I'm naked inside a refrigerator..."
The guy explains "Well, for a while I'd suspected that my wife was cheating on me, so one day I left work early to catch them in the act. I got home to my apartment on the 10th floor to find my wife in bed, naked, but the guy was nowhere in sight. I looked everywhere, and finally saw the bastard hanging onto the edge of the balcony by his fingertips, so I stomped on his hands until he fell. Unfortunately, he landed in some bushes and survived, so I went and dragged the refrigerator out of the kitchen and pushed it off the balcony and it landed on him, crushing him. But the stress proved too great, and I had a heart attack and died."
So Saint Peter lets him into heaven. A short while later, another guy arrives. When asked how he died, he says "I was doing my daily exercises on the balcony of my 11th floor apartment, when I lost my balance and fell over the edge. Thankfully I was able to catch myself on the balcony below mine, but then some psycho started stomping on my hands, and I fell! Some bushes broke my fall, but then the bastard dropped a refrigerator on me!"
After Saint Peter lets him into heaven, another man comes along. Saint Peter asks him how he died, and the man says "Picture this; I'm naked inside a refrigerator..."
There are three men walking through the forest, when they stumble upon a magical stump. The stump says to them "Jump over me and call out what you wish to be, and that is what you will become."
So the first man jumps over the stump and calls out "EAGLE!!!" then POOF! he becomes an eagle.
The second man being smarter than the first, jumps over the stump and calls out "A TRILLIONARE" then POOF! he has a trillion dollars in his bank account.
So the third man is really excited, so he starts running, and when he gets close to the stump he JUMPS, but he hits his foot on the stump and falls, and while he's falling he yells out "SHIIIIIIIIT!!"
So the first man jumps over the stump and calls out "EAGLE!!!" then POOF! he becomes an eagle.
The second man being smarter than the first, jumps over the stump and calls out "A TRILLIONARE" then POOF! he has a trillion dollars in his bank account.
So the third man is really excited, so he starts running, and when he gets close to the stump he JUMPS, but he hits his foot on the stump and falls, and while he's falling he yells out "SHIIIIIIIIT!!"
This is a terrible WWII joke but it needs to be shared because I'm still trying to figure out who would be more offended by it.
1: How many Germans does it take to kill the Jews?
2: I don't know, how many Germans does it take to kill the Jews?
1: None! Their government does it for them!
1: How many Germans does it take to kill the Jews?
2: I don't know, how many Germans does it take to kill the Jews?
1: None! Their government does it for them!
Whats the differance between a drug dealer and a hooker?
[spoiler/] A hooker can wash her crack and re-sell it[/spoiler]
[spoiler/] A hooker can wash her crack and re-sell it[/spoiler]
I've got a terrible WW2 joke but it'd probably invoke mod wrath so I won't tell it here.
Something a bit milder, but still funny, my favorite joke from a video game:
I was playing Empire: Total War as Poland and cleaning up the rest of an ill-fated AI charge into my lines. Unfortunately, I surrounded the enemy...with infantry. It went into the history books as a Polish firing squad.
Something a bit milder, but still funny, my favorite joke from a video game:
I was playing Empire: Total War as Poland and cleaning up the rest of an ill-fated AI charge into my lines. Unfortunately, I surrounded the enemy...with infantry. It went into the history books as a Polish firing squad.
I'm sorry, but who's the guy they're talking about? This is obviously a british celebrity joke that we here in Canada can't appreciate.TheHitcher said:Frankie Boyle is such a fucking legend.Amnestic said: