What would you do if Cthulu came?

[Paksenarrion]

Smile.

Then get an umbrella.

 

[Athol]

Grab a fireaxe, and charge at him screaming. If Im gonna die, Im gonna die fighting!

 

[Nieroshai]

Bow down and ask his bidding

 

[LastMondaysHangover]

If I'm gonna die because of a giant squid monster, I want to do it while fighting. I'd take a Cessna, fly it high enough above him, and jump out while thrusting a wooden spear downwards.

Maybe I can take an eye out before I'm killed....

.....Or I can just wait for it to be bombarded with nukes

 

[Android2137]

Ask him in for tea and crumpets. He is going to destroy the world, but it doesn't mean I can't be polite.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

 

[Singularly Datarific]

Slap a leash on him and walk him down the street. I have a weird way of connecting iwth animals. Only cats hate me.

Vice versa, I'm not an animal person, but I love cats.
Sounds like a tagteam to me!

 

[Android2137]

Honestly?

Probably laugh as he got ripped to shreds by the police and/or national guard.

(snipped for length)

Ah well, enough rambling. This is probably too serious an answer for the discussion.

Give this man a medal, someone who wouldn't take Cthulu's s**t and would actually stand fighting, rather than serve the alien priest.

And how would his image turn us insane, he's a dude with a squid for a head, and dragon's wings...that's pretty much something similar to a Chimaera.

I think you're both missing the entire point of Lovecrafts particular brand of Horror by looking at this like statistics in a videogame. The entire premise behind Cthulhu as well as most of Lovecrafts other work was that of a greater cosmic horror which made all the grand achievements of humanity pail in comparison. Before Lovecraft most horror was of the 'boo' monster style or of the more religious hell quality, Lovecraft wanted to craft a new brand of horror which would terrify people who didn't believe in ghosts, ghoulies or gods. And thus was born the Cthulhu mythos.

Cthulhu isn't a grand boss fight, he wouldn't blindly stumble into a city and then try to tear shit up Godzilla style, he wouldn't bother. Nor is he a demon out to destroy all good things and which can be fought by praying hard enough. No, humanity is beneath his notice, he honestly doesn't care about us, we're ants to a cosmic being of his magnitude. The thing that makes him terrifying is just as much what he signifies as what he *is*, and what he signifies is humanities ultimate pointlessness in the grand vastness of space and time. Our complete insignificance in the greater cosmos.

Similarly you couldn't kill Cthulhu because while art likes to portray him as a betentacled squid dude, thats only because its the closest out humans minds can come to visualizing what we would see were we to look at a being of Cthulhu's magnitude. He exists within multiple realms of reality which we cannot even fathom, looking directly at Cthulhu is to see a piece of something so much greater and beyond even the greatest of human minds to comprehend. You look at him and you know that no matter how advanced humanity becomes, how great our weaponry, how vast our achievements, it's all meaningless because in the end we're still only a shadow in comparison to even just this one creature. And so, in our blind ignorance, we call it a God and some worship it. But Cthulhu isn't a God, he's just something greater than us, something we cannot understand. And what we do not understand we either fear or worship!

So no, you couldn't kill Cthulhu. He would awaken and it would spell the end of civilization. Not strictly because he would directly 'attack' anything so much as simply what the implications of a being like him existing would mean for our race as a whole. Thus, as the prophet Abdul Alhazred said, shall begin a new era of madness and violence.

It shall be glorious!

ia ia cthulhu fhtagn!
ia ia cthulhu fhtagn!

...Huh... Am I a freak for finding that comforting rather than scary?

 

[Dapsen]

My first thought when I saw the title was; "I'd probably die..."
Then I thought; "Damn, gotta read those books soon!"

 

[emeraldrafael]

Slap a leash on him and walk him down the street. I have a weird way of connecting iwth animals. Only cats hate me.

Vice versa, I'm not an animal person, but I love cats.
Sounds like a tagteam to me!

well, I think i would need someone ot help me watch after it. Cthulu must leave some monster sized excraments to clean.

 

[Lilani]

I'd get as far away from the coast as possible and invest in a cookbook solely devoted to calamari. Someone's bound to kill him eventually, right? And when that day comes, I will be prepared.

 

[Ldude893]

Take out a ukelele and start singing "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life".

 

[Apocalypse Tank]

hope his semen does not create the next katrina

 

[SnootyEnglishman]

I stand there and laugh.

 

[AngelicSven]

Get Aquaman. Done deal.

 

[FalloutJack]

Welcome the master to his kingdom. What else?

 

[archvile93]

Punch him. Despite his intimidating exterior he's a big wuss.

 

[hungoverbear]

Summon Godzilla, sit back and watch the epic battle commence

 

[Escapefromwhatever]

Whip out a scouter toy, and give it to my friend. As Cthulu arrives, ask him "Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his power level?"

"It's over 900..." he will begin, before being devoured by everyone's favorite Godly monstrosity.

I will laugh as I say "I'm sorry, I couldn't quite make that out through the sound of you dying for your stale meme reference!"

 

[Eman645]

Write saddle on my note pad then put the saddle on Cthulu and wonder why he can't move but he can look the way I want him to.