I think you're trying to tackle too many things at once. I mean, there are multiple stages, and people have different problems with each one.
For instance, remember this hellbeast:
"Hmm. Maybe if I show you how loyal I am and offer you an endless supply of support without any kind of pressure you'll eventually come to rely on me and that reliance will slowly morph into romantic feelings!"
The Problem: The Best Relationships Start With Friends (Who Are Emotionally Attached To Other People), Right?
The Solution: Once you're interested, that's when you jump in right away. Did s/he just go through a break-up? This requires you to summon up all your maturity, explain your feelings, and tell them you're not going to make things weird before they're ready to date again.
Could you lose their friendship? Maybe, but if it's not worth the risk, it's not love, and it's not worth complaining about on the internet.
So, what, then, IS it about?: It's about telling them. Yesterday. You can't complain until she knows. It is out of respect for them that you don't jerk them around and get butthurt over something they aren't even aware of. Once you start the ball rolling, in a year, if you like it, put a ring on it.
