Why do we Have Fetishes?
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This, so this. (though it's technically not a fetish at all, since a fetish is sexual arousal brought on by any object, situation or body part not conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature)Julianking93 said:
As for the actual question, there are a lot of theories around as to why humans have fetishes. Psychology is a baby of the science world, and therefore a lot of it is just theories, and unlike other sciences there are no real unifying trains of thought, so there is always disagreements between behaviourists, biological psychologist, etc, etc.
One theory is based on Freuds psychosexual theory, however that relates to the fixation at either oral, anal and phallic stage, which doesnt really apply to a lot fetishes. Plus the psychosexual theory is pretty much completely discredited these days anyway.
Another view point, one more accepted, is that the behaviour is learnt through traumatic experiences. E.g if you were beaten as a child, you may go on to become a sado or masochist. Conversely of course it could also lead you to become a paedophile. The thought is that to help you cope with the traumatic event, the brain represses it and turns the disgust and trauma into sexual stimulation in order to protect you.
Of course their is the theory of classical conditioning, where you are by accident exposed to both a sexual stimulus, as well as another stimulus, you associate the latter with the sex, and then later derive sexual pleasure from whatever the conditioned stimulus is. E.g during sex you feel pain ( i dunno, you hit your head or something) Your brain then tells you that the pain is part of the pleasure, then next time you will feel pleasure from the pain.
It could also be biological factors and individual differences. Tiny fluctuations in the chemicals in your brain could have an effect, or, more likely, neural pathways from close regions of the brain could connect one part (sex) to another (random, non sexual thing), this link then makes you think of sex when said thing is seen.
That's probably just a small percenage of all the theories out there, but it's all i sort of know. But as I said earlier, this is all just theory in reality, with stuff like fetishes it's rather hard to study the formation of these links, not to mention the ethical issues of asking them about these most personal facets of there lives.
This is basically what I think. Although earlier experiences are more powerful, we continue to gain fetishes throughout our lives. My personal opinion is that the purpose of fetishes is to help/trigger arousal, which is obviously important for procreation, but I'm open to other ideas as well.Xanian said:
It's not really a fetish, but I like light eyes with pale skin. Particularly, bright blue/green or golden (light hazel) eyes. Probably because I grew up in an extremely prodominent white area.
Shame about the Italian men then! Zzzing!shewolf51 said:
Oh my, I'm so very witty. Excuse me while I go bask in the light of my own comedy.
There is one problem here. Said experiences don't have to be enjoyable to imprint. It's obviously better that they are, but even neutral experiences can imprint up to a fetish.Xanian said:
At a guess...it's not the cartoons but teachers/parents. Feet are clothed a lot of the time and the act of taking a sock off or having a sock taken off may imprint at the same time as a lot of hormones are starting to run around your body...SharPhoe said:
If you really want to squick yourself, it's reasonably likely that you stubbed your toe hard when you were running about as a kid and your teacher/parent gave you a foot massage to "help the ouchie go away"...
The Asian one is usually due to a combination of doll like image, high cheekbones and subservient manner. That and a little xenophobia/xenophilia cross over.
I'm sorry Spitfire, better luck next time! (I think you've ninj'd me a couple of timesSpitfire175 said:
)My ex-gf had an unusual fetish which involved getting her hair cut short or shaven (i think its related to the humiliation fetishes). It got the stage where i would trim her hair for her and give her a little undercut with a hairclipper i brought her. This didn't turn me on, but she loved it, and of course i benifited from that. Of course, more normal stuff worked as well, but going by "the fetish root" is the quickest, easiest and can be the most satisying way of having a good time with your girlfriend or boyfriend. That's how we found it.Superbeast said:
Oh, funny you should mention goth chicks, my ex was a goth too, they say that goth chicks are a lot more kinky than normal women.. so i'm quite found of goth girls too.
So you can still both have "normal sex" without the fetish involved. That's what I was getting at - I know a fair few fetishists as there's a "fetish society" at my university, and none of them have the issues that a few people alluded to. Of course we *prefer* sex with whichever chosen fetish, because it's more arousing and stimulating for both partners (either directly, both being into the same thing, or indirectly like in the example quoted).Nickolai77 said:
As for the goth chicks - yeah it does seem to be that way. Maybe they are genuinely more open to experimentation (most of the bi girls that I know are goths) and so are into more fetishes (there are a lot of parallels that can be drawn between goth clothing and bondage, and the vampirism mythos fits in with blood-play); or maybe they are just more open about it than normal girls since they're used to "standing out" anyway.
I must admit, I think most of my fetishes properly "spawned" once I started noticing goth chicks around the place (so 14-16ish I reckon, I can't *recall* noticing them before that age), because I liked the fashion and the women wearing it - I guess that just developed into everything else over the next 4-6 years in-sync with that personal choice in women.
Still, the concept of fetishism is really interesting from a psychological standpoint, and it's nice to see it's still a generally unknown principle. Ain't the human mind fantastic?
Deep down, I'm wondering if people can have a fetish for people with fetishes.
"Oh, leather I see?"
"Yeah, its a fetish of mine"
"--moans--"
"?!"
"Oh, leather I see?"
"Yeah, its a fetish of mine"
"--moans--"
"?!"
I've met some people with the same sort of likings as your ex. All of them more or less "goth". Personally I find cutting hair a bit... odd, but if it works for them, good job. Also, I too, like the more sinister females, mostly due to dark hair and the rather interesting pieces of clothing that seem to go with it. It's a bit of a thing up here in Finland, quite a lot of goths and the likes around.Nickolai77 said:
Yeah, you can still have fun without fetish play, but fetish play works better. I'm surprised to hear about a fetish society in your university, there is not one at mine and i carn't see anyone starting one, it would be seen as another society for wierdo's, like the LARP (role-playing) society. Probably because there are not many Goths at my university unfortunatly. Anyhow, even if there was a fetish society i would not really join, i prefer to keep such things private within relationships.Superbeast said:
Since coming to university, i don't see goth's anymore. I see metal fans from time to time, but no goths anymore, which is a shame really i was friends with quite a few of them back in high school. I agree with what you say about goth's being experimental, for instance, i knew one goth girl who started off bi and went towards lesbianism as the years went by. I was always an understanding outsider to the "goth clique", i would not like to wear the clothing personally, but i think it looks good on other people. About your point about fetishism highlighting the human mind being fantastic, i don't think fantastic is quite the right word, but it certainly reveals how complex the human mind is.
Yeah, the fetish itself is kinda wierd, it's a good exhample though of a typical "wierd" fetish that you sometimes come across. I sort of envy you Fin's for having quite an active "goth" culture in Finland (not because of the fetish stuff, but because of the rather good music, and compatablity with nerd culture that comes with it). Goth culture used to be quite active in the UK about 4-5 years ago, but seems to have rapidly died down here. So i'm stuck with boring normal people now lolSpitfire175 said:
I think maybe part of it is the idea that fetishes are 'bad' or more sinful in some way, they just have that connotation. And who doesn't get turned on by doing something sort of bad? Especially if you can find another person who shares the same one, that just makes the sex so much better.
I have a common fetish of PJs, but thats easlily explained because PJs = bed time. What also happens in the bed!
MUSCULAR ARMS. And a good voice. Sort of shoulder lengthy long hair to run my hands through.
And now I'm all a-fluster.
And now I'm all a-fluster.
I heard on the radio that the reason people have special fetishes, is because of your earlier "normal" sexual experiences beeing somehow linked to the fetish you have..
For instance they said, that if you the first time had sex with someone, and some other people was in the same room or close by, people have a tendency to evolve a fetish of exibitionism...
If this includes all kinds of fetishes i do not know, but in my mind it kinda makes sense..
For instance they said, that if you the first time had sex with someone, and some other people was in the same room or close by, people have a tendency to evolve a fetish of exibitionism...
If this includes all kinds of fetishes i do not know, but in my mind it kinda makes sense..
It depends on the fetish in question, really. Some fetishes we know come from odd wiring in the brain (foot fetishes, for instance, are theorized to come from the proximity of the genitals to the feet in our sensory cortex). Some are theorized to come from "safety", for instance there is evidence of upswings in foot fetishism during outbreaks of STDs (even going back centuries in Europe).Julianking93 said:
But, in my opinion, almost all fetishes can devolve into one of two major categories:
1. Confidence issues
2. Acceptance/Caring/trust issues
For the confidence issues, I believe you have most of the dissociative fetishes, the ones focused on being someone or something else. Probably nothing traumatic happened, but having been rejected on some level as a "human being" some portion of the population foists their sexual interests into more comfortable areas. It's about becoming something other than a "normal" human in terms of my sexual interests, because then anything sexual isn't actually me qua me. It's part of the persona I've adopted for that moment. Similarly, this can lead to things like rape fantasies, where the "rapist" is so overcome with desire that he/she simply must have you. This also leads to the voyeuristic fetishes: the observed is unaware of the observer, and thus cannot reject him/her. Also, fetishes for scars/stretch marks/fatties seem to fit in this category, minimizing the chances of being rejected, or foisting possible rejection on "unworthy" people to begin with.
For the trust issues, I believe this is what leads to most of dominance/submission. The ability to trust a person with the ability to harm me, or be "forced" to trust them is a big deal. Being in control, or being completely out of control, are both appealing to someone who finds it difficult to have faith in other people. I would want to be in complete control because that means my partner trusts me, and won't/can't reject me. This also leads, I believe, to most of the exhibitionism fetishes. The observed is aware, and thus accepting, of the observer; the observed wants (and hence is not rejecting) the observer.
The first category is about either eliminating the ability to be rejected, or making it impossible to be rejected as a "person" by a "worthwhile" person. The second category is about reassurance and acceptance. They're really two sides of the same coin.
Again, the particular kink and flavors of dom/sub, and the fantasies therein, are based on an individual's experiences.
In terms of my own kinks, I'm pretty varied. But, they all stem from what I'd said. Mostly, for me, it's about being reassured that the girl I'm with actually wants me. It sounds a little maudlin, but my big issue is trusting that a girl is interested in me. So, dirty talking, either dominance from the "beg for more" perspective, or submission from the encouraging "you're such a good slave" perspective. Most of the specific object-based fetishes (remember, of course, that a fetish is a paraphilia for an object, whereas a kink or paraphilia is the broader term) tend toward the girl being open and vulnerable.