Why get into a relationship if you don't intend to go long-term?

[Lugbzurg]

Well for one marriage is incredibly over-rated. A lot of people I know have no intention of marrying even though they've found the "perfect" partner. Why? Because it costs a fortune, it adds unnecessary stress on the relationship, and it doesn't really have any benefit (now, I could be wrong, but that's how we see it). Hell, my cousin got married after being with her boyfriend for about 7 years, they had 2 kids already, and they found they couldn't deal with the stress. So they divorced, yet they still live together, just like before.

Also, some fooling around can be a good way to teach you what you actually look for in a partner, because as far as I can tell, there will always be some peer pressure to go for a certain type, while you might end up liking something completely different. Just my two cents.

Being well-trained in relationship classes, graduating them, and receiving my certificate of completion, I can say that what you just said was one of the most foolhardy things I have ever read on The Escapist. I know a lot. And I can say that every statement you made in their was foolswork.

People are not taking this seriously enough. They think relationships are a game. If you aren't seeing marriage potential in someone, don't hold such exclusiveness to them. It's bad for you.

I'm yet to so much as live with a girlfriend.

I would strongly recommend not even living with a "girlfriend" until she's legally your wife. That was drilled into my head during my relationship classes.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

I don't see the point of them either.

 

[Strain42]

cause being in a relationship is technically cheaper than coke and hookers

Why are we still even discussing this? Sounds like the conversation solved itself back here

In all seriousness, it all depends on what different people want. There is no RIGHT way to date.

Some people wanna date casually and keep it from being serious so if they break up there are no hard feelings. So long as both partners are aware of this there's nothing wrong with it.

 

[KarmaTheAlligator]

Well for one marriage is incredibly over-rated. A lot of people I know have no intention of marrying even though they've found the "perfect" partner. Why? Because it costs a fortune, it adds unnecessary stress on the relationship, and it doesn't really have any benefit (now, I could be wrong, but that's how we see it). Hell, my cousin got married after being with her boyfriend for about 7 years, they had 2 kids already, and they found they couldn't deal with the stress. So they divorced, yet they still live together, just like before.

Also, some fooling around can be a good way to teach you what you actually look for in a partner, because as far as I can tell, there will always be some peer pressure to go for a certain type, while you might end up liking something completely different. Just my two cents.

Being well-trained in relationship classes, graduating them, and receiving my certificate of completion, I can say that what you just said was one of the most foolhardy things I have ever read on The Escapist. I know a lot. And I can say that every statement you made in their was foolswork.

People are not taking this seriously enough. They think relationships are a game. If you aren't seeing marriage potential in someone, don't hold such exclusiveness to them. It's bad for you.

Wait just a minute. There are relationship classes? Seriously? What can they possibly teach in those?

 

[sethisjimmy]

For fun, simply put. And to expect a relationship to last forever is just unrealistic.

 

[artanis_neravar]

This is just my opinion regarding your opinion, not trying to say you are wrong or start an argument or anything like that.

1. All relationships are transitory.

Transitory as in always evolving? Agreed

2. All relationships will end.

assuming you don't mean "till death do us part" end then I disagree

3. There is no "one person" that is right for you forever.

Agreed, there can be more than one person who is right for you

Only people who are right for you right now.

oh..nevermind - Disagree

4. Enjoy it while you have it. It can be gone or changed in an instant.

I will agree with this

5. The quality of a relationship never has and never will be measured by its length, or the depth of its commitment, only in how happy it's made you.

Overall happiness? or moment to moment happiness, as in when you get in a fight your relationship is poorer quality than it was?[/quote]

 

[Marcus Kehoe]

I will hang out with anyone but i wont date unless i think there is a chance we can go the distance.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

Marriage complicates the shit out of things needlessly. Have you had money problems in your current relationship? Because if you get married, you will have money problems. Finances get merged and you can bet your butt that both you and her have different ideas about how money is spent. Not only that, but the whole endeavor is capped off by a really expensive ceremony / event to create all sorts of unforeseen problems right from the start. I only know from watching my sister get married twice, as well as my own parent's marriage.

 

[StriderShinryu]

While I don't think there's any reason to necessarily fixate on marriage, I do agree that it doesn't make senes to me personally to be looking for a relationship that isn't long term. Sure, not all relationships last and not all relationships should last, but it just seems rather starnge to me to enter into a relationship sort of expecting or anticipating that.

But, then again, I haven't had any non serious relationships in my life. Every one I've been in has either been a long one or, in the case of my current one, is one I hope lasts as long as possible. Perhaps I just lack teh perspective gained from something shorter in term.

 

[5ilver]

Reminds me of the whole cow and milk thing.
But really, why do you need to marry? Marriage just adds more headaches and confusion.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Overall happiness? or moment to moment happiness, as in when you get in a fight your relationship is poorer quality than it was?

Obviously overall happiness. You did catch the part where I said I'm in a 7 year monogamous relationship, right? You think I made it 7 years without having any fights? It's as many peaks as valleys. I'm certainly not advocating ditching the moment something pisses you off.

 

[Sansha]

There's something I've been thinking about for a few hours now, and I wanted to express and get some perspective on my thoughts on relationships.

I'm 24 years old. I've been dating since I was seventeen. I've always only looked for marriage-material girls and, later, women. I don't like casual dating, preferring a stable relationship with hopes of a solid future.

I'm far from a stalker or one of those lunatics who names their children three weeks into the relationship. I'm yet to so much as live with a girlfriend.

But I don't get relationships (I hesitate to use that term here) that are just 'playing around' or 'casual dating'. I appreciate getting to know one another to see where it goes, but after a few years in a relationship, why do people still say no to proposals or won't propose, or think 'I don't think I'd want to marry him/her' - I know it takes time and care to make that decision but if you're going to say no, and if one person wants something and the other doesn't, why bother with the relationship?

This is pretty much a drooling rant, and I'm not bitchy about something happening to me. I'm very happy relationship-wise.

Yeesh. Okay. Hmm. Where to begin.



1. All relationships are transitory.
2. All relationships will end.
3. There is no "one person" that is right for you forever. Only people who are right for you right now.
4. Enjoy it while you have it. It can be gone or changed in an instant.
5. The quality of a relationship never has and never will be measured by its length, or the depth of its commitment, only in how happy it's made you.

Did any of that make sense? Or am I just talking rubbish? It's early. I'm tired. I had crazy dreams all night.

Both.

Wow, hello. I've always appreciated advice from my elders (no offense; you're not exactly old), and no exception here.
This is a somewhat cynical perspective on relationships but I've had my share of brutally shitty ones, most at my own fault, so I see where you're coming from.

Things aren't always as simple as all that. Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you should be together. Sometimes you have to stay away from someone for that persons own good. This is the lesson reality has given me.

I had the pleasure of learning this last year.

The real question is WHY it should/have to be long-term?

WHY if I am liking this girl, that if we happen to become boyfriend/girlfriend we should have to be going for "teh long term relationshipz".

WHY can't just enjoy each other, or hell, just be "friends with benefits"?


Marriage can bring in a lot of bull-shit that can make or break perfectly good relationships. I've seen that shit all my life growing up and then some. Especially if children are involved.

WHY can't a couple just love each other, not have kids, and not get married, and just be together?

'friends with benefits' isn't a relationship, it's just two people fucking on a regular basis. I've been in plenty of those, usually with several people at one time. There's nothing wrong with that, or just 'enjoying each other's company'.
If both people are happy in their relationship, that's all that matters. Whatever other people say about it is irrelevant, and I know that might sound weird considering my initial argument.

What I don't get is why be with someone at all if you don't intend to be with them forever, marriage or not? Why bother? You're just wasting time. For me, when I think a relationship is going sour or just drifting apart, I give it some time and try to unfuck it, but I'm usually pretty quick to call it and move on.

 

[Astoria]

I used to agree with you but lately I've started to understand it. People change all the time and some people know they're going to change in the forseable future so they don't bother trying to find a long term partner as they know circumstances will change and they possibly or porbably won't be able to be together. They still want to be with someone though so they just get in a short term relationship. There are also some people who just aren't ready to settle for good but still want the fun of a relationship. I think relationship are good for people, even when they don't last. Each relationship teaches you more about yourself and what you want in a partner. They also give you more confidence for when you do meet the person you want to settle down with. Everyone's different though, I am the type who wants to know a relationship's going somewhere.

 

[DarkRyter]

To hang out and bone.

Not that I would know. I'm a lone wolf.

 

[Jaeke]

There's something I've been thinking about for a few hours now, and I wanted to express and get some perspective on my thoughts on relationships.

I'm 24 years old. I've been dating since I was seventeen. I've always only looked for marriage-material girls and, later, women. I don't like casual dating, preferring a stable relationship with hopes of a solid future.
I'm far from a stalker or one of those lunatics who names their children three weeks into the relationship. I'm yet to so much as live with a girlfriend.

But I don't get relationships (I hesitate to use that term here) that are just 'playing around' or 'casual dating'. If both people are happy in their relationship, whatever stage it's at or what they do together, there's nothing wrong with that, from casual fucking to marriage, and I appreciate getting to know one another to see where it goes, but after a few years in a relationship, why do people still say no to proposals or won't propose, or think 'I don't think I'd want to marry him/her' - I know it takes time and care to make that decision but if you're going to say no, and if one person wants something and the other doesn't, why bother with the relationship?

This is pretty much a drooling rant, and I'm not bitchy about something happening to me. I'm very happy relationship-wise.

I don't know bro. I ask this same question to myself, as I am conflicted with this same question. I'm 15 years old, born and raised a religious christian and have always had the belief that I shouldn't date until I'm 16, but even then what's the point in that, as my religion is firmly based upon the value of one man, one woman and their children being sealed together in eternity (a bit heavy but that's the best I can come up with), so this standard has very strongly affected my view on relationships, and, like you, I now believe that it is pointless to keep a relationship if it isn't going to be a long lasting one. When I turn 18 I will be gone for 2 years on my missionary calling and as the men of my church say "Money spent on a woman before your mission is money spent on another man's wife."

So I am the least to say a bit depressed about this outlook on relationships that I now have, but it's what I've got.

But with the rise of divorce percantages (especially in the U.S.) it just goes to show how modern-day society is weakening in its romantic fields, so perhaps it's not best to go with what EVERYONE says (that probably includes I as well.)

 

[Sansha]

There's something I've been thinking about for a few hours now, and I wanted to express and get some perspective on my thoughts on relationships.

I'm 24 years old. I've been dating since I was seventeen. I've always only looked for marriage-material girls and, later, women. I don't like casual dating, preferring a stable relationship with hopes of a solid future.
I'm far from a stalker or one of those lunatics who names their children three weeks into the relationship. I'm yet to so much as live with a girlfriend.

But I don't get relationships (I hesitate to use that term here) that are just 'playing around' or 'casual dating'. If both people are happy in their relationship, whatever stage it's at or what they do together, there's nothing wrong with that, from casual fucking to marriage, and I appreciate getting to know one another to see where it goes, but after a few years in a relationship, why do people still say no to proposals or won't propose, or think 'I don't think I'd want to marry him/her' - I know it takes time and care to make that decision but if you're going to say no, and if one person wants something and the other doesn't, why bother with the relationship?

This is pretty much a drooling rant, and I'm not bitchy about something happening to me. I'm very happy relationship-wise.

When I turn 18 I will be gone for 2 years on my missionary calling and as the men of my church say "Money spent on a woman before your mission is money spent on another man's wife."

So I am the least to say a bit depressed about this outlook on relationships that I now have, but it's what I've got.

Well, I'm not Christian, but here's my perspective on this situation.

What the men of your church say there about women is Gospel. I've never heard it put that way before but I'm going to start using it. They speak it out of experience.
It sounds depressing, but your morals are in the right place. They'll protect you. You really are too young to be in a 'long-term' relationship at your age, because teenage girls are full of shit. They're immature, stupid, emotionally unstable and unpredictable. You'll very likely get hurt. Your best relationship right now is with your family and God, and I mean that.
My advice is to be friends with the girls and young women from your church and school, but don't date. Learn all you can about women from that, but don't get into a relationship.

And when you return from your mission, start looking for a girlfriend and eventually wife.

But regarding the stupidity and heartbreak likelihood of teenage girls, I have a piece of advice I learned from one of my elders at your age, and I want you to really think about it:

You're too young to be miserable. Enjoy being young, single and reckless now while you can, and don't throw yourself out of that blissful youthful freedom until you've got it out of your system.
Which it should be once you've completed your mission.

 

[Rblade]

I just think that spending time with someone you care for, I'm not saying you go in there for the sole purpose of getting out of there in 2 weeks. Even relationships that are solely based around sex tend to last for a while. One night stands aside.

But I do believe it's not very smart to go into something with your mind on how you'll arrange life around your kids 20 years from now. Live in the present and see where it takes you. You have enough worrying about the future you can do in your career/study.

to paraphrase Yoda: Keep your mind on the present, on what you are doing.

In my experience looking ahead will only distract from the fun it is and make the possible dissapointments more severe

 

[M-E-D The Poet]

sex,need for personal contact