Why get into a relationship if you don't intend to go long-term?

[Jaeke]

Because there is no change, no progression. You can either regress or progress, but you can't stay static, that is nature. Marriage is the pinnacle of progression, that you have forever promised your life to be intertwined with anothers' for the future, that you both will advance life together and progress alongside each other, for better or worse.

An object in motion will stay in motion and all that... if it stays still it falls apart.

There is no rule of progression in relationships. Relationships are not RPGs. You don't need to level up your relationship in order to keep it sound. This is a ludicrous notion.

What? At what point did you see me treat this like a game?

Because there is no change, no progression. You can either regress or progress, but you can't stay static, that is nature. Marriage is the pinnacle of progression, that you have forever promised your life to be intertwined with anothers' for the future, that you both will advance life together and progress alongside each other, for better or worse.

An object in motion will stay in motion and all that... if it stays still it falls apart.

There is no such thing as a static relationship. It is ALWAYS in a state of growth and change whether you get married or not. That you believe two people suddenly become static, fixed entities in the absence of a social/religious pact is utterly baffling, because you seem to be of sound mind.

What were you reading? You just paraphrased exactly what I said. If you were referring that marriage is static, no I disagree and I just stated that clearly.

What are you confused about? We both have the same opinion.

EDIT: Oh I see, yeah I should have cleared up the beginning of that post, I was replying to another person who said that marriage is static. My bad.

But I totally agree with you, relationships are never standing still, they are either moving forward or backward. I still stand by that marriage is the highest form of progression, if you saw my other post I said that people who are married are always progressing together, either with kids or work.

Sorry for the unclarification.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

What were you reading? You just paraphrased exactly what I said. If you were referring that marriage is static, no I disagree and I just stated that clearly.

What are you confused about? We both have the same opinion.

EDIT: Oh I see, yeah I should have cleared up the beginning of that post, I was replying to another person who said that marriage is static. My bad.

But I totally agree with you, relationships are never standing still, they are either moving forward or backward. I still stand by that marriage is the highest form of progression, if you saw my other post I said that people who are married are always progressing together, either with kids or work.

Sorry for the unclarification.

Clearly a communication fail on our collective part. My apologies as well.

I still disagree with you about marriage, but we will have to agree to disagree.

Or...alternate solution...PISTOLS AT DAWN.

 

[Jaeke]

What were you reading? You just paraphrased exactly what I said. If you were referring that marriage is static, no I disagree and I just stated that clearly.

What are you confused about? We both have the same opinion.

EDIT: Oh I see, yeah I should have cleared up the beginning of that post, I was replying to another person who said that marriage is static. My bad.

But I totally agree with you, relationships are never standing still, they are either moving forward or backward. I still stand by that marriage is the highest form of progression, if you saw my other post I said that people who are married are always progressing together, either with kids or work.

Sorry for the unclarification.

Clearly a communication fail on our collective part. My apologies as well.

I still disagree with you about marriage, but we will have to agree to disagree.

Or...alternate solution...PISTOLS AT DAWN.

Pffh... Come at me bro.

[sub][sub]What's your disagreement with marriage?[/sub][/sub]

 

[BloatedGuppy]

What's your disagreement with marriage?

My disagreement is more with your statement that marriage indicates some form of "end game" for relationships. Like it's the logical evolution. I don't believe it is. I believe it's one way to go, which may or may not be the right thing depending on the individuals involved. I've seen perfectly happy, healthy relationships implode upon marriage. I've seen rocky relationships improve substantially upon marriage. I know people who are happily married, I know others who curse the institution and have endured bitter divorces. It's not a universal truism that marriage is a desirable state.

You have to wait for me to load it though.

 

[FoolKiller]

But when people hook up simply for aa quick lay and then break it off, that's not right.

Because...

... did you seriously just ignore the rest of my post just to quote that?

Read it. You shouldn't need to ask "because."

Actually now I'm curious. I read your post and it doesn't say why it isn't right. It says why it may be a bad idea. And it's quite a weak argument at that. There is such a thing as birth control and if all goes bad, there is abortion. (I'm not here to debate abortion so if you have some emotional objection to it, don't bother telling me)

If two consenting adults want to have non-committal sex there is nothing wrong with it.

In fact, the concept of a monogamous indefinite relationship is not natural. There is nothing wrong with it if that is what you choose, but people should be allowed to enjoy their lives as they see fit without random judgement based on others idea of what is correct.

 

[Jaeke]

What's your disagreement with marriage?

My disagreement is more with your statement that marriage indicates some form of "end game" for relationships. Like it's the logical evolution. I don't believe it is. I believe it's one way to go, which may or may not be the right thing depending on the individuals involved. I've seen perfectly happy, healthy relationships implode upon marriage. I've seen rocky relationships improve substantially upon marriage. I know people who are happily married, I know others who curse the institution and have endured bitter divorces. It's not a universal truism that marriage is a desirable state.

You have to wait for me to load it though.

Oh no no no no no. I never meant to intend a sort of endgame. I believe that when married your problems and future challenges are then shared with another, that two people now get to face the future together and that there are still things to work towards like raising kids. It seems nowadays that one or both people in the relationships are starting to loose strength against adversity in modern societies' relationships. This means that I think marriage is the right thing to do in order to keep stability and make it easier for the two people to face problems so yeah, I guess we disagree a little bit, but like you said it ultimately just changes from person to person, relationship to relationship. I've shared the pain (but I'm not trying to act like this is a feat for me to use as justification for what I've done) of being affected by divorce. In my religion, divorce is just as taboo as mormonism is seen to the rest of the world, and having to grow up in a crumbled relationship, and eventually with seperate parents affected me alot. Like I said to the OP I've gone from straight up crazy to a stable and hopefully likeable person because of my ongoing search for different perspectives on life. Eh, maybe I'm a little blinded because of this search but I'm hoping that it leads me to the right place.

I'll give you a 10 second head start.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

Yes I'm sure having only 1 other sex partner besides your wife can make you miss out on certain things, but I just can't see it any other way.

It can actually be counter productive if eternal monogamy is your goal. People who have never 'shopped around' (so to speak) are much more likely to suffer from doubt and grass is greener syndrome later in life, and much less likely to appreciate what they have. Those with a lot of relationship and life experience have a far stronger grasp on the ups and downs of relationships, a better understanding of what they like and don't like, and a deeper realization of the truism that no one is perfect and the dangers inherent in the initial surge of chemical attraction you get when you meet someone new.

Might explain why I am somewhat relieved I had sex with a skank first. Its almost as if I the extreme sides of a relationship. My Wife and I are like polar magnets. We are that sickening couple that fills the room with lovies. (Though with added geek you'd hear on vent commentary)

And then I had the woman who used me for sex and manipulated me to feel sorry for her. I was her toy and I let her play with me.

So maybe thats why my "grass" is fairly green right where I am. -shrug- I can see the "what if" though, everyone always seems plagued by them, why not in relationships too.

Thats real insightful, thank you for that.

 

[Sansha]

There's something I've been thinking about for a few hours now, and I wanted to express and get some perspective on my thoughts on relationships.

I'm 24 years old. I've been dating since I was seventeen. I've always only looked for marriage-material girls and, later, women. I don't like casual dating, preferring a stable relationship with hopes of a solid future.
I'm far from a stalker or one of those lunatics who names their children three weeks into the relationship. I'm yet to so much as live with a girlfriend.

But I don't get relationships (I hesitate to use that term here) that are just 'playing around' or 'casual dating'. If both people are happy in their relationship, whatever stage it's at or what they do together, there's nothing wrong with that, from casual fucking to marriage, and I appreciate getting to know one another to see where it goes, but after a few years in a relationship, why do people still say no to proposals or won't propose, or think 'I don't think I'd want to marry him/her' - I know it takes time and care to make that decision but if you're going to say no, and if one person wants something and the other doesn't, why bother with the relationship?

This is pretty much a drooling rant, and I'm not bitchy about something happening to me. I'm very happy relationship-wise.

I honestly am trying to grasp that concept myself. I guess some people don't like waiting for sex or spooning?

I mean I took my time and waited until I found a girl that seemed like my type. Then there was a waiting period to see if shes the type I would marry before sex ever entered the picture. We would cuddle and I would "satisfy her" and give her attention, but never sex. Nothing that would threaten our relationship with a baby.

I was losing relationships because of it. I'd go 6 months without sex (not that hard when your a virgin) and had my GF practically begging for me to put out. I just couldn't do it, because if a kid pops out and shes not someone I want to be with, my life is over.

It took me until I was 22 to find someone I liked enough to have sex with. Of course the irony is she turned out to be a total whore and was cheating with like 5 other people Granted I knew she had a bf so I was one of the cheaters too, I just had stopped caring. It seemed like the "bad boys" were getting all the great girls.

But I digress, my point is from what I've seen here most people based on passed polls in this forum can't even wait until their 17th birthday so we still are in the "weirdos" even in the geek world.

EDIT: I understand there is no such thing as a permanent relationship. A valuable quote from Lex and Terry (of all places) "All relationships end, either through breaking up or someone dying." I get that, thats not why I waited and am so picky.

I am an honorable man. If I get a woman pregnant I will stick by and raise that child. That is what I've been told is the right thing to do. So when I have sex with someone I want to make damn sure I can stand being with them for the rest of my life.

Also having all these sex partners makes me feel a little used up. I'm not saying having orgies or whatever is wrong its just not for me. Yes I'm sure having only 1 other sex partner besides your wife can make you miss out on certain things, but I just can't see it any other way.

While I can't say anything negative about your motivations, abstaining from sex due to fear of an accidental baby and having to stay with a woman you don't like forever is a little... extreme.
I'm afraid of sex too, for the same reason. I don't do it with strangers, and even then only with a condom on me and a birth control pill in her. My sister is 25 and just had a baby, and it's put so much stress on her life that I can't imagine putting so much aside for such a commitment.
She's surrounded by people who make it a lot easier, and she absolutely adores her son, and she's generally happy, but it's not the life for me. Her now ex-boyfriend (she dumped him because he's got some emotional relationship issues) is a good father and is still friendly with my sister and the rest of us.
Side point: just because you feel obligated to stay with the woman and your child, which I totally support and think is greatly honorable, doesn't mean she'll want *you* around, not to say anything negative of you. I see it a lot, actually, he doesn't stick around because she doesn't want a relationship with him.

You seem to look at sex from the typical perspective of a woman, which, again, there's absolutely nothing wrong with. It's... unusual to see a man with this perspective, to say the least.
Teenagers are horny and most don't have the willpower to overcome it, or just don't care.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

You seem to look at sex from the typical perspective of a woman, which, again, there's absolutely nothing wrong with. It's... unusual to see a man with this perspective, to say the least.

Maybe its my gay side -shrug- or maybe my mother rubbed off on my more than I would like to admit.

I suppose it is a bit extreme, but the fact is it scares the crap out of me. My parents had me when they were in their teens and I really messed up what they wanted out of life. I'm not saying its my fault I'm just saying I don't want to make the same mistake.