Why not adopt?
- Thread starter Malconvoker
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To me it just wouldn't feel the same. I would probably love the kid but its like playing on someone else's save file.
Well, we're genetically predisposed to want to pass OUR OWN genes to the next generation.Malconvoker said:
Your DNA wants to keep on living so you have the need to make babies.
Sue, you can point to overpopulation and all that but we're selfish creatures and most of us don't care.
Welcome to the age where logic trumps all emotional value.SmashLovesTitanQuest said:
OT: I'd rather have my own, if only because I've observed what an incredible, expensive gong show Canadian adoption is.
(Although there's definitely an emotional aspect involved, yes.)
Well, personally, it's not that I wouldn't consider adoption. However, I've always been of the mind that, if I'm going to spend around 18 years raising a child, teaching them values, helping them through life's problems, creating an atmosphere of support while still disciplining them if necessary, I would want them to be my own child.
As horrible as it might be to say this, I feel like I would be able to connect better to a child that came from mine own loins, rather than those of someone else, whom I may not ever meet, depending on the method of adoption.
Also: various forms of media has made me fear that adopting a child that has seen the inside of an orphanage may be a lot of trouble. Psychological troubles seem to be abound whenever a child is separated from their birth parents. I don't necessarily believe this in every extreme that it is presented, but I can't deny that the idea would be worrisome. I mean, after I had one child of my own, I wouldn't be adverse to possibly adopting another, but that carries with it its own set of problems. I suppose it really all comes down to whoever I wind up with in that situation.
Also also: assuming I do find someone I'd actually want to raise a child with, having one together would presumably strengthen whatever relationship we had. Or tear it apart, I suppose. Either way, it's certainly a good trust exercise.
CAPTCHA: French phrases.
Adoption: not really my thing, at least for the first round. C'est la vie.
As horrible as it might be to say this, I feel like I would be able to connect better to a child that came from mine own loins, rather than those of someone else, whom I may not ever meet, depending on the method of adoption.
Also: various forms of media has made me fear that adopting a child that has seen the inside of an orphanage may be a lot of trouble. Psychological troubles seem to be abound whenever a child is separated from their birth parents. I don't necessarily believe this in every extreme that it is presented, but I can't deny that the idea would be worrisome. I mean, after I had one child of my own, I wouldn't be adverse to possibly adopting another, but that carries with it its own set of problems. I suppose it really all comes down to whoever I wind up with in that situation.
Also also: assuming I do find someone I'd actually want to raise a child with, having one together would presumably strengthen whatever relationship we had. Or tear it apart, I suppose. Either way, it's certainly a good trust exercise.
I think maybe the question could have been phrased differently, so that it didn't seem like the OP was absolutely flabbergasted by the idea of people having their own children. It's a legitimate question - or, at least, as legitimate as a lot of the stuff you find on internet forums - but, I agree, the OP seemed a little bit... close-minded. Like they'd long ago decided that having their own child was a terrible idea, and are just realizing that some people consider, or in fact prefer it.SmashLovesTitanQuest said:
CAPTCHA: French phrases.
Adoption: not really my thing, at least for the first round. C'est la vie.
I see a lot of self righteous liers here, which makes it awkward for me to say I might adopt. Of course it might not be that these people are lying to feel better about themselves but maybe that adoption of the only choice they have.
All jokes aside, I truly believe most of these people would not adopt. Rarely ever do people adopt children so to get so many people saying they will at once it just seems more likely that most of them are only saying it to make themselves feel like a good person. I don't know if I'll adopt or not, I don't even know if I'm going to have kids. Those are the kind of things I am to young to be focusing about anyways.
BTW: People don't just have kids because they think that makes them more 'theirs' than an adopted child. Its also because people like to know that they are creating a life.
All jokes aside, I truly believe most of these people would not adopt. Rarely ever do people adopt children so to get so many people saying they will at once it just seems more likely that most of them are only saying it to make themselves feel like a good person. I don't know if I'll adopt or not, I don't even know if I'm going to have kids. Those are the kind of things I am to young to be focusing about anyways.
BTW: People don't just have kids because they think that makes them more 'theirs' than an adopted child. Its also because people like to know that they are creating a life.
for me thats a difficult topic...
it was allways sure for me id have children later, but as im infertile they will never be of my genes. children of your own blood, half you and half the one you love, i see why most prefer that. honestly, so would i. but i dont have that choice and my life time partner would probably lose it aswell cause of me, that sort of made me to cross children from my lifeplan.
on the other hand, getting pregnat, having that new being growing inside, yeah its supposed to be wonderful, but isnt it sorta creepy?. and then look at pregnant women at 8th or 9th month, their body is just doing this one thing, pushing everything else aside. not to forget the finale, birth: humans are bad at giving birth, and thats noticeable, very much so. If you arent as superhuman as women like heidi clum, you body will show that event for a long time.
it was allways sure for me id have children later, but as im infertile they will never be of my genes. children of your own blood, half you and half the one you love, i see why most prefer that. honestly, so would i. but i dont have that choice and my life time partner would probably lose it aswell cause of me, that sort of made me to cross children from my lifeplan.
on the other hand, getting pregnat, having that new being growing inside, yeah its supposed to be wonderful, but isnt it sorta creepy?. and then look at pregnant women at 8th or 9th month, their body is just doing this one thing, pushing everything else aside. not to forget the finale, birth: humans are bad at giving birth, and thats noticeable, very much so. If you arent as superhuman as women like heidi clum, you body will show that event for a long time.
so we can now add wanting your own kids onto the list of things that the escapist now deems as evil alongside being humble/nice, being attractive, and other perplexing traits.
I am certainly open to the idea of adoption, especially since it seems (key word) like i have a few bad genes in me. However, neither me nor my sister have kids yet, and if we never do it would feel like im saying that my parents genes didnt deserve to be continued.
I am certainly open to the idea of adoption, especially since it seems (key word) like i have a few bad genes in me. However, neither me nor my sister have kids yet, and if we never do it would feel like im saying that my parents genes didnt deserve to be continued.
Initial response: Your line of questioning is bad and you should feel bad.
Educated response: Because people might actually want their OWN kids. Not someone else's kids. If you want to adopt that's fine. But it's really the ideal method.
Educated response: Because people might actually want their OWN kids. Not someone else's kids. If you want to adopt that's fine. But it's really the ideal method.
I've always thought about adopting a child versus having my own. There isn't anything particularly special about my genes and it would definitely help out a child that deserves nothing more than a loving home and parents. If I were to adopt, however, I would want to do so when they are still a baby. That way, the bonding would be the most important thing and the child would consider you their parent, regardless of blood.
This forum just keeps getting weirder and weirder. What is wrong with wanting your own child? Leave the problem of overpopulation to the scientists and warmongers. If you can support a child and what to have one, there is no problem in creating one.
Because they wouldn't be my child. I could adopt someone quite happily, raise them as my own, and accept them into my family without issue, but they still wouldn't have my genes or be an extension of my family's bloodline. As the dutiful son, it is my duty to the family to extend the line further, and adopting does not present this as an option. And on a purely emotional level, I do not believe that I would connect as well with a child that wasn't truly my own.
My wife and I struggle with this. She wants kids but doesn't necessarily want to feel the "joy" of pregnancy.
On one hand, the population of the planet is large enough. Perhaps we should tend to those who are here instead of introducing more who may not receive adequate care.
On the other hand, I totally agree with the Nietzcheian philosophy a la "Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda": It's about the propagation of the species, and I want my gene pool to continue.
There are selfish reasons on both side of the argument.
On one hand, the population of the planet is large enough. Perhaps we should tend to those who are here instead of introducing more who may not receive adequate care.
On the other hand, I totally agree with the Nietzcheian philosophy a la "Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda": It's about the propagation of the species, and I want my gene pool to continue.
There are selfish reasons on both side of the argument.
For me, I'd love to except for, as you said, all the hoops that you need to jump through for adoption in this country. The biggest of which being that you can't adopt a newborn. 1-year old is the very minimum I think, which means you miss out on the early days of your child's development. There are other factors too but that's the main one for me.
Not saying it's off the table when I finally decide I'm ready to raise a family, just that it's not an easy process in the slightest.
Not saying it's off the table when I finally decide I'm ready to raise a family, just that it's not an easy process in the slightest.
Because my genes are superior to those of most other people. I genuinely believe that, and I have some fairly compelling reasons.
And when it comes down to it the ONLY reason I would really want a child IS to propagate my blood line.
And just to put something out there (which I don't necessarily believe myself, but nor can I convincingly dismiss it) if you believe there is something to the idea of inherited personality, intelligence, etc. (and I do because those are essentially physical traits of the brain... and I hope we all believe in evolution, ergo...) then why on earth would you want someone else's child as opposed to a child that is half you and half the person that you love?
And isn't a child that you would adopt most likely the child of some idiot that got pregnant when they couldn't afford to? (both the mother and father would seem to be equally stupid in this case). I am aware that sounds harsh, but I have never yet heard a compelling and logical rebuttal.
And when it comes down to it the ONLY reason I would really want a child IS to propagate my blood line.
And just to put something out there (which I don't necessarily believe myself, but nor can I convincingly dismiss it) if you believe there is something to the idea of inherited personality, intelligence, etc. (and I do because those are essentially physical traits of the brain... and I hope we all believe in evolution, ergo...) then why on earth would you want someone else's child as opposed to a child that is half you and half the person that you love?
And isn't a child that you would adopt most likely the child of some idiot that got pregnant when they couldn't afford to? (both the mother and father would seem to be equally stupid in this case). I am aware that sounds harsh, but I have never yet heard a compelling and logical rebuttal.