Wish Granted, but...

[SixWingedAsura]

Granted, but they're real matches. Lit matches. Giant matches. You burn up instantly.

I wish I wish I was a fish not on a dish nor going squish.

 

[Timotei]

Granted. But you're a goldfish.

I wish I had a bike.

 

[deonte9109]

Granted but it got no wheels
I wish i could give a damn

 

[Timotei]

Granted. But nobody else does either.

I wish my wish wasn't granted.

 

[deonte9109]

Not granted but it gets granted anyways
I wish I could divide by 0

 

[SixWingedAsura]

Granted, but only you implode.

I wish that I had the highest charisma of anyone on the planet.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, but you're still only up by one.

>.>

And then 'splosion!

I wish I had a duck!

 

[Timotei]

Granted. It's name is Donald.

I wish I had a soda.

 

[SixWingedAsura]

Granted. It's a demon duck. It eats your willy off. Even if you don't have one.

I wish I could bend reality to my every whim.

 

[ilspooner]

Granted. It's name is Donald.

I wish I had a soda.

GRANTED! Its full of dirt and sticks.
I wish my shoes would fix themselves.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted! But you've still gotta tie 'em every time, no matter what.

I wish for a phonebook!

 

[SixWingedAsura]

Granted, but it only contains one number and upon dialing that number, your leg breaks. For no reason.

I wish that I could finally get the motivation to finally work on and publish my novel!

 

[Dark Knifer]

Granted, but no publisher will take it because it is a piece of crap and you commit suicide.

I wish for the ability of flight.

 

[Mr. Mortiss]

Granted, but you fly directly into a jet turbine and die.

I wish I had a coconut

 

[willsham45]

Granted but it falls off a tree onto your head

I wish I had a super cool mecha style robot suit

 

[FairlyFrightenedFeline]

Granted, but you can't move in it.

I wish I was best friends with Master Chief.

 

[Mr. Mortiss]

Granted, but it's broken

I wish I had a rolex

 

[DaMullet]

Granted, but it's broken

I wish I had a rolex

Granted, but its magnatized!

I wish I had 6 arms just like the 2 I have now

 

[ilspooner]

GRANTED! They are all broken and get in the way.
I wish I could play guitar well.