Your favourite joke!
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Good lord, that is the biggest post I have seen EVER.
Here's mine!
The pope and Nancy Pelosi (important America government person) are on a stage in front of a billion people. Nancy tells the pope she has tried for years to make people happy, but she just can't do it. The pope responds, "I have no such troubles as you. With one wave of my hand, I can make billions of people rejoice." She responds by saying it's impossible, telling him to prove it.
So the pope raises his hand...
Here's mine!
The pope and Nancy Pelosi (important America government person) are on a stage in front of a billion people. Nancy tells the pope she has tried for years to make people happy, but she just can't do it. The pope responds, "I have no such troubles as you. With one wave of my hand, I can make billions of people rejoice." She responds by saying it's impossible, telling him to prove it.
So the pope raises his hand...
And smacks Nancy Pelosi across the face
Well I've been ninja'd on my favorite joke. Damn you!!Gileseypops said:First of all, sorry.
I was busy raping a woman in the park last night, when she cried out 'please, think of my children!'
Kinky *****
xx
But I suppose I could just as easily enjoy one of the millions of non-sequitur jokes out there...
"You say the Welsh shag sheep... and then you eat them?!
Think about that whilst the gravy drips down your chin."
Think about that whilst the gravy drips down your chin."
A Jellybean and a Smartie are figuring out how to spend their Friday night. The Smartie wants to go to their favourite club but the Jellybean is worried about the Lockets.
"You know they always pick on me because I'm soft!" said the Jellybean
"Don't worry mate," said Smartie, "I'll look after you."
They get to the club at about 8pm and are having a great time. After a few drinks the Jellybean needs to use the toilet. Just as he gets to the toilet Smartie notices the Locket gang are following him. He hears Jellybean shout for help from the toilets but keeps his head down, worrying that he'll be next. Eventually he sees the Lockets leave, and goes to check on Jellybean.
Jellybean is in a crumpled heap on the floor, covered in bruises.
"Why didn't you help me!?" Jellybean cries.
Smartie replies, "Oh mate, I know I said I would, but you know what those Lockets are like, they're MENTHOL."
"You know they always pick on me because I'm soft!" said the Jellybean
"Don't worry mate," said Smartie, "I'll look after you."
They get to the club at about 8pm and are having a great time. After a few drinks the Jellybean needs to use the toilet. Just as he gets to the toilet Smartie notices the Locket gang are following him. He hears Jellybean shout for help from the toilets but keeps his head down, worrying that he'll be next. Eventually he sees the Lockets leave, and goes to check on Jellybean.
Jellybean is in a crumpled heap on the floor, covered in bruises.
"Why didn't you help me!?" Jellybean cries.
Smartie replies, "Oh mate, I know I said I would, but you know what those Lockets are like, they're MENTHOL."
Hahaha... ten minutes, that's funny... you weren't joking, were you? Ahahahaha, you just made my day.IdealistCommi said:
Hahahahaha
But I guess your better than the other guy, he never figured it out.
So two gay guys are walking along the beach and they see something sticking out of the sand. They go over and pull the thing out, and it turns out to be a magic lamp. Immediately a genie shoots out of the lamp. The genie looks around, and sees the two that freed him.
"I am the genie of the lamp. I only grant one wish normally, but as you both seem to have assisted, I shall grant each of you one wish."
They look at each other, deciding that they would make the most of this opportunity. Finally one speaks:
"Genie, we love it at this beach, but we can't afford to travel back and forth from the city all the time. Our first wish is for a cottage by this beach."
The genie considers the wish, then, in a flash, a huge and luxurious cottage appears overlooking the beach. The two men are ecstatic, but they still have one wish. Neither of them can come up with something that they both would want, until one of them decides on something.
"Genie, come down here so that I may whisper in your ear"
The man whispers his wish to the genie, who gives him a strange look, but replies:
"This is an odd wish, but well within my power, it shall be done."
The genie vanishes, leaving the other man not knowing what what his partner had wished for. When he asks his partner, he was told that it was a secret.
Later, they start cooking at their new cottage, when there's a knock at the door. They both go to answer the door, and 200 KKK members are standing outside the door with fire and pitchforks. The headman of the couple and asks:
"Alright, which one of you wanted to be hung like a black boy?"
"I am the genie of the lamp. I only grant one wish normally, but as you both seem to have assisted, I shall grant each of you one wish."
They look at each other, deciding that they would make the most of this opportunity. Finally one speaks:
"Genie, we love it at this beach, but we can't afford to travel back and forth from the city all the time. Our first wish is for a cottage by this beach."
The genie considers the wish, then, in a flash, a huge and luxurious cottage appears overlooking the beach. The two men are ecstatic, but they still have one wish. Neither of them can come up with something that they both would want, until one of them decides on something.
"Genie, come down here so that I may whisper in your ear"
The man whispers his wish to the genie, who gives him a strange look, but replies:
"This is an odd wish, but well within my power, it shall be done."
The genie vanishes, leaving the other man not knowing what what his partner had wished for. When he asks his partner, he was told that it was a secret.
Later, they start cooking at their new cottage, when there's a knock at the door. They both go to answer the door, and 200 KKK members are standing outside the door with fire and pitchforks. The headman of the couple and asks:
"Alright, which one of you wanted to be hung like a black boy?"
<spoiler=A little on the racist side.But do note that I am not racist.It is just a joke> A ship stranded and only 4 men survived.The captain,the engineer,the boats man and the cook who was black.
The captain said one night "If we want to survive.One of us will have to be eaten.And seeing as how I am the captain,and you need my leadership,I am not the one to be eaten.".
"I will ask you gents one question each.And the first one to get an answer wrong,will be eaten."
He first asked the engineer "What is the biggest boat incident ever?".To which the engineer replied "The sinking of the Titanic."."That is correct" the captain replied.
Then he asked the boats man "How many died when the Titanic sank?".The boats man took some time to think,and then he answered "1,517"."That's correct" said the captain.
So the captain asked the cook "What was the name of every one that died?".
The captain said one night "If we want to survive.One of us will have to be eaten.And seeing as how I am the captain,and you need my leadership,I am not the one to be eaten.".
"I will ask you gents one question each.And the first one to get an answer wrong,will be eaten."
He first asked the engineer "What is the biggest boat incident ever?".To which the engineer replied "The sinking of the Titanic."."That is correct" the captain replied.
Then he asked the boats man "How many died when the Titanic sank?".The boats man took some time to think,and then he answered "1,517"."That's correct" said the captain.
So the captain asked the cook "What was the name of every one that died?".
Still, at least you eventually figured it out.IdealistCommi said:
Also, something you may be interested in. The internet is for sale
http://www.theinternet.com
My wife emerged from our bedroom with a large dildo, photos of me in womens underwear and a large collection of male pornography.
"Is there anything you want to tell me?" she yelled.
"Yes." I replied "You're fat."
"Is there anything you want to tell me?" she yelled.
"Yes." I replied "You're fat."