My first love was a girl in my class in secondary school. I met her at the wrong time; I'd just transferred from a school where I was the punchbag for the whole school, and I had issues. In short, I fell in love with her, but she didn't love me back and became something of my best friend instead, and helped me get over the issues I met her with (and then gave me a truckload more because she was perfect and didn't goddamn well want me). It took five years to stop thinking about her all the time, and even now my heart still twinges when I see her on facebook or talk to her, but I ran into her recently and didn't go insane and have to fight the urge to kidnap her, so I think I'm alright. This girl has set my preferred 'type'; although I have a beauty fetish and will be attracted to anything that is beautiful, regardless of what it is, I do have a preference for shorter, just older brunettes with a gorgeous smile, a wonderful personality (seriously, it was as if this girl was incapable of being mean sometimes), a mid-sized curvy body (not anorexic, not fat), a great brain and huge boobs. Goddamn it, I might not be over her after all :S
Kidding! Being pragmatic, she has a boyfriend and we go to different colleges now. I finally got it into my head that it was only hurting me to think about her every day, and, although she is that one person that I would drop anything to be with in a heartbeat, I know that's not happening and I can deal with that. Really, the proof that I'm over her is that I can now look at other girls without comparing them to her (unless they are similar enough for there to be a recognisable resemblance), and before now that was impossible.
I also just broke up with my long-distance (and first) girlfriend, who I thought I had loved, but I'm not sure I did. It was an intense relationship, which I think might have led to my confusion, and it turns out she wasn't the person I thought she was anyway. This, plus a long time of seclusion (parents have left the country for the week, I've just had an operation and am off college, and I live in the country with nobody for miles around and nothing to go to do) have lead to this peculiar mood I'm in.
