Your Problems

[xitel]

But the real me is apparently an aggressively irritable asshole, while the alter me is a bubbly hyper empathetic...thing. Anytime I drop it even a little people take notice, almost always in the bad way like "we will never be friend anymore."

I'm working on improving my personality at the moment.

I recommend choosing which parts of your natural personality are useful. After that figure out what other traits are congruent. Then you can slowly switch that way.

I recommend making a list of roles/actors/characters with traits (even if a character only has one similar trait it counts) that you don't mind acting like. Take a little from each persona and make it your own.

I don't emote much, so I do this exercise once in a while.

I actually did this a while back. I was being told I was too nice, and too much of a quiet pushover by a close friend of mine, so I decided "hey, I'll start acting like other folks a little bit", and it just seeped into my personality. My main influence for a while was Gregory House. Yes, I became an utter asshole, and my friends loved me.

 

[AntiAntagonist]

Alright folks, I've got a new problem. I used to love chatting with my girlfriend on IM, but after several weeks of doing nothing but talking to each other every waking moment, I've lost that feeling. Not that I don't like talking to her, but I just don't look forward to it anymore. It's like it's become routine. Recently we've tried cutting it back so that we only talk 2-3 hours a day, but I have yet to see how that will work out. What do you folks think?

Depends- long distance relationship? Same town?

 

[xitel]

Alright folks, I've got a new problem. I used to love chatting with my girlfriend on IM, but after several weeks of doing nothing but talking to each other every waking moment, I've lost that feeling. Not that I don't like talking to her, but I just don't look forward to it anymore. It's like it's become routine. Recently we've tried cutting it back so that we only talk 2-3 hours a day, but I have yet to see how that will work out. What do you folks think?

Depends- long distance relationship? Same town?

Cross-country.

 

[AntiAntagonist]

Also I am in a long-distance relationship. Are there any tips on how to keep one going? Is anyone else in one?

I've been in LDR's before. The best thing to do is to share memories.

For my successful ones we played games. Some couples will rent or go out to see a film and talk about it after. Effectively it's building memories with a person.

I've tried the straight daily phone conversation thing. That usually doesn't work out well by itself. It shows both people that they are living separate lives and aren't living with one another.

The above work on conscious and subconscious levels, so it's not something that is easy to avoid.

 

[AntiAntagonist]

I got a problem, let's see if anyone can relate. How do you cope with everyone dismissing what you're passionate about? I was raised up in a halfway traditional Asian household (i.e. still Asian values but just a little bit of freedom), but I "betrayed" my family by loving to write vs. being an engineer. I'm eternally grateful to my family (because they supported me through college, after all), but I'm still treated like crap.

Friends of family don't miss the opportunity to sometimes brag about their profession (Doctors and engineers, mainly), other people are adamant about me going to law school (the only "prestigious" career path left to me), and many feel fit to be condescending whenever I voice an opinion (after I made an off-hand comment about Twilight to my sister (a big fan), she said "Well, Sorry I'm not as well-read as you are, I'm too busy BEING A DOCTOR" -_-).

Have any of you taken any flak for your career paths? My friends that usually cheer me on and give me strength are currently scattered around the world, so it's a bit of a tough period right now. Who in your life gives you hope/strength to follow your dreams despite all opposition? I think this has turned into a bit of a rant, so I'll stop now.

Never show anger back. I hate to use love as guilt, but there is an effective way to defuse the situation:

Be outstanding at treating those people well. Don't confront them, but when they laud their careers over you respond with ABSOLUTELY REAL warmth and pride telling them how happy you are for them. Don't be condescending about it and when you get together for you family consider making something just for them. I'm not sure what kind of writing you do, but you can try writing something for them, whether one short story per person or one story for the group.

Alternatively if they continue:

You can address the comment with them. Don't recall past conversations, simply respond that hearing your family member speaking down to you hurts. You would appreciate their support and understanding in this.

Thirdly (Somewhat ties back to the last part of the first bit):

Include them in your writing. Whether it's a reference in their field of study or referral to someone else.

 

[AntiAntagonist]

Cross-country.

Cool. Do you need me to expand the explanation I wrote for notyouraveragejoe?

 

[AntiAntagonist]

Adderall does "kick in", seeing as how it's not an anti-depressant, it's an anti ADHD medication. And that's where the problem comes from. I can't motivate myself to take them. My clock IS across the room, I do stand up and walk over to it, bu I still can't get out of bed completely. Oh well.

I have a problem getting up as well. Eventually I worked out that I needed three alarms.

Effectively each alarm wakes me up incrementally. One alarm 30-15 minutes before my intended wakeup, another halfway, then one at wakeup. I have to get up each time and turn it off and I don't have enough time to really get back to sleep.

 

[xitel]

Adderall does "kick in", seeing as how it's not an anti-depressant, it's an anti ADHD medication. And that's where the problem comes from. I can't motivate myself to take them. My clock IS across the room, I do stand up and walk over to it, bu I still can't get out of bed completely. Oh well.

I have a problem getting up as well. Eventually I worked out that I needed three alarms.

Effectively each alarm wakes me up incrementally. One alarm 30-15 minutes before my intended wakeup, another halfway, then one at wakeup. I have to get up each time and turn it off and I don't have enough time to really get back to sleep.

Yeah... well... Oh well. Classes are almost over anyways, and next semester I've got afternoon classes, so the point is somewhat moot.

 

[xitel]

Also I am in a long-distance relationship. Are there any tips on how to keep one going? Is anyone else in one?

I've been in LDR's before. The best thing to do is to share memories.

For my successful ones we played games. Some couples will rent or go out to see a film and talk about it after. Effectively it's building memories with a person.

I've tried the straight daily phone conversation thing. That usually doesn't work out well by itself. It shows both people that they are living separate lives and aren't living with one another.

The above work on conscious and subconscious levels, so it's not something that is easy to avoid.

I've been getting her into gaming more, so we can play the same games and chat about them, but she's still learning.

 

[AntiAntagonist]

I've been doing kickboxing for 5 months and mixed martial arts for 1 month. But there is the occasional moment during my training where I just feel like I've lost my edge. Like I just can't do as good as I normally do. I must admit that sometimes I have a very slight lack of motivation, but other times, I just tire out more easily than I normally do.

I don't think the problem is with my eating/sleeping habits. I almost never eat junk food, and I get at least 7 hours of sleep a day. (I read on a fitness website once that the more you exercise, the less sleep you need, so I should be able to get along fine with 1 less hour of sleep than most people, seeing as how I do kickboxing fairly often)

I get this once in a while too. If this disinterest happens after about a month from the start then I might have advice-

It has to do with muscle memory. Your muscles have gotten good at doing certain things and your brain has started to go on auto pilot. You can try doing the same training in a different way (harder, faster, stronger, etc) or you can take on a second type of training to mix it up.

 

[AntiAntagonist]

I've been getting her into gaming more, so we can play the same games and chat about them, but she's still learning.

That's good! Multiplayer games are the best for this. Try to lean towards cooperative games when you can (WOW, Maple Story, etc).

If she's not much of a gamer then go for a 2D MMO. The social aspects will likely be more accessible and offscreen stuff will be easier to remember.

 

[xitel]

I've been getting her into gaming more, so we can play the same games and chat about them, but she's still learning.

That's good! Multiplayer games are the best for this. Try to lean towards cooperative games when you can (WOW, Maple Story, etc).

If she's not much of a gamer then go for a 2D MMO. The social aspects will likely be more accessible and offscreen stuff will be easier to remember.

Well, we actually met on L4D, so that's a promising start. I've been looking for more games like that, but most of the multiplayer games are either too fast paced for her or too slow paced for me.

 

[Greever]

Do you have any problems you need help with? Do you think your fellow Escapists may be more useful than the people you hang out with? This is the place to talk about them. Any problems, ranging from the philosophical to "What should I have for dinner?"

I'll start by posing my current conundrum. I'm not doing so hot in some of my courses because I can't motivate myself to go to them. I don't know why, I keep telling myself the things I need to do, but I can't get myself to go. Any advice?

Serious questions and answers only please.

Go volunteer at a homeless shelter and/or local pantry. If that doesn't make you re-evaluate and/or affirm your goals in a constructive way I am not sure what will.

 

[xitel]

Do you have any problems you need help with? Do you think your fellow Escapists may be more useful than the people you hang out with? This is the place to talk about them. Any problems, ranging from the philosophical to "What should I have for dinner?"

I'll start by posing my current conundrum. I'm not doing so hot in some of my courses because I can't motivate myself to go to them. I don't know why, I keep telling myself the things I need to do, but I can't get myself to go. Any advice?

Serious questions and answers only please.

Go volunteer at a homeless shelter and/or local pantry. If that doesn't make you re-evaluate and/or affirm your goals in a constructive way I am not sure what will.

The problem is, my goals that I'm looking for are academic goals. Not life goals. I know my life goals.

 

[corporate_gamer]

How should I react when I get made redundant tomorrow?

Burn the building down and dance around it naked. Perhaps even chanting.

on a serious note; it depends how much you needed that job. If you got a wife, kids, mortgage maybe you need to cry yourself to sleep then get up and go look for another Job. If you ain't got many responsiblitys then blow your redundancy package on a gap year. Then go look for a job when (hopefully) there are more going.

 

[Greever]

Do you have any problems you need help with? Do you think your fellow Escapists may be more useful than the people you hang out with? This is the place to talk about them. Any problems, ranging from the philosophical to "What should I have for dinner?"

I'll start by posing my current conundrum. I'm not doing so hot in some of my courses because I can't motivate myself to go to them. I don't know why, I keep telling myself the things I need to do, but I can't get myself to go. Any advice?

Serious questions and answers only please.

Go volunteer at a homeless shelter and/or local pantry. If that doesn't make you re-evaluate and/or affirm your goals in a constructive way I am not sure what will.

The problem is, my goals that I'm looking for are academic goals. Not life goals. I know my life goals.

Aren't life goals what motivate you academically? Fail in school and fail at your current goal in life right?

Your education is an integral part of the big picture is it not?

 

[xitel]

Do you have any problems you need help with? Do you think your fellow Escapists may be more useful than the people you hang out with? This is the place to talk about them. Any problems, ranging from the philosophical to "What should I have for dinner?"

I'll start by posing my current conundrum. I'm not doing so hot in some of my courses because I can't motivate myself to go to them. I don't know why, I keep telling myself the things I need to do, but I can't get myself to go. Any advice?

Serious questions and answers only please.

Go volunteer at a homeless shelter and/or local pantry. If that doesn't make you re-evaluate and/or affirm your goals in a constructive way I am not sure what will.

The problem is, my goals that I'm looking for are academic goals. Not life goals. I know my life goals.

Aren't life goals what motivate you academically? Fail in school and fail at your current goal in life right?

Your education is an integral part of the big picture is it not?

Not when your life goal is to have fun. I had a bit of a traumatic experience a while back, and ever since then I've been living my life to have as much fun as possible. If something bores me, I stop doing it. My problem is convincing myself that going to class now ensures fun later in life. I've actually come to blows over it before.

 

[PsykoDragon]

Currently in a bind about the morality of what I'm going to be doing with my life. Which is kill people, and help others kills people. Bad people of course, but people none the less. I think I'll be able to, but possibility remains that I'll freeze and get good people killed. Hopefully the training will beat that out of me.

You'll just have to reduce your state of mind from thinking to acting. People can surprise themselves at what they can do when "they have to". What you want to do is aim & fire. You're not even going to think "This is only to protect the good people". You're not going to think at all. You will simply know that you have to do this. & go out there & do it.

P.S., if you're killing people in Iraq, please watch out for my relatives. They're great people, I promise you. I have no more friends that live there, so you can go all out on everyone else.

For the "waking up problem" I have an alarm that goes off 2 hours earlier then it needs to so I have enough time to wake up. That is about the only answer I can give you since I have no idea about pills and stuff.

My own question: My parents are getting a divorce and my mum doesn't have much money. She had a pre-nup I think and my dad isn't giving her much money. I'm 14 should I be worrying about this or should I let it slide?

Also I am in a long-distance relationship. Are there any tips on how to keep one going? Is anyone else in one?

For the waking up problem, I can also recommend you get someone who wouldn't mind to call you every morning. If it's a friend it's easy to ignore, so look for someone you wouldn't wanna get caught oversleeping by. You can go all the way up to asking your professor to do this. Talk to your (advice-giving dude, forgot the name... counsel?) & perhaps they can help you set it up. Be shy, that's the point. You wanna get embarrassed every time they call you in your sleep.

Alright folks, I've got a new problem. I used to love chatting with my girlfriend on IM, but after several weeks of doing nothing but talking to each other every waking moment, I've lost that feeling. Not that I don't like talking to her, but I just don't look forward to it anymore. It's like it's become routine. Recently we've tried cutting it back so that we only talk 2-3 hours a day, but I have yet to see how that will work out. What do you folks think?

It's only natural. If you have a friend who moved away & you tried to stay in contact, it'd be no different. You'd probably not even want to contact them for THE LACK OF STUFF TO SPEAK ABOUT. I'm sure she feels the same way. It's mostly because doing stuff together is more fun than talking together.

I honestly don't have a proper way on how to fix this. Yes, finding a suitable multiplayer game to play together would be great, coop OR against each other (especially if she's competetive). But otherwise, it boils down to both of you understanding that there's hardly anything to talk about, but it's still nice to see each other, even if only online. If you like each other, that's all you should need. Try not to be awkward about the fact that you've got nothing to say, joke about it even, & talk about it. Don't go all psychologist/psychiatrist, just talk to each other about how hard it is to find something worthwhile to speak about. But remember that it's always nice to catch each other online.

 

[xitel]

Alright folks, I've got a new problem. I used to love chatting with my girlfriend on IM, but after several weeks of doing nothing but talking to each other every waking moment, I've lost that feeling. Not that I don't like talking to her, but I just don't look forward to it anymore. It's like it's become routine. Recently we've tried cutting it back so that we only talk 2-3 hours a day, but I have yet to see how that will work out. What do you folks think?

It's only natural. If you have a friend who moved away & you tried to stay in contact, it'd be no different. You'd probably not even want to contact them for THE LACK OF STUFF TO SPEAK ABOUT. I'm sure she feels the same way. It's mostly because doing stuff together is more fun than talking together.

I honestly don't have a proper way on how to fix this. Yes, finding a suitable multiplayer game to play together would be great, coop OR against each other (especially if she's competetive). But otherwise, it boils down to both of you understanding that there's hardly anything to talk about, but it's still nice to see each other, even if only online. If you like each other, that's all you should need. Try not to be awkward about the fact that you've got nothing to say, joke about it even, & talk about it. Don't go all psychologist/psychiatrist, just talk to each other about how hard it is to find something worthwhile to speak about. But remember that it's always nice to catch each other online.

Well, the biggest problem is not that she moved away, but that she was never here to begin with. We're trying to work out when we could actually meet in person, but until then all of our correspondence has to be done online.

 

[PsykoDragon]

Alright folks, I've got a new problem. I used to love chatting with my girlfriend on IM, but after several weeks of doing nothing but talking to each other every waking moment, I've lost that feeling. Not that I don't like talking to her, but I just don't look forward to it anymore. It's like it's become routine. Recently we've tried cutting it back so that we only talk 2-3 hours a day, but I have yet to see how that will work out. What do you folks think?

It's only natural. If you have a friend who moved away & you tried to stay in contact, it'd be no different. You'd probably not even want to contact them for THE LACK OF STUFF TO SPEAK ABOUT. I'm sure she feels the same way. It's mostly because doing stuff together is more fun than talking together.

I honestly don't have a proper way on how to fix this. Yes, finding a suitable multiplayer game to play together would be great, coop OR against each other (especially if she's competetive). But otherwise, it boils down to both of you understanding that there's hardly anything to talk about, but it's still nice to see each other, even if only online. If you like each other, that's all you should need. Try not to be awkward about the fact that you've got nothing to say, joke about it even, & talk about it. Don't go all psychologist/psychiatrist, just talk to each other about how hard it is to find something worthwhile to speak about. But remember that it's always nice to catch each other online.

Well, the biggest problem is not that she moved away, but that she was never here to begin with. We're trying to work out when we could actually meet in person, but until then all of our correspondence has to be done online.

I figured that out when you said you met her on L4D. But in the end it's not very different from having been separated after meeting. Only thing is the bond might be less strong due to the fact that you haven't met, but then since you're making plans to meet, things should be ok. You just have to both realize that all LDR's are like that. Unless you're one of those exceptional couples that exist only in movies, where you keep finding stuff to talk about ALL THE TIME. LDR's are hard, not really because of the distance. They're hard because you miss being together (which you haven't done yet, but that should be fixed soon), & because it's hard to find something to get excited about together.