Your Shittiest Sidequests Ever

[cojo965]

Mine has to be this: http://lostodyssey.wikia.com/wiki/Ring_Master

I know enough about JRPGs to know that they (at times) have you do some really retarded shit to get good items, but that doesn't even come close to justifying this. Why the hell did the organizers agree to these terms, let alone let him compete? He bends so many established game rules so far in his favor that you can hear them crying from the strain. What about you guys?

Edit: The biggest reason my example is a shitty sidequest has revealed itself to me. It's hugely luck-based. How about a visual demo?


Edit Edit: Finally beat it.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

I dunno but every single sidequest from Dead Island was ridiculous:

Hey mannn be my ***** and get something for me. Why? Because you're sort of immune! That's why! NOW SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET ME SOME CHAMPAGNE OR DIAMONDS OR SOMETHING.

I came in planning to ***** about Dead Island too. Specifically that one sidequest that has you platforming on the rooftops. You know how the map shows a waypoint but because its on the rooftops you have to reverse-track a way to get ON the rooftops first and THEN platform your way, in first fucking person no less. Lots of falling off and repeating.

 

[TheMadDoctorsCat]

Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. I love Skyrim, but OH GOD does it have some awful sidequests.

My choice for the worst is one that you really HAVE to complete if you want to have any standing in Windhelm, or if you want a house there. Because the house belongs to a serial killer (this kind of thing seems to happen a lot in Tamriel apparently.) And you have to "catch" the killer.

Spoiler tags coming. I hope they work.

Spoiler

So you start by offering your services to the town guards at the cemetary, where the remains of a crime scene have been found. (Shock - dead body in graveyard! I know, right?) Only it turns out that this particular body was butchered by a serial killer who's been "offing" people in Windhelm for some time. Since the guards are all busy with the ongoing war effort, it's down to your friendly neighbourhood Dragonborn to solve this hideous crime! Or, as it turns out, not to do so!

Your first task: interview three witnesses. A local beggar, automatically eliminated as a suspect because she's a master pickpocket trainer; a priestess of Arkay, whose job is tending to the dead, and who presumably would have access to plenty of bodies without needing to cut people up in the streets; and Calixto, a local curiosities shop owner. Here's a few things that you discover in your initial interviews:

- Calixto is the only one who claims to have seen or heard the murderer fleeing the scene. Odd, since we know the murderer dragged a body away. (And also put part of it back again after he's finished with it, for some reason we're never actually told. Seriously, why did this even happen?)

- Calixto's also the only "witness" who has absolutely no legitimate reason to be there at that time of night. Even assuming he was going to the tavern or something, he's in completely the wrong part of town for it.

- Calixto is famous for his collection of "curiosities". Coincidentally, when you track the blood trail back to the killer's hideout, you find a gruesome mound of discarded stuff, including one rather nifty amulet with a black skull insignia. (You actually get the chance to question Calixto about this later on, but if you don't, you'll be permanently stuck with a useless skull amulet that you can never get rid of because it's a "quest item". I found this out the hard way.) Oh yeah, and if you DO question Calixto, he'll tell you that it's a "protective charm" belonging to the castle mage. Riiiiiight.

I mean, I don't want to denigrate the writers too much, but this murder "mystery" makes the "stolen painting" quest in "Oblivion" seem like Agatha Christie by comparison.

So am I complaining because the quest is too easy? Nope - if you could take the clues, go back to the Jarl's steward and accuse Calixto on the basis of them, it'd be pretty good. You can't do that. I tried for literally TWO HOURS.

The only person you can accuse is Wuunferth the Unliving. And if you're wondering who Wuunferth the Unliving is - so was I, the first time I played this quest. I'd never even met the guy to my recollection. I hadn't even asked Calixto about the amulet when questioning him (I think you needed to scroll down to get the option onscreen, and I hadn't) so I had no idea what the evidence was supposed to be against this guy. Apparently there's supposed to be papers pointing to him inside the murder house, but I've reluctantly played this quest on every playthrough I've done of Skyrim and I've yet to find them. Other than that, there's only Calixto's blatantly bogus story about the amulet. (Wuunferth being the castle mage.)

So... the game gives you all the clues you need to identify the killer, but doesn't let you accuse him. You HAVE to accuse the wrong guy to finish the quest, and then it ends. Until someone else gets killed a few days later and you have to correct "your" mistake in a second separate quest.

Look... I believe I made it clear when talking about "FEAR" and "Bioshock Infinite" that I really really really really hate games that force you to "fail" when you wouldn't otherwise have done so. This is a classic case of that. I love murder mysteries (if my Agatha Christie reference didn't make that clear enough). This quest is set up like one, but what it actually is is a case of following badly-signposted breadcrumbs over a linear and completely predetermined path that breaks the game if you stray from it. It's buggy (I ended up with a permanent and useless skull amulet that I couldn't identify because the only guy to do it, Calixto, ended up dead.)

Oh yeah, and about that... see, you have to go back to confront Wuunferth in the castle jail. Which you'll probably do in daylight, because you need to speak to the Jarl's steward first and he doesn't work at night. Once you come OUT of the castle, the last part of the quest starts... which involves you catching Calixto in the act of murdering somebody. Yep, the infamous serial killer gets caught stalking a new victim in broad daylight through a crowded marketplace. Couldn't he at least attack you in his shop or something?

Also, just for a laugh, I killed and robbed every single one of Windhelm's citizenry while under the cover of darkness and a freakin' lot of Stealth enchantments. Nobody commented on this. At all. Everyone's too concerned about the serial killer in their midst!

Death in Skyrim. It only matters when someone else causes it.

 

[Diablo2000]

Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. I love Skyrim, but OH GOD does it have some awful sidequests.

My choice for the worst is one that you really HAVE to complete if you want to have any standing in Windhelm, or if you want a house there. Because the house belongs to a serial killer (this kind of thing seems to happen a lot in Tamriel apparently.) And you have to "catch" the killer.

Spoiler tags coming. I hope they work.

Spoiler

So you start by offering your services to the town guards at the cemetary, where the remains of a crime scene have been found. (Shock - dead body in graveyard! I know, right?) Only it turns out that this particular body was butchered by a serial killer who's been "offing" people in Windhelm for some time. Since the guards are all busy with the ongoing war effort, it's down to your friendly neighbourhood Dragonborn to solve this hideous crime! Or, as it turns out, not to do so!

Your first task: interview three witnesses. A local beggar, automatically eliminated as a suspect because she's a master pickpocket trainer; a priestess of Arkay, whose job is tending to the dead, and who presumably would have access to plenty of bodies without needing to cut people up in the streets; and Calixto, a local curiosities shop owner. Here's a few things that you discover in your initial interviews:

- Calixto is the only one who claims to have seen or heard the murderer fleeing the scene. Odd, since we know the murderer dragged a body away. (And also put part of it back again after he's finished with it, for some reason we're never actually told. Seriously, why did this even happen?)

- Calixto's also the only "witness" who has absolutely no legitimate reason to be there at that time of night. Even assuming he was going to the tavern or something, he's in completely the wrong part of town for it.

- Calixto is famous for his collection of "curiosities". Coincidentally, when you track the blood trail back to the killer's hideout, you find a gruesome mound of discarded stuff, including one rather nifty amulet with a black skull insignia. (You actually get the chance to question Calixto about this later on, but if you don't, you'll be permanently stuck with a useless skull amulet that you can never get rid of because it's a "quest item". I found this out the hard way.) Oh yeah, and if you DO question Calixto, he'll tell you that it's a "protective charm" belonging to the castle mage. Riiiiiight.

I mean, I don't want to denigrate the writers too much, but this murder "mystery" makes the "stolen painting" quest in "Oblivion" seem like Agatha Christie by comparison.

So am I complaining because the quest is too easy? Nope - if you could take the clues, go back to the Jarl's steward and accuse Calixto on the basis of them, it'd be pretty good. You can't do that. I tried for literally TWO HOURS.

The only person you can accuse is Wuunferth the Unliving. And if you're wondering who Wuunferth the Unliving is - so was I, the first time I played this quest. I'd never even met the guy to my recollection. I hadn't even asked Calixto about the amulet when questioning him (I think you needed to scroll down to get the option onscreen, and I hadn't) so I had no idea what the evidence was supposed to be against this guy. Apparently there's supposed to be papers pointing to him inside the murder house, but I've reluctantly played this quest on every playthrough I've done of Skyrim and I've yet to find them. Other than that, there's only Calixto's blatantly bogus story about the amulet. (Wuunferth being the castle mage.)

So... the game gives you all the clues you need to identify the killer, but doesn't let you accuse him. You HAVE to accuse the wrong guy to finish the quest, and then it ends. Until someone else gets killed a few days later and you have to correct "your" mistake in a second separate quest.

Look... I believe I made it clear when talking about "FEAR" and "Bioshock Infinite" that I really really really really hate games that force you to "fail" when you wouldn't otherwise have done so. This is a classic case of that. I love murder mysteries (if my Agatha Christie reference didn't make that clear enough). This quest is set up like one, but what it actually is is a case of following badly-signposted breadcrumbs over a linear and completely predetermined path that breaks the game if you stray from it. It's buggy (I ended up with a permanent and useless skull amulet that I couldn't identify because the only guy to do it, Calixto, ended up dead.)

Oh yeah, and about that... see, you have to go back to confront Wuunferth in the castle jail. Which you'll probably do in daylight, because you need to speak to the Jarl's steward first and he doesn't work at night. Once you come OUT of the castle, the last part of the quest starts... which involves you catching Calixto in the act of murdering somebody. Yep, the infamous serial killer gets caught stalking a new victim in broad daylight through a crowded marketplace. Couldn't he at least attack you in his shop or something?

Also, just for a laugh, I killed and robbed every single one of Windhelm's citizenry while under the cover of darkness and a freakin' lot of Stealth enchantments. Nobody commented on this. At all. Everyone's too concerned about the serial killer in their midst!

Death in Skyrim. It only matters when someone else causes it.

I liked this quest actually, at the very least wasn't another fucking "go there, kill stuff, loot stuff, get the one stuff you need, repeat if quest need more than one stuff and win". Also, the jornals of the killer was a very interesting (if not twisted) read.

OT:Talking about Skyrim, the fucking tree quest. It's like "Kill those bitches and get this knife" then you go and when go and get a lot of fireballs to the face and finally get the knife ***** be like "meh, don't wanna take this thing. Wanna go to use it for me?"
And you finally go all the fucking way this and you don't even get a good reward, it's just a crappy enchanted dagger and sometimes a guard mentions that you did it. Horay I guess...

 

[TheMadDoctorsCat]

Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. I love Skyrim, but OH GOD does it have some awful sidequests.

My choice for the worst is one that you really HAVE to complete if you want to have any standing in Windhelm, or if you want a house there. Because the house belongs to a serial killer (this kind of thing seems to happen a lot in Tamriel apparently.) And you have to "catch" the killer.

Spoiler tags coming. I hope they work.

Spoiler

So you start by offering your services to the town guards at the cemetary, where the remains of a crime scene have been found. (Shock - dead body in graveyard! I know, right?) Only it turns out that this particular body was butchered by a serial killer who's been "offing" people in Windhelm for some time. Since the guards are all busy with the ongoing war effort, it's down to your friendly neighbourhood Dragonborn to solve this hideous crime! Or, as it turns out, not to do so!

Your first task: interview three witnesses. A local beggar, automatically eliminated as a suspect because she's a master pickpocket trainer; a priestess of Arkay, whose job is tending to the dead, and who presumably would have access to plenty of bodies without needing to cut people up in the streets; and Calixto, a local curiosities shop owner. Here's a few things that you discover in your initial interviews:

- Calixto is the only one who claims to have seen or heard the murderer fleeing the scene. Odd, since we know the murderer dragged a body away. (And also put part of it back again after he's finished with it, for some reason we're never actually told. Seriously, why did this even happen?)

- Calixto's also the only "witness" who has absolutely no legitimate reason to be there at that time of night. Even assuming he was going to the tavern or something, he's in completely the wrong part of town for it.

- Calixto is famous for his collection of "curiosities". Coincidentally, when you track the blood trail back to the killer's hideout, you find a gruesome mound of discarded stuff, including one rather nifty amulet with a black skull insignia. (You actually get the chance to question Calixto about this later on, but if you don't, you'll be permanently stuck with a useless skull amulet that you can never get rid of because it's a "quest item". I found this out the hard way.) Oh yeah, and if you DO question Calixto, he'll tell you that it's a "protective charm" belonging to the castle mage. Riiiiiight.

I mean, I don't want to denigrate the writers too much, but this murder "mystery" makes the "stolen painting" quest in "Oblivion" seem like Agatha Christie by comparison.

So am I complaining because the quest is too easy? Nope - if you could take the clues, go back to the Jarl's steward and accuse Calixto on the basis of them, it'd be pretty good. You can't do that. I tried for literally TWO HOURS.

The only person you can accuse is Wuunferth the Unliving. And if you're wondering who Wuunferth the Unliving is - so was I, the first time I played this quest. I'd never even met the guy to my recollection. I hadn't even asked Calixto about the amulet when questioning him (I think you needed to scroll down to get the option onscreen, and I hadn't) so I had no idea what the evidence was supposed to be against this guy. Apparently there's supposed to be papers pointing to him inside the murder house, but I've reluctantly played this quest on every playthrough I've done of Skyrim and I've yet to find them. Other than that, there's only Calixto's blatantly bogus story about the amulet. (Wuunferth being the castle mage.)

So... the game gives you all the clues you need to identify the killer, but doesn't let you accuse him. You HAVE to accuse the wrong guy to finish the quest, and then it ends. Until someone else gets killed a few days later and you have to correct "your" mistake in a second separate quest.

Look... I believe I made it clear when talking about "FEAR" and "Bioshock Infinite" that I really really really really hate games that force you to "fail" when you wouldn't otherwise have done so. This is a classic case of that. I love murder mysteries (if my Agatha Christie reference didn't make that clear enough). This quest is set up like one, but what it actually is is a case of following badly-signposted breadcrumbs over a linear and completely predetermined path that breaks the game if you stray from it. It's buggy (I ended up with a permanent and useless skull amulet that I couldn't identify because the only guy to do it, Calixto, ended up dead.)

Oh yeah, and about that... see, you have to go back to confront Wuunferth in the castle jail. Which you'll probably do in daylight, because you need to speak to the Jarl's steward first and he doesn't work at night. Once you come OUT of the castle, the last part of the quest starts... which involves you catching Calixto in the act of murdering somebody. Yep, the infamous serial killer gets caught stalking a new victim in broad daylight through a crowded marketplace. Couldn't he at least attack you in his shop or something?

Also, just for a laugh, I killed and robbed every single one of Windhelm's citizenry while under the cover of darkness and a freakin' lot of Stealth enchantments. Nobody commented on this. At all. Everyone's too concerned about the serial killer in their midst!

Death in Skyrim. It only matters when someone else causes it.

I liked this quest actually, at the very least wasn't another fucking "go there, kill stuff, loot stuff, get the one stuff you need, repeat if quest need more than one stuff and win". Also, the jornals of the killer was a very interesting (if not twisted) read.

I gotta agree that the journals at least lent some character to the quest.

But why, why, WHY give you a classic murder mystery problem, and then not allow you to solve it? Besides the fact that it's so horribly buggy, and not following the quest exactly can produce all kinds of problems... just a really badly-designed quest.

 

[Diablo2000]

Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. I love Skyrim, but OH GOD does it have some awful sidequests.

My choice for the worst is one that you really HAVE to complete if you want to have any standing in Windhelm, or if you want a house there. Because the house belongs to a serial killer (this kind of thing seems to happen a lot in Tamriel apparently.) And you have to "catch" the killer.

Spoiler tags coming. I hope they work.

Spoiler

So you start by offering your services to the town guards at the cemetary, where the remains of a crime scene have been found. (Shock - dead body in graveyard! I know, right?) Only it turns out that this particular body was butchered by a serial killer who's been "offing" people in Windhelm for some time. Since the guards are all busy with the ongoing war effort, it's down to your friendly neighbourhood Dragonborn to solve this hideous crime! Or, as it turns out, not to do so!

Your first task: interview three witnesses. A local beggar, automatically eliminated as a suspect because she's a master pickpocket trainer; a priestess of Arkay, whose job is tending to the dead, and who presumably would have access to plenty of bodies without needing to cut people up in the streets; and Calixto, a local curiosities shop owner. Here's a few things that you discover in your initial interviews:

- Calixto is the only one who claims to have seen or heard the murderer fleeing the scene. Odd, since we know the murderer dragged a body away. (And also put part of it back again after he's finished with it, for some reason we're never actually told. Seriously, why did this even happen?)

- Calixto's also the only "witness" who has absolutely no legitimate reason to be there at that time of night. Even assuming he was going to the tavern or something, he's in completely the wrong part of town for it.

- Calixto is famous for his collection of "curiosities". Coincidentally, when you track the blood trail back to the killer's hideout, you find a gruesome mound of discarded stuff, including one rather nifty amulet with a black skull insignia. (You actually get the chance to question Calixto about this later on, but if you don't, you'll be permanently stuck with a useless skull amulet that you can never get rid of because it's a "quest item". I found this out the hard way.) Oh yeah, and if you DO question Calixto, he'll tell you that it's a "protective charm" belonging to the castle mage. Riiiiiight.

I mean, I don't want to denigrate the writers too much, but this murder "mystery" makes the "stolen painting" quest in "Oblivion" seem like Agatha Christie by comparison.

So am I complaining because the quest is too easy? Nope - if you could take the clues, go back to the Jarl's steward and accuse Calixto on the basis of them, it'd be pretty good. You can't do that. I tried for literally TWO HOURS.

The only person you can accuse is Wuunferth the Unliving. And if you're wondering who Wuunferth the Unliving is - so was I, the first time I played this quest. I'd never even met the guy to my recollection. I hadn't even asked Calixto about the amulet when questioning him (I think you needed to scroll down to get the option onscreen, and I hadn't) so I had no idea what the evidence was supposed to be against this guy. Apparently there's supposed to be papers pointing to him inside the murder house, but I've reluctantly played this quest on every playthrough I've done of Skyrim and I've yet to find them. Other than that, there's only Calixto's blatantly bogus story about the amulet. (Wuunferth being the castle mage.)

So... the game gives you all the clues you need to identify the killer, but doesn't let you accuse him. You HAVE to accuse the wrong guy to finish the quest, and then it ends. Until someone else gets killed a few days later and you have to correct "your" mistake in a second separate quest.

Look... I believe I made it clear when talking about "FEAR" and "Bioshock Infinite" that I really really really really hate games that force you to "fail" when you wouldn't otherwise have done so. This is a classic case of that. I love murder mysteries (if my Agatha Christie reference didn't make that clear enough). This quest is set up like one, but what it actually is is a case of following badly-signposted breadcrumbs over a linear and completely predetermined path that breaks the game if you stray from it. It's buggy (I ended up with a permanent and useless skull amulet that I couldn't identify because the only guy to do it, Calixto, ended up dead.)

Oh yeah, and about that... see, you have to go back to confront Wuunferth in the castle jail. Which you'll probably do in daylight, because you need to speak to the Jarl's steward first and he doesn't work at night. Once you come OUT of the castle, the last part of the quest starts... which involves you catching Calixto in the act of murdering somebody. Yep, the infamous serial killer gets caught stalking a new victim in broad daylight through a crowded marketplace. Couldn't he at least attack you in his shop or something?

Also, just for a laugh, I killed and robbed every single one of Windhelm's citizenry while under the cover of darkness and a freakin' lot of Stealth enchantments. Nobody commented on this. At all. Everyone's too concerned about the serial killer in their midst!

Death in Skyrim. It only matters when someone else causes it.

I liked this quest actually, at the very least wasn't another fucking "go there, kill stuff, loot stuff, get the one stuff you need, repeat if quest need more than one stuff and win". Also, the jornals of the killer was a very interesting (if not twisted) read.

I gotta agree that the journals at least lent some character to the quest.

But why, why, WHY give you a classic murder mystery problem, and then not allow you to solve it? Besides the fact that it's so horribly buggy, and not following the quest exactly can produce all kinds of problems... just a really badly-designed quest.

Ok, I agree that kinda sucks that game hands holds you throught the entire quest, whoever, this is a is not a quest related problem, is a Skyrim problem. The game hold your hand way too much...

 

[bigfatcarp93]

THE GODDAMN LUNAR VI IN MASS EFFECT 1!

God, can you say "tedious and boring?" Those drones are the dumbest enemies in history, and then you just have to go around shooting those shields and conduits... ugh.

 

[Seracen]

Every fetch quest in every RPG that doesn't include a decent storyline reason to compel me.

I know this is practically every game, doubly so in MMO's, but I've long since resigned myself to getting angry and moving on in such cases. I just never liked grinding for levels.

Having said that, there were three times when I did enjoy this (Legend of Dragoon, FF8, and Lost Odyssey...I destroyed all those side quests). I think I wore out all tolerance for such things after that.

But yeah, overall, I don't understand the mindset behind aggravating the player, simply in order to pad gametime.

 

[xPrometheusx]

THE GODDAMN LUNAR VI IN MASS EFFECT 1!

God, can you say "tedious and boring?" Those drones are the dumbest enemies in history, and then you just have to go around shooting those shields and conduits... ugh.

I don't think I really liked any of Mass Effect 1's sidequests. As yahtzee eloquently put, the rolling refrigerator segments do a good job of making you feel like the universe is full of more than just chest high walls, and fighting thresher maws with a tank was fun the first 2 or 3 times, but if I had to do one more meaningless -go here, kill everything, survey rocks, go back- side-quest, I was going to scream.

I'm a rabid completionist in a lot of games, including ME2 and 3, but I will never, EVER be able to 100% Mass Effect 1. Bleghughegh... *shudders*

 

[Nosferatu2]

Honest Hearts. I don't even play it when I do play NV. I just don't like it I think the dialogue falls well below the rest of the game and the area and people are just so uninteresting. Also the religious undertones can go fuck themselves.

 

[BreakfastMan]

The side quests in Far Cry 3. They were the biggest waste of time ever. They were only ever five minutes, and all are just you going to a place, collecting a thing, killing an animal, or talking to a person, then going back. I don't know why they didn't cut the damn things.

 

[Tsun Tzu]

WoW has more than a few shitty quests. For instance;

http://www.wowwiki.com/Questoing_Your_Duty

http://www.wowwiki.com/Quest:A_Rare_Bean

So shitty.

 

[IrenIvy]

In "Lord of The Rings Online" 99% of quests could have been considered of side- but those that stood out were pre-Moria Laila and almost all Sara Oakheart quests. All were escort quests of that sort where fragile NPC runs waaaaaaaaaay ahead of you, aggroes everything in 1 mile radius and happily dies 5 steps before the safe zone. They've fixed Lalia but Sara's quests still can be major pain if on-level and solo.

Collecting boar droppings in Enedwaith (really, this is the stuff that 65+ level heroes, who had beaten up Barlog, are asked to do) is pretty shitty by itself (the pun, if present, is entirely intended), but that boar crap (literally, it is boar crap) is hard to find as well and Enedwaith in that area is hard to navigate. And you need 10 of those crap piles. And (I believe) it is repeatable daily in case if you hadn't enough first time. And the reward is nothing amusing or useful.

 

[VoidWanderer]

Escort quests.

How has nobody mentioned this bastard of a concept?

Pick an escort quest. Bonus screams of rage for being the retarded kid in Fable in the damn Hobbes cave

 

[Trivun]

I'm actually progressing through mine now, there are three. One isn't so bad, one is okay but just tim consuming, and the other is pure evil. These are all in FF13-2, which I absolutely love by the way (and every other part of the gam is great, it's just these three things that get me...).

The first, the not so bad one, is the paradox ending to fight Caius again in The Void Beyond. It's not a major problem, it's just that because I haven't got a decent Sentinel monster levelled up it either takes ages to fight as just Serah (since Noel's not around for this one) or I die pretty early. And this is after having maybe the third most powerful weapon available, and Serah levelled up to 99 on every job. I'll be giving it another try after work tonight.

The second is the Bestiary fragment - again, not so bad, just taking ages. Thank Anoia for the Internet, and the ability to find a complete bestiary online, so I can basically check off any monsters I have or haven't fought yet. Though the Metal Gigantuar may be a bit of a struggle (thank Anoia also that I don't have to face the Long Gui again, one successful slaying of it is enough ).

The evil one though, the worst sidequest I have ever, EVER, seen in any game, is the Serendipity 'Lucky Coin' fragment. Now, on the surface it doesn't seem like a problem. Win 7777 coins over however many times you play it, on the slot machines. What the kicker is though is that the slot machine minigam is 100% random. No skill involved whatsoever, just pure luck. That has been directly confirmed by Square, and by the game's own official strategy guide, that the minigame is random. So to get the last fragment in the game, to unlock the actual ending of the game, you have to endure hours upon hours of luck-based gameplay, the most repetitive gameplay ever (i.e. a slot mchine), that actually penalises you if you try to use the automatic play and a rubber band (which is what I've resorted to). I've clocked about 6 hours of the rubber band method so far and I still haven't managed to get that fragment. Right now I'm wondering if I ever actually will...

 

[The Goat Tsar]

Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. I love Skyrim, but OH GOD does it have some awful sidequests.

My choice for the worst is one that you really HAVE to complete if you want to have any standing in Windhelm, or if you want a house there. Because the house belongs to a serial killer (this kind of thing seems to happen a lot in Tamriel apparently.) And you have to "catch" the killer.

Spoiler tags coming. I hope they work.

Spoiler

So you start by offering your services to the town guards at the cemetary, where the remains of a crime scene have been found. (Shock - dead body in graveyard! I know, right?) Only it turns out that this particular body was butchered by a serial killer who's been "offing" people in Windhelm for some time. Since the guards are all busy with the ongoing war effort, it's down to your friendly neighbourhood Dragonborn to solve this hideous crime! Or, as it turns out, not to do so!

Your first task: interview three witnesses. A local beggar, automatically eliminated as a suspect because she's a master pickpocket trainer; a priestess of Arkay, whose job is tending to the dead, and who presumably would have access to plenty of bodies without needing to cut people up in the streets; and Calixto, a local curiosities shop owner. Here's a few things that you discover in your initial interviews:

- Calixto is the only one who claims to have seen or heard the murderer fleeing the scene. Odd, since we know the murderer dragged a body away. (And also put part of it back again after he's finished with it, for some reason we're never actually told. Seriously, why did this even happen?)

- Calixto's also the only "witness" who has absolutely no legitimate reason to be there at that time of night. Even assuming he was going to the tavern or something, he's in completely the wrong part of town for it.

- Calixto is famous for his collection of "curiosities". Coincidentally, when you track the blood trail back to the killer's hideout, you find a gruesome mound of discarded stuff, including one rather nifty amulet with a black skull insignia. (You actually get the chance to question Calixto about this later on, but if you don't, you'll be permanently stuck with a useless skull amulet that you can never get rid of because it's a "quest item". I found this out the hard way.) Oh yeah, and if you DO question Calixto, he'll tell you that it's a "protective charm" belonging to the castle mage. Riiiiiight.

I mean, I don't want to denigrate the writers too much, but this murder "mystery" makes the "stolen painting" quest in "Oblivion" seem like Agatha Christie by comparison.

So am I complaining because the quest is too easy? Nope - if you could take the clues, go back to the Jarl's steward and accuse Calixto on the basis of them, it'd be pretty good. You can't do that. I tried for literally TWO HOURS.

The only person you can accuse is Wuunferth the Unliving. And if you're wondering who Wuunferth the Unliving is - so was I, the first time I played this quest. I'd never even met the guy to my recollection. I hadn't even asked Calixto about the amulet when questioning him (I think you needed to scroll down to get the option onscreen, and I hadn't) so I had no idea what the evidence was supposed to be against this guy. Apparently there's supposed to be papers pointing to him inside the murder house, but I've reluctantly played this quest on every playthrough I've done of Skyrim and I've yet to find them. Other than that, there's only Calixto's blatantly bogus story about the amulet. (Wuunferth being the castle mage.)

So... the game gives you all the clues you need to identify the killer, but doesn't let you accuse him. You HAVE to accuse the wrong guy to finish the quest, and then it ends. Until someone else gets killed a few days later and you have to correct "your" mistake in a second separate quest.

Look... I believe I made it clear when talking about "FEAR" and "Bioshock Infinite" that I really really really really hate games that force you to "fail" when you wouldn't otherwise have done so. This is a classic case of that. I love murder mysteries (if my Agatha Christie reference didn't make that clear enough). This quest is set up like one, but what it actually is is a case of following badly-signposted breadcrumbs over a linear and completely predetermined path that breaks the game if you stray from it. It's buggy (I ended up with a permanent and useless skull amulet that I couldn't identify because the only guy to do it, Calixto, ended up dead.)

Oh yeah, and about that... see, you have to go back to confront Wuunferth in the castle jail. Which you'll probably do in daylight, because you need to speak to the Jarl's steward first and he doesn't work at night. Once you come OUT of the castle, the last part of the quest starts... which involves you catching Calixto in the act of murdering somebody. Yep, the infamous serial killer gets caught stalking a new victim in broad daylight through a crowded marketplace. Couldn't he at least attack you in his shop or something?

Also, just for a laugh, I killed and robbed every single one of Windhelm's citizenry while under the cover of darkness and a freakin' lot of Stealth enchantments. Nobody commented on this. At all. Everyone's too concerned about the serial killer in their midst!

Death in Skyrim. It only matters when someone else causes it.

Spoiler: About the Skyrim quest...

Actually you don't have to accuse Wuunferth. If you go talk to him instead of the steward then he'll tell you that he thinks he knows when the next murder will happen and send you to stop Calixto. You save a lot of time using this method. You won't think to do this unless you previously met Wuunferth though, and I think the only other quest he's tied to is a delivery quest started by a fruit vendor. And nobody talks to the fruit vendors.

OT: I dislike any sidequest where the general idea is: "you're super powerful and saving the world, but help me collect berries/acorns/bear asses/etc." A lot of MMOs are guilty of putting these in as filler.

 

[Mikejames]

Anyone remember Nier? Quests are probably the only thing I consider myself to be a completionist towards, but dear Lord I had to look past that for Nier's item farming initiatives.

And the only bright side of the fishing quest is the time-skip you get if you fail to many times, and the characters celebrate success after several hundred attempts.