rofl. 'Big Book of British Smiles' from The Simpsons episode: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Last_Exit_to_Springfield
Just an FYI: if you brush your teeth twice a day, use floss at least once a day, and rinse with a mouthwash, you'll markedly improve your breath. Yeah, all that crap between and on your teeth makes you have bad breath.
I got kinda hosed in the teeth department, not only were my teeth all twisted around and crooked (wore braces for 5 years), but I had a super-high fever when I was 2 or 3, when my teeth were forming, and as a result, the calicum didn't spread equally throughout the tooth buds, therefore I have inherent weak points in my teeth, along with them being slightly mottled in color.
One of my desires is to just have them all capped, but perversely, I hate hate HATE the dentist, and go only as often that my wife guilts me into going.