Well, I would be fairly doomed against the zombie apocalypse, seeing as how all I have to my left are small, fairly useless (in a zombie apocalypse) items. However, I have a bunch of them, since my desk is a mess!
I have two things of Cherry ChapStick, so I can... uh... stuff it down a zombie's throat? At least I never have to worry about having chapped lips, because that's DEFINITELY worse then being a zombie's nom noms.
There's a nail clipper, so the zombies can have some fantastic nail hygiene after eating me.
A pink highlighter. I don't even need to add anything to that, you all know it's useless against zombies.
I have a stack of index cards as well, so... uh... I can write my last words with my highlighter. I guess.
An electronic dictionary, so I could look up big words to use on my 'I'm about to die' memorandum.
I have a hair-clip, which will be great to keep my hair out of my face as I use my main weapon!
My stapler and my Dragon Age: Origins disk. BRING IT ONNNN! (I'm zombie food)
On the bright side, I also have a roll of medical tape and neosporin, so I guess even with my less-than-fantastic-weaponry I could be the medic. If I don't die within the first five minutes. So, the stuff would be useful for the more appropriately equipped people who come later and blow my (newly-zombified) brains out.