Your weapon of choice.....

[Connosaurus Rex]

probably a gun that shots shurikens and lighting OR any gun in Ratchet and Clank. Maybe a space station/orbital battle station that I control with my mind that can destroy planets or ants

 

[wynnsora]

If he had all these weapobns, why fear the Racoon?

I would try to take the chest. Failing that I would settle for Either Wabbajack or Little Sluggers Golden Bat.

One creates Havoc, the other creates a way out.

Oooh, Wabbajack. Could never get the hang of using that. I'd rather use the portal gun and mess with their heads. It also makes crossing the street when you live near one of the most dangerous roads in the nation a breeze.

 

[TheNumber1Zero]

If he had all these weapobns, why fear the Racoon?

I would try to take the chest. Failing that I would settle for Either Wabbajack or Little Sluggers Golden Bat.

One creates Havoc, the other creates a way out.

Oooh, Wabbajack. Could never get the hang of using that. I'd rather use the portal gun and mess with their heads. It also makes crossing the street when you live near one of the most dangerous roads in the nation a breeze.

What do you mean get the hand of it? It turns things into other things. It can turn a sewer rat into a Daedroth while your level 2. What's to get the hang of? Portal gun does sound useful though, any clue what happens if you put two portals in the exact same spot?

 

[the pyrotechnik]

A girl Scout... they are truly terrifying...

 

[lolandrew4]

a Ninjato.

 

[shadowstriker86]

Raccoon with a tiki torch.

Okay, I'm pretty sure you just looked at a picture you found on Google and built a thread around that. Not that it's not awesome, I'm just sayin'.

I pick a record-shooter. You probably wonder what this is, and why it would be considered a weapon. So, I bring to you a clip:
Records are fucking lethal. Especially in gun form.

actually it was an idea i got from a rodney carrington stand up special, i think it was either morning wood or one of his later ones

 

[shadowstriker86]

If he had all these weapobns, why fear the Racoon?

I would try to take the chest. Failing that I would settle for Either Wabbajack or Little Sluggers Golden Bat.

One creates Havoc, the other creates a way out.

im guessing it was cause the racoon was like the chicken from family guy, appearing at the worst possible and inopportune time

 

[TheNumber1Zero]

If he had all these weapons, why fear the Racoon?

I would try to take the chest. Failing that I would settle for Either Wabbajack or Little Sluggers Golden Bat.

One creates Havoc, the other creates a way out.

im guessing it was cause the racoon was like the chicken from family guy, appearing at the worst possible and inopportune time

Not to mention that the Raccoon is the size of a person with opposable thumbs, right? Although Peter didn't have a chest containing a Lancaster Bow, so i'll take it the sight of a giant raccoon with a tiki torch is enough to stop the person rational thoughts in its tracks.

 

[shadowstriker86]

If he had all these weapons, why fear the Racoon?

I would try to take the chest. Failing that I would settle for Either Wabbajack or Little Sluggers Golden Bat.

One creates Havoc, the other creates a way out.

im guessing it was cause the racoon was like the chicken from family guy, appearing at the worst possible and inopportune time

Not to mention that the Raccoon is the size of a person with opposable thumbs, right? Although Peter didn't have a chest containing a Lancaster Bow, so i'll take it the sight of a giant raccoon with a tiki torch is enough to stop the person rational thoughts in its tracks.

actually it was just a little racoon, but the tiki torch was normal size

 

[TheNumber1Zero]

If he had all these weapons, why fear the Racoon?

I would try to take the chest. Failing that I would settle for Either Wabbajack or Little Sluggers Golden Bat.

One creates Havoc, the other creates a way out.

im guessing it was cause the racoon was like the chicken from family guy, appearing at the worst possible and inopportune time

Not to mention that the Raccoon is the size of a person with opposable thumbs, right? Although Peter didn't have a chest containing a Lancaster Bow, so i'll take it the sight of a giant raccoon with a tiki torch is enough to stop the person rational thoughts in its tracks.

actually it was just a little racoon, but the tiki torch was normal size

Spoiler: spoilersnip

Wouldn't the Raccoon be massively unbalanced? he could just snatch the torch from it and set in on fire.

 

[the_anderspawn]

A hydrogen bomb that will detonate if my brain ceases to emit electrical impulses. (Cookie for reference) You know who fucks with me then? Nobody, that's who.

Onf of those, eh? How about a nuclear powered Gatling gun that shoots depleted uranium needles, whose heat sink must be submerged in water? I'd like one of those, a man-portable swimming pool, and a few thousand Rat Things.

 

[the_anderspawn]

A hydrogen bomb that will detonate if my brain ceases to emit electrical impulses. (Cookie for reference) You know who fucks with me then? Nobody, that's who.

Definitely a Lazy Gun. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lazy_gun]
The only weapon known to display a sense of humor.

Wonderful literary tastes, the both of you. Well done. Especially the Against a Dark Background reference; have you read any of the Culture novels?
Oh. I suppose I should say something on-topic. Okay, I'd pick (assuming it has to be a physical object) I'd pick a Bugatti Veyron, outfitted with machine guns (I'm thinking the fully upgraded supercar from Crackdown here).

EDIT: I also wanna put this here because it seems appropriate: "Hey, y'know what money can buy? A solid gold gun. That shoots diamond bullets. I call it "The Compensator". Whatta ya think?" Big, big cookie for reference.

[small]ps reference is Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson can I have a cookie now I like chocolate chip[/small]

Reference is Deadpool from Marvel's X-Force and a few other books. I would like my big cookie now.

Also, to respond in a Banksian vein (though I already said I wanted Reason and some Rat Things), I choose the giant spherical weapon that the Dwellers have in The Algebraist.

To respond in a different Stephensonian vein, I would choose...a truckload of Valers, and Fraa Jad. Slightly Larger than Average Cookie for reference.

Spoiler: Snow Crash spoiler attacking Reason as a practical weapon

The problem with Reason, besides its ridiculous ammunition requirements and the necessity of submerging its heat sink, is that (as Ng points out) using personal superweapons can lead to delusions of omnipotence or over-estimations of the weapon's power, which may (and do, in Fisheye's case) lead to fatal tactical errors.

 

[Cryfear101]

Pedobear

The koolest and most awesome ally to have on your side!

 

[shadowstriker86]

If he had all these weapons, why fear the Racoon?

I would try to take the chest. Failing that I would settle for Either Wabbajack or Little Sluggers Golden Bat.

One creates Havoc, the other creates a way out.

im guessing it was cause the racoon was like the chicken from family guy, appearing at the worst possible and inopportune time

Not to mention that the Raccoon is the size of a person with opposable thumbs, right? Although Peter didn't have a chest containing a Lancaster Bow, so i'll take it the sight of a giant raccoon with a tiki torch is enough to stop the person rational thoughts in its tracks.

actually it was just a little racoon, but the tiki torch was normal size

Spoiler: spoilersnip

Wouldn't the Raccoon be massively unbalanced? he could just snatch the torch from it and set in on fire.

it would be except that the tiki torch is magically balanced

 

[Ziadaine_v1legacy]

WHY are there so many damn threads of "Favorite Weapon/Weapon you'd use" threads lately?

Scythe, because I use one for Jujitsu (Minus the Blade)

 

[Azraellod]

That's OK though because the scythe is a horribly impractical weapon unless your enemy is tall grass

Specify in the OP where it said it had to be a practical choice. If I chose a scythe, why would I need to use it? Could I not just keep it because I like the look of it?

 

[HellbirdIV]

Any weapon? Possibly a Death Star or Star Destroyer.

But, limiting myself to a real weapon for humility's sake, the F2000 is the sexiest weapon ever made. If it was a woman, I would have sex with her. Hell, if it was a man, I would probably have sex with him. ... Hell, if it had a slot for my dick I'd have sex with the gun itself, it's that good looking.

 

[rddj623]

Lightsabers are quite nifty weapons, though so is this ZF-1 [http://www.zorgltd.co.uk/images/photos/ZF-1_500x340.jpg] from "The Fifth Element". So perhaps the ZF-1 with a detachable dual bladed lightsaber.

 

[awesomeemosewa]

Spoiler

ftw!