You're on the front page news, what did you do to be on it?

[Count Igor]

[HEADING=2]Local Man Saves Cats from Burning House[/HEADING]
[sub](Hopefully they don't include the part where I threw the other animals back in)[/sub]

Surprisingly similar to mine.

[HEADING=2]Local Man Saves Burning House from Cats![/HEADING]

 

[Berethond]

[HEADING=2] Local Boy Found Dead After Crashing His Car While Racing Illegally in Foothills. [/HEADING]
Definitely me right there.

 

[Danial]

[HEADING=2] STEPHENIE MEYER AND ANN COULTER FOUND HORRIBLY HORRIBLY MURDERED, 5 BILLION SUSPECTS. [/HEADING]

 

[Silent observer]

[HEADING=2] GIANT RAISIN FOUND IN BATHTUB, BOY'S WHEREABOUTS UNKNOWN [/HEADING]

Cookie for the reference
well, either that or

[HEADING=2] LOCAL STUDENT MAULED BY SWARM OF BEARS [/HEADING]

 

[Spinozaad]

[HEADING=2] 4CHAN AGREES: 'This guy trolled all of us, at once.' [/HEADING]
The Frontier is closed. The Internet has been won. That Guy has stated that he will 'gladly receive his Nobel Prize in all categories.'

 

[Casual Shinji]

[HEADING=2]LOCAL MAN SPEARHEADS RELIGION BASED ON "THE TOILET"![/HEADING]

"The Toilet equalizes us all!"

 

[Anarchemitis]

[HEADING=2]Halo Declared Pretty Cool Guy by President[/HEADING]
[sub]Awarded Congressional Medal of Honor for killing aleins and doesn't afraid of anything[/sub]

 

[T-Bone24]

[HEADING=2]Local Man Kills Every Bear in World, Self.[/HEADING]

That's how I'm going down.

 

[WanderingFool]

[HEADING=2]Local Man fended off waves of the Undead from Nation's Capital with a Washing Machine[/HEADING]

[sub]He is being awarded for his bravery, despite remarks that he mistaken the undead horde for the members of congress[/sub]

Dont ask why a washing machine... future campaign slogan.

 

[JRCB]

[HEADING=2] GIANT RAISIN FOUND IN BATHTUB, BOY'S WHEREABOUTS UNKNOWN [/HEADING]

Cookie for the reference

Calvin and Hobbes.

For me, it would be

[HEADING=2]Man deported from New Zealand for burning down an orphanage and running through a funeral in a banana suit[/HEADING]

Took some inspiration from french class.

 

[EeveeElectro]

[HEADING=2]Local crazy cat lady found on top of church peeling carrots.[/HEADING]

 

[Paksenarrion]

[HEADING=2]Local Girl Streaks Past Historic First Contact With Aliens, Screaming Obscenities.[/HEADING]

Dammit, not again.

 

[WaderiAAA]

I would be someone in the audience in the background after some sport event.

 

[imnot]

[HEADING=2]Local Man Has head chopped off, and dosent realise for 4 hours![/HEADING]

 

[Randomologist]

[HEADING=2]Local man modifies car to operate from PlayStation controller[/HEADING]

Cookie if you know the film I saw this in.

Shortly followed by:
[HEADING=2]Local man overdoses on tree whilst driving[/HEADING]

 

[theSovietConnection]

[HEADING=2] LOCAL MAN DECLARES INDEPENDENCE, ANNEXES LOCAL DENNY'S [/HEADING]

Or my perennial favourite from the SimCity 3000 news ticker

[HEADING=2] TREE STUCK IN CAT, FIREFIGHTERS BAFFLED [/HEADING]

 

[Scde2]

[HEADING=2]Local emo purges Justin Bieber, Twilight, Bobby Kotick from the planet. [/HEADING]

One can only hope...

 

[Railgun88]

Local Teenager Kills Multiple Police Officers And Self In Pursuit After Stealing 71' Plymouth Roadrunner.

Only way I'm dyin'.

 

[blankedboy]

Man lures out and kills everyone at Antares Audio Technologies

Fixed your post.

[HEADING=2]Local man modifies car to operate from PlayStation controller[/HEADING]

Cookie if you know the film I saw this in.

MEN IN BLACK 2 D

 

[SuperSuperSuperGuy]

"Local Teenager Refuses to Leave House for 3 Weeks Straight"

That's something I would do. I only leave my room when necessary.