Zero Punctuation: Eve Online

[Wargamer]

EVE does not sound fun. EVE sounds like more work than my fucking job!

What is sounds like, and what it is, are two completely different things. I think champagne sounds crap, but I know it tastes great.

Firstly, champagne is crap. Especially when it isn't actually champagne.

Secondly, I doubt I would like EVE even if I tried it. It's the whole "summary on the cover" thing. Take Viking. A lot of people told me Viking was a "bad" game, but I loved it. Why? Because if I had to sum the game up in one line, it would be thus:

You are a Viking sent to slaughter entire armies with a fucking big sword and a fucking big axe and you have dragons helping out.

Vikings?
Slaughtering entire armies?
Fucking big sword?
Dragons?

SCORE!

Would anyone care to sum up EVE in one sentence? I realise you probably can't, what with the game being so very complex, but it makes a point - you CAN'T convince me in one line. Oops, sorry, you're out of time! I'm already listening to the next guy whose game lets me pick up circular saw blades with a Gravity Gun and fire them at Zombies.

I am not going to sink my money into a "maybe". I need something that will reel me in hook, line and sinker. Some games can do that whilst still being big and clever, whilst others can't. I may have been drawn into Warhammer due to its truly Epic background, but I can't deny I was drawn into Puzzle Pirates because of the second word in the title.

 

[nastykerm]

Firstly, champagne is crap. Especially when it isn't actually champagne.

That didnt make much sense.

Secondly, I doubt I would like EVE even if I tried it. It's the whole "summary on the cover" thing. Take Viking. A lot of people told me Viking was a "bad" game, but I loved it. Why? Because if I had to sum the game up in one line, it would be thus:

You are a Viking sent to slaughter entire armies with a fucking big sword and a fucking big axe and you have dragons helping out.

Vikings?
Slaughtering entire armies?
Fucking big sword?
Dragons?

SCORE!

Would anyone care to sum up EVE in one sentence? I realise you probably can't, what with the game being so very complex, but it makes a point - you CAN'T convince me in one line. Oops, sorry, you're out of time! I'm already listening to the next guy whose game lets me pick up circular saw blades with a Gravity Gun and fire them at Zombies.

I am not going to sink my money into a "maybe". I need something that will reel me in hook, line and sinker. Some games can do that whilst still being big and clever, whilst others can't. I may have been drawn into Warhammer due to its truly Epic background, but I can't deny I was drawn into Puzzle Pirates because of the second word in the title.

I'm not trying to convince you. What I'm trying to say is that EVE isnt crap for the reasons mentioned in the review, not the reason most people have given as they obviously dont know what EVE actually is.

Different strokes for different folks and, not your cup of tea etc etc. Just because I dont like guitar hero type of games, doesnt mean I will automatically say its crap. It's just not my type of game.

 

[ElArabDeMagnifico]

I can't watch the video but I already know he hated it, EVE is Yahtzee's nightmare, it's the deepest MMO out there and since he can't get through it in 2 hours he's gonna kill himself if he goes on any farther.

*sees EVE online and Age of Conan advertised like crazy on this site*

Uh-oh...Good thing Yahtzee is way more valuable than Jeff Gertsman.

 

[mbv-]

lol eve..my friend tried to get me into that but my response just a plain and simple no

 

[ElArabDeMagnifico]

OK why do people call UI's "intuitive"? Do menu's have "intuition"?

Alright, whatever - back to the review

Isn't the skill system there so you DON'T have to grind? You click the skill, and then you PLAY THE GAME WHILE IT LEVELS UP FOR YOU!

Eh, I guess I thought it was a good idea.

 

[Wargamer]

Firstly, champagne is crap. Especially when it isn't actually champagne.

That didnt make much sense.

Champagne is only produced in the Champagne region of France. If it comes from anywhere else, it isn't Champagne. This is why I cringe when some dipstick tells me he's had some really nice Californian Champagne. It's rather like claiming you're Black when you're skin is whiter than Paris Hilton's bedsheets.

 

[Pandy]

Yahtzee you are right again.
If you like EVE then I can promise you you will LOVE Freelancer, if you do not LOVE it feel free ot drop by my house kick me in the gnads and force me to eat the entire house of which I live in.

sweet, give me your address and then you'd better wander out and get a box and a huge spoon, because in my opinion freelancer sucked. X3 was superior in every aspect.

True, but then, even X2 was better than Freelancer and X2 had all the depth of a really deep teaspoon.

 

[Brett Alex]

Firstly, champagne is crap. Especially when it isn't actually champagne.

That didnt make much sense.

Champagne is only produced in the Champagne region of France. If it comes from anywhere else, it isn't Champagne. This is why I cringe when some dipstick tells me he's had some really nice Californian Champagne.

So far off topic now, but don't you find that a slightly elitist opinion? I know that because of legal action it officially isn't Champagne when it comes from somewhere else now, but it seems almost like saying "Well Kiwi-Fruits are clearly only from New Zealand because they have Kiwi in their name, and if you grow a kiwi fruit in Australia then it isn't actually a kiwi fruit and you'll have to call it 'Sparkling Fruit' instead of an Australian grown Kiwi-Fruit."

So personally I don't think it sounds like claiming your black when your actually white, that would be like calling Carlton Cold 'Carlton Champagne'.

 

[bigwillystyles]

Maybe you guys who don't like eve should go to the doctor and talk to him about your lack of opposable thumbs?

 

[p0nda]

So far off topic now, but don't you find that a slightly elitist opinion? I know that because of legal action it officially isn't Champagne when it comes from somewhere else now, but it seems almost like saying "Well Kiwi-Fruits are clearly only from New Zealand because they have Kiwi in their name, and if you grow a kiwi fruit in Australia then it isn't actually a kiwi fruit and you'll have to call it 'Sparkling Fruit' instead of an Australian grown Kiwi-Fruit."

So personally I don't think it sounds like claiming your black when your actually white, that would be like calling Carlton Cold 'Carlton Champagne'.

It's actually more like selling "genuine Cuban cigars" that are made in South Korea. But the man is correct even if he has a poor analogy. Your kiwifruit analogy is also poor however, since they've only been called kiwifruit since the 60's because Chinese gooseberry had poor marketing appeal during the cold war. And were only introduced into NZ at the turn of last century regardless.

ANYHOW, this was my favourite ZP in a while. I haven't been finding it as funny lately, but I enjoyed this one no end.

 

[mfischetti]

I think it's funny how so many people here are saying they won't try EVE because he did not like it, didn't he jsut get done yelling at people in the mailbag showdown because they wait for someone supposedly in authority to tell them yay or nay? EVE can never try to be WoW because it was out way before WoW was so that arguement makes no sense and like I said in the first reply, this game is not for everyone, dedicated players who enjoy it don't want you hack and slash MMO players. If you like a game that makes you think and in which you must actually take the time to put into it then come and join us I personally run a player corporation made specifically to help new players learn the game and find out what they would like to do within it, you can contact my character Alesa Gillespie in game and I will be happy to bring you on board. All you WoW hack and slashers need not apply since there is no way to play for a week straight and be at the highest level.

 

[insanelich]

Frankly, it looks like this review brings out the PC Gaming Master Race out of the woods to tell us we console-playing dirty hippies are subhuman scum.

Except that Eve is boring and not deep or complex. Eve is shallow and broad. There's five billion different systems with very few interesting details in any of them.

I've seen dozens of people try to convince me I need to play Eve at least three months and find a perfect group to play it with to actually voice an opinion. The problem is that a good group saves almost any game - WoW with a good group is really fun, as are the vast majority of MMORPGs - and that if a 14-day trial isn't enough to determine if you like the game style or not, the game is horribly designed.

And frankly, having played Eve I have to agree with Yahtzee. It's boring and oftentimes I wished I had a game to play while I wait for production/autopilot/warp. It might be a great economic simulator but a good game it is not.

 

[Brett Alex]

So far off topic now, but don't you find that a slightly elitist opinion? I know that because of legal action it officially isn't Champagne when it comes from somewhere else now, but it seems almost like saying "Well Kiwi-Fruits are clearly only from New Zealand because they have Kiwi in their name, and if you grow a kiwi fruit in Australia then it isn't actually a kiwi fruit and you'll have to call it 'Sparkling Fruit' instead of an Australian grown Kiwi-Fruit."

So personally I don't think it sounds like claiming your black when your actually white, that would be like calling Carlton Cold 'Carlton Champagne'.

It's actually more like selling "genuine Cuban cigars" that are made in South Korea. But the man is correct even if he has a poor analogy. Your kiwifruit analogy is also poor however, since they've only been called kiwifruit since the 60's because Chinese gooseberry had poor marketing appeal during the cold war. And were only introduced into NZ at the turn of last century regardless.

ANYHOW, this was my favourite ZP in a while. I haven't been finding it as funny lately, but I enjoyed this one no end.

Yeah I'm aware of the whole gooseberry thing but I didn't know who else would be, kiwi fruit was just the first thing I thought off. And its far too early in the morning here! Don't judge Me! Joking by the way. Before we get lost in more pointless and confusing analogies, what I meant is that its kind of a petty copyright issue. Each to his own though, and I think I'll stop trying to drag this further off-topic.

 

[keyton777]

Maybe you guys who don't like eve should go to the doctor and talk to him about your lack of opposable thumbs?

and mayby you could get out of your house for once?

 

[insanelich]

Also, that. Everyone who doesn't like Eve is automatically an idiot and possibly a monkey, and needs to pay CCP more money to try again if they'd like it better repeating their bad experience.

I mean, the fanboy rage is worse than what I get from WoW fans.

 

[nastykerm]

Frankly, it looks like this review brings out the PC Gaming Master Race out of the woods to tell us we console-playing dirty hippies are subhuman scum.

Strawman. Personally I play on all platforms, because I dont want to miss out on great games regardless on what system they are on. Unlike you. And the only one who have come with negative characteristics of people, is yahtzee and you and your fellow 'omg I played EVE for 30 minutes and decided it was crap' squads.

I mean, the fanboy rage is worse than what I get from WoW fans.

Oh the irony!




http://www.eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=200006

 

[gamebrain89]

I completely agree, it seems like a game that doesn't want to be played.

 

[Dakesh]

Awesome review as always, and dead on in this case. The only good thing I can say about EVE is that it made me feel the vastness of space like no other game... by boring me to tears.

 

[lord667]

Great how nerds can close their heads of to not read. So let's put it simple in a few sentences so nobody can complain:

1) Games are not for socializing. If you need that you are either a big emo or have no life. Games are for fun, tickling, mind challenging or just giving you a great time. If you need there a socializing system to get friends... then you utterly failed at life

I like playing games with other people. MMO's, splitscreen/online FPS, Guitar Hero, I don't care. Playing on your own against the computer is purely and simply less fun than playing with and/or against people.

Bottom line, you're not wrong: games are for fun. But your fun and mine aren't the same. Some people like DJ's, "choons" and dancefloors, I prefer bands, "songs" and moshpits.

2) Tactics and strategy is if both sides have equal abilities and resources and using them clever cuts the deal.

No. Strategy is a long-term battle-plan, tactics is the short-term implementation of that part of the plan using conditions and resources available.

100 versus 1 is NOT strategy NOR tactics it's just fucking GB ( Gang-Banging ) and is called a loosers battle. MMOs are full of such loosers

100-vs-1 is very much strategy and tactics; i.e., planning how you're going to make sure you're the 100 and not the 1. Figuring out how to create situations where you have the advantage and avoid situations where you don't is a cornerstone of BOTH strategy AND tactics, and abject failure to employ either is usually the reason you find yourself in a 100-vs-1 encounter in the first place. I'm sorry if you thought charging around blind and attacking everything you see would be as effective in MMO PvP as they are in GTA.

3) A demo is here to show you how good a game is. If it fails to do so after 14 days the entire game fails.

Also if a game requires half a year to get to the good bits it fails too.

Granted, but if you explore, talk to people and actually try things out - as you're supposed to in a sandbox game - you'll find the good bits in Eve quite quickly. If you sit there and keep doing the same thing in virtual silence, expecting it to become fun, you won't.

Bottom line, people with no imagination who need big neon signs pointing to the fun won't enjoy Eve and shouldn't even bother. Not to say that imaginative self-starters will definitely like it, but it makes them Might Do's instead of Definitely Won'ts.

And if you are mostly watching the CPU play for you the game fails too.

You aren't. Unless you're a mission-grinder or a career miner, but those people are freaks. I don't understand them either.

 

[insanelich]

Frankly, it looks like this review brings out the PC Gaming Master Race out of the woods to tell us we console-playing dirty hippies are subhuman scum.

Strawman. Personally I play on all platforms, because I dont want to miss out on great games regardless on what system they are on. Unlike you. And the only one who have come with negative characteristics of people, is yahtzee and you and your fellow 'omg I played EVE for 30 minutes and decided it was crap' squads.

I mean, the fanboy rage is worse than what I get from WoW fans.

Oh the irony!




http://www.eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=200006

Q.E.D.

Plus, I played Eve for two weeks and go so caught up in it I wanted to buy a sub. Until I realized I spent more time waiting than gaming and that I wasn't going to find a corp worth anything in a million years in Minmatar 1.0 space.