Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

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Wounded Melody

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oh and could anyone be nice enough to make me an icon from this ZP where it has Snow and the word TWAT? I'll love you forever!!!
 

PeterDawson

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Oh no! He hated a game I like a lot (love is too strong a work, but we can still be friends)! He must have misinterpreted his own opinion!

Nah, it's cool. He's a notorious JRPG hater and the game is pretty much the new definition of linear so I'm not shocked in the review. Hell, the first five hours are some of the worst to review because you spend way too much time with just 'attack' and 'blitz' in your combat inventory. When you get to shift paradigms and choose their settings, not to mention Hope loses his ability to use his boomerang in favor of magic, things start fitting much better. Ah well, par for the course. It is a shame he chose to review the game the week the Mana Bar opens though.

I am curious what his problem with the databases are though. Everything important to the plot in there is fleshed out in-game as well. I should add that anything not-covered in game is like the Mass Effect codex stuff in-game as well. I mean, without that codex understanding the Asari, the Batarians or even the weapons isn't really easy.
 

Andrew Mukon

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never played FF6, my first "FF" was number 9.
i have been told by many that 9 is the best in the series if only due to the fact that it was a "remake" (for lack of a better word) of FF1. I have No Opinion on that though

Though, i particularly remember that when I fought the final boss, everyone in my party died except Zidane (main character) and he was "confused" (ie, i could not control him) and it took two hours, and i took control 6 times (for about 10 seconds each) and I STILL WON!
 

Stormz

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Although I do enjoy the game I agree with pretty much all his points. The game does have a lot flaws but I still consider it quite good.
 

ResiEvalJohn

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LMAO, good god that was funny! Funnier than his usual stuff. I think his most important point is that the game takes about 20 hours to get good. That settles it for me, I think I'll skip this one!
 

dmase

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I don't think i've enjoyed a yahtzee review like that in awhile. Obviously you only need to review games that you utterly despise. May I suggest Versus when it comes out?
 

feather240

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Good Review, but five hours, really? On the other hand I suppose that if the first twenty hours suck then it doesn't matter.
 

Buffoon

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geizr said:
Grampy_bone said:
You know this video reminds me of something I see more and more of these days: gamers are sensitive little bitches who complain about every last goddamned thing. For example, Yahtzee pointing out a "weak" character like Hope carrying around a weapon-grade boomerang. Back in the day we would just file this sort of thing under "videogame weirdness" like Samus turning into a ball or Mario's raccoon tail allowing him to fly, then proceed to enjoy the hell out it. But now people nitpick everything for "breaking immersion" or some other such nonsense.

If SMB3 were released today with no franchise history there would be 10 page dissertations on the internet screaming about how the warp whistles "ruin the game" and endless threads about how Luigi is an "Emo ******."
I don't normally bother writing into a ZP thread because I usually mentally stamp the whole thing with "For entertainment purposes only." However, this post caught my eye, and I have to tip my hat to you Mr. Grampy_bone. In my years of game playing, I have come to the same observation about the current generation of gamers: they are just super-sensitive emo critters.

If you don't like the game, fine, don't play it. If you do like the game, fine, just play it and have fun. It doesn't matter what Yahtzee or anyone else thinks, because this is a matter of personal preference and aesthetics. However, this constant need by some gamers to validate their personal opinion, preference, or choice by brow-beating everyone into their particular viewpoint is getting old. At times, it's worse than religious fanatics.

Me, personally, I play the game, and I like the story and the development of the characters(I'm about 40 hours into it). Whether it is something that I will play multiple times remains to be seen until after I actually finish it(my personal definition of replay value is how much I want to play a game again for the sheer pleasure of playing it, rather than how many easter-eggs and achievements there are to grind).

On a note of immersion and realism, in my opinion, a game doesn't have to be realistic to achieve immersion. It only has to establish a self-consistent universe of rules and operation and not deviate from that. If I want realism, I just wake up in the morning; I don't pay a game-developer $50-60 to attempt to create it.
Ha, yeah, I totally agree with both of you. Good posts.

Anyway, of course I'm not surprised that Yahtzee didn't like FFXIII. I did... in fact I absolutely loved it. I'm tempted to write a vitriolic response about why it's awesome and why everyone who doesn't like it is missing out, but (ironically) this probably isn't the best place for that, since I would only be tiresomely predictable.
 

WitherVoice

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Shocked to find that Mr Croshaw did, in fact, enjoy FFVI, though it is an opinion I share with him, then... FFVI was an excellent game, very enjoyable, and I have said before that it is my favourite in the series. My opinion on the decline of the series does not represent quite as steep a graph as his, but... yes, the many-minutes-long summon things going on and on (and being ruddy Unskippable!) was to the detriment of the later games. If you add something like that, for the love of all that is good and just allow skipping it.

Not played any of the FF games since... nine, I believe. Which was better than 8, slightly less good than 7, and far lesser than 6. Oh, and by the way, everyone in the world, do yourself a favour and listen to the soundtrack of Final Fantasy VI. It is AMAZING, made even more so by the fact that it's a SNES game.
 

shadoworc01

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Father Time said:
shadoworc01 said:
Nothing about how there's a chocobo in the black guy's hair? Also, why did you waste your time with FFXIII? We all know you hate JRPGs, so why not take this week to review God of War III? I'm still waiting for that review. Or maybe you don't want to because you actually like it. Don't think that I'm one of those people who bugs you to review my favorite game, I find the God of War series to be very blah, but I want to hear you hate on the plot. ITS LUDICROUS! Kratos killing gods? C'mon Yahtzee! Let's get a review of that!
If you follow the plot even loosely you would know why Kratos killing Gods isn't ludicrous.

Also he's reviewed games he likes before, like say Infamous or Saint's Row 2.
I payed very careful attention to the plot of God of War III, and had a discussion with a friend about this. Anything but Gods killing Gods is ludicrous. I didn't say he didn't like games. But he has said several times that he dislikes JRPGs with the exception of Earthbound, and another really old game I forget, probably FF4, back when the Final Fantasy's starred total badasses like Yang and Kain.
 

Caiti Voltaire

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nicodeemus327 said:
Caiti Voltaire said:
nicodeemus327 said:
At least you're honest with yourself. That was rather unprofessional. Then again most of us don't watch your videos for an actual review. It's just fun to listen to a fast talking person with a English accent that swears a lot.
So, this begs the question, what IS professional? The GameSpot reviews that sound as if they are generated by some sort of buzz-word generating soulless machine?

I'm not trying to be flamebait here, though I guess it sounds like that. He's given the review a lot more thought than the majority of reviews that drool all over games in accordance to the amount of money the publisher has, so in face of that, if that is the definition of professional I'm quite okay with Yahtzee coming off as ameteurish.
Reviewing the majority of content something offers (ie spending more then 5 hours reviewing a 50 hour game). Basing those reviews on the audience that would receive it. In the end the whole point of a review is to be used as something to make an informed purchase. This video is very far from that. I find myself often holding the same opinion as Yahtz for most things. The game did start off rocky. However, it did improve significantly, enough where I could consider it a good purchase. It's not the best game ever but a good game.

Having said all that I don't watch these videos for an actual review. Despite liking FF13 that review was pretty funny. It could have been better.
And you don't consider a 10 hour game being padded out to 50 hours to be a bad thing? I personally didn't even make it to the 5 hour mark before I became exceedingly happy I had used a free rental to play the game instead of actually purchasing it, myself.

However that said, I said above my main thought on the matter of the games slow beginning and it bears repeating: I can take a slow start if it is entertaining. I actually rather prefer a slower start if it is a game world that is atmospheric and interesting to me because it gives me time to explore this new and entertaining little world. However couple the fact that you've seen this intro before more or less if you have played FFVII and that the game really isn't terribly interactive beyond the rather tedious combat mechanics, and you get a game that I just didn't enjoy.

And that's really the thing to me. It doesn't present an interesting gameworld to make up for the pacing.
 

Orcus The Ultimate

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I agree in most of what Yahtzee said, but the worst part is that Final Fantasy is a freakin never-ending-milking-Cow since there's a good bunch of fans that always want the next one...
 

Bombader

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I have to agree, the start of the game is mostly auto battle, FFX2 was much more fun since the response was quick and immediate, this game was fun on the first fight since it seemed location and timing was important, though it became an illusion after first few mini bosses. I have only got up to Shiva thus far (which kinda is an induedo, sisters leg locked while a guy is sitting on the leg locked motor cycle... ya...).

Hope = Shinji, I think.

One major complaint is the scene that Snow leaves to Pulse thing, that scene dragged out soooooo longer than it needed to, and made me wonder if RPG's are ever going to evolve from that crappy filler. It also felt more like an anime RPG than a game at times.

Vanille... I tend to like Rikku types but this one made me really want to punch her, shut up and let me enjoy the scenery! lol
 

Aquasmith

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When he said three disc I knew right away that he got the 360 version. The graphics of 360 version is dumb down so Square Enix can fit it on 3 disc.
I plan on waiting for the Final Fantasy Versus XIII and the get the collectors edition which would include Final Fantasy XIII.
Final Fantasy VI is a great game. They should remake it again rather than attempting to remake Final Fantasy VII which they say they are planning to do.
 

shadoworc01

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Feb 22, 2010
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nicodeemus327 said:
shadoworc01 said:
Father Time said:
shadoworc01 said:
Nothing about how there's a chocobo in the black guy's hair? Also, why did you waste your time with FFXIII? We all know you hate JRPGs, so why not take this week to review God of War III? I'm still waiting for that review. Or maybe you don't want to because you actually like it. Don't think that I'm one of those people who bugs you to review my favorite game, I find the God of War series to be very blah, but I want to hear you hate on the plot. ITS LUDICROUS! Kratos killing gods? C'mon Yahtzee! Let's get a review of that!
If you follow the plot even loosely you would know why Kratos killing Gods isn't ludicrous.

Also he's reviewed games he likes before, like say Infamous or Saint's Row 2.
I payed very careful attention to the plot of God of War III, and had a discussion with a friend about this. Anything but Gods killing Gods is ludicrous. I didn't say he didn't like games. But he has said several times that he dislikes JRPGs with the exception of Earthbound, and another really old game I forget, probably FF4, back when the Final Fantasy's starred total badasses like Yang and Kain.
Come on, FF6 is just as emo as any recent addition. It's just easier to swallow when they're 2D sprites.
I don't find it any different when they're 2D sprites, I just like JRPGs, admittedly my favorite was FF4, and I found Cecil the 2nd most irritating character in gaming history. Sure Edward was bit of a sissy, but he was a bard, that's just what you get. I spent the whole game wishing I could play as Kain and his army. Also, I haven't gotten around to 6 because I am of a younger generation, and I just recently got 4, so please avoid spoilers. I'm planning on getting the rerelease on the GBA after con season is over.
 

Caiti Voltaire

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nicodeemus327 said:
If it was actually true, sure. It has a slow start. The first 10 hours are very slow. The plot develops slowly, the battle system develops slowly. That is followed by a solid 30 hours of game play depending on how fast you went through the combat and how much of the side content you explored. Considering few other games give me 30 hours of solid enjoyment I'd say it was worth it.
Even if we get past the slow start, simply having 30 hours of gameplay, or whatever arbitrary number we attach to the game length, the slow start is indicitive of the fact that the game story is slowly paced and not very engaging. I want to say that the rising action takes way too long but it seems somewhat of a stretch to call it either rising or action.

To me it adds nothing new, seems rather samey, and perhaps most importantly, it doesn't seem like much of a game. The gameplay seems to consist mostly of carting characters from fight to fight occasionally having to listen to them spout confusing and poorly-written (or perhaps simply poorly-translated) dialogue. This is part of the point I'm getting at an it is in fact perhaps the most important point - if you are going to have a slow story you had best have some engaging elements of gameplay to act as sufficiently entertaining filler.