An honest question.

[Sparecash]

Upon revealing their feelings and hearng "No," they feel embarrased around you.

Only natural.

For further explanation, put yourself in this situation.

Imagine there is someone you like, I mean really like. You ask them out and they shoot you down.
Now imagine having to be around that person on a regular basis for what may be a majority of your life.

Understand?

Yeah pretty much with this person said.
After you go as far as asking someone out, if they decline, there's always going to be that awkwardness in the air. You might not intend it, and honestly have good intentions, but they will always remember that you shot them down.

 

[CouchCommando]

You question raises more questions really, depends, One of my closest friends is a friend I made a pass at years ago and failed miserably at. But there are boundaries, basically she cant give me advice on my girlfriends and I don't want to hear about her boyfriend problems. I have ended another friendship because of behavior like this, never really thought about it it just really got my hackles up on a personal level.

 

[psychic psycho]

It's not embarrassment - it's not to fucking torture yourself.

If I ask a girl out, it's not just some vapid passing fancy, it's because I feel VERY strongly and passionately about her. If she says no... then what? My feeling don't magically fucking disappear, they're still around and I know there's no possible chance of my hopes and dreams of a future with that person coming to fruition. That just leads to a miserable spiral of depression where you sit there every day laughing and spending time with them, all the while knowing you simply can't have the life you want with that person.

It's fucking torture, and it's best to be avoided.

Not that I've ever been in this situation, but if I did, I'd imagine this is exactly how I'd feel...actually it's the reason why I've never risked getting into that type of situation.

 

[awsome117]

It's not embarrassment - it's not to fucking torture yourself.

If I ask a girl out, it's not just some vapid passing fancy, it's because I feel VERY strongly and passionately about her. If she says no... then what? My feeling don't magically fucking disappear, they're still around and I know there's no possible chance of my hopes and dreams of a future with that person coming to fruition. That just leads to a miserable spiral of depression where you sit there every day laughing and spending time with them, all the while knowing you simply can't have the life you want with that person.

It's fucking torture, and it's best to be avoided.

You sir, hit the nail on the head.

 

[Weaver]

It's not embarrassment - it's not to fucking torture yourself.

If I ask a girl out, it's not just some vapid passing fancy, it's because I feel VERY strongly and passionately about her. If she says no... then what? My feeling don't magically fucking disappear, they're still around and I know there's no possible chance of my hopes and dreams of a future with that person coming to fruition. That just leads to a miserable spiral of depression where you sit there every day laughing and spending time with them, all the while knowing you simply can't have the life you want with that person.

It's fucking torture, and it's best to be avoided.

Not that I've ever been in this situation, but if I did, I'd imagine this is exactly how I'd feel...actually it's the reason why I've never risked getting into that type of situation.

I'd say you're smart. It's not a fun situation to be in.

 

[awsome117]

What the hell, it isnt embarassment, they just have primal urges to root you and now they cant so they feel emasculated.

Stop this namby pamby boys-have-feelings crap everyone and accept that maybe the sexual attraction they felt is now completely severed.

Who the hell feels embarassed or ashamed after that kid of stuff? Bloody poofs, that's who. You lot sound like you need a damn support group. MAN UP.

Classic example of "dick move". You see, some people don't think like you. They think of women as "people" (meaning the same as them) and not objects (obscure I know right?). Also, some people tend to have "feelings" for these women, and actually like them. So, when they get rejected, it hurts. A lot.

 

[crazy-j]

im asuming they only became friends so they could date you. so seeing as you wont date them they just end the friendship.

also embarrassment is another reason.

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

Just as you see them as someone you want to be friends with, and don't want to date, they may see you as someone they want to date and not just be friends with. The two of you want something different from the relationship: you friendship, them dating. So, when they find they can't get what they want, they stop interacting.

A lot of guys are cool with either friendship or dating. Some only want to be friends with people. However, some only want to date somebody and that's just their desire of the relationship. Its not compatible with yours, so the relationship ends.

 

[Manhattan2112]

I've been there, and regardless of whatever you said or however you said it it just came off as you basically going, "You are an unacceptable male specimen, and you mean nothing to me. RE-JECTED". Don't take it personally, it's just a guy's way of thinking.

 

[white_salad]

My view on the matter is that you'll never just go back to being friends. They think you'll forever see them no longer as just a friend, but that guy that asked you out, and he'll think it's awkward between you too. He most likely still likes you too, so when you say no to him, he feels rejected and hurt. He opened up to you, and you said no, he's been hurt.

Oh he was just looking for poon and when he realized poon could not be achieved, he left.

 

[Dusty Donuts]

Ok, for you guys that are here, I have an honest question for you.

I've had a few guy friends that I've known for a while but when they bring the idea of dating me and I tell them no and that I don't see them that way, they slowly start to disconnect themselves and stop talking to me altogether.

So I'd like to know:
Why can't some guys handle/accept that boundary line?

I didn't try to kick them out of my life. I wasn't mean. I just simply said "I don't want to date you but I still want to be friends." As simple as that. And yet, they can't handle the idea.
I don't understand and I know I'm not the only girl this has happened to. Even if you're good friends, the moment you reject their idea of dating you, they suddenly decide not to be friends anymore.

They were capable of just "being a friend" before they asked. I don't get why they can't after. A lot of girls are ok with it. Why can't guys see it the same way?
Like I said, it's an honest question. I'm not trying to sound like a whiny ***** and I apologize if I do.

Oh, I remember that. Now you're bagging me on websites too? Guess you know why I 'distance' myself from you.

Spoiler

The Godawful Truth

Spoiler

Sure you wanna open this?

Spoiler

Surrrre?

Spoiler

No, seriously, do you really wanna know?

Spoiler

Maybe you shouldn't do this.

Spoiler

For your benefit?

Spoiler

I had a a friend once

Spoiler

they tried to open something like this

Spoiler

but they died later, of something I can't remember

Spoiler

actually, that probably wasn't related to that

Spoiler

Oh, whatever, here I'll tell you.

Spoiler

I don't really know her, I'm just messing around with you. In my real opinion, the shame of rejection pretty much is...well, have you played the sims? It's like a -100 relationship meter. It takes a while to recover, if at all.

 

[Dusty Donuts]

What the hell, it isnt embarassment, they just have primal urges to root you and now they cant so they feel emasculated.

Stop this namby pamby boys-have-feelings crap everyone and accept that maybe the sexual attraction they felt is now completely severed.

Who the hell feels embarassed or ashamed after that kid of stuff? Bloody poofs, that's who. You lot sound like you need a damn support group. MAN UP.

Classic example of "dick move". You see, some people don't think like you. They think of women as "people" (meaning the same as them) and not objects (obscure I know right?). Also, some people tend to have "feelings" for these women, and actually like them. So, when they get rejected, it hurts. A lot.

Erm, he wasn't insulting the women, he was insulting the men. Remember, this is a girl asking for advice on this subject, and in this case he's just putting forward his opinion that the guy just wanted the OP for her body and not any relationship stuff.

 

[heyheysg]

Guys don't want female friends.

Sure they might have a few to talk about non-guy stuff like other girls, clothes, family etc.

But once they get a girlfriend/wife you're pretty much useless.

That's why there's guy stuff, getting drunk, fighting, fart jokes, complaining about girlfriends, talking about cheating on their girlfriends etc.

 

[Darchrow]

If I get comfortable enough with a girl and decided to go the extra step, but she didn't want to then, obviously I'd feel like cutting my losses and leaving. I'm kind of at a point where I have enough reliable friends that I can truly trust and have a laugh with, I just want a long term partner not another friend. I know it sounds pretty pompous to say I have enough friends but its pretty hard to not feel satisfied with the group of friends you have after living for 25years.

 

[Crimsane]

Perhaps he started the relationship in the hopes of dating you. When he realized he was never going to achieve that goal, he gave up and moved on. He never intended to be friends. He intended to be more.

Pretty much nailed it. The friend zone is nigh inescapable, so for anyone with loftier goals than just friends, it's game over.

 

[Darknacht]

Typicly the guya are just freinds with the girl because they want to date her and they think being her freind will better there chances. When it no longer looks like there is a chance of that then then there is no longer a point to the freindship.

 

[begone]

It's like Dave Chappelle said: "A woman's test in life is material: a man's test in life is a woman." If these friends of yours are unable to accept your friendship, then maybe they had other intentions in mind. It will be difficult to make guy friends since most guys have one thing on their mind. Keep that in mind the next time that happens.

 

[T3h Merc]

It's not embarrassment - it's not to fucking torture yourself.

If I ask a girl out, it's not just some vapid passing fancy, it's because I feel VERY strongly and passionately about her. If she says no... then what? My feeling don't magically fucking disappear, they're still around and I know there's no possible chance of my hopes and dreams of a future with that person coming to fruition. That just leads to a miserable spiral of depression where you sit there every day laughing and spending time with them, all the while knowing you simply can't have the life you want with that person.

It's fucking torture, and it's best to be avoided.

A. Fucking. Greed.