Asking a girl's dad for permission to go out with his daughter

[Sir_Auron_the_Badass]

Not really applicable for me now, since any girls I *cough* would be dating would be at the college I go to, so technically an adult. If she did something like that, not only would it be really out of the way to meet with her parents about that, but I also feel she must be much more insecure about relationships than I ever was, even in middle-school.

 

[OldRat]

Well, if I lived in the distant, weird past of 1950's or so, I guess.

But really, I guess I would ask anyway if I really thought she was worth the hassle. Although I'd maybe express some concerns about her wellbeing if she, an adult person, still needs that much parental approval.

 

[Woem]

If you really like the girl, of course you do it, and you do you very best at it as well.

 

[Xaio30]

I'd ask him, but his answer would not affect whether I marry her or not afterwards.

 

[Russian_Assassin]

I wouldn't date a girl with daddy issues. I wouldn't have a problem asking her father, but I don't think I would feel comfortable with a girl that makes me go through such an arbitrary procedure, since this suggests she has some issues that would bite me in the ass down the road.

 

[Jonabob87]

My wife wanted me to ask her Mum and Dad's permissions before we got married (although we never discussed what we'd done if they said no).

Thankfully they liked me and didn't hesitate to say yes!

 

[Aeonknight]

If he says no and she's willing to disregard Daddy's decision, then it's more or less a show on your part that by stepping out of your comfort zone, you're willing to put forth effort into the potential relationship.

If Daddy's word is law, then forget it. Can't be expected to date her and her parents.

If he says yes, then think of it as a way of breaking the ice in a much more polite way... rather than being caught in bed with her and Daddy having no clue who the hell you are. If anything it probably makes it easier on her when she's not dating you in secret.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[jonyboy13]

lol no, for a handful of reasons.
She can't think for herself.
She's old fashioned.
This whole idea is sexist and quite stupid.
She's probably a virgin.

I agree with Fagotto here, the whole idea is just stupid.

 

[Android2137]

As a female of the species, I commend you. Shows real maturity on your part. If I were a parent, a young man requesting permission to date my little one would be a sign of good character to me. (Mind you, it wouldn't be enough to completely dispel all concerns and fears, but it would give me a good first impression.)

Then by the same logic, shouldn't you ask the 'boys' mother the same thing?

Double standards aren't mature.

Hmm... Fair point. Never actually dated anyone, so it never came up, but I'll be sure to keep that in mind if it ever does. After all, his parents would be just as concerned.

 

[Valanthe]

I wouldn't see it as any problem, I'm no big hanger on to tradition, but if she feels that it's important, a simple symbolic gesture is hardly an inconvenience. Especially once I factor in that if I am on the verge of dating her seriously, then I am already good friends with her and know whether or not she is someone asking to uphold a family or personal tradition, or if it is a sign of insecurity.

 

[Gigano]

Nope.

Not interested in anyone who's that conservative and hung up on old-fashioned gender roles.

 

[TriggerOnly]

No. I would rather her make her own mind up and not need permission to run her own life. If she needs some one to hold her hand in every choice especially Impotent ones then she is not the woman for me (personally). Why should she need another persons family member or not permission to feel for another person. and why should you have to ask to get it! permission to feel for another.


That and any father that demands that right, I think needs to be set straight on the fact he will have no say on the relationship and it is her choice!

To me you seem weak if you need to ask such a thing!

and if you say NO! your saying *rips shirt off to show(were a 12pack would be)* I AM A MAN HERE ME RAWR!!!

 

[Sarge034]

I wouldnt ASK for permission. I would say I'm taking your daughter out, if you have a problem, then man up and do something about it.

... What?! That old man wont be running my life with his daughter.

I think we need more information. If I had a daughter and you said this before she was 18 you will not be walking out of my house of your own power. If she was over 18 and you said this I would warn her that you are a disrespectful piece of shit, but it would be her life to live.

 

[Lieju]

If she was underaged, yes. (I wouldn't date an underaged girl, but back when I was that age)

However, why father? Why not both parents? Or just whoever has custody of her?

 

[The_Fezz]

Yes, I'm way too clingy for my own good and will gladly do anything.

I might question this at a later date but whatever works.

 

[A Free Man]

I can't believe someone would see this as a problem haha. Obviously if such a simple things seems like a big issue then this relationship isn't going to work. Imagine when you have real things to deal with? You'd probably have a breakdown. Honestly different people have different expectation as to curtesy and respect, this isn't your girlfriend passively trying to force an ultimatum on you... Obviously she just believes that her dad has a right to have some say in her life and expects you to respect her family traditions and values. If you can't do that don't bother trying to justify it just move on to someone who you think is worth the trouble.

To the OP: I think you made the right choice it isn't such a big deal and really if you do love her then such a small issue shouldn't even matter.

 

[Flare Phoenix]

A girl worth having won't give you ultimatums.

/thread. If a girl gives you that kind of conditions, toss her to the side of the road, cuz otherwise, sooner or later she'll do that to you.

Of course. Because being asked to do something so simple for someone you LOVE (It is implied by the OT that you, in fact, love her.) is worth tossing that person aside.


Really guys, its not that big a deal. If you don't have the balls to do this, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship, cause if you think THIS scenario is bad, just wait for future commitments. Not to mention that this kind of a thing may get you on the good side of her dad, which in almost all cases is good for you.

Really girls, stop thinking you have to put us through completely pointless tests in order to get us to prove our love to you. I mean really, what are you going to do if your father says no? "Well I really love you, but since my father said no we're going to have to break up". It's completely rediculous.

Ridiculous*


Also, it isn't that they're already dating. At least, in the given example. Its for starting to date. And for all you know, it isn't pointless. She could be a traditional type? "Oh, sorry. You prefer the idea of me going up to your dad and simply asking him if I can date you. I don't have the balls for that so I'm just gonna find someone else." Again, the implication is that you LOVE her. I guess this is too hard a concept for you to grasp?

On top of that, if you go up to a girl's dad and ask for permission, I really don't see any reason why he'd deny you. Unless you were a smelly bum, or someone who generally lacked any appeal or capacity to prove yourself a worthy candidate for the daughter. And don't say i'm sexist and acting like women are to be controlled by saying that. There's a difference between that and me just wanting my daughter to be dating someone who isn't a slob, or a gutless twit, or whatever. Which, really is the only impression of a person I can foresee someone being so heavily opposed to this. If she's worth it, you'd man the fuck up and do it. You say that it's pointless, but if it wins her love, then in the end it really, really isn't.

I am saying any girl who askes you to do that isn't worth it. I don't want some ***** who is going to make me jump through a series of hoops before she will allow me to date her. Besides, if you're saying you're in love with someone and you haven't even dated yet you're a fool.

I completely agree. I was just abiding to the conditions of the OP as much as I could.

I've never been in the situation personally, but it sounds like one of two things when it happens

1. She wants to see if he is willing to jump through hoops in order to obtain her; like she is some sort of prize to be won.

2. She is looking for an out in the relationship. It's a lot easier to say "Well my dad doesn't want us to date" than "I don't want to date you".

This whole "she wants to see if he is couragous enough to go out with her" is complete crap. Courage would be going out with someone inspite of what anyone else thinks. I don't know how many times I've looked at a couple and thought "they don't seem right for each other" but if they're happy who am I to judge.

Besides, look at it from the guy's point of view. He's built up enough courage to ask a girl out and then its like "Oh you also have to ask the person who will naturally hate you because you're threatening to take away his little girl". Personally I see no benefit in doing it: either the father will say yes and nothing will have changed, or he'll say no and you'll go out anyway. Not too many girls that would say "Oh I really like you but my father doesn't want me dating you so it's not going to happen".

But still, I believe she just wants to see if he will jump through hoops for her.

 

[Flare Phoenix]

I can't believe someone would see this as a problem haha. Obviously if such a simple things seems like a big issue then this relationship isn't going to work. Imagine when you have real things to deal with? You'd probably have a breakdown. Honestly different people have different expectation as to curtesy and respect, this isn't your girlfriend passively trying to force an ultimatum on you... Obviously she just believes that her dad has a right to have some say in her life and expects you to respect her family traditions and values. If you can't do that don't bother trying to justify it just move on to someone who you think is worth the trouble.

To the OP: I think you made the right choice it isn't such a big deal and really if you do love her then such a small issue shouldn't even matter.

Well true, we don't really know the reason why she got him to do it. Still, anyone who needs their parents opinion to that degree is going to have some problems later in life. I mean what is it going to come to?

Guy: Honey I think we should have kids
Girl: Hmm I don't know... *rings father* Sorry no, my dad says I'm not ready yet.

But yeah you're right. If you disagree on this the relationship isn't going to work. Personally, I do not wish to be a lap dog but it might work for some people.