Being Asexual In A Sexual Society
- Thread starter Riku'sTwilight
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24 and have never been in any form of intimate relationship; still a virgin, too. I don't necessarily think of myself as 'asexual' more just that I don't care or am not interested in relationships at this time. Perhaps, down the road I will consider getting into intimate relationships, but just at this time it is not a priority of mine.
It is funny, one of my coworkers is constantly calling me a "Robot." Probably, due to my logical thought processes and general speech. I tend to look at everything around me with a logic-oriented and objective mindset, trying to not let emotions or the like cloud my judgments/decisions/response/etc.. I guess that is the mindset I view relationships now. It is kinda hard to explain, but I look at them as something that fills an emotional need at a cost. And that cost right now (and in the near future) outweighs the benefit.
I think that never having been in a relationship is also a bit of a plus since it helps me suppress any need of having to be in a relationship. Sorta like, not knowing that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence because the fence is a 20 ft brick wall. And not knowing is half the battle ;p
Anyways, I am trying to say is I can relate in a way, but not entirely. I will probably end up in a relationship at some point, but can fully understand the lack of desire to be in one.
It is funny, one of my coworkers is constantly calling me a "Robot." Probably, due to my logical thought processes and general speech. I tend to look at everything around me with a logic-oriented and objective mindset, trying to not let emotions or the like cloud my judgments/decisions/response/etc.. I guess that is the mindset I view relationships now. It is kinda hard to explain, but I look at them as something that fills an emotional need at a cost. And that cost right now (and in the near future) outweighs the benefit.
I think that never having been in a relationship is also a bit of a plus since it helps me suppress any need of having to be in a relationship. Sorta like, not knowing that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence because the fence is a 20 ft brick wall. And not knowing is half the battle ;p
Anyways, I am trying to say is I can relate in a way, but not entirely. I will probably end up in a relationship at some point, but can fully understand the lack of desire to be in one.
I never really understood asexuality. Granted, no one I know is one, so I can't really say anything.
So this is what we think, then? Somebody comes out and says, "I don't really feel the same sexual tugs that most people do, discuss" and you all figure, "confused, secretly gay, never tried it so you don't know, etc." and then begin personal attacks and high-horse judgments?
I think a good bit of it is fear. Fear that an attractive man or woman could discover they don't really care about sex the same way, and therefore are "off the market". If you haven't had sex, it's even worse, because you get personally offended that some hot girl somewhere isn't interested in having sex at all and that's a crime, somehow, while you're still looking for it anywhere.
My annoyance at bigotry aside, I'm stupid interested in this topic from an anthropological standpoint. My question was: masturbation is still necessary, correct? Does it retain the same endorphin release, relaxation and positive euphoria that comes with a sexual person's? If so, why wouldn't that continue with sexual acts, which are more of the same, or if it does why then wouldn't your mind crave more like any addiction?
Another question: When was your first masturbation (accidental or otherwise)? Really personal, I know, you don't have to answer either.
I think a good bit of it is fear. Fear that an attractive man or woman could discover they don't really care about sex the same way, and therefore are "off the market". If you haven't had sex, it's even worse, because you get personally offended that some hot girl somewhere isn't interested in having sex at all and that's a crime, somehow, while you're still looking for it anywhere.
My annoyance at bigotry aside, I'm stupid interested in this topic from an anthropological standpoint. My question was: masturbation is still necessary, correct? Does it retain the same endorphin release, relaxation and positive euphoria that comes with a sexual person's? If so, why wouldn't that continue with sexual acts, which are more of the same, or if it does why then wouldn't your mind crave more like any addiction?
Another question: When was your first masturbation (accidental or otherwise)? Really personal, I know, you don't have to answer either.
I lost my virginity as a teen and I wasn't a slut, by nearly anyone's standard. I had been dating the person for a year and dated them for 3 years after that. However, we talked about the implications of sex well before actually having it... so maybe not quite the same "losing your virginity" experience that most have.dogstile said:
OT: I thought I was asexual for a very, very long time - I wasn't attracted to anyone. I'm also a terrible people pleaser and have issues saying no, so I ended up in a relationship with a guy who, after developing a connection to, I was attracted to. For me, my sex drive is directly related to my attachment to my current partner, and in between relationships, I have no attraction.
dont know about your friend but as long as you dont have kids but you DO live togeather or are otherwise ' a pair' your should end up with more money XD at least here in the netherlands.Riku said:
anyway! OT:
how old are you anyway? SHOULD you be sexual? in case of less then a 20 years old, id'refrain from saying your a-sexual, hell, you might just not want to yet. not the same as asexual.
just like my girlfriend claimed to be an a sexual. well, back then anyway. she just did not feel comfortable around me yet, ( shes not a verry trusting person XD)
nor feel that she would just want too because she liked me that way
( by now, she does..ish.. dont ask for the details XD )
but as long as you happy doing what you do, just continue right?
maybe you will find someone, maybe you wont and stay like this, only time can tell.
Listen OP, it's simple. Everybody has different sexual preferences and frequency requirements. If yours is truly low and you're not just bitter about a failed love life and coming her to ***** about, then count yourself lucky. This is a non-issue.
And don't judge others sexual preferences either. Everyone's entitled to their own desires
And don't judge others sexual preferences either. Everyone's entitled to their own desires
I believe if someone has a sex drive, they masturbate say- then they aren't really asexual.
Were animals, but our lovely brains create artifical problems, complexes, fears, etc.
I would think someone who was asexual would not even bring emotional maturity into the equation, id expect cold logic. Emotional maturity or readiness to have sex is something we made up. Its a societal construct.
The purpose of sex is reproduction in biology, and we have shown as a species, we can do that VERY young.
I think the OPs problem is they just find it hard to keep making the same choice as life goes on, attracted to women, brain, for one or more reasons, preventing them from giving in.
Also, narcissism comes to mind.
Were animals, but our lovely brains create artifical problems, complexes, fears, etc.
I would think someone who was asexual would not even bring emotional maturity into the equation, id expect cold logic. Emotional maturity or readiness to have sex is something we made up. Its a societal construct.
The purpose of sex is reproduction in biology, and we have shown as a species, we can do that VERY young.
I think the OPs problem is they just find it hard to keep making the same choice as life goes on, attracted to women, brain, for one or more reasons, preventing them from giving in.
Also, narcissism comes to mind.
You can't compare sexual orientation to personal opinion concerning religious beliefs (although I can see your point there).SODAssault said:
In fact I'm vaguely sure that might be a logical fallacy (incomplete comparison, or inconsistent comparison or something), though I'd have to check.
Stop using a derogatory word as some sort of escapist (heh, I made a funny) excuse. You contradicted the very meaning of the word and claim to be asexual, someone that cannot feel physical attraction of ANY sort to either gender. You know what that means? One of the primal instincts of a human being is missing.
People can't choose to be asexual as much as they can't choose other sexual orientations.
People can't choose to be asexual as much as they can't choose other sexual orientations.
Sex is fun. I have it. You don't have to be in on the fun. Just like video games, books and cheesecakes. I love them, you don't have to, doesn't make you any less of anything.
That's unfortunate, but I do hope that most people realize there's a difference between people who are asexual as they literally can't get sexually arosed for love nor money and those who just don't have/have interest in sex and state that they are asexual.
Not that it's a huge thing but while I'm not asexual I've met people who are the first kind of asexual and they can't stand it, feeling like abnormal freaks. Then when half the time the second kind of asexual can't seem to get enough of telling people that they aren't interested in the horizontal tango it sorts of demeans the standing of the first kind.
Not that it's a huge thing but while I'm not asexual I've met people who are the first kind of asexual and they can't stand it, feeling like abnormal freaks. Then when half the time the second kind of asexual can't seem to get enough of telling people that they aren't interested in the horizontal tango it sorts of demeans the standing of the first kind.
Hey, so it's possible to be asexual despite feeling attraction towards people? That would increase the likelihood of that being what I am...Riku said:
If you didn't figure it out from the above; I have no idea what I am (That is, I am fairly certain that I'm heterosexual). I'm in no hurry to be in a relationship at the moment, which makes it annoying that my libido is wired to go crazy at my age.
I had a realisation the other day that we, or I, just dont feel like I need people in a compassionate or sexual way that much, in other words I feel anything in a relationship aside from friendship is useless.Riku said:
All relationships are created out of the promise of sex, I think theres no dening it, it feels like people get in relationships just to well...screw, basically and there is often never real and true emotion, like people pretend to care just to get into the others pants.
Imagine if humans had practically no sex drive, there would be significantly less intimate relationships, and I think these ones that now exist without the promise of sex in the way would be beautiful.
Its hard to explain I guess, maybe Im just cynical or maybe its because my own experience of love has been very, very bad.
When dealing with goths, anarchist punks, nationalists, mysticists, asexuals and the human species in general, I'm always sceptical.
Especially if they are younger than 18.
If you are younger than 18, or even younger than 25, "reality" (for whatever that is) is probably this:
No. No, you're not.
Probably.
Especially if they are younger than 18.
If you are younger than 18, or even younger than 25, "reality" (for whatever that is) is probably this:
No. No, you're not.
Probably.
It's funny because "whatever floats your boat" is a euphemism for whatever makes you horny.Easy Street said:
Exactly. Though I'm no expert, I wouldn't be surprised if there's a hormonal imbalance that can cause that exact effect. It's ridiculous. People keep posting on this thread with "I'm asexual tooooo, bleh," when they're really just jaded, have a low sex drive or are in denial. Just say it: you have bad luck with women. We all do at some point in our lives, but we get past it whatever way we can, we don't make up a label to avoid responsibility.Pegghead said:
