Can you guys give me some advice?

[zombiesinc]

-Snip-

So true, incredibly honest, and refreshing. I completely agree.

At most, the best we can offer is points to consider before making a decision. On the simplest level, a list of pros and cons to staying in the relationship. But if that doesn't get you anywhere, try to take the entire situation into consideration.

Consider the facts. You had to leave for curfew, straight-up told her that you didn't want her getting drunk out of worry, but she ignored that and stayed. She got drunk, and did just the thing that everyone avoids getting drunk for - cheated. How do you feel about this lack of responsibility and respect? For herself, and for your relationship. Consider how you feel. Do you think this is something you can get past? Can you honestly forgive her? Just how much do you care for her? Did you see a long-term future with her? If so, do you still see the same future, or feel that it's even a possibility? How does she feel about the situation? How honest was the conversation the two of you had? Were you completely honest about how you felt, or did you hold back because she was emotional? Was she even?

There's absolutely no way any of us can tell you what your best choice is. This is something you need to consider yourself, and then make your own decision. Best of luck, I'm sure you'll make a decision that's best for you, even if it doesn't seem like it initially. If you realize that you didn't make the right decision at first, you'll have the chance to make it right then. Life's tough, full of confusing situations and impossible decisions, but you'll make it step by step, day by day. For all those overwhelming situations, take a moment to breathe, consider the facts and possibilities, and relax. You don't need to rush into anything, and it's never the end-all-be-all.

 

[Tourette]

Before dumping her, ask her if it is ok for you to go sleep with some other chick and see what her reaction is. Then dump her.

 

[Tdc2182]

Look man, this isn't even an advice thing that we can give you. There is only one person who knows whether you should stay or go, and that's you.

He wins.

And yep, this is your decision, not ours.

However, here is what you should take into account.

-she got drunk and slept with another guy

-she told you about, so she definitely cares about you, and took the risk because she full heartedly cares for whatever you two have going. She sacrificed her own feelings and put yours ahead of hers.

Personally, love comes before lust. Lust means nothing, it was just sex. She had no feelings for the guy, and everyone makes mistakes. The problem is that society puts sex and love in the same category.

It may come up again later, and most probably will. Can you deal with that if it arrives?

 

[Girl With One Eye]

Once a cheater, always a cheater, just remember that. Even if you forgive her, can you honestly say you could trust her again? Even if she didnt cheat again the trust issues would cause so many problems. I hate to say it but its really better to just stay away from her.

 

[ghostalker.cepo]

Break up with her. She made all the wrong choices and things will never be the same if you take her back.

It's easy to make the wrong choice, not everyone in life makes the right choice all the time.
I've made mistakes, made the wrong choice, fucked up friendships and relationships, just like the rest of the world. I've been cheated on and I've cheated myself. Fucking some random person doesn't mean anything, you do stupid things, things you wouldn't normally do when you're intoxicated. So she did something bad, pretty bad, but she is cut up about it. Op has to decide what to do, but the robotic mantra of "she cheated, dump her" from most of the people in this thread is... well stupid.

OP: you're in a tough position, one I've been in a couple of times, and there is no right or wrong thing to do, there is no rulebook. Not to mention all the advice in the world means nothing to you, you're just looking for confirmation based on what you want/think you should do.
If you do stay with her, don't be a nazi about her drinking, don't hold this event over head and don't keep bringing it up. It will break the relationship fast, as will trying to control her. And remember, there are guys out there who are very good at getting drunk girls to sleep with them. She's a little wiser now and if she wants you, she'll be more careful next time.

Good luck to you

 

[Con Carne]

Just drop it dude. Leave her. The fact that she cheated will always nag at the back of your mind. It'll cause more problems down the road. Do yourself a favor and get out of the relationship now.

 

[Communist partisan]

F*** her and than dump her. That's what I should to and if you can't do it quick yust say that you forgived her be with her a short time THAN F*** her and after that dump her and say the reason.

 

[Soods]

The overwhelming majority here claims that I should break up with her, but she (and her friends) have been letting me know that she feels awful about it. And as I said, I do care about her... but at the same time, this is the worst thing that anyone has ever done to me. Gahhhh I'm so conflicted.

Well.. if the majority of forum posters here can't make you break up with her, I'd say you give her one more chance.

 

[ottenni]

From my experiences, i say dump her but stay in contact. Of course how much contact really depends on what your relationship with her is like.

 

[matrix guardian]

Look man, this isn't even an advice thing that we can give you. There is only one person who knows whether you should stay or go, and that's you.

You have to look at some things for yourself. You're going to have to evaluate whether the emotional investment you have in her is or is not more valuable than the trust that you have lost here. You have to ask yourself if you think this was a one time mistake, and that now that she sees what she's capable of when drunk, if she'll avoid a similar situation. You have to ask yourself if you're going to be able to forgive her and let it go, because these are the nasty things that, if you don't let them go, will ultimately destroy your relationship anyways.

This one is up to you, no one here can answer those questions for you.

EDIT: Actually, I feel like elaborating a little here, because every time I see a topic like this, I think the same things. So let me tell you why no one here can help you. First off, the truth is that we don't know you, we don't know your girlfriend, and we don't know the ins and outs of your relationship. We don't know her well enough to know if she really will try harder next time, or if she'll be pissed off that you weren't more mad at her for cheating on you. We don't know you well enough to know if you're the sort of person who really could forgive her for this, or if you're the sort of person who would keep bringing it up and ultimately destroy the relationship anyways. We, really don't know anything, except for the details you have shared with us. Details which, I would guess, probably don't really capture all the facts, and because the lives we all live are so complex, you probably never could give us all the facts. Anonymous people simply aren't familiar enough with your situation to give you good advice.

But there's a reason that people always come here, time and again for anonymous advice. It's because getting anonymous advice allows you to let someone else make your decision for you. Life is tough. For every single one of us. It's full of good and bad, and sometimes it's great, and sometimes it sucks shit. And one of the worst parts of life, is owning up to our own decisions when we make the wrong call. That is why time and time again we look to other people to make our decisions, because that way we don't have all of the responsibility anymore. You can take the easy way out, and listen to the other people here who, just like me, really don't know enough to give you a good answer. Or, you can take the opportunity to look deep inside yourself, and make a decision that you will be completely responsible for, even if that is a hard thing to do.

Great response. Most of the people on here are just telling their own stories within the parameters of the story/setup you gave. "If I were you I would ..." But nobody here is you, except for you. Only you can know what's right for you. It may seem confusing right now and that you don't know what to do, but I believe that you have the answers within you, and you know your own truth. It may just take some searching. I find that good "advice" isn't about telling you what to do(or not do), but it's about asking the right questions. It's not about giving you (their) answers, but about asking the questions that help you find your own answers.

 

[Vrex360]

I don't have a great amount of history with relationship but it does say a lot about her that she not only told you about it but even says that she understands if you don't want to talk to her again. To me that says in huge letters that she cares about you, otherwise she would have just swept it under the rug and not mentioned it.

True she probably should have left with you but if she got drunk and made a mistake that she clearly regrets then I think you should at least try to patch things up. It might be a little rough and you certainly have reason to be upset but still, at least give it a try.

 

[Jewrean]

Once a cheater always a cheater. Put your personal feelings aside and examine what she has actually done. Alternatively; tell her if she is allowed to do it then you should be allowed to do it too with one of her friends. Of course this won't allow for a healthy relationship in the future. But you can always break up with her later. Just never forget what she has done to you.

 

[Ekit]

Look man, this isn't even an advice thing that we can give you. There is only one person who knows whether you should stay or go, and that's you.

You have to look at some things for yourself. You're going to have to evaluate whether the emotional investment you have in her is or is not more valuable than the trust that you have lost here. You have to ask yourself if you think this was a one time mistake, and that now that she sees what she's capable of when drunk, if she'll avoid a similar situation. You have to ask yourself if you're going to be able to forgive her and let it go, because these are the nasty things that, if you don't let them go, will ultimately destroy your relationship anyways.

This one is up to you, no one here can answer those questions for you.

EDIT: Actually, I feel like elaborating a little here, because every time I see a topic like this, I think the same things. So let me tell you why no one here can help you. First off, the truth is that we don't know you, we don't know your girlfriend, and we don't know the ins and outs of your relationship. We don't know her well enough to know if she really will try harder next time, or if she'll be pissed off that you weren't more mad at her for cheating on you. We don't know you well enough to know if you're the sort of person who really could forgive her for this, or if you're the sort of person who would keep bringing it up and ultimately destroy the relationship anyways. We, really don't know anything, except for the details you have shared with us. Details which, I would guess, probably don't really capture all the facts, and because the lives we all live are so complex, you probably never could give us all the facts. Anonymous people simply aren't familiar enough with your situation to give you good advice.

But there's a reason that people always come here, time and again for anonymous advice. It's because getting anonymous advice allows you to let someone else make your decision for you. Life is tough. For every single one of us. It's full of good and bad, and sometimes it's great, and sometimes it sucks shit. And one of the worst parts of life, is owning up to our own decisions when we make the wrong call. That is why time and time again we look to other people to make our decisions, because that way we don't have all of the responsibility anymore. You can take the easy way out, and listen to the other people here who, just like me, really don't know enough to give you a good answer. Or, you can take the opportunity to look deep inside yourself, and make a decision that you will be completely responsible for, even if that is a hard thing to do.

That is one of the best responses I've ever seen.

OT: Stay if you love her, leave if you don't. Simple as.

 

[Orhid]

Break it up.
After cheating it always gets harder

 

[Max_A_Buck]

I've not read all of the other people's comments, just some. I'll try and keep it short. More or less, taking away the fact she cheated on you, she still didn't consider you and your feelings and she failed to listen to you. Even if you did stay with her, I can say it's almost a certainty it will end. So why prolong the inevitable?

 

[ShadowsofHope]

Well, the general advice would be to say "Fuck you", and break up. The not-so-general advice? Attempt to give her another shot. If she fucks up again, dump her cheating ass. I would, without a doubt.

 

[warprincenataku]

Yeah, I agree with the majority. Dump her, move on, find someone decent. Also, get tested just in case she's cheated before.

 

[Ironic Pirate]

How drunk was she? Because if she was just a little tipsy drop her like, uhh, something you would want to drop (it's early).

 

[PandyBear]

Once a cheater, always a cheater

QFT.

But i beg to ask the question, you asked her to not get drunk yet she does anyway. Do you know for a fact that she cant handle her drink and openly does things she wouldnt normally do? Thus you asked her not too. Yet, she gets her leg over with another guy i'd imagine fairly soon after you left.
Yes, she admitted that she cheated to you. But this could go either "im really sorry" or "i dont really give a shit, and i dont want to be with you anymore, and this guy was just an excuse"
And im sick an pissing tired of hearing "i was drunk" as an excuse. NO. It bloody well isnt. If you cant control yourself when drunk, dont drink to excess or dont drink at all.
But if you forgive her, the fact that she cheated on you will always be on the back of your mind, and time after time it will cause problems for your relationship down the line. So it's either carry on with very little trust between the two of you, or tell her to take a hike and sort herself out before you will even contemplate taking her back. (doing the latter may make you realise that you know longer care for her like you did previously and gives u free reign to date someone else)
/Rant