Dear Escapist, I F*cked up.

[Epitome]

Now, I've never been the most attractive guy, but I've always been sort of a hopeless romantic, looking for that one girl that'll love me more than anything. Well, a few months ago, I thought I had found her, albeit she was a friends girlfriend at the time (something I'd rather not get into), and after a few weeks of late-night texting and hanging out after school, we became close. Really close. So close that one day, when her parents were gone, she took me up to her room, and boots were a'knockin.

Now, I realize that situation in itself was a mistake, I mean, we weren't even a couple yet, and we had already had sex. We went waaaaay too fast,something I never plan on doing again. She had told me on the pill (PEELZ!), and I trusted her, I had no reason not to, right? She said she loved me (a real first for me) and I was completely sure she was telling the truth.

Turns out, that time she was, but a week after we slept together the second time, she texted me and told me she had "forgotten" to take her pills for roughly a week. And after asking a few of my friends that are girls, they said that just doesn't happen, you don't just forget to take your pills for a week.

My initial thought after that was "Oh...FUCK." Which is to be expected. of course. And the kicker is, a few weeks after she told me that, her period was late, which scared me shitless. But she got her period, so I thought we were okay. Fast forward a few weeks, and it turns out she's a about a dozen weeks pregnant, most likely by me and the time we had sex when she "forgot" to take her pills.

I'm scared out of my mind, and I don't know what the hell to do. We aren't together anymore, but she wants us to be a couple still. I don't know, I just don't know at all, I have this incredible feeling that she lied to me and did it on purpose. The fact that I recently realized I'm severely, and I mean SEVERELY, depressed isn't helping my situation at all. I don't want this kid, but she refuses to abort or adopt, so I'm at a loss. I want to just ignore it, but I know that's not an option, and I'm completely willing to pay child support. I'm just so lost, confused, and scared I don't know what to do. I'm not asking for your help, friends, I just wanted to let you know what position I'm in right now.

And yes, our parents know, everybody in our school knows (I HATE small towns) and I go away to college in a year. I don't want to hear your lectures, but I know I'm gonna get them anyway. So bring it on. I love you guys/girls.

Tl;Dr? Fuck off, this is a real problem.

EDIT: For godsakes, I've talked to a countless number of people before this. I just decided to post this on here because I felt like it.

EDIT2: My friend and the girl had broken up beforehand, before we ever hooked up.

I havent read the other posts yet but Im sure this theory has lready come up. She could be flat out lying that its yours?

Serious imagine she finds out shes pregnant and doesnt want the father, your rapid closeness may be a result of her trying to find a more acceptable alternative. All she would have to do is misrepresent the time she has been pregnant and lo and behold you think the kids born premature. I would suggest demanding a paternatity test. No shame in it its a reasonable request.

Though if it is yours your gonna have to do the right thing D: Its your duty as a father a that stage to take resopnsibility.

Sorry dude

 

[Orhid]

Join the army, it's a solution to everything

 

[Zero47]

Wow dude, that's fucking horrible. I wish you best of luck in this tough patch of life.

I'm curious about the legal aspects of these situations. If the woman lied about using contraceptives, does she still have the right to demand child support? And what if she got pregnant by accident? If she says you're the father and you simply deny it, is there a legal basis to force you to get a DNA test?

 

[ClaptonKnophlerHendrix]

I'd look at getting the kid tested to see if it's yours. The whole situation is pretty sus. But I'd advise against abortion and if it is your's do the right thing.

 

[mezmir]

Roofie + Ru486 = freedom baby.

 

[pirateninj4]

At least now your User name is appropriate. You certainly did play russian roulette by taking her word on that kind of thing, and not having condoms on you. Unfortunately, you lost.

Nothing anyone can do for you now, up to you and her now.

That's just what I was thinking ha ha. Yea you have learnt the lesson the hardest way possible. Never EVER trust the other party for birth control. Ever.

 

[SmartIdiot]

Amazing how many people in this thread will so happily put in their two pennies worth or try to give advice on something that isn't their problem. Stop and think before you post in here. If you were in that position would you really be practicing what you preach? Doubtful.

 

[ObsessiveSketch]

Pregnancy test.

if negative 3 or more separate times:
talk to her about why scaring the shit out of you is such a wrong decision.

if positive:

Paternity test.

if negative:
wish her luck finding the father.

if positive:

Discuss with your family (if you haven't already).
and then...

Pay child support. A student is in no way ready or able to be a full-time father.

 

[CosmicCommander]

And the most honest part of my response: I really don't have a clue what you should really do, because all I'd do would be to cry. And cry some more.

If I were in the OP's situation, that would be the thing that would apply. The OP has made a massive mistake, and there is a high chance he will raise a child of a woman who was a whore.

That's the way it is, and that's the way everyone has to acknowledge.

There are three options here:

1. Running
2. Aborting
3. Raising the child

I'm not going to give you a moral lecture, because everyone else is going to do it for you, I'll just do the fiscal and mental well being aspect.

Running is not a good option, you'll end up broke and away from home, and you'll probably spend a lot of time regretting it. Not very viable.

Aborting is definately the best option, it is the cheapest, and although you may be angry with yourself, you won't have to raise a child out of a loveless relationship.

Raising the child would give you a feeling of moral superiority, but this option is one you have to be careful with. Are you ready for the fiscal drain? Can you comprehend the massive responsibilities you will be saddled with? Do you have the faintest idea whether you will be able to tolerate a child? Can you hope to love the child?

If you don't have the faintest idea to all of those questions, you are not fit to be a father yet. The child will not have a happy life, and you will live the next 20-30 years in a state of hell on earth.

My guess is you will probably need to abort that child if you ever want to live in peace. It's not easy, but it's the only pragmatic solution.

 

[spinFX]

Were I in your position, I would tell her that if she decides to keep the baby, she'll have to raise it without my help.

Might sounds selfish but I don't care, I hate children. >_>

Not gonna hold up in court. You don't get to just ignore your child. You lose, good day sir.

 

[yoyo13rom]

Now, I've never been the most attractive guy, but I've always been sort of a hopeless romantic, looking for that one girl that'll love me more than anything. Well, a few months ago, I thought I had found her, albeit she was a friends girlfriend at the time (something I'd rather not get into), and after a few weeks of late-night texting and hanging out after school, we became close. Really close. So close that one day, when her parents were gone, she took me up to her room, and boots were a'knockin.

Now, I realize that situation in itself was a mistake, I mean, we weren't even a couple yet, and we had already had sex. We went waaaaay too fast,something I never plan on doing again. She had told me on the pill (PEELZ!), and I trusted her, I had no reason not to, right? She said she loved me (a real first for me) and I was completely sure she was telling the truth.

Turns out, that time she was, but a week after we slept together the second time, she texted me and told me she had "forgotten" to take her pills for roughly a week. And after asking a few of my friends that are girls, they said that just doesn't happen, you don't just forget to take your pills for a week.

My initial thought after that was "Oh...FUCK." Which is to be expected. of course. And the kicker is, a few weeks after she told me that, her period was late, which scared me shitless. But she got her period, so I thought we were okay. Fast forward a few weeks, and it turns out she's a about a dozen weeks pregnant, most likely by me and the time we had sex when she "forgot" to take her pills.

I'm scared out of my mind, and I don't know what the hell to do. We aren't together anymore, but she wants us to be a couple still. I don't know, I just don't know at all, I have this incredible feeling that she lied to me and did it on purpose. The fact that I recently realized I'm severely, and I mean SEVERELY, depressed isn't helping my situation at all. I don't want this kid, but she refuses to abort or adopt, so I'm at a loss. I want to just ignore it, but I know that's not an option, and I'm completely willing to pay child support. I'm just so lost, confused, and scared I don't know what to do. I'm not asking for your help, friends, I just wanted to let you know what position I'm in right now.

And yes, our parents know, everybody in our school knows (I HATE small towns) and I go away to college in a year. I don't want to hear your lectures, but I know I'm gonna get them anyway. So bring it on. I love you guys/girls.

Tl;Dr? Fuck off, this is a real problem.

EDIT: For godsakes, I've talked to a countless number of people before this. I just decided to post this on here because I felt like it.

EDIT2: My friend and the girl had broken up beforehand, before we ever hooked up.

Spoiler: Not so great advice

Dude, chill(I know this isn't helping, but still), it's not over until the fat lady sings.
There are hundreds of people in your situation. This doesn't mean that your life's over.
From what I gather the chick has overly maternal instincts(so she only may have wanted the baby).
You can't force her into making any decision. So let it be. Let your parents talk about the kid, and about witch family is willing to raise it. And you should go to college, pursuit your studies and make a living. If you really like this girl, you could try and see if you could have a future together(as in if you're willing to commit to her and get married and stuff, but you should take your time on this one as in a few years).
Anyway(I know I didn't make much sense), if you like her and love her(as in if there wasn't a baby involved, would you be with her?) and she loves you be a couple, if not, take your own separated ways and learn from your past mistakes.
If you don't want to be a part of the baby's future, you don't have to, you can limit yourself to child support and stuff.

But enough with the bad advice, I know you didn't came here for this. You didn't screw up! There are far worse things you could have done to screw up. Take my example: I tried to rape and kill the (ex)love of my life, a poor emo, suicidal girl. There are loads of more fucked up ways to screw life.

My advice to you is to not worry so much, when you'll grow older, you'll have the necessary knowledge to handle this kinds of situations(this comes with life experiences such as this), till then let your parents do the work and decision making.
You're still young, live your life, go to college, make new friends, see a movie, play some team fortress, watch firefly, et cetera.

And never worry, no matter how much you'll screw up, your parents,(and hopefully, the all loving, not so sarcastical escapist community) will always love you.
*Hug* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gaLPpKCC9pg

 

[Sven und EIN HUND]

If the foetus is still really young, could you perhaps slip some kind of pill to her?

I don't know if such a pill exists, but I've heard of it.
Google says there is such a pill, & it costs five hundred dollars for five which she'll need to take over ten days.

A plausible idea mr. raptor, but this is deceitful, and our friend wouldn't want to sink to her level, maybe.

 

[Ghostkai]

A friend's girlfriend.... Wow, I disapprove. Alot. (They may have broken up at the time, but thats still a good way to lose a friend. You should have known better on that regard)

As someone already said here, if you wanna dance, you've gotta pay the band.

(also, you should NEVER leave contraception to the other party, UNLESS their a trusted partner who you've been with a long time)

 

[AndrewOfHell]

Do not panic man, I have seen a similar situation as this in my town, some guy had unprotected sex with a girl because she thought she was on the pill too! Unsurprisingly she got knocked up, and the kid was only 16 (it was a one night stand btw). The kid had two options, raise the child or pay child support, but here comes the good part...

The lawyers demanded that her menstruate be tested to see what her levels of FSH were (apparently they leave some effect), after a lot of arguing she had too otherwise she could lose, turns out she did not take her pill that very same day! Wether she knew or not the court ruled in favor of the boy, stating there was no way he could have known the child would be conceived.

Don't think he got off Scott free though, he still has to pay a small amount of child support, but I spoke to him recently and he said it has not interfered with his life. When I asked do you ever see the child, a quick "Fuck no!" in response. ^^

Now Russian, if what you have been saying IS correct and truthful, then you got yourself a case! As someone mentioned previously the girl would have been in agony has she not taken the pill for over a week, so either she is lying her ass off, or is mentally retarded. Think we both know which one. Now all you need is evidence, a good lawyer and...oh yeh...a lot of luck.

Wish you the best of luck buddy, and remember,

Don't Be Daft! Wrap Your Shaft!

 

[icaritos]

Now, I've never been the most attractive guy, but I've always been sort of a hopeless romantic, looking for that one girl that'll love me more than anything. Well, a few months ago, I thought I had found her, albeit she was a friends girlfriend at the time (something I'd rather not get into), and after a few weeks of late-night texting and hanging out after school, we became close. Really close. So close that one day, when her parents were gone, she took me up to her room, and boots were a'knockin.

Now, I realize that situation in itself was a mistake, I mean, we weren't even a couple yet, and we had already had sex. We went waaaaay too fast,something I never plan on doing again. She had told me on the pill (PEELZ!), and I trusted her, I had no reason not to, right? She said she loved me (a real first for me) and I was completely sure she was telling the truth.

Turns out, that time she was, but a week after we slept together the second time, she texted me and told me she had "forgotten" to take her pills for roughly a week. And after asking a few of my friends that are girls, they said that just doesn't happen, you don't just forget to take your pills for a week.

My initial thought after that was "Oh...FUCK." Which is to be expected. of course. And the kicker is, a few weeks after she told me that, her period was late, which scared me shitless. But she got her period, so I thought we were okay. Fast forward a few weeks, and it turns out she's a about a dozen weeks pregnant, most likely by me and the time we had sex when she "forgot" to take her pills.

I'm scared out of my mind, and I don't know what the hell to do. We aren't together anymore, but she wants us to be a couple still. I don't know, I just don't know at all, I have this incredible feeling that she lied to me and did it on purpose. The fact that I recently realized I'm severely, and I mean SEVERELY, depressed isn't helping my situation at all. I don't want this kid, but she refuses to abort or adopt, so I'm at a loss. I want to just ignore it, but I know that's not an option, and I'm completely willing to pay child support. I'm just so lost, confused, and scared I don't know what to do. I'm not asking for your help, friends, I just wanted to let you know what position I'm in right now.

And yes, our parents know, everybody in our school knows (I HATE small towns) and I go away to college in a year. I don't want to hear your lectures, but I know I'm gonna get them anyway. So bring it on. I love you guys/girls.

Tl;Dr? Fuck off, this is a real problem.

EDIT: For godsakes, I've talked to a countless number of people before this. I just decided to post this on here because I felt like it.

EDIT2: My friend and the girl had broken up beforehand, before we ever hooked up.

Look i know you are going to take a LOT of this for granted, and maybe you are not really planning to take advice from any of us but if you are going to listen to someone or take something seriously (in case you are telling the truth) let it be this:


If she is 12 weeks pregnant this is THE PERFECT time to do a paternity test, what im saying is the whole store is fishy so before you start worrying MAKE SURE THE CHILD IS YOURS. please take this advice for your own sake

 

[CosmicCommander]

Don't Be Daft! Wrap Your Shaft!

That has to be the greatest line ever...

...In the history of ever.

 

[Urgh76]

Hey, if you dug this hole, you can dig your way back out.

There was practically a giant neon sign saying. WOAH THERE COWBOY!!!

 

[ShadowsofHope]

Protection solves this dilemna rather well, mate. They don't teach you it for shits and giggles, you know! [sub]Well, maybe the Catholics, but they're an entire other topic at hand.[/sub]

She "forgot" to take the pill? Sounds like you got pulled into some sneaky scheming there. Either man up, take responsibility.. or call the nearest psychiatric hospital and convince her it is a monthly spa. *Hems*

 

[MiserableOldGit]

Dug yourself into a pretty nice little hole there didn't you? Well, I'm sorry it backfired on ya, but look for the silver lining.

A child can be a wonderful blessing, if you look at it the right way.

Silver lining? You aren't suggesting a coat hangar are you?

 

[not_the_dm]

Hell... that could have gone better.

Right then. She's going to need you before long. You're going to have to put on a brave face and make the world think you're holding up fine, even if you've broken down inside. The next year and a half are going to be absolute hell but if you give her the emotional support she needs you'll feel better about it and everybody will see a more mature side of you. I do belive I'm feeling empathy towards you, and that's something I haven't felt in far too long. Good luck mate, you're going to need it. Stay strong.