Dear Escapist, I F*cked up.

[KindOfnElf]

OK. The way I see it, you really need to make a decision. What's done - it's done, spending time regretting about it won't help anyone. Think forward, don't look back, you'll save a lot of precious energy.
And there are TWO of you in the situation, you are not alone. Make a decision that will be good for both of you, that way you get to sleep at night 5 years later after all this, no matter how it will end. Talk to her, communicate, talk to your parents. Very important here (according to me) is to be honest with yourself, and by being honest I mean to tell yourself the truth about what REALLY are you ready to do: are you ready to be a father, a man, to raise a family - with one word are you ready to handle the pressure of being a very responsible person. You have a pregnant lady there, and if you decide to stay with her and keep the baby, you better get ready to be as supportive as it gets.
On the other hand, being honest with you, her and everybody else, means that if you are not ready to do all this - you should let everybody know about it, and do it RIGHT NOW. It may sound cowardly, but you are just a boy. being honest right now is more important than showing bravery and and be a coward 2 years from now, cause you'll crack up eventually under the pressure. If not in 2, then in five, or maybe 10. The worse possible scenario is you take the responsibility now, and end up throwing it in her face for the rest of your lives that is her fault. Better don't do it, than do it and regret it.
Just think very slowly and from wider angles of the situation.
And yes, maybe not the best supporting line in the world, but worked for me in very very difficult times: everything happens with a reason.
hope you'll do fine, and end up very very happy person.

 

[Duskwaith]

That was then, this is now. Its not fair on the kid if you swindle out.

My bio dad did it to me and if i ever got a girl pregnant id look after her because i done want the kid having the same life as me.

You should have used protection to begin with, fuck the pill that dosnt stop STD's etc.

"If your going through Hell, Keep going"

Edit: Although abortion looks a good way out, its extremly risky to her health never mind the psychological effect on her or maybe Catholic school has finally got to me...

 

[Mr.Mattress]

I think she intentionally quit taking the pill for a week just so she could have your child. That's a way of saying she loves you a lot, and that she is also some form of nut job (If that is the case). But, I think in the end, your going to have to marry her, for a few reasons: 1) I think you both still have emotions for one another, 2) You don't want that child to be a bastard and have her have to work a couple jobs just to support him/her, 3) It'll look bad not only on her and the child, but on you, and 4) If she is the nut job kind, she won't want it out of her dead.

 

[RoutineEnvelope]

i'm going to play feminism.

The pill's great an' all but maybe you should take some responserbility with contraception.

If the baby is yours then it's also your responserbility. If it's not, then you don't have to worry about it do you.

Even if it is, are you going to make a good parent?


And just as a note, why post this here? And what do you want to hear from us? Congrats, hope it goes well, get the hell out of there?

 

[erto101]

Man that ***** screwed you dude!
You shouldn't have to pay her anything! She didn't take the pills, she doesn't want to abort OR adopt. She even lied about this.
Give her the cold shoulder dude

This may seem a little mean but i don't give a shit. She can't do stuff like that.

 

[Jim-a-Lim]

I have worked alot with children and I find that even the most reluctant of parents find real happiness with thier children if they play a part in thier lives. I know your situation is very hard and your an adult now with responisbility, it always very daunting but know this; You are doing what you should by staying there and supporting the child and this young girl.

Be proud of your decision, you did what many of us do but things haven't happened as you expected, unlike some however you are living up to your responsibility and endure pressure which I am sure you are feeling very conscious of. The people who do work hard and live up to those responsiblities rarely get any praise for what they do and it can be the toughest thing to swallow. But you are doing that and I think thats something we can all admire, the fact that you want to do whats best for others in this situation and not think of yourself first by avioding or disregarding the situation.

Ignore certain people on this site and in fact people in the world who criticise you, for your standing firm by this woman and being an adult, something that many people your age would struggle to do.

and for the record I have never known my father this is not a personal post as I have never been upset by that fact - I have had a good life and appreciate what I have, but as someone who can speak from experience, well done for being apart of this child's life in any way. The child has only to gain from you in such circumstances).

 

[not_the_dm]

snip

She manipulated you and is attempting to take advantage of you.

Fuck her.

Was the pun intended?

 

[PyroZombie]

Dug yourself into a pretty nice little hole there didn't you? Well, I'm sorry it backfired on ya, but look for the silver lining.

A child can be a wonderful blessing, if you look at it the right way.

yes, driving away from a orphanage could be a great vantage point.

 

[MurderousToaster]

If I were to make a sarcastic response, it would be thus: It's Jeremy Kyle Time!

If I were to make a serious response, it would be thus: I, personally, think that it could have been an honest accident. Despite it being an honest accident on the sort of "Woops, I just spilt coffee on your life's nuke button" scale. You never know, it might not be yours. On the other hand, it might be. Yeah, none of my friends ask me about such matters. I tend to give shit answers.

 

[RowdyRodimus]

I'm sure this is a troubling time for you and no words I type will make it any better, but my thoughts are with you. My best friend went through almost the same thing when we were in high school, so I do have some experience in this (albeit second hand).

First thing, go to the doctor with her and verify for yourself that she is indeed pregnant, don't just take her word for it (believe it or not there are girls out there that do this kind of stuff either for attention or to trap you in a relationship, or worse yet to get the money for an abortion that hey never need because they aren't pregnant).

If it turns out she is, then let her know you want a DNA test just to be sure it's yours. If it turns out that it is and as you have said she doesn't want to give it up for adoption or abort (I can understand the latter) then you two really need to sit down by yourselves, with noone else involved and discuss your relationship and how it will affect the baby as it grows older, not to mention the monetary logistics involved in it.

Just pleae don't let her tell you it's all your fault or it's all your responsibility. If she tries remind her that it takes two to make a baby, so you both shoulder the responsibility for it.

I wish both of you the best and hope everything works out for all of you.

Edit: I apologize if all of this is moot, but there were 294 replies and I didn't read through them all.

 

[Shockolate]

Paternity Test. DO. IT. NOW. You have a chance to clear yourself.

Either way, your relationship with this girl, good or bad right now, will get a whole lot worse. Get out if you can. I do not recall any laws saying you HAVE to be with her and raise the child.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

I know I'll be mobbed by every anti-abortion activist with a keyboard, but try abortion, that is if you're both willing to do that.

I have no clue. You're the first person on the Escapist who makes me speechless with advice.

EDIT: After rereading your story, I see this:

You say she's several weeks pregnant, and this was maybe two weeks after you had sex. Is this a typing error?

Oh, and try the doctor. Make sure she's pregnant, if she is make sure it's your baby, and if it is discuss it.

 

[Joshua Horn]

My personal reaction, though be it from a point of view knowing I myself would never be in this situation (gayer than an Elton John Christmas party), is to convince her that you're a completely unfit father and then she'll go looking for someone else to dupe for cash while you go to college. Might I suggest a strapless bridesmaid dress and rainbow-dyed carrot top wig? Add in some high heels and show up at her door speaking your every random thought.

That's all joking there, man, though I'm tempted to try that on someone just to see what happens. XD

In all seriousness, do whatever you think is right. From the sound of it, she may very well have been pregnant before she had sex with you and is merely trying to bilk you for child support. If she refuses to give up the child, even knowing that the odds of a succesful young parent raising a child are astronomical, get a paternity test. Make sure you are the father before commiting your life, finances and any remnants of personal freedom to her.

Best wishes man.

 

[Socius]

Damn dude, that blows.
all I can do is wishing you the best of luck further and thank you.
sorry to say it but my life is really fucked now, and this made me more aware that some people are even deeper in shit than me!

 

[AcacianLeaves]

If she refuses an abortion (which is the right choice. It's not a baby, it's a fetus. It's no more a baby than pond scum is a puppy), then you only have a few choices. The best choice is put the baby up for adoption (maybe even an open adoption, but an adoption just the same). This way the baby gets a good, loving home that a bunch of poor teenagers could never provide, and you both get to keep your futures and not throw it all away on a stupid mistake you made in high school.

You know what, that's your only option. If she keeps the baby, won't give it up for adoption, and wants you to be a part of it - all of your lives will be ruined (the baby, you, the girl). Maybe ruined is too strong of a word, but all of your hopes and dreams will become either incredibly difficult or pretty much impossible - and that child will never have a stable home with two loving parents. It may get by just fine and somehow not end up a total train wreck, but it will never have as good of a life as if it had been adopted out.

Don't let anyone try to fool you into thinking that you can provide for a child. You can't. Neither can she. Nor should you have to. Get her to do the right thing and either terminate the pregnancy or sign the adoption papers.

 

[Davrel]

And yes, our parents know, everybody in our school knows (I HATE small towns) and I go away to college in a year. I don't want to hear your lectures, but I know I'm gonna get them anyway. So bring it on. I love you guys/girls.

I'm not gonna lecture you...but her forgetfulness does seem a little convenient. Let me explain:

She may have secretly really wanted a child - she now has one.
You may well end up having to pay her child-support for the next 18 years - effectively paying for a child that you don't necessarily want.

If she is in anyway inclined to be a manipulative *****, this could be a serious win-win for her. In which case, if she is dead-set on having the child, try and be a good father to it, if she lets you - nobody needs that as a mother.

This being said, you did have consensual unprotected sex with her and she might just be an idiot who forgot to take a pill...It feels better to believe the more cynical approach though.

Good luck anyway!

 

[GrinningManiac]

DNA testing, just to be sure

Also, remember that no matter how idiotic/cruel/stupid/selfish the girl was, the baby is entierely innocent. If she has it, and it IS yours (see the DNA test), then care for it. Do not care for her, but love the child.

 

[Arkhangelsk]

Okay, I know this is really asshole-ish to say, but I would not involve myself. There, I said it. You have a life that you have barely started, you have college to go to, a career to build up. You can't be expected to pay for child support and take care of a child. If she intentionally forgot, and/or refuses to abort/adopt, the responsibility is not on you. It's on her.

Nobody can force you to be there for the child. I'm not speaking of morality for the child's well being, but you have to decide: Is it worth losing your education and career for it? If you really care about what will happen to the child, do what feels right, but nobody has any right to force you into this.

 

[GrinningManiac]

And yes, our parents know, everybody in our school knows (I HATE small towns) and I go away to college in a year. I don't want to hear your lectures, but I know I'm gonna get them anyway. So bring it on. I love you guys/girls.

I'm not gonna lecture you...but her forgetfulness does seem a little convenient. Let me explain:

She may have secretly really wanted a child - she now has one.
You may well end up having to pay her child-support for the next 18 years - effectively paying for a child that you don't necessarily want.

If she is in anyway inclined to be a manipulative *****, this could be a serious win-win for her. In which case, if she is dead-set on having the child, try and be a good father to it, if she lets you - nobody needs that as a mother.

This being said, you did have consensual unprotected sex with her and she might just be an idiot who forgot to take a pill...It feels better to believe the more cynical approach though.

Good luck anyway!

Your avatar is horribly innapropriate for the given subject matter