Dear Escapist, I F*cked up.
- Thread starter Ruzzian Roulette
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There's definitely a moral obligation to look after the kid, but so long as she's stable (with parents) then I don't think you have any particular reason to be in a relationship with her. Particularly as she fucked you over so bad.
Although, the fact that she doesn't want to give it up for adoption doesn't necessarily mean it won't be. I don't know what country you live in, but I'm pretty sure that in Britain, you get an equal right in deciding that.
Anyway, good luck man.
Although, the fact that she doesn't want to give it up for adoption doesn't necessarily mean it won't be. I don't know what country you live in, but I'm pretty sure that in Britain, you get an equal right in deciding that.
Anyway, good luck man.
you're right you fucked up. but we all make dummy decisions with our penises. lesson learned(I hope) but at the same time, you're going to be a pops and like a lot of us have said, man up. You don't have a choice.
Well, I'd say there are obvious potential consequences to sex even with birth control and that you shouldn't have sex with someone unless you've talked with that person and mutually agree on what you'll do if one of those eventualities comes about... But I would hope that after ten pages and looking at the situation you're facing, you've already figured that out for yourself.
(To anyone else- Don't have sex with someone unless and until you've had a serious conversation about what you'd do if there were consequences. And don't give any "hopeless romantic" "spontaneous" "heat of passion" excuses, either; it's bullshit, and it won't protect you in any way. Sex is an adult decision, and this is part of the reason why. If you're not willing to talk for whatever half-assed reason you devise, wait until you grow UP.)
All right. Off the soapbox. No more time for coulda/woulda/shoulda, you have to deal with what IS, and hopefully you do want some kind of input if you're posting, rather than just venting.
You still need to talk to her. Maybe you already have; it isn't clear. But if you're not going to be a couple, she needs to know that. If you're willing to pay child support while she raises the child, she needs to know that, too, especially if you're not going to be around and there's no chance of you being a couple. Those latter two facts may change her feelings about what she wants to do. In any case, it sounds like you still have half a chance at a reasonably normal young adulthood, and regardless, you'll be better able to afford child support with a college degree.
Next time, use a condom.
(To anyone else- Don't have sex with someone unless and until you've had a serious conversation about what you'd do if there were consequences. And don't give any "hopeless romantic" "spontaneous" "heat of passion" excuses, either; it's bullshit, and it won't protect you in any way. Sex is an adult decision, and this is part of the reason why. If you're not willing to talk for whatever half-assed reason you devise, wait until you grow UP.)
All right. Off the soapbox. No more time for coulda/woulda/shoulda, you have to deal with what IS, and hopefully you do want some kind of input if you're posting, rather than just venting.
You still need to talk to her. Maybe you already have; it isn't clear. But if you're not going to be a couple, she needs to know that. If you're willing to pay child support while she raises the child, she needs to know that, too, especially if you're not going to be around and there's no chance of you being a couple. Those latter two facts may change her feelings about what she wants to do. In any case, it sounds like you still have half a chance at a reasonably normal young adulthood, and regardless, you'll be better able to afford child support with a college degree.
Next time, use a condom.
You *are* a terrible person. "If you don't choose to abort, I won't pay child support"? The rhyming scheme drives me crazy! Now, "I would flee to Mexico and become a bandito", *that* has a better sound to it!Pimppeter2 said:
Also, to OP: "If she's a slut, then go up the butt. You might think that's shady, but at least there's no baby."
This, but the girl doesn't sound too sweet either how she "forgot" her pill. I have no real advice, besides get a paternity test, maybe go on Maury?Ziadaine said:
Dude, you always, ALWAYS strap it before you take the plunge, pill or no pill...
That's basic 101 shit...
That's basic 101 shit...
Take it to court, the ***** lied to you.
EDIT: By the way, I love the total lack of sympathy in this thread. Talk about a double-standard, huh? If a man told a woman that he's had a vasectomy, and they sleep together and she ends up pregnant, everybody would scream bloody murder and demand his head on a pike, but switch the genders and it's still the man's fault, somehow.
How about we all stop this jealousy-fueled "everything that goes wrong in a sexual situation is your fault because you have a penis" bullshit, and stop overlooking the fact that everybody in this situation should be held equally accountable. Actually, scratch that, considering OP was acting under dishonest pretenses presented by the other party, I'd say that this whole thing rests hugely on the female, and OP's life shouldn't be ruined because of one cock-trapping girl.
I understand that everybody that says "well, you're fucked, OP, that's what sex gets you" is probably someone who holds the concept of chivalry very highly, but you need to understand that chivalry is a two-way street. It's safe to say that if a woman tries to trap you into raising her child based on deliberate actions and blatant lies, she's not an example of "the fairer sex", and should not be regarded, nor protected, as such.
tl;dr stop giving OP shit because he's the male in the equation.
EDIT: By the way, I love the total lack of sympathy in this thread. Talk about a double-standard, huh? If a man told a woman that he's had a vasectomy, and they sleep together and she ends up pregnant, everybody would scream bloody murder and demand his head on a pike, but switch the genders and it's still the man's fault, somehow.
How about we all stop this jealousy-fueled "everything that goes wrong in a sexual situation is your fault because you have a penis" bullshit, and stop overlooking the fact that everybody in this situation should be held equally accountable. Actually, scratch that, considering OP was acting under dishonest pretenses presented by the other party, I'd say that this whole thing rests hugely on the female, and OP's life shouldn't be ruined because of one cock-trapping girl.
I understand that everybody that says "well, you're fucked, OP, that's what sex gets you" is probably someone who holds the concept of chivalry very highly, but you need to understand that chivalry is a two-way street. It's safe to say that if a woman tries to trap you into raising her child based on deliberate actions and blatant lies, she's not an example of "the fairer sex", and should not be regarded, nor protected, as such.
tl;dr stop giving OP shit because he's the male in the equation.
And a paternity test, the time line isnt adding up at ALL. As for the abortion does all this bad crap. Its a MEDICAL procedure. Since its still a young pregnancy she could do the D&C. In the old days it was called a dusting & cleaning. There is also the D&E procedure. The pill induced abortion method is unreliable after the 7th week. One that should not be taken lightly, but given the situation is better than a child brought into a world to two kids. And since one in 3 women in the US will have an abortion by age 45, it is not uncommon and can be covered by insurance.TheYellowCellPhone said:
It is a tough spot, Far tougher than most. But you need to do what needs to be done
1 is she pregnant?
2 is it yours?
3 if not thats that/if so then what will your decision be on caring for the child?
4 nobody forced you even if she lied(I have been told my whole life don't ever have sex unless you are ready for a child but thats me not you).
5 if you take responsibility this will follow you your entire life.
6 If you are a grown man then you will have to handle this, Life will give you no sympathy until you are dead.
7 The advice you hear here is only advice and in the end you will decide what will happen.
8 where a condom every single time until marriage.
9 Nothing good comes from beating yourself up, Personallities are forged in the fires of lifes trouble. this may be a bad situation but nothing is the end of your life not even this.
1 is she pregnant?
2 is it yours?
3 if not thats that/if so then what will your decision be on caring for the child?
4 nobody forced you even if she lied(I have been told my whole life don't ever have sex unless you are ready for a child but thats me not you).
5 if you take responsibility this will follow you your entire life.
6 If you are a grown man then you will have to handle this, Life will give you no sympathy until you are dead.
7 The advice you hear here is only advice and in the end you will decide what will happen.
8 where a condom every single time until marriage.
9 Nothing good comes from beating yourself up, Personallities are forged in the fires of lifes trouble. this may be a bad situation but nothing is the end of your life not even this.
Jeez. If I were you I would want nothing to do with her...trust is hard to revive when it's unconscious and bleeding out.
I can't really offer much. If you can convince her on adoption, that would be best, the kid isn't going to benefit from growing up with a divorce and parents that don't want it(And I doubt she really wants it, my guess is that she wants a fantasy, not a family(maybe you can use that that line to help you out)).
I'm sorry, I truly am, and I hate the fact that I can't do anything to help you. It seems to me she might have manipulated you, although, I don't think she's being anymore honest with herself about it then she is with you.
You can try and convince her that you two really aren't ready to be parents, though that will vary in effectiveness depending on her psychological state. But hey, I could be wrong, maybe this was a genuine accident(which seems unlikely), maybe she's a really nice girl, maybe she's just as scared as you are, and is just more afraid of the idea of adoption, maybe she's afraid of loosing you(assuming she thinks she hasn't already), if that's the case, you might have a chance
EDIT: Religion huh?, well... it doesn't seem fair to push religion on other people. As for the adoption thing, My best friend is from a loving adoptive family. The kids life is going to be hard no matter what, step back and consider the pros and cons
I'm sorry, I truly am, and I hate the fact that I can't do anything to help you. It seems to me she might have manipulated you, although, I don't think she's being anymore honest with herself about it then she is with you.
You can try and convince her that you two really aren't ready to be parents, though that will vary in effectiveness depending on her psychological state. But hey, I could be wrong, maybe this was a genuine accident(which seems unlikely), maybe she's a really nice girl, maybe she's just as scared as you are, and is just more afraid of the idea of adoption, maybe she's afraid of loosing you(assuming she thinks she hasn't already), if that's the case, you might have a chance
EDIT: Religion huh?, well... it doesn't seem fair to push religion on other people. As for the adoption thing, My best friend is from a loving adoptive family. The kids life is going to be hard no matter what, step back and consider the pros and cons
Raise the child. I know you're only seventeen and it will probably take your life in a whole different direction than where you wanted it to go but you're not the only one you should be thinking about right now. You brought a new life into the world so you should at least be there for him/her when they grow up. I'm not saying take all the resposibility for the child, cus it sounds like its also the chick's fault that she's pregnant, but considering you did do the do with her its still partly your fault. You didn't "mess up" by getting her pregnant, you actually pulled of sex the right way (sexual intercourse is meant for procreation). And who knows, maybe this will turn out to be a good thing in the end for both of you. Perhaps you'll look back twenty years from now and say "Yeah it was a mistake, but it was the best mistake I've ever made."
I wish you the best of luck with the kid man, you'll probably need it.
I wish you the best of luck with the kid man, you'll probably need it.