Escape to the Movies: New Moon

[Lord_Panzer]

Hey video editors? Can you stop making him censor his swearing, please? We've all come to expect it, and unlike some *bleeping* that has comedic values, the ones used here are just really, really annoying.

That aside, brilliant review. Completely expected, but nonetheless warranted.

 

[The Great JT]

On an unrelated subject to my previous post, I loved the whole "I get the idea, Archie but replace Veronica's Dracula and Betty's the Wolfman and they're both still chicks." Trust me, that does sound kind of cool. Then again, so does Blade and Alucard hunting down and killing the cast of the Twilight movies, except replace "cool" with "bad-friggin'-ass."

Also, Bob, you can swear on the internet, nobody's going to think less of you. Oh sure, they might call you a movie-based Yahtzee ripoff, but didn't they do that when EttM first started showing up on The Escapist?

 

[Mstrswrd]

Why take down "The Road?" Why not just wait until next week to put up the "New Moon" review? Or do a bonus and do no article this week? If you made two videos in one week and asked them to not make you write an article for this one, I think they'd let you. The Escapist may be a business, but everyone who I've PM's (admittadly, only about 2 people who work at The Escapist) seems to come off as pretty understanding about stuff like that.

On another note, yeah, this was about what I expected.

 

[coldfrog]

The last literature series aimed at young female readers this way was probably Golden Compass. Except probably aimed at younger girls, but it still has many similar things, a strong young female lead, a dangerous male love interest, lots of grief, a secretive group of high-up evil adult types. Also it was actually good. Never watched the movie though.

 

[rayen020]

firstly everything except the cinematography thing i could have told you before the thing hits theatres. you have to actually see it to know about the cinematography.

secondly thank you for shitting on this movie the way it deserves and sadly probably wants the sexual deviations that the stuff hints at liking. but anything that can see a turd coming and doesn't move deserves what it gets.

lastly which did you dislike more moviebob, transformers 2 or new moon? because i meanas film student tranformers had some decent special effects and the fight sequences were intense as long as you didn't mind everything blowing up.

 

[kannibus]

You know, ever since I dragged my girl (by the hair and kicking and screaming all the way) to watch Rambo 4, I knew I was in for some blowback (despite that I think she secretly enjoyed it). It came with Twilight while she went through one of her "girly" phases. We watched the movie, that is to say, SHE and a bunch of other girls watched the movie while I and a bunch of other guys that had been dragged there (by the short and curlies, pleading for mercy) sat in the back of the theatre and huddled around a Nintendo DS and PSP like radioactive-cybernetic-zombie-apocalypse survivors around a lizard baking over a garbage can fire.

Jai, in her current girly phase, dragged me to New Moon (I knew better and brought my laptop for some Red Alert 3). Thing was, by about halfway through, she was hovering over my shoulder screaming at me to build more Guardian tanks. Now I'm no expert, but if a girl in an extreme girly phase (scented bath oil, ice cream, the oh so dangerous "I feel fat" discussion) would rather watch stolen Shogun battleships blasting apart static defenses, then New Moon must be doing something wrong.

 

[sunpop]

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Go on Bob, do Blood Moon next week, I double-dog dare ya

Beaten. You are now a God of reviewers Bob I hear even the Vatican thinks it's trash.
Who ever would've thought we'd all be agreeing with the Pope?

By the way, you said you didn't remember when the young girl genre fiction had something as big?

How about Dirty Dancing? Or even Grease?

But Grease didn't pretend it was some deep meaningful movie it knew what it was.That was of course This guy met this Girl they fell in love had to leave ended up living right near each other and this guy is a douche with a nice car beat him in a race get laid. Oh right and sing while you do it.

 

[Julianking93]

The bleeping is terribly annoying.

indeed

anyway i was forced against my will to see this crap at midnight...i just started laughing my ass off though it because it was so bad

My dad was forced to go see this by his dipshit girlfriend last night. He came back saying, "Even for Twilight fans, it was shit." and "I would have rather gone to see a 12 hour marathon of Uwe Bowl movies."

Good thing I didn't have to go. I was too busy playing Assassin's Creed for 5 hours straight.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

But Grease didn't pretend it was some deep meaningful movie it knew what it was.That was of course This guy met this Girl they fell in love had to leave ended up living right near each other and this guy is a douche with a nice car beat him in a race get laid. Oh right and sing while you do it.

Don't get me wrong, I actually liked Grease, and Travolta could kick Edward even in his Battlefield Earth days; but clumsy, shy girl gets superhumanly attractive male has been done before...in fact, it's been done far better before, and both Grease and Dirty Dancing had plot, acting and...all the other things that Twilight doesn't.

That's what amazes me so much about it's success, even Sailor Moon had a more realistic hero/heroine pairing.

 

[Barry93]

Good review, thank you for doing justice to this series, but what's with the bleeping? If your not going to swear without bleeping, don't do it at all, otherwise it's just annoying.

 

[shadowstriker86]

theres only 3 types of people that willingly go to see these movies (critics excluded because they dont go willingly) teenage girls, middle aged women and gay guys

 

[jboking]

If you haven't made an attempt to see it then what right do you have to criticise it?

If I read the books do I have the right to criticise it? By it I mean the series, not just the movie.

And yes, I do like things like Dracula as well. I simply don't agree that Twilight 'ruined' vampires.

I think most people that honestly read the book and don't like it wont argue that it ruined vampires, but rather that it is just very poorly written(and that the first book was the most generic combining of two things I've ever read).

OP: What can I say, I agree with the comments about the books and I will naturally be avoiding the movie. However, your mention of "The big bads" lead me to go look at the Tv Tropes entry again. I'm not angry at you but, damn it bob, I was there for an hour longer than I intended to be...why does this happen every time I go to that site!?

 

[Sleipnir]

my heart literally hurt when you said "over two hours long"... seriously... how mortifying is that? Though all that really means to me is that if I want to be able to fully loathe the movie, I can't watch it on Megavideo...

 

[Swaki]

god the bipping is annoying, why can you say shit?, other than that thanks for the warning though i never really wanted to go see it, but hey, now i know im not missing out on a brilliant re mastering of the franchise.

 

[Kuchinawa212]

You get +10 points for the Fawful reference. A suppose it alright review, but while you said it was nothingness over and over again, you didn't really gave me that "Wow this crap feeling" more of a "Wow you hated it" feeling

 

[Ryalan]

I haven't read any of the twilight books or seen any of the movies for a few simple reasons. First, the style doesn't really suit me, I prefer my monster movies to be monster movies without romance elements in them. Second, many people who have read the books or seen the movies that share similar views as me have dissed it pretty hard. I cannot say that the series is bad or anything because I haven't seen any of it. However, I will not spend money to watch a movie I will probably not like.

It's hilarious how the only men who work with vampire fiction these days are in Japan with stuff like Vampire Hunter D, Hellsing, Trinity Blood, Blood+, Castlevania, etc. God do I ever miss The Lost Boys.

I love Hellsing (Especially the new stuff that follows the manga), Vampire Hunter D is a bit cliche but still very good, and I love castlevania games (the older ones in particular, I think the story kind of went downhill after SOTN). They tend to follow what I want out of monster (in particular vampire) movies/games more. I haven't yet seen the others you have mentioned, but I may check them out in the future.

Well you can thank Twilight for making everyone realize that, in fact, J.K Rowling is a fine author.

I read every Harry Potter book and I thought they were very well written. They appealed to a wide array of age groups (easy enough for kids and smart enough for adults), told a somewhat compelling story without relying on silly relationship drama too much, and had interesting character development beyond 'This person is exactly X all the time'. The movies are significantly worse than the books, and I stopped watching them after the second movie or so.

[edit] I really enjoy Moviebob's reviews. I find that he typically shares similar views as me, and he is slowly becoming my 'go-to' for movie reviews. I know I decided to go see 2012 after watching his review, even though I do not believe in the whole doomsday thing. Keep up the good work on making excellent reviews.

 

[silasbufu]

Yep, still hate vampires.

Every goddamn one. Bloodsucking monsters that feed on the weak and innocent.

you will not find any of that in this movie...just some romance and QQ vampires

 

[LTK_70]

Well, the video isn't loading for me, but from the previous comments I can assume that this review is more or less exacty what I expected it to be. Twilight bashing, how original. Contrary to the review of 2012, which I didn't expect Moviebob to like, and The Road, a movie I hadn't heard of previously.