Female Perspective - Friend Zone

[muckman]

Also for those that assume girls want the "bad boy" over "nice guys", I don't think that is necessarily the case either. "Bad boys" are good liars, so they are good at deceiving the girl, making her think he is all of the things she is looking for. A Girl does not want a guy to abuse her, lie to her, cheat on her, no. I think the reason why the bad guy gets the girl is because the bad guy is better at telling a girl what she wants to hear.

I don't know about that I know many girls who really likes the drama and stuff. It's like he has to be a douche in a relationship at least (they wouldn't admit it or even know it but on a level they are attracted to it). And when i was in highschool I was kinda popular and I was a douchebag because off that and a lot of girls liked that, more then when I cooled down and started being a nice guy. Even the ones that dated nice guys like it when i was a douchebag. But it didn't fit me and I changed over a year. About the lying part, hmm more like keeping her content but still fuzzing about everything you do. Just my thoughts.

 

[Sentox6]

I think much of the Escapist readership is slightly to the right of 100 IQ points as you put it.

Perhaps, although I suspect that the median has been moving closer to 100 as the site's audience has grown.

But people do seem to be undecided as to whether or not to take the Ladder Theory seriously.

Personally I think everyone should ask themselves a basic question: is the model a good fit for the data? Or, in this context, does it explain your personal experiences and observations?

As you've pointed out, reality is extremely complex, and no abstract model is going to be perfect. Still, while Ladder Theory is obviously intended as a joke of sorts, this doesn't mean it can't be a intuitively convincing model.

(And yes, there is certainly a sizeable dose of intellectual and academic elitism engrained in my psyche, although I keep it quite suppressed in real life. Not so much on the internet, however.)

 

[Ariseishirou]

You're just a girl I want to bone silly.

Well, at least she'd know you never respected her in the first place and she was right to reject you. You're doing a service to the community by confirming that she made the right choice ;3

 

[artanis_neravar]

So the general consensus seems to be
Female: It does not exist
and either
Male: Yes I've been there
or
Male: Yes, but I've never been there because I'm a douche

 

[Ariseishirou]

Personally I think everyone should ask themselves a basic question: is the model a good fit for the data? Or, in this context, does it explain your personal experiences and observations?

That's just begging for nothing but confirmation bias, though. People will, in hindsight, force their experience to conform to the theory because they want to believe it; this sort of soft misogyny has considerable pop culture appeal because it reinforces traditional social "norms".

Really, you'd be better off testing the theory with impartial data sets. Of which none are provided, so it's relatively safe to dismiss this theory out of hand because there is no evidence aside from anecdotes (that may or may not be factual, or presented in an impartial manner even if they are factual) to support it.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

Also for those that assume girls want the "bad boy" over "nice guys", I don't think that is necessarily the case either. "Bad boys" are good liars, so they are good at deceiving the girl, making her think he is all of the things she is looking for. A Girl does not want a guy to abuse her, lie to her, cheat on her, no. I think the reason why the bad guy gets the girl is because the bad guy is better at telling a girl what she wants to hear.

I don't know about that I know many girls who really likes the drama and stuff. It's like he has to be a douche in a relationship at least (they wouldn't admit it or even know it but on a level they are attracted to it). And when i was in highschool I was kinda popular and I was a douchebag because off that and a lot of girls liked that, more then when I cooled down and started being a nice guy. Even the ones that dated nice guys like it when i was a douchebag. But it didn't fit me and I changed over a year. About the lying part, hmm more like keeping her content but still fuzzing about everything you do. Just my thoughts.

Yea there are both guys and girls that are wanna be Jerry Springer Hos, but think about it, they deserve each other. Why would anyone want a guy or a girl who is all about the drama and acting like an idiot that was not one themselves? If you see what you may think is a good girl with a jerk, chances are she doesn't know he is a jerk, or she really isn't who you thought she was to begin with.

 

[artanis_neravar]

You're just a girl I want to bone silly.

Well, at least she'd know you never respected her in the first place and she was right to reject you. You're doing a service to the community by confirming that she made the right choice ;3

Youd rather guys continue lying to you?
Id take a honest asshole over a two faced, deceitful, game playing mother fucker any day of the week.
Like it or not, at least with those who admit to believing in the ladder theory, you know exactly where you stand. The others, are probably lying but you can't tell.

The ladder theory is completely bullshit I don't want to sleep with any of my female friends

 

[RiboNucleicAxe]

This is why I only have one female friend. I have enough friends, I don't need more. Especially not ones that expect from you the emotional support of a boyfriend without the benefits.

The reason you have only one female friend is because you see it as a chore. If you think that girls are too much effort 'cos they spend so much time crying, you're not gonna have many who bother with your time.

OT: The friend zone is, to me, when things would just be weird. I've never had to tell a guy that they're in the friend zone, cause it's usually mutual: I have a couple of guy friends who qualify, and we're more like brother and sister. Getting physical would be like trying to trying to get with my brother, y'know?

(captcha: riallase calmly)

 

[Ariseishirou]

Youd rather guys continue lying to you?
Id take a honest asshole over a two faced, deceitful, game playing mother fucker any day of the week.

No, I'd rather a man honestly responded that he was disappointed, and he no longer wants to continue the friendship because his attraction to me was romantic and he isn't interested in being friends as it would be painful for him.

As opposed to "oh well whatever you're just a dumb girl I wanted to bone who's not worthy of being my friend anyway".

Yeah, great. If that's all you think of me as I'd never fuck you, anyway, even if I was attracted to you. Honestly? I'd never sleep with a man if he didn't think I was worth drinking with or helping him home after a few.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

This is why I only have one female friend. I have enough friends, I don't need more. Especially not ones that expect from you the emotional support of a boyfriend without the benefits.

The reason you have only one female friend is because you see it as a chore. If you think that girls are too much effort 'cos they spend so much time crying, you're not gonna have many who bother with your time.

OT: The friend zone is, to me, when things would just be weird. I've never had to tell a guy that they're in the friend zone, cause it's usually mutual: I have a couple of guy friends who qualify, and we're more like brother and sister. Getting physical would be like trying to trying to get with my brother, y'know?

(captcha: riallase calmly)

Actually, I am a female with very few female friends. Not because I dislike female friends, but for the most part, we usually have very little in common. I have also had a great deal of trouble with female friends over the years, I don't like overly emotional people. I do not like bipolar people. They annoy me, I feel more comfortable when they are not around me.

I have had many girls through the years try to befriend me only to do things like chop up my bikini with scissors and say it was because they were " jealous" and think that I should forgive them for acting like a psycho. I had a chic try to dress like me act like me, talk like me, some seriously SWF scary stuff. They have made up nonsense about me, and overall were not very good friends.

I have had 1 female "life friend" She and I have been friends since gradeschool and still get together at least once a month for brunch to catch up even with our busy lives. But she isn't overly emotional, clingly, psycho, or manipulative, no she is a true friend.

Maybe it isn't a matter of it being a chore to have friends, but more so harder to find the quality of people and common interests enough to " call them a friend". Plenty of aquaintences sure, but only a few close friends.

 

[SHIFTYMACO]

http://www.laddertheory.com/
Ladder theory here to save the day!

That just made my night!

 

[ZtH]

I am quite honestly appalled. This is one of the most sexist things I've seen in a while - and I hang out on the internet. "Things that women say they care about but don't"... and strangers who aren't in their heads and claim to speak for the entire female sex would know better than these silly deceitful women, would they? I cannot believe this absolute bile even exists.

I'm not sure I agree with calling this sexist. It has pretty terrible views on the entire human race not just woman. Do you honestly think guys like people saying that all we ever want from women is sex? It's pretty much just hateful to everyone.

 

[WarCorrespondent]

I asked my girlfriend if she knew what exactly the "friend zone" was.

She said it was a nice way of girls saying "I am not attracted to you in the slightest."

THAT makes a lot more sense to me.

 

[Haydyn]

I think the thing about the friend zone is once you admit you like the girl, any interest she had in you is gone. I had a friend who wanted to be in a relationship with me, but I didn't find her physically attractive, and her home life was a little too dramatic for me. We were good friends and I got away with tons of sex jokes around her openly displaying desire for her, as I did have some interest, and she changed up her look and what I was looking for changed. However, once I openly admitted I wanted to be in a relationship with her, she declined. She "didn't want to ruin the friendship" but at that point it was already too late. You don't slowdance with your friends in your back yard.

I don't think it's guys making the excuse, it's girls who don't want to hurt the feelings of guys. I'm not one to admit that men are more sexually uncontrollable than women, but truth be told if just about any female friend I had wanted either a relationship or something physical, I wouldn't say no. I have a female friend who I wanted to nail from the first time I saw her. Her statement was that "I wasn't her type" because I am more of a pretty boy/rocker and she is a scene kid. True or not, she's like a big sister to me now. She has a boyfriend and it doesn't bother me because he treats her like gold. At this point I'm not sure if I would have a one night stand with her, she'd have to at least be single. However I would love to have a relationship with her. O well, it's nice having her in the big sister role, and it's been more amazing knowing her than any girl I've dated. Not that the feeling is mutual.

In the end, I'm just a good looking guy in great shape who loves life and would treat any girl he dates like gold and would never think of cheating on her, and also has a car and apartment, and at the end of the day I'm still wildly lonely to the point of depression because I can't get past the friend zone. I guess girls just like guys that fuck them, treat them like shit, get them pregant, and leave.

 

[Ariseishirou]

I've never been friends with a woman.

And nothing more need be said on the matter, really.

 

[Ariseishirou]

She has a boyfriend and it doesn't bother me because he treats her like gold.

(...) I guess girls just like guys that fuck them, treat them like shit, get them pregant, and leave.

Hmmmmmmm.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

You're just a girl I want to bone silly.

Well, at least she'd know you never respected her in the first place and she was right to reject you. You're doing a service to the community by confirming that she made the right choice ;3

Youd rather guys continue lying to you?
Id take a honest asshole over a two faced, deceitful, game playing mother fucker any day of the week.
Like it or not, at least with those who admit to believing in the ladder theory, you know exactly where you stand. The others, are probably lying but you can't tell.

Hey, I never said that I'm not a two faced, deceitful, game playing mother fucker, it's just that once a girl gives you this bullshit, it's game over and you might as well say what's on your mind. Sticking around is a massive waste of time.

And just because my intention is to have sex with someone doesn't mean I don't respect them. I just don't consider them my friends. Maybe it's a language thing. The Polish word for "friend" implies a very close bond, you don't have "friends" on facebook, you have "acquaintances". I've never been friends with a woman. Of course some of them are tons of fun to be around and you might even think that you understand each other very well, but once you're ears-deep in shit and there is something else than "being there for you" that you need help with, forget about you female friends. They'll join you in drinking, but won't stick around for the hangover. The male friendship is built on what you've been trough together, not only on how much you enjoy hanging out, that what makes it more solid and drama-proof.

Disclaimer: I am talking about about girls attractive enough to be consider a relationship with. I don't care that some beast is always there for (some of) you.

While I feel that true friends, male or female WILL be there for you through the hangover, and much more, are you saying that if you are attracted to a girl, you wouldn't want her to be there trying to make sure you didn't swallow your tongue?