Florida cops Taser naked burglar who pooped and masturbated when homeowner pulled a gun

[The Funslinger]

I feel this gif should rightfully retutn for this story.

I mean, I don't even know where to begin with this.

At first, I wondered if it was some sort of satire a la The Onion, but no, this is an actual, legitimate story.

I have no words for this.

All I know is that if I'm ever arrested for something, I want it to be something that gets classified as 'Criminal Mischief'.

Well the guy is going to be safe in prison.

Who wants to tangle with the guy who jacks off and shits himself when exposed to life threatening danger?

We in the business call that one a Jackson Pollock Retaliation Maneuver.

 

[unindexedsearchengine]

As Bruni was allegedly headed to where guns were stored in the son?s bedroom

Guns stored in their son's bedroom? right, because there is absolutely no way that could go wrong.

 

[alphamalet]

I've lived in Florida all my life...
(._.)

I'm moving when I get the chance.

 

[Furbyz]

As Bruni was allegedly headed to where guns were stored in the son?s bedroom

Guns stored in their son's bedroom? right, because there is absolutely no way that could go wrong.

We don't know the age of these people or their son. He could very well have been grown. I'd say they might have even been his guns, considering the wife had a .38 to shoot while he was heading to where those guns were stored.

Barring those circumstances, definitely a reckless, unsafe place to store firearms.

 

[ZLAY]

Oh my God.

...He then ran to the son's room and rubbed his face with clothing.

For some reason I started crying from laughter when I pictured that particular part.

Honestly, we need more reports like these...

 

[Raven_Operative]

... wtf... ... ...WHAT THE FUCK!?!

Yeah. I would have tased the guy too. What the fuck is up with that story?!? I refuse to believe drugs were not involved in this.

 

[Oinodaemon]

The whole world is going mad...

 

[Furbyz]

Well, some people evidently don't give a shit about cowardly gun owners trying to kill them, literally.

Give that burglar a medal. ^_^


Nice example of unnecessary violence by US police though. Deputies is a plural form. How the fuck do they manage to not control one guy who's without a coherent thought? That's just plain unprofessional, those guys are not fit for duty if they can't arrest someone who's not resisting, with 2 or more officers, without using weapons.

Actually, he gave two shits.

Oh my God.

...He then ran to the son's room and rubbed his face with clothing.

For some reason I started crying from laughter when I pictured that particular part.

Honestly, we need more reports like these...

That was by far my favorite part too. Especially considering he'd just been shot at!

 

[Professor Lupin Madblood]

Jesus, Florida, calm the fuck down. What the hell? I mean, seriously, what?

Fuckin' ley lines, man, fuckin' ley lines.

 

[Lugbzurg]

So, is it suddenly legal to go naked in front of people? That's what I gather. There should be some sort of indecency charges from this. Perhaps that's been squeezed into the "criminal mischief" category. Sounds like something you'd hear from an ESRB list.

 

[Radoh]

Well, that's the thing about Florida.
Sixty percent old people, thirty percent crazy people, ten percent normal people.

 

[R4ptur3]

Hahahaha amazing. I've been laughing 5 mins straight at this point.
Oh USA, some people may not like you, but when something like this happens, I can't help but love you.

 

[Froggy Slayer]

God-dammit, Freakazoid! I thought that you weren't allowed in real life, ya crazy bastard!

 

[Detroit]

Wtf, that was literally the first thing that popped into my mind, just wtf.

 

[Ryotknife]

As Bruni was allegedly headed to where guns were stored in the son?s bedroom

Guns stored in their son's bedroom? right, because there is absolutely no way that could go wrong.

I dont know the age of the folks, but the son could be away in college.

...and of course we can count on blah for his usual fanaticism and trying to bring the whole thread down in misery.

 

[Saika Renegade]

What the crap, Florida?

I know there's a fair number of retirees and tourists going through there all the time, but it wasn't like the state didn't look messed up enough last time I went through there...

 

[SirPlindington]

Soooo... I'm thinking drugs. You thinking drugs? I'm thinking drugs.

 

[IamLEAM1983]

Snip!

Uh, bath salts?

 

[Dfskelleton]

Oh my God, my sides...
I was so bored, and then I read that thread title... and then I read the article.
I'm too amused to say what I would rationally say, which would probably be "What the actual Hell?"
It must have been very disturbing for the home owner, but for anyone else looking in...
This made my evening so much more enjoyable. Thank you.