Gaming headlines from an ALTERNATE DIMENSION!

[wilsonscrazybed]

Bored teen in Wisconsin realizes Rock Band is a waste of time, vows to take up a 'real' instrument.

Sid Meyer's Colonization slated to be a first person shooter.

 

[Larmo]

Zelda game made where Link Talks and abandons all puzzles in favor of combat central game that's good.

Nintendo fan complain of lack of shovelware.

Halo4 sales tank loosing billions.

Wii complemented for highest rated graphics (I'm seeing a Nintendo pattern here)

 

[Regga_Overallt]

New type of fps game! Lotto Kills - win money by shooting people online!

 

[Fire Daemon]

The Xbox's Flagship launched today, Blinx the Cat 3 is here and we have the exclusive review!

Oh I wish.

"Wii sales fall, analysts claim a lack of interest from the elderly."

 

[kinch]

"Half Life 2 universally criticised because main character talks too much"

 

[Brett Alex]

"Half Life 2 universally criticised because main character talks too much"

Haha gold.

"Shocked Wii owners realise they have bought a novelty console."

 

[Fuzzylightning]

"Nintendo fanboy admits he was wrong."

"Public game servers new home of educated discussion."

"EA stops buying out companies."

"Valve releases a game on time."

"Duke Nukem: Forever tops Halo 4 sales."

 

[sapient]

Yahtzee makes a valid point.

Metal Gear Solid 5: Alzheimers is a ***** released, reviewers praise immersion, fail to remember the rest.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

MICE GO OUT WITH A SQUEAK
Silicon Valley, Dublin : Sir Clive Sinclair; legendary inventor of the Home Computer system today delivered the death toll to the die-hard fans. "We will no longer be supporting the mouse in the new motherboards. Overwhelmingly there has been more support and demand for simple joypads, and we feel that it would be lax to keep supporting a peripheral that so few people use."

Also in technology news,

DVD'S SHELVED AS VHS TAPES FOUND EASIER TO USE

GRAND THEFT AUTO PRODUCERS CONVICTED OF MULTIPLE ACCOUNTS OF CONSPIRACY TO COMMIT MANSLAUGHTER. DEFENCE ATTOURNY JACK THOMPSON SAYS "WE WERE FRAMED."

TUPPENY ARCADE INVESTIGATED AFTER CHARITY REPORTS WERE FALSIFIED

OSCARS: BEST DIRECTOR: BENJAMIN CROSHAW WINS FOR HIS SUBTLE DEPICTION OF "GAMERS IN THE MIST".

"LAURENCE CROFT IS TOO SEXIST", YELL MALE GAMERS."

REPORT : AUSTRALIA FOUND TO GET GAMES OVER A MONTH BEFORE AMERICA.

 

[hazakura]

Wii owners exited about new exercise based game,"Wii slave labor"

Bungie and Valve team up to make halo 3 and a hAlf.

Nintendo Realeses a non-franchised game.

Call of duty 5 expected to take place in the civil war.

Counter strike fans sent to forced grammer camp.

 

[Hyatari]

Daikatana: Ten Years On and Still The Best

 

[aethyrmaster]

GameStop dissolves, smaller regional chains formed out of remnants.

"Too much corporate glam, not enough competition" cited as reason.

 

[Iceman23]

World of Warcraft subscriptions plummet, gamers site a lack of addicting game play and not enough grind quests.

The original Gears of War is awarded for having the deepest, most engrossing plot of all time!

 

[aethyrmaster]

Intel integrated graphics outperforms Nvidia and ATi top-end cards by 20%

 

[PedroSteckecilo]

ESA lawyer Jack Thompson wins landmark case. Details at 11.

Don't joke about that, my heart almost stopped!

Seriously though...

Squaresoft announces the Final Final Fantasy

"We just feel the series has run its course and won't make us any more money..."

 

[Iceman23]

ESA lawyer Jack Thompson wins landmark case. Details at 11.

Don't joke about that, my heart almost stopped!

Seriously though...

Squaresoft announces the Final Final Fantasy

"We just feel the series has run its course and won't make us any more money..."

Oh I just got one!

New lead character in Final Fantasy is criticized for being too manly.

 

[J'aen]

Square Enix decide to stop performing unholy acts of necromancy on Final Fantasy 7.

 

[The Wooster]

Game review website turns down lucrative advertising deal offered by big publisher. "It could be.. you know.. a conflict of interest" says Gertsman

 

[Gahars]

Portal released. People say "Meh".

Nintendo faces backlash. Fans say they come up with too many different franchises.

PS3's across the country are plagued with the Red Ring of Death.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

WATCHMEN GAME HAS MORE DEPTH THAN BOOK. "I wish I'd written the game now." says Moore.

DARK KNIGHT SLATED AT BOX-OFFICE FOR BEING "TOO CAMP"

PRIME MINISTER BORIS JOHNSON TO BRING IN A GAMER LAUREATE

BBC APOLOGIZES FOR CANCELING DOCTOR WHO FOR TWENTY YEARS