Monty Oum signs deal to make Dead Fantasy and Haloid into full-fledged games
Obsessed gamers finally stop shouting "THE CAKE IS A LIE" like retarded parrots whenever anyone within earshot mentions cake in any context whatsoever, Sylocat and other Portal fans finally able to enjoy Portal again
American game companies finally start making something besides FPS's, Sylocat no longer forced to endure taunts of "weeaboo" for preferring Japanese games to American ones
EA publicly apologizes for ruining all the promising franchises it has strangled
Xbox 360 discontinued, Microsoft's user base finally opens their fucking eyes and sees that they've been getting shafted all these years (did I mention mine just bricked for the THIRD FUCKING TIME? I treated the damn thing like it was made out of crystal!)
And a few non-gaming headlines I'd love to see:
Speaking in L337speak offline declared a capital crime
Phrase "Over 9000" finally dies a quick, but excruciatingly painful, death
Steve Martin offers public apology for raping the memory of the original The Pink Panther, vomiting on the grave of Peter Sellers, and then having the nerve to think it actually warranted a fucking sequel
Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg lynched
Seth MacFarlane finally admits that he never really believed his shows were any good
Uwe Boll marathon on cable, all his films shown back-to-back. Fortunately, the only one who watches is Boll himself, whose head explodes from sheer awfulness
