Happiness... hap-piness... hap...penis... vaaaaaGINA!

[Anonymous Overlord]

Samson: you could have told me sasquach was a dude.

Lee Majors: what, you coulden't tell by looking at him

Samson: not till i had to... *shudder*... Shave him

Lee Majors: relax sasy doesn't have anything you haven't seem before

Samson [yelling]: sasquach is something i haven't seen before.
..........................
Gaurd 1, to gaurd 2: you know that was a shaved sasquach, and lee majors wearing a wig... made out of the hair from sasquach.

gaurd 2: and Brock F***ing Samson

 

[Emperor Inferno]

family guy

stewie: do u remember the episode where jon saved danny's life and he was his slave forever?

brian: yeah

stewie: it's on at 8 tape it for me.

OR

*crash*

kool-aid man: ya know, from the other side that's kind of annoying

Also, in the courtroom during a hearing, after the kool-aid guy has crashed in twice.

Judge: "Would everyody please stop saying 'oh, no?' Cuz the fukin kool-aid guy's gonna keep comin back.

And: again, a car crashes through the same, now repaired wall in the kool-aid guys house:

"Aw, come on! I just fixed that!"

 

[Jumping_Over_Fences]

The Simpsons have so many that it is almost not fair.

Books are useless! I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird" and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin, but what good does that do me?

If he's so smart, how come he's dead?

I want to set the record straight: I thought the cop was a prostitute.

...and finally

"Sneed's Feed and Seed, Formally Chuck's" (I know it is not actually a line from the show, but that sign has to be one of the dirtiest jokes allowed onto television. Thank you Simpsons!)

 

[Emperor Inferno]

Samson: you could have told me sasquach was a dude.

Lee Majors: what, you coulden't tell by looking at him

Samson: not till i had to... *shudder*... Shave him

Lee Majors: relax sasy doesn't have anything you haven't seem before

Samson [yelling]: sasquach is something i haven't seen before.
..........................
Gaurd 1, to gaurd 2: you know that was a shaved sasquach, and lee majors wearing a wig... made out of the hair from sasquach.

gaurd 2: and Brock F***ing Samson

Love Venture Brothers

Brothers: "Go team Venture!" *press together finger v's*

*Pirate looks at them like "what the...?"

Brock: "Don't ask, they just...... do that...."

 

[Liam1390]

Anything from the show Titus

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzA_9Lg5R1U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JCjMZTQnfY&feature=related

 

[similar.squirrel]

Black Books consists entirely of quotable material.

'If it can clean an oven, it can clean me'

 

[DavidTheWise]

"It's a man's h-head, Gordon" from Wild Wild West

 

[benbenthegamerman]

"It's energy... FOR MEN... MENERGY"

"You'll have soo many babies 400 BABIES

From here

Spoiler: awesome youtube video hidden here

i almost laughed my lungs out at this. you win the thread.

 

[Zaksav91]

Robot Chicken quote
[Cobra Commander, Skeletor, Mum-Ra and Lex Luthor are car pooling]
Skeletor: Oh, that was a good one Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Lex Luthor: What was a good... OH, Dear Lord!
Skeletor: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Cobra Commander: AHHH IT'S BURNING MY EYES!
Mum-Ra: [Tries to open windows] UNLOCK THE WINDOWS!
Skeletor: Behold the gaseous stench of Skeletor's BREAKFAST BURRITO!!!!

 

[nicholaxxx]

South park
Mr Garrison to Kyle's jewish cousin:
Look if you don't start concentrating I'm removing you from the class (or something like that)

Cartmen:
Maybe we should send him to concentration camp!

Holy shit!.. That's... Wow...

 

[Emperor Inferno]

South park
Mr Garrison to Kyle's jewish cousin:
Look if you don't start concentrating I'm removing you from the class (or something like that)

Cartmen:
Maybe we should send him to concentration camp!

Holy shit!.. That's... Wow...

HA! I laughed almost as much at this reaction as I did at the line itself.

 

[Disaster Button]

David Mitchell on Mock the Week (paraphrased) "The Americans are being stupid; 'Ooh, I know, let's poke the Russians. Poe the Russians, poke the Russians- oh my god they're coming!!'"

Oh God I actually couldn't stop laughing when I saw him say that, good catch man. I basically love David Mitchell, especially in Peep Show.

 

[ben---neb]

Agh, too many to choose from.

(Peter has to come up with a fake name on the spot, so he looks around the room to get inspiration)
Peter Griffin: Uh... my name is...(he sees a pea)
Peter Griffin: Pea...
(he sees a woman crying)
Peter Griffin: ... tear...
(he sees a Griffin fly by)
Peter Griffin: ... Griffin. Peter Griffin

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. That made my day. Legend.

Mine is:

Woman doctor "The patient was sweating."
House: "Was Chase wearing his short shorts?"

 

[ThreeWords]

"It's energy... FOR MEN... MENERGY"

"You'll have soo many babies 400 BABIES

From here

Spoiler: awesome youtube video hidden here

You win, forever.

There's a second one as well, but I cba to post a link

 

[0p3rati0n]

Agh, too many to choose from.

(Peter has to come up with a fake name on the spot, so he looks around the room to get inspiration)
Peter Griffin: Uh... my name is...(he sees a pea)
Peter Griffin: Pea...
(he sees a woman crying)
Peter Griffin: ... tear...
(he sees a Griffin fly by)
Peter Griffin: ... Griffin. Peter Griffin

LOL I just say that episode yesterday!

OT-

"It's me I was the turkey all alone!"
-Gir from Invader Zim

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuUQp8nvxUU
this scene is too funny to write in words so you'll just have to watch it XD

 

[TheBarefootBandit]

from House

Foreman: "I think you're wrong"

House: "I think your tie's ugly."

I like.

 

[Holossus]

Probably only funny in german.
because Janitor means Hausmeister. and House is Haus in German.

from Scrubs:


Carla: We need help, Janitor

Janitor (thinking): Finally this my chance. Dr. House - meister

 

[VGStrife]

"When God gives you lemons, FIND A NEW GOD!!!"
I <3 Powerthirst

 

[ItsAChiaotzu]

My favorite TV show line is from Scrubs.

Dr. Cox and Kelso (sp?) talking to Dr. Beardface about his nickname

Dr. Cox: You know if you just shave that beard off people will stop calling you doctor beard face. Course then everyone will start calling you doctor face.

Kelso: Ha! Doctor face!

Best line from Scrubs ever!

No, actually the best line from Scrubs is

Jack Cox : Your skin is wrinkly.

Dr. Kelso : Yeah, well that shirt you're wearing is gay.

 

[Above]

Family guy...

LOUIS:Oh ive been a bad girl i need a spankin
Peter:Im a paladin with 80 hit points and maximum charisma,i can use my helm of disintergration to deal +10k damage
Louisaladins cant use the helm of disintergration
Peter Really?,oh,oh ok then black guuuuuuuuuy!
xD