Have you ever dated someone just to not be single?

[axlryder]

actually, you do need some form of attachment to other people to validate your existence. Just spend a month in solitary confinement and you'll know what I'm talking about. Or just watch Castaway.

I think the word you are looking for is "interaction", not "attachment".

Regardless, this isn't a case of validation, it's about gaining life experience and companionship. Feeling as though you don't need those things isn't really a sign of strength, just different priorities.

Well, "life experience" is a redundant justification simply because it applies to everything equally. Trying it gives you some. Not trying it also gives you some.

Companionship I can understand, but you should seek that in a person, not in your relationship to them. Being alone sucks, I know, but being in a relationship doesn't automatically mean you're not alone anymore.

As for your question; it's up to you, really. I wouldn't try it myself because I think it'd, for me, end up as more of a hassle than its worth.

Both are true, really. While people need interaction, most need to feel attached to the world and people in some way, not like you're a barely visble ghost. People can feel extremely alone and isolated even when they have interaction. It's emotional intimacy of sorts that they crave, not just waving on the street and "paper or plastic?". You're right though, people tend to go crazy from lack of interaction as opposed to attachment.

Now, as to life experience, clearly I was saying that you get specific life experiences from relationships. It's like sex. If you never have sex you're going to probably suck at it. Same goes for relationships. There are certain things you can prepare for just with basic knowledge, but you generally need actual experience as well.

Finally, obviously one finds companionship in people, not ideas. I've already fleshed out my motivations in this thread well enough to where this statement isn't really needed. However, I can see how the thread title is poorly worded so oh well.

 

[axlryder]

I'm currently contemplating doing what the title implies. I went through a pretty nasty breakup a while back. It was mostly extrinsic circumstances that forced us apart. I'd gotten used to being single, but I met a girl. Well, we've known each other for a while, but only recently started being friends. I'm not madly head over heels for her, but I know if I asked her out she'd say yes. She's nice, fairly smart and has it together; she's not burdened with the standard level of immaturity that most people my age tend to be. While not unattractive, she's not really my type, but I've always thought I could look past that in a person (despite being a naturally superficial individual myself).

Point is, she's not a bad person to date. This isn't a rebound, I've already weighed the pros and cons and I'm looking at this pretty objectively. I know if I don't ask her out soon then the window to do so will probably close. I'm on the fence. I'm not out to use her, but every other girl I've dated has been because I really liked them. This feels manipulative and selfish since the natural feelings that go alone with dating aren't really there (even though personal attraction is really a selfish thing anyway). Has anyone else been in this position? Has it gone well? Poorly?

Have you fucked anyone since your last girlfriend?

If not, don't kid yourself. This is probably a rebound.

Just take her out and maybe hook up with her, but don't be exclusive or anything ridiculous like that.

90% of my friends all just hop into exclusive relationships the second they start seeing someone. Are you ready to get married?

No?

Then go out, have fun, and see anyone you want. The only other option WILL end in disaster.

BTW if you are in high school/early college, none of this applies and you and her have about a 5% success rate of not hating each other come 6 months from now.

I stopped reading after "I'm rebounding if I haven't fucked anyone since my last GF". Unlike you and most other guys, I don't need sex at all. That's not condescending, btw, that's just how I am.

 

[Vegosiux]

It's like sex. If you never have sex you're going to probably suck at it. Same goes for relationships.

Same goes for being single. It shows in this case, if I may be so bold. Someone doesn't have experience with being single, sucks at it, and tries to escape to more comfortable waters.

I find it rather intriguing that you used sex as an example, though. 'specially since from my experience, whether or not sex is good depends on a lot more than just whether or not you're good at it.

 

[dyre]

Yeah, it didn't last that long. It didn't blow up in my face or anything, but I never felt really into it. We ended up going back to being friends, although I'd probably say the whole thing was a net loss to our relationship (as friends).

 

[axlryder]

It's like sex. If you never have sex you're going to probably suck at it. Same goes for relationships.

Same goes for being single. It shows in this case, if I may be so bold. Someone doesn't have experience with being single, sucks at it, and tries to escape to more comfortable waters.

I find it rather intriguing that you used sex as an example, though. 'specially since from my experience, whether or not sex is good depends on a lot more than just whether or not you're good at it.

I've been single for over 2 years. I've been fine that entire time. I've now decided it's time that I get some experience and companionship at this point in my life. Sorry bro, but your presumptions are wrong. Also, what? Other than the factors of physical compatibility and emotional intimacy, if the sex is bad it's generally because someone isn't very good in the sack. I don't know what you're basing your views on, but they seem a bit odd. Anyway, replace sex with basketball and you get the same basic idea (even though hoops generally don't all behave a bit differently).

 

[Vegosiux]

I don't know what you're basing your views on, but they seem a bit odd.

I find it rather intriguing that you used sex as an example, though. 'specially since from my experience, whether or not sex is good depends on a lot more than just whether or not you're good at it.

Reading comprehension?

And as I said, it's up to you, why do you feel the need to defend your position when I am not even attacking it or saying you're doing it wrong? I just said it's not what I'd do myself; and that "experience" applies to everything you do or don't do. You're going to gain life experience either way if you're not exactly comatose.

 

[TomLikesGuitar]

I stopped reading after "I'm rebounding if I haven't fucked anyone since my last GF". Unlike you and most other guys, I don't need sex at all. That's not condescending, btw, that's just how I am.

Why would you stop reading? That's pretty ignorant and kind of mean dude.

I'm giving you advice from the perspective of someone who knows A LOT about the subject of dating. I am a HUGE womanizer (call me a man slut if you like), however that does not mean I don't fall in love ever or anything. I may spend a lot of time making sure I look nice and might be a little over-confident around women, but I'm not an asshole and I'm genuinely trying to help you here. I've been through what you've been through a good 2 dozen times and I know what's up. Take my advice or not, but at least give me the respect to read it.

Don't misquote me, please. I said it's probably a rebound. I've had a rebound that lasted 6 months and I thought it was love for a good 3 of them. It may very well not be, but just be careful with that shit. You can spawn a rebound relationship and both end up really messed up.

Also, a rebound isn't just sex. It's actually about exactly what your thread is titled. You rebound because you don't like life as much without companionship. The way you phrased your entire first post makes it sound like you want to be with her because she's there and your ex isn't. I might be wrong, but it's not my intention to insult you or anything.

The most important bit of advice here is that you really shouldn't go straight from just knowing someone to dating them exclusively. It is too much of a step. Even a month of casual dating will give you a better idea of how well you both can relate to each other. Also, if either of you would like to see other people, you don't have to worry about jealousy (although this can be hard). I personally play "the game" during said casual dating period (wait a few days to call her, don't see her more than 2 times a week, etc.), but you should do this however it works for you. Just make sure you don't leap into something that could end up getting you both hurt.

Please just trust me on this one, I've been through a WHOLE LOT with women that is too much to go into at the moment (especially for being only 22) and I know what's up.

 

[axlryder]

I don't know what you're basing your views on, but they seem a bit odd.

I find it rather intriguing that you used sex as an example, though. 'specially since from my experience, whether or not sex is good depends on a lot more than just whether or not you're good at it.

Reading comprehension?

And as I said, it's up to you, why do you feel the need to defend your position when I am not even attacking it or saying you're doing it wrong? I just said it's not what I'd do myself; and that "experience" applies to everything you do or don't do. You're going to gain life experience either way if you're not exactly comatose.

yes, that's my point. Your experience is a bit odd. I don't know what your experience, thus the root of your views has been, but it's a bit odd. Anyway, I'm getting the feeling you haven't been in a lot of relationships. Not exactly the person I want to be taking advice from. No offense.

 

[Vegosiux]

yes, that's my point. Your experience is a bit odd. I don't know what your experience, thus the root of your views has been, but it's a bit odd.

"Someone has had different life experience than me? HOW CAN THIS BE!?"

Anyway, I'm getting the feeling you haven't been in a lot of relationships. Not exactly the person I want to be taking advice from.

"Oh, better just brush them off, saying that obviously don't have much experience at all."

Look, if you don't want to consider what I said, fine. That's your decision.

But don't try to rationalize it as if just because what I said is different from what you'd have expected that has to mean I don't know what I'm talking about.

As for how many relationships I've been in, my answer is "enough to know a thing or two about them".

No offense.

I'll settle for telling you that you really shouldn't assume stuff about other people because you're not comfortable with what they say; or because you're surprised by the conclusions they drew from their own experience.

 

[FilipJPhry]

Oh God. Yes. It was around September when I realized I'd be single around Christmas time, so I decided to look at some girls on fb. First good-tier I saw, I messaged. She introduced me to Reddit. I eventually dumped her in November and wound up being single for the holidays. Anyways, I regret going out with her in the first place because Reddit. The damn website is addictive, but also I've never seen a group of stupid people trying so hard to sound smart.

 

[axlryder]

yes, that's my point. Your experience is a bit odd. I don't know what your experience, thus the root of your views has been, but it's a bit odd.

"Someone has had different life experience than me? HOW CAN THIS BE!?"

Anyway, I'm getting the feeling you haven't been in a lot of relationships. Not exactly the person I want to be taking advice from.

"Oh, better just brush them off, saying that obviously don't have much experience at all."

Look, if you don't want to consider what I said, fine. That's your decision.

But don't try to rationalize it as if just because what I said is different from what you'd have expected that has to mean I don't know what I'm talking about.

As for how many relationships I've been in, my answer is "enough to know a thing or two about them".

No offense.

I'll settle for telling you that you really shouldn't assume stuff about other people because you're not comfortable with what they say; or because you're surprised by the conclusions they drew from their own experience.

Based on your previous statements, you seem to be under the impression that being in a relationship doesn't bring extremely useful and unique experience about relationships and people in general. That is a sentiment that echos a lack of experience with serious relationships or different kinds of partners. Learning how to balance yourself and accommodate your partner is a considerable and potentially difficult task. What's more, your experience runs contrary to the norm, that's what makes it odd. Not because it differs from my own. To be blunt, if some guy lasts 30 seconds and doesn't even know the basics of stimulating a girl, then likelyhood is he's probably not going to be all that impressive in the sack. Similarly, if a girl just lies there, well it's sort of like doing a warm corpse. Little awkward. You also presume I'm "uncomfortable" with what you say, but I honestly just think it sounds naive and silly, thus my dismissive attitude. Also, "enough to know a thing or two" could be one relationships for all I know. For one who claims I shouldn't be presumptuous, you yourself seem to be equally so.

 

[Skitty_McFluffernut]

Ask her out for a date. Since you're over your ex its time for you to move on. One date doesn't mean there's going to be a relationship. Take her out once and if you're not feeling it then don't ask her out again and if you still like her as a friend, hang out as friends. (Gal pals are a good asset, we tend to have female friends to hook up with) Even if she isn't your usual type you might as well give it a try. Sometimes you might find that a new type is what you needed all along. Good luck man.

 

[axlryder]

Ask her out for a date. Since you're over your ex its time for you to move on. One date doesn't mean there's going to be a relationship. Take her out once and if you're not feeling it then don't ask her out again and if you still like her as a friend, hang out as friends. (Gal pals are a good asset, we tend to have female friends to hook up with) Even if she isn't your usual type you might as well give it a try. Sometimes you might find that a new type is what you needed all along. Good luck man.

We've actually already been on a couple of "dates". It was fun. I asked her out tonight, actually. She said yes. We'll see where it goes from there.

 

[axlryder]

Oh God. Yes. It was around September when I realized I'd be single around Christmas time, so I decided to look at some girls on fb. First good-tier I saw, I messaged. She introduced me to Reddit. I eventually dumped her in November and wound up being single for the holidays. Anyways, I regret going out with her in the first place because Reddit. The damn website is addictive, but also I've never seen a group of stupid people trying so hard to sound smart.

People on Reddit try to sound smart?

 

[axlryder]

I stopped reading after "I'm rebounding if I haven't fucked anyone since my last GF". Unlike you and most other guys, I don't need sex at all. That's not condescending, btw, that's just how I am.

Why would you stop reading? That's pretty ignorant and kind of mean dude.

I'm giving you advice from the perspective of someone who knows A LOT about the subject of dating. I am a HUGE womanizer (call me a man slut if you like), however that does not mean I don't fall in love ever or anything. I may spend a lot of time making sure I look nice and might be a little over-confident around women, but I'm not an asshole and I'm genuinely trying to help you here. I've been through what you've been through a good 2 dozen times and I know what's up. Take my advice or not, but at least give me the respect to read it.

Don't misquote me, please. I said it's probably a rebound. I've had a rebound that lasted 6 months and I thought it was love for a good 3 of them. It may very well not be, but just be careful with that shit. You can spawn a rebound relationship and both end up really messed up.

Also, a rebound isn't just sex. It's actually about exactly what your thread is titled. You rebound because you don't like life as much without companionship. The way you phrased your entire first post makes it sound like you want to be with her because she's there and your ex isn't. I might be wrong, but it's not my intention to insult you or anything.

The most important bit of advice here is that you really shouldn't go straight from just knowing someone to dating them exclusively. It is too much of a step. Even a month of casual dating will give you a better idea of how well you both can relate to each other. Also, if either of you would like to see other people, you don't have to worry about jealousy (although this can be hard). I personally play "the game" during said casual dating period (wait a few days to call her, don't see her more than 2 times a week, etc.), but you should do this however it works for you. Just make sure you don't leap into something that could end up getting you both hurt.

Please just trust me on this one, I've been through a WHOLE LOT with women that is too much to go into at the moment (especially for being only 22) and I know what's up.

Okay okay, I was being unfair being so dismissive. I'm sorry. However, having read your post, and I'm sure you have plenty of experience, our fundamental viewpoints seem genuinely different. I've had a lot of experience with relationships as well. Not as much casual, but the number of relationships I've had is decently into the double digits. I much prefer to jump in once I get to know someone well enough that I think they're stable. I find things to get complicated and messy the longer I drag it out. I've been in many relationships for my age, even despite my drought these last two years. I know how things work. I'm well over my ex. It's been two years, I was fully over her after the first 6 months. We only dated for a year and a half. Point is, this isn't a rebound. Anyway, I already asked her out tonight and we're dating. I'm honestly feeling better about this already. She's a total sweetheart, so we'll see where this goes.

 

[TomLikesGuitar]

Okay okay, I was being unfair being so dismissive. I'm sorry. However, having read your post, and I'm sure you have plenty of experience, our fundamental viewpoints seem genuinely different. I've had a lot of experience with relationships as well. Not as much casual, but the number of relationships I've had is decently into the double digits. I much prefer to jump in once I get to know someone well enough that I think they're stable. I find things to get complicated and messy the longer I drag it out. I've been in many relationships for my age, even despite my drought these last two years. I know how things work. I'm well over my ex. It's been two years, I was fully over her after the first 6 months. We only dated for a year and a half. Point is, this isn't a rebound. Anyway, I already asked her out tonight and we're dating. I'm honestly feeling better about this already. She's a total sweetheart, so we'll see where this goes.

I personally think relationship jumping without any casual dating is a VERY bad idea, but if it works out for you then who am I to judge? You are the most qualified person here to appraise your own situation with this girl, but I'd suggest to you that you take this relationship slowly.

If you're with her a month from now and you see her slowly becoming bi-polar, constantly saying she loves you and getting mad when you don't respond that you love her beck, calling you every single day, driving past your house, and/or "visiting" you at work every night to "accompany" home, don't say I didn't tell you so.

But again (and trust me this isn't meant to be condescending) if you're in highschool none of my advice is really applicable. Things are really simple when you know where you're SO is ALL THE TIME, so you can really just date whoever and however you please.

 

[Blondefool]

I would say that if you are creating a pro and con list (in your head) and asking an internet forum essentially to say 'it's ok' then it may not be the best idea.

I would assume that you don't know exactly how she feels about you e.g. she may be infatuated with you and it will only lead to you hurting her, which is a dick move.

 

[Hallow'sEve]

I did, but since I was honest with her we just ended up be fuck buddies

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

Its very dangerous to get into another relationship right after a break up rebound or not.

Your just not in the right emotional state to make good decisions at that moment.

As for myself yes I've done it. I fell in love with holding/being held as I sleep and waking up to someone smiling next to me. When I lost that it made me physically ill. -shrugs- Guess I'm not as lone gamer as I thought I was.

 

[VladG]

Yeah, tried that once. Wasn't that bad, but overall I found the minor nuisances typical of any relationship to be more annoying that being alone, so I ended it pretty fast. On the other hand we had little enough in common and it sounds that's not the case for you, so I say go for it.

At worst you'll just realize it's not really worth your time and effort, and you won't really have lost anything, at best you might just find you enjoy spending time with the person more than you expected to.