In My Defense...

[Neonbob]

In my defense, now it really is a lie.
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, INTERNET?

You killed Olivia Munn!

 

[Ren3004]

In my defense, she wouldn't date me.


You convinced Olivia Munn to turn me down.

 

[Neonbob]

In my defense, you don't deserve her!

You danced around on a midget's skull!

 

[Sassafrass]

In my defence, git deserved it.
He bit my ankle.

You bit my elbow.

 

[Ren3004]

In my defense, it tasted like chicken.

You... taste like chicken.

 

[Sassafrass]

In my defence, I am a chicken.
Weird, huh?

You taste like leather.

 

[Ren3004]

In my defense, I am an ox.


You turned me into an ox.

 

[Sassafrass]

In my defence, that book of spells was a good read.

You stole my book of magic.

 

[Ren3004]

In my defense, you used it to turn me into a fucking ox.


You curse too much.

 

[Neonbob]

In my defense, you used it to turn my mother into a hen. Now she won't stop pecking me!

You shaved my head!

 

[Sassafrass]

In my defence, I was told to by Jesus.
He's all-powerful, you know.

You told me swearing was big and clever.

 

[Neonbob]

In my defense, it FUCKING IS, SHITEYES!

You congratulated a douchebag!

 

[Sassafrass]

In my defence, it was me that was the douchebag.

You stole my tears.

 

[Ren3004]

In my defense, I'm a stalker, what do you expect me to do.


You filed a restraining order against me.

 

[Sassafrass]

In my defence, I have too many stalkers.
Who carry pitchforks.

You sunk my battleship.

 

[Neonbob]

In my defense, it's my job.
And you were over a whale.

You got South Park canceled!

 

[Ren3004]

In my defense, I wanted to get your attention.

You ignored me.

 

[Neonbob]

In my defense, my feet were on fire.
I had more important things to focus on!

You didn't donate!

 

[Ren3004]

In my defense, you ignored me when I asked you to give me the order.


You messed up all the questions in my exam paper.

 

[Neonbob]

In my defense, you weren't going to do very well anyway.

You didn't satisfy your woman!