Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)

[Sam G]

A cardboard box crawls up behind Pm0n3y, reaches out two hands and throttles the life out of him. Then the box draws itself to full height, casts away its disguise and reveals itself to be none other than...
DUN DUN DUN-DUN-DUN, DUN DUN DUUNNN!!!
Me!

 

[Knife-28]

After seeing Sam choke Pmon3y I Fire my sniper rifle,Hitting him between the eyes.

 

[Sam G]

Who, me or Pm0n3y? I'm gonna assume you meant Pm0n3y. Yep, that's who you meant.

Anyway, I throw a knife at Knife (ha ha ha) and hit him in the foot, pinning him to the spot.

 

[Knife-28]

I take a wild shot that hits Rens blowtroch causing it to explode, setting him on fire.
I then faint from blood loss and the pain of having a knife in my foot.

 

[Pm0n3y]

I respawn not too far away from the action. After watching Knife die, I pull out my G18s and leap into the air. Time seems to slow to a crawl as I Release a barrage of bullets towards Sam's awesome-yet-smug grin.

 

[Ren3004]

I start running around, setting Pm0n3y and Sam on fire, before burning to death myself.

 

[Sam G]

I burn to death just before the bullets hit me, and respawn in a Window store. I go about breaking all the windows and collecting the shards of glass to use as throwing knifes. Unfortunately, I wasn't being very careful with my handling of the glass, and bleed to death from a cut on my hand.

 

[Ren3004]

I respawn in the hardware shop, and start putting together a ballista. TAKE THIS!

 

[Pm0n3y]

After burning to a crisp, I respawn in the the hardware store with a confused look on my face.

"What's a ballista?" I ask Ren, walking up behind him.

 

[Ren3004]

Pm0n3y is hit with a giant spear. Right before dying, he notices a note on the spear.

Spoiler: For Pm0n3y.

This is.
- Ren

 

[Pm0n3y]

I take the note off the spear. It's a picture of a giant crossbow.

"Ohhhh. So that's what it is!" I say before taking my last breath.

Eventually, I respawn in the Gamestop. My eyes come across the Sledgehammer from Red Faction: Guerrilla.

"Hm. this might come in handy." I say picking up the weapon.

To test it's strength, I smash it against the entrance to a random store. As a result the entire store front is destroyed. A wide grin crosses my face. But then I notice a strange meter pop up beside me, saying that my morale had fallen. I promptly smash it to pieces.

"No it fuckin hadn't, Mall Fight 2.0! Now get outta the way so I can break all your things!" I say, jumping down to the first floor, with the Sledgehammer in one hand, and a G18 in another.

 

[Ren3004]

Pm0n3y falls down the trapdoor I had installed in the first floor, falling into a pit filled with crocodiles.

 

[Knife-28]

I respawn in a hardware store and go about making a make shift club out of a piece of wood, some barbwire and a few staples.

 

[EpicPanda]

I spawn in a clothing store(Hot Topic) where I begin making a blockade at the door, while simultaneously looking for anything I can use as a weapon.

My eyes fall upon a Mario hoodie, from which a star falls. "HELLZ YES!" I shout as i run screaming through the mall.

 

[Knife-28]

I exit the hardware store and see EpicPanda running towards me, I stick my club out right before he passes me and he runs headlong into it.

 

[Ren3004]

I grab Knife's neck and strangle him.

 

[Ren3004]

I wake up in an empty white place. Looking up, I see a sign reading "Purgatory".


Fuck!

 

[Knife-28]

I respawn in a music store. Looking around I pick up an electric guitar and heft it over my shoulder like an axe. I exit the store looking for people to bash over the head.

 

[Ren3004]

I engage Knife in a fight, holding up my keyboard.

 

[Knife-28]

I smash my guitar into the side of your head, causing the guitar to shatter and your head to go flying into Sirbryghtside's stomach.