Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)
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As Tox is dragged into the black hole, a hole cracks from the ceiling. I fall into the room playing a bitching guitar solo.
"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-! Ow." I say as I hit the floor.
The numerous low frequency notes from my guitar destabilize the black hole, sealing it. The room has taken on the appearance of a normal basement. Martintox is nowhere to be found.
"Aw, fuck. I missed everything!"
As I push myself off the ground, I notice that the weight of my fall has utterly smashed my guitar.
"This day just keeps getting worse and worse..."
"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-! Ow." I say as I hit the floor.
The numerous low frequency notes from my guitar destabilize the black hole, sealing it. The room has taken on the appearance of a normal basement. Martintox is nowhere to be found.
"Aw, fuck. I missed everything!"
As I push myself off the ground, I notice that the weight of my fall has utterly smashed my guitar.
"This day just keeps getting worse and worse..."
[HEADING=1]IN EQUESTRIA![/HEADING]
RaN: "So, you're a pony in this dimension?"
Doctor: "Yes, I'm a pony now. Ponies are cool."
RaN: "Well then, I've seen everything."
Doctor: "Don't get smart with me now. Opening a transdimensional portal in this universe is highly illegal. We're lucky the Princess's guards haven't crashed down on us right now!"
RaN: "Oh..."
Doctor: "I think you owe your hosts a proper explanation as to who you are and how you came here."
RaN: "Yeah, I guess I owe them that much."
I walk into the main room of the library. Everyone I've met in Equestria is there, including Fluttershy.
RaN: "Listen up, everypony."
I cringe upon saying the word, but I manage to gather everyone's attention.
RaN: "Now first of all, I want to thank all of you for your kind hospitality today. Most folks from the place I'm from tend to frown upon helping others, but you girls have certainly treated me well. I know I haven't been much of a gracious guest. I think it's about time I tell you more about me and where I come from."
"I lived in a place called Earth. I'm part of a race of people who monitor the events of other worlds through the use of media, mostly for entertainment. It's sort of a hub world if you want to call it that. Where I come from, you girls are all from a television show called Friendship is Magic. That's how I knew who you girls were before I arrived here."
"In my world, there's a turbulent place called 'The Mall'. Essentially it's a bloodsport where certain people are drawn in to fight. Some only stay for a little while, but others like myself have been around for a few months. Heck, many of the fighters there that I know of have been around for years."
"Suffice to say, events in the Mall generated a colossal war between the fighters, a race of cyborgs called Daleks, and a sadistic ghost we call Sister. It culminated in the creation of a portal that tore through reality and sent me here."
"I don't know if the others managed to survive, but if they did they're probably fighting Sister as we speak. She is a danger not just to my world, but to every universe. That's why I need your help to stop her. So, will you help me?"
I receive nothing but blank stares.
Applejack: "Can you repeat everything you just said, slowly so we can understand?"
RaN: *sigh* "Alright, from the beginning..."
[HEADING=1]BACK AT THE MALL![/HEADING]
Tox appears in front of me.
RaN: "Hey Tox. How'd the fight go?"
Tox: "Okay I guess."
Martintox mutters to himself as he walks toward the elevator. It sounds as if he is having a private conversation with someone else.
As I get up off the floor, I notice a guitar case tucked in the arms of a dead man sitting in the corner. In his hand is a note.
"A Super 400!"
I gently take the guitar out of its case and swing it across my back. I pad the man's pockets and find a biro pen, a lighter, a pack of cigarettes, an empty flask, and a rather expensive looking watch. I pocket the items and walk into the elevator with Tox.
Ren's voice jumps out of nowhere.
Ren: "HI RaNDUM!"
RaN, surprised: "Ah!"
RaN: "So, you're a pony in this dimension?"
Doctor: "Yes, I'm a pony now. Ponies are cool."
RaN: "Well then, I've seen everything."
Doctor: "Don't get smart with me now. Opening a transdimensional portal in this universe is highly illegal. We're lucky the Princess's guards haven't crashed down on us right now!"
RaN: "Oh..."
Doctor: "I think you owe your hosts a proper explanation as to who you are and how you came here."
RaN: "Yeah, I guess I owe them that much."
I walk into the main room of the library. Everyone I've met in Equestria is there, including Fluttershy.
RaN: "Listen up, everypony."
I cringe upon saying the word, but I manage to gather everyone's attention.
RaN: "Now first of all, I want to thank all of you for your kind hospitality today. Most folks from the place I'm from tend to frown upon helping others, but you girls have certainly treated me well. I know I haven't been much of a gracious guest. I think it's about time I tell you more about me and where I come from."
"I lived in a place called Earth. I'm part of a race of people who monitor the events of other worlds through the use of media, mostly for entertainment. It's sort of a hub world if you want to call it that. Where I come from, you girls are all from a television show called Friendship is Magic. That's how I knew who you girls were before I arrived here."
"In my world, there's a turbulent place called 'The Mall'. Essentially it's a bloodsport where certain people are drawn in to fight. Some only stay for a little while, but others like myself have been around for a few months. Heck, many of the fighters there that I know of have been around for years."
"Suffice to say, events in the Mall generated a colossal war between the fighters, a race of cyborgs called Daleks, and a sadistic ghost we call Sister. It culminated in the creation of a portal that tore through reality and sent me here."
"I don't know if the others managed to survive, but if they did they're probably fighting Sister as we speak. She is a danger not just to my world, but to every universe. That's why I need your help to stop her. So, will you help me?"
I receive nothing but blank stares.
Applejack: "Can you repeat everything you just said, slowly so we can understand?"
RaN: *sigh* "Alright, from the beginning..."
[HEADING=1]BACK AT THE MALL![/HEADING]
Tox appears in front of me.
RaN: "Hey Tox. How'd the fight go?"
Tox: "Okay I guess."
Martintox mutters to himself as he walks toward the elevator. It sounds as if he is having a private conversation with someone else.
As I get up off the floor, I notice a guitar case tucked in the arms of a dead man sitting in the corner. In his hand is a note.
I open the case.
"A Super 400!"
I gently take the guitar out of its case and swing it across my back. I pad the man's pockets and find a biro pen, a lighter, a pack of cigarettes, an empty flask, and a rather expensive looking watch. I pocket the items and walk into the elevator with Tox.
Ren's voice jumps out of nowhere.
Ren: "HI RaNDUM!"
RaN, surprised: "Ah!"
"Well, Tox, a long time ago, in a faraway land, a young boy was thrown in the river by his parents. But a fisherman caught the baby and raised him as if his own. On the boy's 18th birthday, the fisherman told him how he had found him, and the boy left on a quest to find his real parents. After searching far and wide, he arrived at a city, where the citizens acclaimed him and called him 'Prince'. It turned out that his parents were the King and Queen of that land, and he had a twin brother, heir to the throne. The King's advisor had made a prophecy: that his two sons would unite themselves against him and defeat him. So, the King decided to drown one of the boys. But the Prince, realizing that if it wasn't for this, he wouldn't have met the kind fisherman who took him in and raised him, forgave his father. Later that night, the two Princes defeated their parents in a game of dodgeball.
That boy... was no one important to the current situation. I respawned here, but all the doors are sealed shut."
That boy... was no one important to the current situation. I respawned here, but all the doors are sealed shut."
I go into a pet store, find a black cat, name him Felix, give him a charm that gives him thunder powers, and make him trust me.
I won't say "Shit is awesome now." just yet, but it's close.
I won't say "Shit is awesome now." just yet, but it's close.
While training with Felix, he accidentally blows a deep hole in the ground.
"Nice job, Felix!" I say, happily. "Meow!", Felix replies.
I look down the hole, and feel a cold chill, "...What the hell is this?"
I then look at Felix, he looks back at me.
We both jump down the hole.
"[HEADING=2]ADVENTURE![/HEADING]", I say.
"Nice job, Felix!" I say, happily. "Meow!", Felix replies.
I look down the hole, and feel a cold chill, "...What the hell is this?"
I then look at Felix, he looks back at me.
We both jump down the hole.
"[HEADING=2]ADVENTURE![/HEADING]", I say.
I land on my ass and Felix land on his feet, "Fuck!" I yell.
Felix walks ahead of me and meows at me to follow him, I do so.
I see several cryogenic tanks, "Cool!" I say like a kid in a toy store.
Felix meows aggressively at me, "I'm comin', I'm comin'!"
Felix walks ahead of me and meows at me to follow him, I do so.
I see several cryogenic tanks, "Cool!" I say like a kid in a toy store.
Felix meows aggressively at me, "I'm comin', I'm comin'!"
"Cryogenic lab, you were knocked out." I pick up Felix, "I gotta cat, he has thunder powers."
"Meow."
"Meow."
[HEADING=1]IN EQUESTRIA![/HEADING]
After an hour's lesson of my backstory, which involved the drafting of charts so complex that I shall not post them here, the ponies finally understand the severity of the situation.
Twilight: "If what you say is true, then we should get you out of here as soon as possible."
Doctor: "Then it's agreed. Twilight, I'll need your help in opening another portal."
Twilight: "Coming, Doc."
I walk to the corner of the library and observe the corpse of the Locust I had killed hours earlier. Applejack and Rainbow Dash walk up next to me.
Dash: "What is that thing?"
RaN: "A Locust, from the planet Sera. It used to be the beacon of civilization in the Gears of War universe. Now the place is a warzone."
I clean the Lancer of blood and swing it across my back. I then holster the monster's pistol.
Applejack: "What should we do with it?"
RaN: "Burn the body. If someone finds this guy in here, they'll have you behind bars or worse."
Dash: "Do you want us to help you?"
RaN: "No, I'll do it myself. The last thing I want is to get you girls into trouble."
I stuff the corpse inside a duffel bag and carry it outside. Fortunately, few ponies go out at night. I hike the body through a trail in the mountains and burn it. I scatter the ashes and return to the library just before dawn.
[HEADING=1]BACK AT THE MALL![/HEADING]
I wake up in the elevator. Having spent two hours in a confined space with nothing to do, I naturally fell asleep.
"Wow, that must have been a long ride. How long have I been asleep?"
I look at the time on my expensive watch.
"9:35? I've been asleep for ten hours!"
I push open the elevator door to find an expanse of desert sand before me.
"It's going to be a long walk."
[HEADING=2]IN THE INTEREST OF TIME...[/HEADING]
After a day's walk, I reach what appears to be some kind of military outpost. Exploring the facility's sub-basement, I discover what appears to be a cryogenic storage room. I knock on the door.
After an hour's lesson of my backstory, which involved the drafting of charts so complex that I shall not post them here, the ponies finally understand the severity of the situation.
Twilight: "If what you say is true, then we should get you out of here as soon as possible."
Doctor: "Then it's agreed. Twilight, I'll need your help in opening another portal."
Twilight: "Coming, Doc."
I walk to the corner of the library and observe the corpse of the Locust I had killed hours earlier. Applejack and Rainbow Dash walk up next to me.
Dash: "What is that thing?"
RaN: "A Locust, from the planet Sera. It used to be the beacon of civilization in the Gears of War universe. Now the place is a warzone."
I clean the Lancer of blood and swing it across my back. I then holster the monster's pistol.
Applejack: "What should we do with it?"
RaN: "Burn the body. If someone finds this guy in here, they'll have you behind bars or worse."
Dash: "Do you want us to help you?"
RaN: "No, I'll do it myself. The last thing I want is to get you girls into trouble."
I stuff the corpse inside a duffel bag and carry it outside. Fortunately, few ponies go out at night. I hike the body through a trail in the mountains and burn it. I scatter the ashes and return to the library just before dawn.
[HEADING=1]BACK AT THE MALL![/HEADING]
I wake up in the elevator. Having spent two hours in a confined space with nothing to do, I naturally fell asleep.
"Wow, that must have been a long ride. How long have I been asleep?"
I look at the time on my expensive watch.
"9:35? I've been asleep for ten hours!"
I push open the elevator door to find an expanse of desert sand before me.
"It's going to be a long walk."
[HEADING=2]IN THE INTEREST OF TIME...[/HEADING]
After a day's walk, I reach what appears to be some kind of military outpost. Exploring the facility's sub-basement, I discover what appears to be a cryogenic storage room. I knock on the door.
Martintox answers the door with a gun in his hand.
Tox: "Oh. Hello, RaNDM."
I disarm Martin and punch him in the face, smashing his nose in.
RaN: "That's for leaving me in that damn elevator!"
Martin takes the hit and stands there for several seconds. Soon he begins to worry me.
RaN: "Martin, are you okay?"
I tap Martin on the shoulder. He falls over dead.
RaN: "Wow... I didn't expect that to happen."
Tox: "Oh. Hello, RaNDM."
I disarm Martin and punch him in the face, smashing his nose in.
RaN: "That's for leaving me in that damn elevator!"
Martin takes the hit and stands there for several seconds. Soon he begins to worry me.
RaN: "Martin, are you okay?"
I tap Martin on the shoulder. He falls over dead.
RaN: "Wow... I didn't expect that to happen."